The story I have created resonates with me personally because it also showcases the struggles of mental heath, especially the pressure to quickly achieve success within the art industry and the difficulty of judging your own art based on other people’s opinions. ‘Anna’ the main character within my monologue deals with extreme heightened emotions, following the idea of ‘feeling things entirely’ which I recently wrote a poem about. Often people with creative self expression feel this way and feel alone in doing so; my piece is not only personal to me but may also be personal for my peers watching. I also wanted to show the severity of mental health and this struggle with the ending of my piece, mental health is a dark and painful struggle that doesn’t always have a happy ending. Raising awareness, telling my own story and others before me and using art as a main motivation are all key elements I had in mind when creating ‘The lady in the meadows’.

Unfortunately, her life was cut short in 1999 at the age of 28 when she took her own life. Her death deeply shocked the theatre community, especially since many saw parallels between her final play, "4.48 Psychosis," and her own mental health struggles. The play, which was written just before her death, does not have a clear narrative or characters, but is widely interpreted as an intense expression of Kane's personal battle with depression, despair, and suicidal thoughts.

(Lots of ‘live’ to create the idea of vulnerability and raw emotion.)

• music to already be playing upon audience entry (classical to contrast the chaos)

• The stage to have many scribbled paintings on the floor, to symbolise ‘failed ideas’ and past work.

• The lights switch to a deep shade of red after the last line is spoken to symbolise death and serious themes such as (TW) suicide.

• The red paint and lighting: These elements tie together thematically, symbolizing both blood (the pain of loss) and the permanence of death, as she steps into the “eternity” she speaks of.

• Simple but evocative set: The stage should have minimal but impactful elements, such as an easel, canvas, brushes, projector and a table with alcohol. The setting should feel intimate, almost like the audience is stepping into Anna’s personal space. An easel is specifically important as it eventually reveals the final message- I will have a live camera feeding back to a projector behind me.

• Intimacy with the audience: Since this is a deeply personal monologue, ‘Anna’ should frequently engage the audience through eye contact, drawing them into her story. The use of space should feel open yet intimate, as though ‘Anna’ is confiding in the audience directly, sharing her grief.

• Emotional range: Anna's journey from reflective to emotionally unstable needs to be portrayed with careful pacing. She starts calmly, recounting the story of the lady in the meadows, and slowly unravels, showing her frustration, grief, and crazed state with life and art.

2 - What is important for my performance, but not essential?

• Aging or Distressed Makeup: Adding subtle makeup effects to reflect her mental and emotional deterioration could enhance the performance but isn’t essential. A slightly disheveled appearance may reflect Anna’s despair and loss.

• Slow, Dramatic Movements: If Anna has some intentional movements (e.g., walking slowly around the stage, painting with exaggerated, almost ritualistic strokes), it can add dramatic tension. While the focus is on her words, subtle physical movements can enhance her emotional.

• Additional Paintings or Canvases: Scattering unfinished paintings or blank canvases around the stage can symbolize her creative block and emotional void. It adds visual depth but isn’t necessary.

• Wine Glass/ alcohol visible: To complement the alcohol bottle, having her drink from a specific glass could enhance the symbolism of self-destruction.

3 - In a perfect world, without restriction of space, time or budget, what would I love to have in my performance?

• 3D Projection Mapping: Using state of the art projection mapping, the meadow could come to life as she speaks, with grass growing, skies shifting, and subtle animations giving the audience a visual representation of the ever-changing landscape that fascinated the husband.

• Interactive Scenic Design: The stage could be designed to transform as Anna tells the story. A rotating set that starts in a small, intimate studio space and gradually reveals a meadow behind it, showing the blend between her artistic and emotional worlds, could be highly impactful.

• Live Orchestra with Surround Sound: I would place a live orchestra around the perimeter of the space, completely surrounding the audience; they would play classical and contrasting music to the scene.

• Drones for Symbolism and Mood: Small drones equipped with soft lighting could hover and move through the theatre, acting as symbols for Anna’s emotional journey; representing fireflies in the meadow, or spirits of the past/ her late husband.

  
  

4 - What cannot happen/be in place in order for my performance to happen?

• White backdrop : A white or brightly coloured backdrop would clash with the play’s darker, more introspective tone. The play deals with themes of loss, madness, and isolation, which are best served by darker, neutral, or muted colours. A white backdrop would feel too sterile and detract from the emotional depth.

• View of the Painting: The painting is central to the story, both literally and symbolically. The audience needs to clearly see the canvas at key moments, particularly at the end, where it reveals the final message. If the painting is obstructed or not visible, or overall visible, the impact of Anna’s story and her emotional arc will be lost

• Overcrowded Stage/Excessive Props: The set should remain minimalist to reflect Anna’s isolation and emotional barrenness. Too many props or a cluttered stage would distract from the focus on Anna and the emotional weight of the story. The audience’s attention needs to be on her and her relationship with the painting.

• Use of Humour or Lighthearted Elements: The tone of the performance is very somber. Introducing humor, overly lighthearted elements, or slapstick moments would break the emotional tension and detract from the gravity of Anna’s narrative.

My approach to telling my story is very immersive and personal, I wanted something that combined monologue, visual art, and symbolism in a very specific light. Anna's inner turmoil is reflected in her relationship with painting and the tragic tale of ‘The lady in the meadows’. Using the red light and symbolic gestures like painting herself/ stepping into a drastically contrasting red light, I aim to blend the narrative with powerful visual language, allowing the audience to feel rather than just observe. The intimate, almost claustrophobic setting, with dim lighting and personal storytelling, pulls the audience into Anna’s mind, making her emotional journey more intense. The non-linear, fractured nature of the storytelling mirrors her descent into despair, emphasising the confusion and chaos that comes with loss.

In a society where many people are grappling with loss and uncertainty, Anna’s story holds particular relevance. It reflects the emotional fallout of unresolved grief, the desire to hold onto something permanent in a world that is constantly changing, and the struggle to express what’s inside. Many people today can relate to feeling isolated, struggling with creativity, or feeling like they’ve lost someone or something irreplaceable. This is a story that speaks to the contemporary sense of disconnection, and it serves as a reminder of the fragility of human connection and the power of art… why not now?

Finally, the reason in which I chose to tell this story was because it is personal to me in many different ways. As the storyteller I am the vessel through which this emotional piece will be told and with that comes elements of my own truth and vulnerability. As a young person in the art industry I understand both the worry and struggle of wanting to achieve success in such a brutal environment, it’s often hard to turn your passion into something reliable and successful whilst making an income. I also resonate with ‘Anna’s’ struggles with mental health, her emotional journey reflects the intensity of living with depression and mental illness which I have had first hand experience with- something I haven’t ever really openly shared within my work. I want my piece to be a reminder that however alone you feel, you aren’t.

Unfortunately not everyone wins their battle with depression; In fact, approximately 700,000 people worldwide die by suicide each year, according to the World Health Organisation.

Anna is a stark reminder of the human cost behind this devastating statistic.

I created ‘The lady in the meows’ for the 700,000 mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters who lost their Anna.

This piece has a minimalist, repetitive structure that evokes a sense of timelessness, much like Anna’s reflections on her lost love and the endless repetition of her artistic life. The simple piano notes accompanied by the long violin tones create a calm but also eerie atmosphere.

Max Richter – "On the Nature of Daylight"

This is definitely an option however I’m not sure if it’s too ‘sad’ I want the music to feel sinister but in a less obvious way. The piece is simultaneously beautiful and melancholic, making it a good fit for the dual themes of love and loss. As the music progresses, it gently builds in intensity, matching the moment Anna begins to break down emotionally. It could work if I heighten the moments of emotion correctly.

Dmitri Shostakovich – "String Quartet No. 8, Op. 110: Largo"

I thought it would be important to write down a few I will NOT be using in order to show my intentions behind the music and what I’m looking for in a piece. This instrumental is beautifully created but it definitely is not what I’m for. I want to mainly use strings; a violin has a soft nostalgic and sometimes sinister feeling to it however; the fast paced rhythm made me feel anxious and opposes the effect I’m trying to create.

Vaughan Williams – "The Lark Ascending"

This piece is delicate and deeply nostalgic, with the violin imitating the graceful flight of a lark. Its melody has a peaceful and calming quality, perfectly suited for moments of reflection. However, it does have a ‘Disney’ feeling to me which I’m not sure would be appropriate for the atmosphere I’m wanting to create.

Max Bruch – "Violin Concerto No. 1 in G minor, Op. 26: II. Adagio"

This piece definitely has potential, it could fit both moments of reflection and love yet also accompany the outbursts of insanity. It’s slow and feels tender but also has moments of suspense. I like this piece of instrumental because I can’t quite describe it, it’s neither peaceful nor sinister it’s a happy in between that intrigues me.

“The world is really fucking ugly, you know? it's really fucking ugly. and. everybody seems to be okay with it.”- Rue, Euphoria (Sam Levinson)

“There is a fate worse than death / and it's living to hear eulogies / for the person you could have been”

- Chorus, eds. Saul Williams, Dufflyn Lammers & Aja Monet

“I could recognise him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world” -The Song of Achilles (Madeline Miller)

My aim was to help develop my character and grow my understanding; however I will not be using any of the feedback within my piece. It was more of a personal project to dive deeper into the main themes within my monologue and to eventually deliver something relatable and authentic.

Q.1- Have you ever felt pressure in the arts Industry? If so how has this affected your mental health?

(Responses)

Art is something that takes away pressure for a while for me at least so I would say no

Yes! Makes me restless and existential, tension about looking and being perfect in order to be good enough and the feeling of running out of time - leading to anxiety.

i have not felt pressure however have not been exposed to the full extent of pressure of the arts industry

Pressure manifests in various forms, shifting with each scenario I encounter. At times, it can be a positive force, driving creativity and innovation. But there are moments when it becomes overwhelming, particularly the persistent need to justify the value of the arts, especially in today's climate. While I feel this deeply and see its toll on my fellow creatives, I choose to focus on the microcosm within my control. I aim to cultivate an environment that reflects the society we aspire to—a microcosm where artists can release the weight of pressure and rediscover the joy of moving their bodies freely. In a world where our art is constantly questioned, leading with joy feels like a radical, necessary act.

Yes. It did affect the way I see myself and if I would be even “worthy” to be in the industry.

How do you think personal experiences of loss, nostalgia, or mental health can influence how one creates or interprets art?

(Responses)

I feel that past experience influences every art piece, every piece of art comes from a personal place

I think all these things shape ones voice and interpretation when creating their own art.

Our experiences profoundly shape who we are, and mental health—often dismissed as an invisible disability—can have very tangible effects on the body, especially when it stems from loss. This deeply influences the lens through which we perceive the world. If you were to view the same piece of art six times over the course of a year, your interpretation would likely shift each time, shaped by the unique experiences and emotions you were living through at that moment. Loss can feel vast and all-consuming. In a culture that pushes us to move forward at the relentless pace of the world, loss can make you feel like time should stop, like you want to shake everyone around you so they understand the magnitude of what’s been taken. Yet art has the power to bridge that gap—it connects us, filling the spaces in our lives where we feel something is missing. It can stir our senses, play a song, or read a poem that instantly transports us back to a specific memory, igniting emotions that remind us of our shared humanity.

It does affect a lot a person in the way of how they perceive the world and certain aspects of emotions and situations. But it’s very interesting and fascinating to see different people’s take on art in this way. I feel like this sort of stuff has such a big impact on creativity and art. It may not always have a good impact on mental health but art wise it can always bring something new to the table.

i think personal experience can mean that artists are more likely to create art which is much more meaningful and hard hitting than an artist without the same experiences. they are likely more able to connect with viewers who have similar experiences. viewers who have experience of loss nostalgia and mental health are likely to interpret and feel the art to a deeper level and may continue to think about it for extended period of time.

Have you ever used art as a form of therapy or healing from personal challenges? If so, how did it help you?

(Responses)

I use art as a coping mechanism as it takes me away from life for a while

Yes, helps process emotions and turn them into something beautiful

yes, like writing, speaking and journaling helps a lot of people i think art can help creative minded people navigate their thoughts in a visual or physical way. it can help people understand and let go of difficult thoughts feelings and experiences.

In many ways, every time I witness actors celebrating the freedom of movement and discovering the power of expressivity in their bodies, it feels like a healing, cathartic experience. It’s a quiet rebellion against everything that makes us feel small and insignificant, igniting something far greater. When it comes to my own art, I don’t often use it as therapy or healing in the moment. Instead, I create after I’ve processed an experience, so the work can come from a perspective that has explored multiple angles and routes through that challenge. That said, anger often fuels my creativity—it’s a visceral, raw energy, and when there’s no clear outlet for frustration, it can be deeply satisfying to channel it into art. However, I’m cautious about creating work that others perceive as therapy. While I deeply respect artists who do this, it’s not an approach I’m drawn to. For me, the therapeutic space is distinct from the artistic one, and I believe that blurring the lines between the two can be risky unless there are tools in place to fully support that journey.

Yes I did. It did help me in a way in which I could exteriorize my feelings without feeling judged or misunderstood.

Personal experiences, especially those related to loss and mental health, are seen as deeply influential, shaping both the creation and interpretation of art. Many said that art can be therapeutic, offering an outlet to process emotions, though some view the relationship between art and therapy with caution, preferring to keep the two separate.

Overall, the responses highlight the varied and deeply personal ways people engage with art and how important it is.

[The violin fades but remains in the background... Anna pauses and begins speaking, not turning to face the audience yet.]

Anna:
(softly, almost to herself)
I have always loved painting since I was a little girl. It’s pretty, isn’t it? The colours, how every small stroke determines the bigger picture. Like a little family.
(she giggles)

My favourite painting has always been ‘The Lady in the Meadows.’ The detail, oh god, the details. Every time I close my eyes, I see her, the lady. And arguably, despite the beauty of the painting, what draws me to it is the story of that same lady.

She lived in a small cottage with a man, a painter. They met at 20, married at 22, and spent everyday painting. The story was beautiful, you could see their love in every stroke. The man painted the Meadows, how the grass changed from the bitter winters all the way to the sweetness of summer. One winter, the lady wandered out for a stroll in the Meadows. She was an artist too, of course, but she could never see her husband's obsession. What did he like about the Meadows so much that he would only paint them?

Well, that day she finally figured it out! it wasn't just the Meadows he loved. It was the fact they were ever-changing. No piece of grass was ever the same in each painting, nor cloud in the sky. It was the colours of change that fascinated him.

So, she went home to tell him that she finally figured it out.
And as she opened the small wooden door to their cottage, she saw him lying on the ground, cold as ice. No one ever really knows how he died. Some say it was a heart attack; I think it was too hard to say out loud, because then… then it made it real. On his death bed, the only thing lying next to him …was a picture. A picture of the lady in the Meadows. He could never correct the Meadows because they were ever-changing, but one thing he had perfected from the start was her— His muse.

[Anna’s demeanour begins to shift, her movements becoming erratic.]

Anna:
(gradually becoming more manic)
The poor lady, right? The only thing she had left was that painting, his life's work was hers.
See, paint can do so very much. It can fill a blank slab with colour and emotion. But it can't bring people back.
It can't cure heartbreak, illness, or loneliness.

[She grabs a bottle of alcohol nearby and takes a big sip, pointing at the painting with an exaggerated motion.]

Anna:
How did I become such a mess, living through paintings? I haven't sold a painting in years.
How can a person surrounded by beauty be so fucking alone? It's a travesty that we can't hold onto some things forever. I think that's why I love these stupid paintings.
(laughs bitterly)
They last. But this painting, this, is my last one.

[Anna gets up and begins to pace]

I've given up. I'm unfulfilled. They speak to me some days. They whisper. They laugh. But no one understands it.
(her voice becomes louder, almost hysterical)
Nothing stays the way it should!

I try…God knows I try…but the colours, they twist. They twist like they’re mocking me, laughing at me! The reds, the yellows— all wrong, they bleed into each other, and I can’t make them stop!

[Anna freezes, then slowly looks up with wild eyes, pointing into the audience.]

Anna:
(in a low, animalistic tone)
You! You’re laughing at me, aren’t you?
(laughs uncontrollably)
You all think it’s so funny. But you can’t see them—the colours. They’re stuck in me. I can’t get them out. They’re sinking into my skin. They’re burning me from the inside out!

Everyone thinks I've lost it. But I haven’t, you see. I haven’t.
I just lost him.

[Her tone shifts suddenly, becoming soft and almost childlike as she returns to her seat and picks up the brush again, her eyes distant.]

Anna:
(taking a softer tone)
Well, I miss him every day. He always caught my best angle.
I think it's time I saw him now.

[Anna takes another long swig from the bottle, her hands trembling. She gazes back at the canvas, her breathing heavy.]

[The live camera zooms in on the painting projecting behind her. It reads: "I love you. Now we'll be together for eternity." Signed: "Anna, your lady in the Meadows."]

[Anna slowly stands]

[ she breaths heavily and the lights turn red symbolising her impending death.]

[The stage fades to black as the violin instrumental softly remains for 10 second before it completely fades to silence.]

[THE END]

• Eye line; changing and redirecting eye line at different audience members when passing

• Breathing; use of breath to show exhaustion to lead to the eventual physical break down.

• Duality in tempo, using the fast pace to eventuate the slow whimsical states

  
  

  my goal- to make the points where I move around the space seem less and natural but also interesting and character driven.

I believe in order to create this ‘fighting against herself’ idea visually i must scramble the paintings together just as I’m building up tension almost to cool myself down and show a division in my character. The very last scene when I step into the red light symbolising the death of Anna I will fight my hysteria and crying and eventually remain calm and settled with the idea of death- because she knows death greets her with a smile, his smile.

Hopefully this will give others an insight into her behaviour more too.

Today is cold. Cold in the air, cold to my bones, cold, cold, cold.

I’ve been very cold for a long time, but not in a “ put a jumper on, you’ll warm up” way. Cold in a suffocating, brain freezing cruel way. So cold that my fingers are numb and so are my feet but most of all my blood feels cold.

He was warm. Like the first ray of sunshine in May that subtly welcomes summer. Warm like tea that your mother made you when you said you had a long day.

I miss that warmth, I yearn for that warmth. Warm will never feel warm enough again.

The days aren’t just cold, they are long and weary and oh so empty.

It’s as though I’m looking at a glass full of water and no matter how much I drink, no matter how many gulps I take… it refills to the top… desperate to flow through me. Everything seems to pass through me. Time passes through me.

I worry that one day I may forget his laugh or the way he raised an eye brow whilst painting. What if I forget myself so much I forget him.

What a cold feeling. What a cold cold day.

Anna.

Today I saw a robin. I can’t help but feel as though he checks up on me sometimes, not directly through the window- but from afar. He was always kind. He is kind.

I shall look for robins in the meadows tomorrow.

Anna.

Last night I awoke from a dream. A really real feeling dream, he was back.

The sheets were crinkled in the shape of his silhouette, the gentle animal of his body was home. Not home in the cottage. Home with me, next to me. Where he should be.

Sometimes I worry the lights look weird and the picture frames are slightly off colour and this is all one big dream. One big nightmare. What if it is? How do I know?

I will pinch myself for the rest of eternity if that is what it takes to wake up to him. Not the empty promise of crinkled sheets that once held his body. Not an empty bed.

Anna.

Dearest diary,

Today I went outside and took a stroll in the meadows!!

No sight of a robin but he will be back. I’m sure of it!

The sky was blue, a clear blue. A blue that denim nor water can compete with.

I have been painting and painting and painting. I love painting. When I paint I’m close to him.

Tomorrow I will paint a different sky, and the next day another.

ANNA

My paintings are all WRONG.

ALL OF THEM ARE WRONG.

W R O N G

I don’t know why I thought I would enjoy it, sat in an empty house, with an empty canvas and an empty glass.

EVERYTHING IS EMPTY.

I am empty.

My eyes couldn’t produce any more tears if I tried, my skin is red and itchy, my hair is knotted and my hands are cold.

I wish I could paint myself to be something different. Someone different. But if not through me where would he live???? Where would he feel safe.

HE CAN NOT FEEL AT ALL BECAUSE THE WORLD IS CRUEL.

If there is a god he is unkind.

How can people look up to someone who is so heartless. I have a heart, it’s beating, but I do not feel alive or worthy of it. I wish it was me instead of him.

I WISH IT WAS ME

I WISH IT WAS ME

I WISH IT WAS ME.

I would lay in his grave, in his place if I could.

Death

seems more inviting than this pain. Anything feels more inviting than this pain.

Anna.

Today was is a special day.

Today is his birthday!!!

Oh the memories, I would wake up before the sun to pick up his cake for the bakery.

Victoria sponge was his favourite, chocolate was too sweet for him! I always had the sweeter tooth out of the two of us. I would light the candles and wake him up singing, that’s how we started every birthday. I think he would secretly be awake most of the time, but for me, he pretended. “ Anything for you Anna”. “Anything for that smile” He was a charmer.

Today I picked up a cake from the bakery, I lit the candles and sang to him. Wherever he is floating freely in the air I’m sure he was smiling, pretending to asleep.

The lady at the counter asked me how I was, no one has asked me that in a while. I told her excitedly that I was fine, I was fine because I was celebrating his birthday. Her eyes shrank down to a sad smile, I’m not sure why nor do I really care, I smiled politely back.

I smiled because today is his birthday.

Anna.

Something is off. Something is not right.

They are following me around, secretly.

I’m sat on the floor in the bathroom with the door locked because they can’t get in here if I’ve locked the door.

They keep appearing and bouncing and getting in my face. Close. Too close.

At first I thought it was nice, maybe a sign?? Maybe he is making me see them so I know he’s near.

Colours, shapes, strokes of paint. I see them everywhere.

I’m not making it up. I don’t want attention, attention makes my hands go clammy and my head itch. Sometimes I dance with them sometimes I want them to go away, but they don’t, they aren’t listening to me.

Colours, shapes, strokes of paint. I see them everywhere.

What if they come through the key hole??? What if they can tell where I am.

what if they aren’t there at all.

They are there.

I can see them.

I can.

ANNA?

ANNA

I feel CaLmm

m

m

I feel CHANGE

Oh to feel

Feel feelings

I am tired but i mustn’t sleep nit yet bescuse i could seee a eobin roBin.

I will hve 1 more Drink Im going to drink the rest ofb the wine then loook again tomrow!!

Anna