DO NOW Padlet: How'd the Sentence Become Clearer? by Dario Sulzman

Example Sentence

dariosulzman — 2024-12-05 13:44:08 UTC

Unclear Version: Out of the many different ways capitalism has been portrayed in other types of media, we get a film where we see how the life of someone who has everything like status, can actually be and become a big lie.

Rewritten for Clarity Using Active Voice: While films and TV shows often portray capitalists as uplifting or virtuous, American Psycho features a protagonist whose great wealth not only masks, but also helps to create, a heartless killer.

kennedy

2024-12-05 14:20:42 UTC

The second sentence flows better also as a reader it engages me more

David Rivetta

2024-12-05 14:21:02 UTC

It starts out with the idea of the sentence to give the reader a clear and concise intro to the sentence. Following with stating the test with an explanation of the intro.

Anastasia

2139586 — 2024-12-05 14:21:14 UTC

They made the sentence more clear by rewriting there sentence to sound more straightforward and to the point rather than confusing.

Inigo Gonzales

2024-12-05 14:21:58 UTC

The subject American Psycho has been more clearly identified, is more clear on what different media forms portray capitalism as uplifting and virtuous. Uses fewer words to have a clearer statement on what American Psycho is portraying.

Bella Gomez-Stafford

1085785 — 2024-12-05 14:23:26 UTC

The rewrite sentence fixes how the sentence starts off with examples of what other films forms of capitalism is then gives their take on how the film American psycho take on capitalists. Also adds what the film is called when before the unclear version didn't state.

Julian

2024-12-05 14:23:53 UTC

The rewritten version is saying the same thing but in a shorter more concise and clearer way. The rewritten one is more straight to the point, the fact that the movie was mentioned makes it feel much more clear and straight to the point.

2024-12-05 14:24:16 UTC

The sentence has become clearer because the rewritten sentence is more specific about what it is talking about. For example, getting rid of target pronouns "in other" it makes their sentences more clear.

Keylly Vinan

2024-12-05 14:25:37 UTC

They made the sentences sound more clear and straight to the point instead of making the reader confused on what's being said.

Jaylee Martinez

2024-12-05 14:25:54 UTC

The rewritten sentence is easier to understand as it is straight to the point, less wordy, and addresses the subject which is American Psycho.

Zulaikha

2024-12-05 14:29:32 UTC

The sentence becomes more clear, all the unnecessary words are taken out so it makes it way easier to read.

Unique

1135042 — 2024-12-05 15:13:15 UTC

Acknowledging the people and names of the film your speaking about while also including them them in the sentence more clearer, alongside adding the subject and being specific instead of broad and confusing made the sentence clearer.

Nylah Tirado

2024-12-06 14:54:51 UTC

The rewritten sentence sounds more clear and gets to the point instead of being drawn out.