https://padlet.com/Jerry_Zou/Englishfeedbacks Made with charm en-us 2017-10-25 13:38:59 UTC 2025-12-21 16:59:17 UTC hello@padlet.com bramsay2 https://padlet.com/Jerry_Zou/Englishfeedbacks/wish/218889771 You've really improved a lot since your last essay, Jerry. In particular, your paragraph structures has improved tremendously and you've used multiple pieces of evidence per paragraph. Some parts of your paragraphs are actually quite good, but your overall train of though needs development. Here are two things I want you to work on:

1 - Define your thesis. This really hurt your essay, as you had difficulty connecting your evidence to a specific point, Your thesis was simply "effects meaning and implications of food are most prevalent in these two stories". Say what your big idea means specifically in your story for your thesis.

2 - Specify your analysis. Similar to the last point, because your thesis was was so broad you had difficulty saying anything about your evidence. The last part of your second paragraph ends with "food creates a special moment". Again, try and look at just what is happening in your evidence chosen.

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