Independent Study by Micah Senter

- how can this continued practice lead me to be in a more consistent embodied space...

micahsenter — 2023-02-21 16:07:38 UTC

learning in eg's class right now how to change the habits of things I learned a long time ago and have been set in my body. how to be attentive to myself not tuning out and revert to what's familiar. to keep fighting for the improvement until that becomes the natural thing. as we make it through class, finding length gets easier, and when i relax, i dont fall back into the same state i was in before class. with all of this in mind, how can I continue my practice on a constant basis to easier access this state of mind for my creative practices. I'm learning a lot of these things in my personal life too right now too so these connections are really important to me. being in my own practices that are mine and becoming more comfortable, letting them feel more genuine as I continue and develop.

freewrite prompts...

micahsenter — 2023-02-21 16:10:36 UTC

- how is art therapeutic to me
- how do different forms meld together and live as one
- how does finding a meditative headspace give me an easier access in
- what are new ways you could think about doing something when you leave this place and don’t have all the resources you have? how can you start that practice now so that it isn’t so jolting come may

micahsenter — 2023-02-21 16:11:11 UTC

Research

micahsenter — 2023-02-21 16:32:10 UTC

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-art-therapy-2795755

Art therapy is a technique rooted in the idea that creative expression can foster healing and mental well-being

Communication, self-expression, and healing

https://www.verywellmind.com/dance-therapy-and-eating-disorder-treatment-5094952

micahsenter — 2023-02-21 16:35:35 UTC

processing feeling while creating something to get to another world. distraction. bcljsdhfuw from any other outside influences. meditative at times dissociative at times. living in the meditative places. Unless skudfhosid dissociate. lucid state.

micahsenter — 2023-02-21 16:49:35 UTC

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micahsenter — 2023-02-21 17:01:37 UTC

i dont even know what it is half the time

micahsenter — 2023-02-21 17:02:10 UTC

micahsenter — 2023-02-26 23:02:14 UTC

2/21
Things are building like stalagmites and stalactites. These are your structures that can exist on their own without support. You are building something marvelous for yourself. Going inside and finding all of the marvelous things about yourself and allowing yourself to accept yes. I am marvelous and I can do this shit. This self-love and confidence is how to sustain yourself. Otherwise you’re just sucking life out of your soul. You are building your own practice to sustain. It may just be for you, but staying in this practice is what keeps the motivations, the spark the inspiration. It may culminate, you may pick it up and make something, you might drop it, you might pick it back up in 20 minutes or 20 years or you might not. Everything is a practice, everything you do in life. Don’t short yourself. Its all information, finding out, seeking, exploruing. Its all for you.

micahsenter — 2023-02-26 23:04:31 UTC

Reflect on emotions, behavior, novel, and habitual. What's useful and not useful? Notice and develop...

micahsenter — 2023-02-26 23:06:06 UTC

2/14
No product . not necessary. We are so product driven and you don’t have to be in this process. You are the things that’s leaving this place. You are the one whos going to be with you for the rest of your life. You have the opportunity to take a semester to explore your own artistic practice. This is how the research starts. This is how you get to know yourself as an artist.
I'm already doing so much self exploration right now, take this into it. Explore. Do this for you. No fucks given.

to self direct my own learning. figuring out how to figure shit out on my own.

micahsenter — 2023-02-26 23:07:00 UTC

Know that its okay to let somethings go.

micahsenter — 2023-02-26 23:08:17 UTC

micahsenter — 2023-02-26 23:15:54 UTC

2/26
I have a habit of getting stuck in the same thing - in what's comfortable. like a routine rather than a ritual. breaking this apart and coming out of the non-thinking, habitual mind state. rather, putting myself into an intentional, habitual mind state.

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micahsenter — 2023-02-28 06:56:35 UTC

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micahsenter — 2023-03-07 18:32:43 UTC

3/7
Even if it's not for me, it's for me. Or it can be. Finding the little moments, even the most minute moments and being intentional about involving yourself in that practice. Not gettin gout of hte mindset.

What would happen if you took just 5 minutes for yourself in the middle of something when you just can't focus, can't get in it, wanna lay down and just stare at the ceiling? and maybe that's beneficial too. just staring and being. maybe thinking, maybe not. but just being in practice for myself. being present for myself. realizing when im in those moments and seeing how i can change my mindset to something that can be therapeutic or at least less terrible.

Involve other people in your practice. let them into how you're feeling, what you need, what you're trying to give yourself, etc.

standing in my kitchen

micahsenter — 2023-03-10 17:30:16 UTC

3/10
"im just gonna be anxious while still being productive until my anxiety goes away"
but in a idgaf sorta way

yes I can be anxious right now, and that's okay. no i dont have to stare at the screen that made me anxious deciding how to respond. i can take a minute for myself

thinking about the parts work ive been doing in therapy. thinking about how silly it felt to try to do that standing in my kitchen trying to wash all my fucking travel coffee mugs.

thinking about how i have to be in a meditative headspace to do something like that

thinking about how that's kinda the whole point of my work here. getting into the practice of being more present with myself. the more i do it, the easier it'll be.

yknow those people that just raidate fucking zen energy? like all the time? ive always wanted to be one of those people. ive also always kindof enjoyed the comfortability of being a chaotic mess. maybe i can still be a chaotic mess, get rid of the toxic traits of that, and turn that into zen energy. whatever.

i had 5 minutes to spare. feeling more embodied.

keep going. when you think you've run out, there is more.

micahsenter — 2023-03-10 17:34:43 UTC

micahsenter — 2023-03-15 01:32:28 UTC

3/14
just thought about how long it's felt since I've contributed to this and...saw its only been four days. kinda cool. getting more in the practice, developing these habits, now four days feels like its been while whereas before a week (or more oops) might pass before i realized?? yeah. kinda cool.
feeling shitty about homework so im gonna take a little physical meditation before i get into it

micahsenter — 2023-03-16 00:50:02 UTC

micahsenter — 2023-03-16 00:52:10 UTC

just observing...

micahsenter — 2023-03-21 05:08:39 UTC

watching beautiful people moving in space. playing. curious.

inspiring

i need that

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micahsenter — 2023-03-26 03:17:20 UTC

okay i really dont have time for thiss BUT im litterally just editing my resume right now and realizing how much ive grown just by the things im adding. lke im doin gosme cool fuckin gshit. i never thought my resume would be more tahn perofming, coreo and what ever like 3 years ago but now? i love the art im making

micahsenter — 2023-03-28 06:36:26 UTC

3/27 okay so Abby texted me the other day and said how proud of me she is. She said she loves seeing all my art and dance shit on instagram. she said its really beautiful to see me heal and grow as a person.
Thats fucking crazy to me to hear that someone else is seeing me. like actually seeing me. of course she knows me from some of my darkest moments, but the fact that she can see how much ive grown. like shit ive been feeling this for myself and not worrying about the product, and that in itself is helping me go for things so much more. it doesn't have to be perfect it just has to be. and if i let go of my expectations for myself and let myself just be, i find that i can find more release and catharsism in what im doing. that shit translates. that what im here to do as an artist. so like thats really fucking cool. i havent been posting more because i think i have it more together now, ive been posting more because im happier with letting myself just be, and accepting that, and allowing others to see into that and accepting that they will think whatever they think and that doesnt matter to me because it isnt for them. its not for anyone but me. but within all that...its a cool parallel to process over product...but process can lead to product. and maybe that product is as simple as the recognition of "i see you doing the thing and fucking killing it."

micahsenter — 2023-03-28 16:03:50 UTC

3/28 okay wow just got off a call with my psychiatrist, and he noticed how much better I seem to be doing. ive never really felt like I could make a connection with him, like he's always seemed very distant, but we had a cool conversation today about living in the moment, staying present, and looking forward to the next thing, and it was just really cool to be able to talk to him like that. like maybe even im feeling more present to be able to feel comfortable talking about this without it feeling strictly medical? or maybe im letting the part that overanalyzes take over. maybe it can just be a cool moment.

micahsenter — 2023-03-28 16:11:23 UTC

3/28 also cool to have him ask immediately what name i prefer, and when I told him Micah, he said how much he loved that name. not that i need others' approval, but im just noticing how much i appreciate other people telling me how much it suits me, how much they like it, and even still hearing my name sparks a little bit of joy inside. noticing a lot about people and relationships this week. how i exist around others. how they exist around me. it's incredible to hear other people acknowledge me. its the "i see you."

micahsenter — 2023-03-29 02:25:19 UTC

3/28 thinking about process vs product being less binary and more circular. thanks aida. everything tying into everything. make it a loop, you’re already in the creative space and that’s enough. sending in an improv video that’s your most genuine self rather than stressing over recording something for them. i can take from what i already know, what i already have within product based processes and splice together. i likes leah’s reference about going to the store shopping for a recipe list vs going to grab an abundance then piecing together the many what all you could make and maybe i need to go to the store for one more thing.

thinking about sharing the process not for people to see but for myself. letting my social be like a personal archive rather than a portfolio, even though it will inevitably become one. how can i share the process like i’m talking stream of conscious in my bedroom in the dark.

using social media to expand the limbs on my SELF rather that putting it out there for people to see.

mountains, as you get higher, the work becomes easier, maybe you fall but the bottom has become a magical foundation with a trampoline.

micahsenter — 2023-04-11 15:41:15 UTC

4/9 so its been a sec...all of my energy recently has been going into nwf, but now that im thinking and reflecting, of course there's so much here.
Firstly the Valleto audition. like i know it was a chill audition but still the way i was able to make space for myself for this audition and pull myself out of the daily anxiety to just dance and exist for a little while.
same sorta pattern showed up in in mo50 opening... we start chanting over a bucket. ritual. and somehow the practice of doing that so many times made me feel more connected to the piece than the group breaths we took beforehand. tis ritualistic thing was more connective to me. makes sense right? a practice helping to you easier access and drop in?

micahsenter — 2023-04-11 15:51:01 UTC

4/11 it's been hitting me for awhile but.. graduation is hitting me and. i just wish i wouldve done more this semester. which is ACTUALLY FUCKING MANIC because do you realize how much you've done this semester??? bro. you fucking killed it. give that to yourself. you deserve it and you have earned it. In saying that though, I was specifically talking about this study of mine. it turned out nothing like i planned (not that i expected it to) AND. these are all things i can continue to play with. the exploration doesn't just stop. and I have set myself up for it to keep going. part of my fear is that I'll get caught in the loop of "there's always after the semester/when things slow down(lol)/tomorrow." can i instead let it be "ive learned a lot, im still learning, and ill continue to learn."

micahsenter — 2023-04-11 16:00:15 UTC

4/6
took myself on some nw dates today and yesterday. it was kind of really nice to just be alone with myself at this art festival?? like of course fun to be with others, but i found myself really enjoying my own company. but it felt like when you have a friend over or go out for coffee and not to talk or to work, but just to be in each others' presence. i dont know how i could feel like that with myself, but it was a wonderful feeling. got me thinking more internally about the art and what it means to me. being with myself allowed me to free float into my own experience, not having to navigate others.

that was also really nice being with aida in that regard. i felt we could both be in our own little worlds, hold space for ourselves and for each other. have our own separate experiences, but like we're just being in each others' presence.

would you please just take a minute...

micahsenter — 2023-04-17 13:51:10 UTC

listen to your body. ask what it needs, it'll tell you.

micahsenter — 2023-04-17 13:51:34 UTC

micahsenter — 2023-04-17 14:01:32 UTC

4/12
my present is shaping my future. how fucking scary is that??

graduation hitting me hitting me and half dissociating about it, half, again, fucking terrified

thiking about conversatinos from networking...how connections are great, but can also feel unsafe. you dont have to take every opportunity. this creative path is something you cause because you love it, cause it feeds your soul. theres no reason to say yes to something that is going to bring up trauma. you can create you own boundaries. you are allowed to express your feelings about someone in order to work with someone else. if they're not someone whos going to understand or someone who will make things worse, they're not someone you need to be around or focus on making connections with anyways. thank you Anjelica. thank you Gesel.

supporting myself while doing my own thing. teaching is draining. it can't be all i do. my creative practice involves keeping the energy and inspiration alive for myself. in this aspect, take every chance you get. no work has to be a perfect polished or even finished production. workshop. these are in your rep to keep evolving down the road. take whatever nontraditional space you can get. it doesn't have to be fancy, it's for you and others and the experience anyways.

micahsenter — 2023-04-17 14:02:41 UTC

4/17
falling in and out of consciousness, missing bodily connections, feeling fake fake fake fake fake fake feake fa akfek fa kfkae fk akeafkekf akf ke faek fk eka ak k kfake just a fake

micahsenter — 2023-04-17 14:04:46 UTC

4/17
taking a minute to set up my day with myself. a little ballet last night to try to get into my body... i need it today even more. manifesting im going to get there

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micahsenter — 2023-04-17 14:15:32 UTC

4/15
deep conversatinos with strangers... it's cool to be part of something where you can say "see you next year!" and somehow feel as though you've made a new friend

micahsenter — 2023-04-17 14:16:28 UTC

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micahsenter — 2023-04-18 14:38:52 UTC

reflecting on thinking...

i'm thinking too much

micahsenter — 2023-04-18 14:49:17 UTC

micahsenter — 2023-04-18 15:06:20 UTC

4/18
i think i'd like to say fuck it and make this padlet kind of a synthesis of my project. that's all i need for a grade yeah? cool.

now. this "course" (not that it ever really even felt like a course) has put me deeper in this practice that ive already been cultivating my whole life. this is just a continuation. cut the bullshit. this place is a safe place for all of my creative energy and findings to go, for me to reflect on later. ive maybe grown a little precious about this board, but not in the sense of it has to be perfect, in the sense that i just want it to keep going like my own personal CV or reference board for rep or inspiration. a place to reflect on my growth, to look at where ive been when i feel stuck. to actually track my creative work for the times i invalidate myself for "not doing enough." whatever you have is enough. it still keeps you in it.

micahsenter — 2023-04-18 17:35:03 UTC

micahsenter — 2023-04-25 15:08:03 UTC

4/25 I really haven't gotten to complete my stress cycle since new works, or really process any of it fully. of course that's not all gonna happen all at once, but I'd love to give myself a chance to come back and revisit. process. focus. reveal what i can see now that im out of it.

micahsenter — 2023-04-25 15:14:36 UTC

I've been focusing a lot on my growth lately. acknowledging. celebrating. it's so strange for me especially with how long it's been going on? but i think its really good for me to even learn how to do that. how to validate myself, be kind to myself, talk confidently and compassionately to myself. seeing myself as a friend...

micahsenter — 2023-05-01 05:30:11 UTC

4/30 gave myself the gift of getting into my body this morning. reflecting on how productive i was today. like. a sunday to not be stressed to the point i’m either anxiously trying to work all day or can’t get out of bed for more than 30 minutes. but taking that to indulge in myself. listen to what i need

micahsenter — 2023-05-08 02:12:17 UTC

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Ggw3I0pHX2KrrN_vUwd93oI3tXzYTZAP76xDY1JEcEw/edit?usp=sharing

micahsenter — 2023-05-15 05:35:24 UTC

5/14 first Valleto rehearsal <3 thinking about change, how quickly things can change just in the flip of a dime. she talked about her dad. i thought about my grandpa. about covid. dakota. carolyn. we talked about mental health in our own and others contexts. it felt safe to be in a space where talking about that felt so normal. challenging myself with why i’m dancing. why did i choose this. where is my heart and soul. you have to love it. such a form of self care even if i don’t feel like doing it. feeling energized, refreshed, in my body. missing this feeling. cravings.

micahsenter — 2023-05-15 16:32:18 UTC

5/15
getting into my body this morning. knowing how it will affect my day. crunchy, popping, rough pathways, choppy flow. still but better.

laying in Shavasana feeling my body connecting to the ground, feeling how gravity is pulling me into the floor that is holding me.

remembering this feeling from yesterday of feeling both secure, and entirely like the ground was crumbling underneath me. shaky, earthquake, shifting, dull electricity. embodied. disembodied. somehow finding comfort in the discomfort of inevitability of swift change. terrified. reaching out. calling family, texting friends. make me better, my brain is sick. scattered. hoping to catch a glimpse of something concrete while my world is spinning. dizzy. heart racing.

remembering release. euphoria transcending from my aching arms overhead to my chest spreading to my lungs and all my internal organs. like a morning warmth. like the fire rushing through your body during sex. accelerating.

thinking about a lot thinking about nothing

micahsenter — 2023-06-20 02:36:12 UTC

6/19 Enjoying my own presence being with me. my higher self knows.

riding everything from structure. recognizing the patterns to break them down and change them. structuring my own way of being. i have the power to exist the way that i want to exist. learning from the bottom up. by doing, not knowing. i almost finished my journal. Leah Cox blew my mind from day fucking 1.

impulses autonomy agency reluctantcy little cracks in the surface as i notice it's really sand
push and pull of autonomy vs impulses
power of decision making relating to the way one way raised - controlling, managing, giving in, feeding off impulses

newness intensity

They don't see you as the girl with the ed. they see you as you. as Micah.

micahsenter — 2023-08-10 23:48:16 UTC

8/10 it's been so cool to be taking class with EG and Tina. Leah even said, "you're a colleague now." EG said "it's easier to talk about this stuff now that you've graduated" Val last night said "you're all professionals" and like that one I know but it just kinda hit me last night after being at the failure collective.
I'm just kinda in love with this. still knowing these people and being close with them and on a different level now. I feel like I saw and heard sides of EG and Tina that I've never seen in an institutional setting. i love that i just get to make art now.