I doubt Kris will see this at all, but you are an amazing person. You’ve helped put color and light in the darkness, you’ve managed to still keep going when it was rough and painful.

Although you’ve never managed to show your love towards me, I could know you loved me back then. You don’t love me now, I know. You’re a very special person to me.

There’s things I’ve noticed from you when we dated. You never properly showed your love, you expressed it towards actions and small words. You don’t tend to really take photos of yourself, because you believe that you are “ugly”. But you aren’t. You’re honestly the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. No matter who the person is, you’ll remain a bit shy. You tend to stay quiet during calls, not muttering a word unless you yourself are mentioned.

And to be honest? I loved that. I still love everything and every single thing of you. I’m sorry I screwed it up. I hope you’re happier with Rinny.

I’ve spent nights awake, thinking about the times we’ve spent together on call, messing around, hearing your soft laughs and your cute face. I regret everything, my love. Now that it is summer, I don’t know what to do. If we still stayed together, I would’ve came to visit you. But I can’t.

Kris.

What is the exact point of living, if I can’t move on from a single person? All of my friends have abandoned me, my aunt thinks I’m starting to go crazy, my brother doesn’t want to be around me anymore, Kris has decided that I don’t even exist anymore. My presence and name is just nothing to her.

Why? The one person I wanted to be with for my rest of my life? If she doesn’t want me anymore, then what is exactly the point?

The point is that my existence didn’t matter at all. My own existence needs to be destroyed, perhaps it’ll bring happiness to everyone, Kris even.

A 16, soon 17 Chinese teenager boy, whose life has been wrecked ever since he was 3. Both his Mother and Father, dead in front of his eyes. A long lost dream of becoming a doctor. Moved to Canada after graduating preschool, sadly after he believes he’s met the love of his life. He’s been trying his hardest to meet her, and try to confess his love to a 16 year old teenager girl, who is in desperate need of love, nurturing, and care. The most beautiful woman he sees in her eyes. Every year, he would go to her state and attempt to meet her. He had finally done it during a summer, where a festival was being taken. He could see how much she had grown. He was going to make her his wife, he knew it.

Months go by, he finally got the girl he wanted. It wasn’t the way he expected to go, because after his mistakes, she leaves him. Alone. Miserable, no one else. He attempts to repair his heart, getting over it, but all that happened was her. She was everywhere. Right when he didn’t need her anymore.

The guilt is strong. A terrible human being. He is a terrible monster that needs to be destroyed. And this is going to be its day.

Steven Tsui Hernandez.