E.g.

"Bubba you ok, you like kind of spooked?" Asked Spike, with a concerned look on his face.

"Err," responded Bubba vacantly.

Spike moved closer and rested his hand on his shoulder to reassure him that all would be ok.

Spike continued, "Bubba, I mean it what's up?"

Slowly and carefully bubba turned to spike and looked him straight in the eyes. "I don't know what to do. I can't leave the tower without my shorts, I will be the talk of the towel. You know I won't make it down the ladder with just a towel, that wind will blow it off and then, well you know."

Spike started nodding, he knew what Bubba meant and he started to formulate a plan in his head, he didn't want Bubba getting embarrassed or ashamed.

"I've got it, I know what we will do."

Where had his clothes gone?

How is Bubba feeling?

" So Bubba, how did you feel when you were down in the tank and what were you thinking?"

This is a piece written in 1st person and you should look to use really carefully constructed sentences that have powerful verbs and adjectives.

My version,

As I slowly slipped down, rung by rung, to the bottom of the ladder I felt a cold shudder run through my body, the type that makes everything go cold instantly. I was confused, it was as if Spikey wasn't down there, but I knew he had to be, after all he descended the ladder first. Echoes, loud, ghostly type echoes, bounced of the thin steel walls and penetrated my ears, filling me with an anxiety that something wasn't right. My mum knew I shouldn't be up here, but she didn't seem to care that I was there playing in the water.

The smell inside the tower was, well putrid. It smelt like the inside of a food waste bin a week after it was due to be emptied, but never was. I recall clearly the consistent dripping sound of water droplets falling from the ceiling of the vessel, falling to the surface and breaking the tension of the water, causing a 'drip' noise, it was so annoying...

After ten minutes had past I started to feel

Shortly later,

After I had...

Once...