Fuelled with booze and fear

Another house party

And your mates had the gear.

I dressed up all nice

And put on a smile

Danced with the girls

Smoked fags for a while.

You disappeared pretty quick

Following Jamal into a room

You didn’t tell me what you was doing

So I could only presume.

The night went on

Progressively blurry

But when I asked where you were

No one seemed to worry.

Jamal and his mates

Didn’t seem to care

When I found you by the toilet

Gasping for air.

I called out for help

But nobody came

Too absorbed in themselves

Not wanting to take the blame.

I helped you throw up

I sat by your side

Nearly called an ambulance

Until your eyes came alive.

We got in a taxi

And I held your hand

You murmered you were sorry

And that drugs were now banned.

We went back to mine

I tucked you in bed

I lay there next to you

Worries rushing through my head.

I told you I loved you

But you were asleep

So I turned off the lights

And began to weep.

But he stuck to his promise

Turned his life around.

He scared me that night

But a new mans been found.

You were the rock that grounded me.

You were strong, but you turned frail.

I was too young to see.

One day you left 

And that was it.

No goodbye, no reasons

Just a candle was lit.

I remember, sat there

Everyone saying their sorry

But why are you apologising

You didn’t kill my Daddy.

Not even a few weeks came

And Passed us by

Until you came in to our life

Big, angry and high.

Mummy’s new boyfriend

I was meant to like

But when you hit my Mummy

She sent me off on my bike.

The next man came soon Not long after I was ten

You were slimmer but mean

And made me start to hate men.

You came to my room

When it was late in the night

I don’t remember much Too scared to put up a fight.

Mummy knew for a while

Too scared to throw you out

So me and my sister learnt

How to scream and shout.

He finally left 

And calm was restored

Until I was thirteen 

And Mr wrong knocked on our door.

He drank and he smoked

Encouraging this from my mum

Arguments emerged

And the house soon was glum

At age fourteen

Several men came to stay

Mum was out most nights

Bringing back different dates.

I never said hello

Even if they asked my name

I replied with a shrug

So the men felt shame.

Eventually one stuck

And they got engaged

He was rich and old

The whole love was staged.

So at the age of sixteen

My brother left the house

He was sorry to us girls

But not to Mum’s spouse.

As expected

I also fell in love

And predictably 

He was drawn to drugs.

A troubled background

Similar to mine

But he wanted to self medicate

With booze and a line

After we left school

He managed to get a job

Went to a community centre

Became less of a knob.

He’s turning his life around

As am I

Teaching me men aren’t all bad

He’s actually quite a nice guy