Hehehe I had to do it folks. :D

-Suzanne Collins, Sunrise on the Reaping

-Jaren Vallentis, The Prison Healer

It looks a little out of my league, but I thought I should ask-

Should I (try) and draw this?

not like that

not so blunt

not so cold

More like the 2 minute drug ads

and the reality dating shows

and the cyber trucks in the parking lot.

The latest breaking news is that the world is ending.

not like that

not really

not so vulnerable

More like the empty egg cartons,

and the book banning,

and the toddlers with the dark circles under their eyes.

The latest breaking news is that the world is ending.

not like that

not so openly

not so completely 

More like Taylor Swift,

and the mental health crisis

and the coughing coughing coughing.

The latest breaking news is that the world is ending.

not that it matters

not truly

not in the sense that it will make any difference

This thing, 

it is more than the simple desire to stay alive.

This thing,

it is an aching, 

breathing

anxiety. 

Holding your dying dog and knowing this is the last time you’ll see them alive.

Watching the seconds tick down to midnight and realizing you’ll never get this day back. 

A good time for a historian, waiting for the fall of democracy.

But aren’t we all going to die anyway?

Disastrous. That's what it is. It’s led the most powerful and kindest monarchs to evil. The hardest and   c o l d e s t  of souls to soften.

It is the kind of thing you can see in someone's eyes. A sparkle. A  s p a r k. A flame. A  s o n g. That one thing that's holding them together. It's lovely to see. But  t e r r i f y i n g.

Love holds p o w e r. Too much power. It makes you see sunshine on a rainy day. And see white snow on a sunny one.

Love is  l o v e. And love is powerful. It’s your star. It’s your sun. And the c l o u d that covers it up.

It puts your  he a r t  in a bottle for another soul to hold. The soul who you  l i v e  for, not just l o v e. And the soul that  b r e a k s  the bottle. The one who makes you denigrate into a shell of  l o n e l i n e s s .  An empty  v o i d  never to sniff the reality of love ever again.

Until another comes along.

And you run away.

While we're away?

Does he sit there and nap

Or get up and play?

Does he go to the kitchen

And eat all the cake?

Or does he look up

A new treat to bake?

Does he go to the garden

Eat all the leaves?

Or run around and play

Chase the bugs through the trees?

Does he go to your room

And nibble your writing?

Or jump on your bed

Do something exciting?

Does he go to the office

Mess with the computer?

Does he look up the meanings

Of copper and pewter?

Does he go to the bookshelves

Read adventures galore?

Or will he scatter them all

Across the rug on the floor?

No, there's no way to guess

No way to know

What the dog does

When we're not at home

the rain reaches out to me

whispers float on wisps of wind 

promises of dreams and contentment.

i stumble forward

my hands, grasping the droplets

my feet, holding their ground

my heart, shattered

scattered to the winds of fate.

cold and empty

the rain reaches out to me

bare knuckles rap upon the trees

calling me, calling me

the mist takes my eyes.

my head, spins a million ways 

my lungs, burn with empty flames

my eyes, gone 

i run into the rain

a committee

all black robes

and white jackets

calling the shots, changing the rules

only if you've done something

truly worthy

or perhaps the gods

handing out mentions like consolation prizes

golden thrones

perfect hair and teeth and life

never had to fight for anything

in a thousand lifetimes

who decided that first was better

that losing means you're less than

that you can always do better next time

but there's always someone better than you

so you'll never succeed

who decided that power was better than forgiveness

that position is better than person

that it doesn't matter who you are, you can achieve

but the learning curve leans

cause you're not ENOUGH of anything

who decided that cheating was better than fairness

that justice could be skewed based on how you're viewed

even though you've never gotten a parking ticket in your life

you still get pulled over and get a fine

because that's

life

who decided that hate was better than love

cause we don't have a whole lot

but we don't have enough

so it must be THEIR fault that life is so tough

and your bias is awful but it's justified

because the cycle of hate is so big and so wide

that you wish it would stop but you can't find the time

because you might hate them but they might hate you

so what else is there to do-

who decides who is known?

I think we get a say

on which prizes and medals get handed away

because sometimes being last means you did your best

because forgiveness is a trait we need more of in this world

because BEING fair is ONLY fair

and loving someone no matter the cost

is really what matters

not who gets to be known

My love.

My rock.

My joy.

10 years of this terrible, beautiful mess. We’re older. Not wiser. Still kids. Those same kids who shared a  kiss under the starlight. Under the fireflies which could’ve replaced the stars and we would’ve cared. I wanted to bottle that night. Drink it with you on a villa, clinking glasses and looking at those oh, so lovely stars.

My love.

My rock.

My joy.

The cry. I still remember that night. 2:17 p.m. Holding the little love for the first time. You by my side. Crying. The feeling. I still remember it.

Another one.

My love.

My rock.

My joy.

Oh, where does the time go. College? No. My baby. They aren’t truly gone but life is so drab. I miss it all. Teaching another the lessons of life. I want to learn something. I know everything. We know nothing. But you are with me.

My love.

My rock.

My joy.

Here we are. No more. No time. I believed it would last forever. But it’s all in vain. I loved you all I could. I regret nothing. But-

My love.

My rock.

My joy.

You left me.

You're arguing with your boyfriend
He's upset
He's going off about something that ya said

Cause he doesn't get your humor like I do

I'm in my room

It's a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kinda music he doesn't like

And he'll never know your story like I do

Cause he wears loafers I wear sneakers
He's the champion and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you

Been here all along so why can't you see
You belong with me you belong with me

(Sophie)

Walk in the halls seeing you and your worn out jeans

I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be

Laughing as you make faces thinking to myself

Hey, isn't this easy

Cause you have a smile that could light up this whole town

Haven't seen it in a while since your family tore you down

You say you're fine, I know you better than that

What're you still doing with a family like that?

Cause they have tall smirks

You wear sneakers

They're so distant

And you're on the bleachers

Dreaming 'bout the day when you wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time
If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along, so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Rushing over, pounding on your back door
All this time, how could you not know, baby?
You belong with me, you belong with me

(Bridge: Sophie)

And I remember you coming to my house In the middle of the night

I could hear your body shake

As you tried just not to cry

You know my favorite foods

And I know 'bout all your dreams

Think I know where I belong

Think you know that it's with me...

(chorus repeated)

You belong with me
Have you ever thought just maybe
You belong with me?

Yes, this line will always take a little chunk of my heart with it every time I hear it.

Please read The Prison Healer series.

Trust me.