Your paragraphs for feedback by Luis Carabantes

Luis' paragraph

lcarabantes1 — 2023-10-30 08:47:50 UTC

Calling teaching materials the ‘tools of our profession’ is, in this monograph, a rhetorical choice that highlights two aspects usually absent from the often practice- and/or content-oriented discussions about materials in the language teaching and applied linguistics scholarship. First, it highlights the role of teaching materials in teacher education courses. With the advent of the sociocultural turn, the epistemological stance currently informing how teacher learning is construed in applied linguistics and language teacher education (see Gray and Block, 2012), tools are seen as pivotal in a teacher’s learning of teaching. The bulk of teacher education courses takes place in contexts where student-teachers have to learn English themselves, whether in schools or later in teacher education programmes. This, I would argue, brings to the fore the mediating role of teaching materials in teacher education courses, an area that has not received much attention in the relevant scholarship. There is thus a compelling need to understand better how materials profile in a teachers’ learning of teaching, as well as how student-teachers relate to the tools of their future profession. Secondly, this rhetorical choice highlights the labour-related aspects associated with materials, which, to date, remain elusive in the scholarship. The combination of the views seeing coursebooks as problematic from pedagogical and content viewpoints (e.g., X and Y) and the current conceptualisation of teaching as reflective practice responsive to specific teaching contexts leaves us with a professional scenario whereby teachers are required to adapt, supplement, or simply design materials from scratch. This labour-intensive facet of teaching is not discussed in the scholarship about materials, which suggests that materials supplementation, adaptation, and design, as well as other forms of materials development, are stilled owed recognition within the profession - notwithstanding the scholarly progresses made by materials development since the mid-1990s in both applied linguistics and language teacher education, which suggest a professionalisation of the field.

Roy's Paragraph

2023-10-30 11:44:22 UTC

Equity in health is concerned with providing and enhancing opportunities for all individuals to achieve optimal health given their potential. The goal of equity in health is to give priority to the least advantaged in society in order to bring health differentials down to the lowest level possible (Chang, W.C., 2002).

Turrell. G. et al, 2006 looked into health inequalities in Australia and pointed out that there is significant health inequality in the indigenous population with resultant low life expectancies of up to 20 years lower than the rest of Australia. This is still a potential area for a case study into equity in health care in Australia.

Universal health coverage (UHC) means that all people have access to the full range of quality health services they need, when and where they need them, without financial hardship. It covers the full continuum of essential health services, from health promotion to prevention, treatment, rehabilitation, and palliative care (WHO,2023).

Having maintained a universal health coverage index of 86.8 in more than 80% of the population (WHO, 2021) Australia has made commendable strides towards universal health coverage. However, there is a need to include the remaining population to benefit fully. With CHE of 69% government, 17% voluntary insurance, and 14% OOP (WHO,2020), Australia is closer than ever to achieving UHC if they can adopt policies that target elevating the health status of the underserved regions.

Luis' Feedback

First paragraph

You define equity in health in a very nice way. Towards the end of the paragraph you could include some form of evaluation of what you write as it feels a bit descriptive.

Second paragraph

Second paragraph summarises Turrel et al’s study well… but you’d benefit from a topic sentence telling the reader what the paragraph is about, unless the paragraph is only a summary of Turrell et al’s work…

Third paragraph

First sentence has a bit of repetition – health coverage.

What does CHE stand for?

Perhaps the sentence starting with ‘however, there is a need….’ Could go at the end as a form of evaluative statement about Australia’s UHC.

Sigfreda's Paragraph

sigfredaopoku — 2023-10-30 12:21:52 UTC

Luis' Feedback

Paragraph 1

Topic sentence of first paragraph contains that main idea of the paragraph, it could be rephrased to express the idea more clearly. I feel this could be more clearly connected to the idea developed in the paragraph.

Paragraph 2

The sentence starting ‘It is also not cost effective,….client’s adherence (NHS Choices, 2019)’ could be phrased better. Consider dividing it into smaller sentences. Also, notice some tautologies/redundancies… ‘sufferers who suffer’

The last sentence of the paragraph ‘ So, it will be beneficial for the client to take MBCT’ could be more evaluative. I mean, the whole point of the essay is that this therapy is good, so perhaps introduce here a more nuanced statement about it. Consider using ‘Therefore’ as a connector as well. =)

Paragraph 3

This paragraph develops the idea nicely… it’s well-supported, and you use the referencing conventions well.

Consider starting a new sentence when you write ‘…and it combines’…

When you write ‘….,for example a softer….’ Here you need to write ‘…; for example, …’

Helia's paragraph

2023-10-30 13:01:18 UTC

Contrary to the public belief, mathematics is not about numbers only. Number theory, also known as the queen of mathematics, studies the behaviour of numbers. More specifically, this topic is mostly focuses on integers. However, when reading number theory literature, lack of numbers is usually one of the first things that is noticed. Despite the fact that numbers are purely the topic of disscussion, parameters play the main role in both attempting to solve related problems and in explanation of theorems, definitions, and lemmas. This occurance may seem counterintuitive at first but the more that we learn, the less numbers are seen since mathematics rewards generalisations.

Luis' Feedback

Very nice topic sentence - it makes the beginning of the paragraph sound interesting.

When you get to Intergers, I thought you could define this - of course, consider I'm not a mathematician who knows about numbers.

The final sentence has a good idea I think. You could phrase it in a different way to finish even in a higher note.

Chonticha's paragraph.

2023-10-30 13:31:30 UTC

With regard to the pharmacokinetic properties of salbutamol, it depends on several variables. The formulations and drug delivery system including metered-dose inhalers or Dry powder inhalers affect the concentration of drug reaching the airways (Skoner, 2000), After inhalation of salbutamol the levels of the drug are very low(GlaxoSmithKline Inc., 2023) in comparison with salmeterol are same in common. Plasma systemic levels of salmeterol are low or undetectable when administration of recommended doses (50 mcg twice daily) plasma concentrations of approximately 200 pg/mL were detected (GlaxoSmithKline Inc., 2021). The following two properties are the metabolism and excretion of salbutamol and salmeterol; salbutamol is metabolized in the liver. As a result of this process in humans, the major metabolite is salbutamol-o-sulfate, which has negligible pharmacologic activity. Additionally, salbutamol may be metabolized by oxidative deamination and/or conjugation with glucuronide(GlaxoSmithKline Inc., 2023). Regarding the elimination profile of salbutamol, the result of two studies found that (R)-salbutamol is substantially faster than that of (S)-salbutamol since the latter is metabolized up to 10 times slower than (R)-salbutamol (Boulton and Fawcett, 2001). In turn, salmeterol is predominantly cleared by hepatic metabolism. Salmeterol is extensively metabolized to a-hydroxy salmeterol (aliphatic oxidation) by cytochrome P450 3A4 (CYP3A4), with subsequent elimination predominantly in the faeces implying excretion of metabolites formed by the liver (Brogden and Faulds, 1991).

Luis' feedback

The first sentence could be clearer. When you say ‘it depends on’… what do you mean by ‘it’… properties? Salbutamol? This needs to be clarified =)

Is the second sentence of the paragraph one of the variables mentioned above?

Careful with the comma after (Skoner, 2000)… that should be a .

When you say ‘The following two properties…’ it sounds to me you should be starting a new paragraph… consider that =)

Ok… the paragraph sounds very descriptive. Is there room to include a little bit of critical voice?

Serra’s paragraph

2023-10-30 13:33:20 UTC

According to the WHO data, in 2020, breast cancer was the most common cancer type with 2.26 million cases. And also, among cancer-related deaths, it is the 5th most common cancer with 685 000 deaths. (1) Early diagnosis of this disease, which is frequently seen and a major health problem all over the world, is of great importance (2). Mammography is the most important method in the early diagnosis of breast cancer (3). The first use of x-rays to examine the breast was used on mastectomy specimens by a German pathologist (Forrest et al,1990) (4). There are 2 types of mammography; by scanning, the breast is compressed between the image detector and the compression plate, and two different images of the breast are taken from the front and back. In this type, patients who do not have a mass and have no complaints are screened. If there are masses of an impalpable size, they can be seen and there is an opportunity to make an early diagnosis of breast cancer. Another type is diagnostic imaging, where there are complaints about the breast, there are differences outside the person's normal breast structure such as abnormal breast shape, change in size, discharge from the nipple, pain, swelling, redness, and a palpable mass. It can also be used to examine in detail the changes revealed in the scanning mammogram. This method can be done at any age (5) (6) (7). In addition to classical mammography, another technique is the digital mammogram. In this method, x-rays are used as in the traditional method, but instead of being reflected by the film, the x-rays are recorded on a solid-state detector. The signals reaching here are converted into electrical signals and sent to the computer, so that the digital image can be examined, commented on, and stored for later use. The biggest advantages of this method compared to the classical method are that it allows more comfortable examination by changing the light setting while examining the image, help can be taken from computer templates in samples that have high densities or are complicated to examine, and patients are exposed to less x-rays compared to the classical method (12). As shown in the study of B. W. Stewart et al., early diagnosis of breast cancer by scanning in mammography reduced deaths due to this disease (8). On the other hand, the negative aspects of mammography can be listed as creating anxiety in patients, causing morbidity, high costs not being covered by all healthcare institutions, fear of being judged by the society, and exposure to ionizing radiation (9). Mammography results are made radiologically according to a classification called BI-RADS. This classification was created in 1995 to provide more common results (10). Accordingly, the data is categorized from 0 to 6 and is categorized as follows: BIRADS 0- Incomplete, need for an additional imaging evaluation; BIRADS 1- Normal. Normal interval follow-up; BIRADS 2-Typically benign. Normal interval follow-up; BIRADS 3- Probably benign. A short interval follow-up is recommended: 4 months follow-up for masses and 6 months follow-up for microcalcifications; BIRADS 4- Suspicious abnormality: a biopsy should be considered; BIRADS 5- Highly suggestive of malignancy. Biopsy or surgery should be performed; BIRADS 6- Histologically proven malignancy. Imaging is performed for cancer staging or evaluation after chemotherapy (C. Balleyguier et. al, 2007)(11)

Luis' Feedback

This paragraph reads very well. There are parts where connectors could be improved. For example, don’t begin a sentence with ‘and’.

Perhaps, you could start a new paragraph in ‘The biggest advantages of this method….’ You would probably need a topic sentence where you introduce advantages and disadvantages, though.

Tantri's Paragraph

2023-10-30 13:34:52 UTC

Digital Breast Tomosynthesis, or DBT, is an imaging method that produces a three-dimensional (3D) series of images of breast tissue with visual ability at 1-mm intervals. This method is an improvement from previous mammography. Breast density has affected the specificity and sensitivity of mammography images. The breast structures shown as dense or white on mammography images are fibrous or glandular tissue; however, breast cancer also appears as white structures on mammography. A two-dimensional (2D) image produced by the previous mammography can be affected by overlapping tissue, which has the potential to obscure or imitate the presence of breast cancer. Hence, conventional mammography is constrained when dealing with women with dense breast tissue, needing a more precise alternative method. (Philpotss and Hooley, 2016)

The history of DBT started in 1935, when Bernard George Ziedses des Plantes invented the “seriescopy” technique. The term “tomosynthesis” was only used in 1972 by David Grant for his prototype system. The first commercial film-based tomosynthesis system was developed in 1970-1980s by Albert Richards. Only a few tomosynthesis systems were approved by the FDA. The digital breast tomosynthesis system (dimension 3D) was only approved in 2011 by the FDA.(Ingrid Reiser and Stephen Glick, 2014)

The DBT technique as breast cancer screening has its advantages and limitations. Gilbert and Pinker-Domenig (2019) explained those advantages and disadvantages. Compared to the previous mammography, the DBT technique has excellent quality to evaluate breast tissue abnormality. Moreover, diagnostic accuracy is also improved with the improvement in the sensitivity and specificity of DBT to recognize fine calcification. This technique is also more convenient for women with mixed and dense breast tissue. Furthermore, this technique can be used as an image-guided biopsy. Despite the advantages, this technique also has limitations. DBT is unsuitable for women with extremely dense breasts; its ability to evaluate macrocalcification has not improved, and this technique is quite expensive compared to conventional mammography. (Gilbert and Pinker-Domenig, 2019)

DBT is recommended for the optional current breast cancer screening, even though DBT shows higher detection rates. DBT is recommended as an annual breast cancer screening by The National Comprehensive Cancer Network (NCNN) for 40-year-old women with an average risk and 30-year-old women with high risk. The American College of Radiology (ACR), the European Commission Initiative on Breast Cancer (ECIBC), and the European Society of Breast Imaging agree with DBT as an optional screening. The cost and accessibility to the DBT also considered using DBT as conditional screening. (Gao, Moy and Heller, 2021)

Feedback Introduction- Third work (Sigfreda)

2023-10-30 13:35:04 UTC

I really liked how you explained that CBT is an umbrella term and how it's beneficial for individuals with GI disorders

What could be improved are the following:
1. Topic sentence to explain what CBT is and summary as to what it is used for
Eg--'CBT is an umbrella term for the different talking therapies that share thoughts and behaviours maintain. It has been found that CBT is beneficial for...´ Or...¨Despite CBT being introduced in the 1960s, it has been shown that it is beneficial for individuals who have GI disorders

From there, you can talk about the different therapies within CBT that could help these individuals. Also, you could talk about different points as to why CBT is beneficial for your main group

Depression essay- Henriana (last year)

2023-10-30 13:42:51 UTC

Depression or also known as Major depressive disorder (MDD) was ranked as the third cause of the burden of disease and disability worldwide in 2008 by WHO, and it has been predicted that this disease will rank first by 2030 (Malhi & Mann, 2018). Depression is a common but very serious disorder that affects approximately 280 million people worldwide (WHO, 2021). According to the DSM-5, depression is characterized by physical, emotional, and psychological symptoms. The main symptoms are disturbed sleep, anhedonia (loss of interest in activities), difficulty concentrating, suicidal thoughts, feelings of worthlessness or guilt, agitation, and fatigue. However, if these symptoms are present during the same two-week period, it's associated with depression and the diagnosis starts from there. People with depression need to be diagnosed because if left untreated, there is an increased chance of risky behaviour occurring in the patient such as drug misuse and unprotected behaviour and sex, ruining relationships, causing problems at work, and affecting the life of the victim negatively (Bruce & Ph.D., 2021). Despite depression being a worldwide issue for many, research has found that women are nearly twice as likely as men to be diagnosed with depression with research finding that major depressive disorder was 5.8% in females compared to 3.5% in males (Ferrari et al., 2012). This essay will discuss the aetiology of depression which are neurobiological factors, environmental factors, and psychological factors which affect gender differences when it comes to the diagnosis of depression, and finally, critically evaluate why women are more likely to be diagnosed than men.

Firstly, when investigating why women are more likely than men to be diagnosed with depression, the first factor that should be investigated is neurobiological factors. Neurobiological models argue that the symptoms of depression result from physiological differences and abnormalities. The main focuses regarding gender differences in the diagnosis of depression are biochemical imbalances and structural and functional brain differences. Firstly, regarding biochemical imbalances, it has been found that neural responses to some neurotransmitters seem to be reduced and dysfunctional, in particular Serotonin, Norepinephrine, and Dopamine which was found in studies when researchers were investigating the treatment of depression (Bains & Abdijadid, 2021). Regarding gender differences, women are more subjected to fluctuating hormones, especially during female-related events such as childbirth where hormonal changes associated with the postpartum period may trigger a depressive episode in at-risk women, menopause where epidemiologic studies have found that 50% of women experience an increase in depressive symptoms, premenstrual period, prepartum where depression rates tend to happen more often in the second and third trimester, postpartum (Soares & Zitek, 2008).Furthermore, research has found that women who have had migraine headaches are more likely than other women to develop depression (Thrasybule, 2022) which is linked to how people with migraine are about five times more likely to develop depression (Buse et al., 2018). On the other hand, when looking at brain differences, neuroimaging studies have found that depression has different effects on the brain activity of male and female adolescents showing the differences in how each gender copes. Research has found that the decrease in brain areas such as the supramarginal gyrus, cerebellum, and posterior cingulate is linked to findings about brain regions affected by depression. However, when it comes to men who are depressed, there has been found a decreased activation in the cerebellum with as a result harms men in terms of passivity and withdrawal (Chuang et al., 2017). This suggests that men tend to not be diagnosed because they tend to withdraw themselves when coping with depression until the case becomes extremely severe. To conclude, the studies provided in this section have been used to address neurobiological factors that affect depression in gender differences. Such as the case of hormones that influence the body’s reaction both physically and mentally that as a result make women more vulnerable to being depressed and explain why women are more likely to be diagnosed. However, in the study of neuroimaging, despite finding gender differences, the sample of men was too small which makes it difficult to determine if the particular outcome of different regions is true and there could be an error. Therefore, in the future, more research should be conducted with a bigger male sample. Nonetheless, women are more likely to be diagnosed in the aspect of biology because of hormone imbalances that affect the expression of emotions that are revealed (Borst, 2022)

Buan’s paragraph

2023-10-30 13:47:13 UTC

In the 5G era, two primary challenges hinder the advancement of wireless communication. Firstly, it's difficult to control the impact of environmental factors on radio waves. Secondly, when a radio device must transmit new data, it necessitates the transmission of fresh radio waves. This not only consumes more time but also increases power consumption.

Looking forward to the 6G era, the ideal wireless network will be intelligent, optimized for the Internet of Things, and capable of data processing. These demands go beyond the capabilities of traditional 5G networks. Currently, researchers are exploring a novel concept where the environment becomes an integral part of the wireless communication system, making it a controllable variable. This advanced environment is referred to as a Smart Radio Environment (SRE).

Moreover, the core of the SRE is the Reconfigurable Intelligent Surface (RIS), which possesses the ability to adapt electromagnetic waves that interact with it . The SRE technology empowered by RIS holds significant potential to usher in the 6G era and the Radio 2.0 era.

Roy's feedback.

There is a clear connection from one paragraph to another. There appears to be supporting information from other sources but have not been cited in the paragraph, citing the supporting pieces of evidence could make it better.