In an attempt to engage herself with the long duration of the flight, she looked out of the plane window. The rising sun splashed the clouds with endless rays of orange and red, suffusing the sky with glorious light. Some days, she admired the sky. Even when the world is drowning in misery and hardship, the sky always remains beautiful; untouched by anguish. However, she illustrated quite the opposite. Her thoughts were continuously tormented by upcoming work. The never-ending phone calls and the endless scheduling of meetings had permanently exhausted her soul. There were no signs of contentment or ecstasy left in her, and she desperately wished she could be like the sky. The remainder of the sunrise abandoned subtle blues and pinks merged in a haze, while rays of warm light beamed through the plane window. She felt an unfamiliar warmth as the rays of light invited itself into her soul. Straining thoughts of hers evaporated like the fading pinks of the sky. With a refreshing feeling of serenity, she closed her eyelids and fell asleep to the soft hum of the plane’s engines. 

The furious click-clacking of a distant keyboard made her stir. Reluctantly, she opened her eyes, and the streaks of light pouring through the window greeted her. By shielding her face, she noticed the passenger beside her deeply absorbed into an email that they were typing. This sight evoked bitter memories of her work life. She was conscious of the fact that after this vacation, she would open her laptop to an abundance of emails. Stress rapidly spread across her mind, like ink on wet paper. To her, stress was like water in a bucket. Her clients and employees would constantly throw requests and inquiries into the bucket to the point where the water overflows. It should make sense to her to put a lid on that bucket, but somehow, she could not comprehend what a lid was. To distract her thoughts, she gazed out of the plane window once more. The ocean rose and fell with rhythmic calmness, prompting her to breathe. From the movements of the ocean, she could almost hear the metronomic music of the crashing waves. The waves shattered the sun-bathed skylight into a mosaic of reflected colours. She craved to dive into the depths of the ocean to experience something work could not grant her; exhilaration. A sensation of personal clarity masked by the draining office hours would be revealed to her by the coolness and the transparency of the water embracing her body. Slumbering waves of the early morning would gently slam over her, their curling fingers sweeping over her with a tender stroke, giving her comfort and support. She yearned to immerse herself into the water to uncover a sense of lightness - an escape from stress. Salted water would be tasted on her lips, exposing her to a thrilling tang, rescuing her out of her dullness. 

Breathing in a lungful of earthy cologne, she stepped out of the plane. For a change, the squawking of seagulls filled her ears instead of ticking office clocks. Under the warmth of the sun, and surrounded by nature, she thought that maybe serenity was not challenging to find after all. 

 

 

Leaning the net up against the wall, I enter the small hut I share with my Uncle. He’s exactly where he always is at this time, the centre of the room, cross-legged and cloaked in Heavy Blues and Purples of concentration. Even though I know it’s pointless, I bounce across the room as quietly as I can, landing on the places I know don’t squeak after years of attempting to sneak out at night. Uncle Aboiye must have the best hearing in the village. Though I suppose after living without hearing a single word spoken for about three times longer than I have, you would have good hearing. I look over my shoulder to see, unsurprisingly, his face staring back at mine, a small little smile on his face. I can see the Blues and Purples fading out as he eyes me up and down, only to spike into a sharp Magenta of questioning, noticing my obvious lack of fish. I wince and shrug, I don’t usually come back empty handed but the fish weren’t biting. My Colour must be going all kinds of sorry because he quickly waves it away and flashes me a warm smile. Even though I know he’s putting it on for me, the signature Aboiye smile instantly puts me at ease. Saying he has a disarming personality would be an understatement. Shuffling over, he hugs my shoulders quickly before shooing me towards my room. He picks at my work shirt, wrinkling his nose which I can’t help but grin at. He’s right though, I can’t meet with Jaylin looking like this. Or smelling like this for that matter. I give my shirt a sniff. Oh yeah, definitely not smelling like this.

This is where they told me to meet them, right? I peer around at the dingy alley, both sides packed with crates covered in stain from years of toting around fish pushed up against the sides of the shacks this alley is nestled between. It isn’t the most romantic spot I have to admit, but there isn’t many places in Ketterdam where you can evade the permeating smell of seafood. Besides, on a night like tonight, all the nice places would be filled to the brim with people meeting up with friends, family members… lovers. I feel a tap on my shoulder, delicate. I spin around, almost jabbing Jaylin in the side in the process, instead hitting the satchel slung over their shoulder. I really must have been in my own world if I couldn’t even hear their footsteps. I hope they weren’t standing there for too long. The heat in my face must have spread up into my Colour because they take my hand and lead me out of the alley, shaking their head and laughing silently. Jaylin suddenly stops in front of me, keeping a hold of my hand, not that I want them to let go. They turn around, slowly, taking hold of both of my hands as they lean down into me. I’m submerged in their Colour, my vision like a murky pool reflected through a kaleidoscope. I’m sure mine is just as colourful. 

It doesn’t take long to reach the ocean on the other side of the village. People are streaming onto the beach in clumps, blankets bunched up on shoulders and oil lanterns held tight. It’s dark out now, and it’ll be even darker by the time we’re back. I glance at Jaylin and they motion to the satchel. Good. We’re set. I start off towards the inky water, lapping quietly against the beach, and head towards my boat. The tide was reaching its peak as I came in this afternoon, with the water scarily close to its hull now, anymore and it probably would have floated away. Good timing. I feel sorry for the people who parked up higher on the beach, I hope no one misses the main event. I give the boat a shove and it slips into the water, Jaylin climbs in first, sliding to the front of the boat to make room for me. I clamber in after them, planting myself down on the plank stretching the width of the boat and reach for the oars on either side of me. 

It isn’t long before the hills to the side of us fall away. By now it’s so dark you can’t tell where the sky starts and the ocean ends. I pause, and let go of the oars. It’s deathly quiet apart from the gentle slapping of the ocean on the boat, and both Jaylin and I’s breathing. It’s peaceful. Real peaceful. I don’t know how long we stay like that but when I ease back into reality Jaylin’s shifted so we’re side by side on the same plank. It’s not cramped like it should be. I can almost feel my eyelids sagging when a flash of light falls through the night sky and shimmers out before it touches the water. More start appearing, all falling from the same general area diagonally towards the earth. Comets. I lean to the side until my head’s resting on Jaylin’s shoulder, and I think I could stay that way forever. Our Colours blend together and hang around our heads, embracing us. With streaks of light falling through the sky in front of me, and the warmth of a body and its breath next to me I slip out of this world,

Happy.

I had to learn a new language, and I was up to the task. At the end of the day, the time had come to travel to Colombia, while I was sitting in the chair, all the anxiety had come back with the idea of moving to a new place that I didn't know about, the idea of having to make new friends, and start a new life. My stomach turned around. What seemed like a lifetime we landed welcome to San Andrés, the pilot said I looked out the window to the place I was going to live for however long, San Andrés Colombia, a small island in the northwest of Colombia. 

We got to the location where we were going to live an apartment complex with a pool in the back, a corner store right next door full of snacks and drinks that I've never seen in my life before you knew I got enrolled in school. It was a struggle for me because I was working in Spanish and at this point, I didn't learn Spanish, but it wasn't all that bad some people at school were bilingual, and that made it easy for me to catch up on Spanish. On Saturdays, my mother and I went to church where at least most people spoke Spanish and English, and I'm going to say that I met one of my best friends, Jana Rose, and her family, during the time I've been living in Colombia, we're getting closer. During the time we grew closer, my Spanish grew stronger. Please look at your verb

But unfortunately, all that came to an end, I had to move back to Jamaica, and right after that, I went to Florida to visit my cousin for a summer break, all of a sudden, right in the middle of my summer break, my mother called and said that I was staying in America, and she was also coming to stay with my cousin for a while, and my mother met my stepfather and we got a house together. A couple of years ago and a random day, my mother told me I had to go to your new home and stay with my dad she never told me why, but I had to go, she said it was best for me, and I went to New York and stayed there for a year and a half, and I came back to Florida and found out that my mother and stepfather had problems and had a divorce, and I've been living in Florida ever since.

With that being said, I've been considering a lot about change and I've learned that life isn't going to stay the same all the time. Life will be subject to transition. And you have to adapt to the challenges of life.

Frau Graham

AP English

20 October 2020

Mindful Preservation

Every event or mishap in your life affects your thoughts and feelings. Everybody experiences them, both positive and negative, but how you deal with the outcome differs from person to person. Different coping mechanisms are better for different people and situations. In many common situations, one might talk with one’s friends or just anyone that they may be close to. While being very easy to fake the truth, some receive a lot of help from this. In most cases, it is more self-preserving to lie about how you feel rather than tell the truth. Even though the latter can be more beneficial, it isn’t always the easiest option when struck with a bump in the road.  No matter how somebody deals with troubles, everyone deserves to feel happy and content.

It seems that every school year we are told that mental health matters above all; it also seems that they only talk about it once a year like it’s seasonal. In my opinion, bad mental health is always there, it doesn’t come around once a year like the Easter Bunny. For me, the “Easter Bunny” arrived and has stayed with me for years. There have been countless times where I have been checked upon by my friends. In every case, I have lied about how I was feeling at that time. Of course, there was the occasional, “I’m not doing well at all, but I’m existing.” When I have lied to my therapeutic friends, I have been able to avoid putting a burden on others. Talking with other people has made me come to the realization that what is going on in my head is actually happening; whether I want to believe the swirling storm of dread is a different story. However, when I do lie to my friends about it, it gets brushed off and I don’t have to think about it anymore, which helps a lot, sometimes. Like everything, there are downsides to this way of “therapy”. While helping myself in that instant, nothing got better for my mental health. It just got shoved down deeper, which has made it harder to come forward and accept it.

Even though there are countless times when someone has asked me how I am feeling and I lie, sometimes I feel the need to break down and say, “no” and cry. Sometimes, it just gets so bad that I can’t contain it anymore and I  spill everything out in hopes to feel empty. There was one time when I was driving home with my mom and I decided to tell her that I want to see a therapist. To which she replied, “Well, let’s just wait a few weeks and see how you’re feeling then.” The first time that I caved and explained how I felt, I was shot down. All I wanted to do was go home and be alone in my room and let my thoughts consume me. Whenever I think of moments in my life that went wrong or times that have shaped who I am today, I immediately am brought back to that experience. Even though I didn’t receive any support or help from her, it still felt nice to finally get something off of my chest. However, the instantaneous relief from my mental pain did not do anything for me, at least anything that would last. I felt more hurt from this experience because I lost trust in my mom, especially since she so willingly sought help for both of my brothers the exact moment they came up to her and asked. Since I have experienced this, it has been hard for me to talk to others because I always begin to doubt whether it is a “phase” or not.

No matter how hard it can be, it is always beneficial to ask for help. But sometimes, when there is no time, it is easier to lie. When someone lies, the conversation can be over instantly, while still able to carry on for a few more thoughts, it normally ends pretty quickly. If you spend a lot of your time talking to someone about yourself, it takes time away from the other person that they can spend with themself. Especially today when everybody’s schedules are so tight, there is no room for slacking off or muddling around doing nothing. It can be extremely difficult to have a meaningful conversation during such a short period. Convenience can be such a great factor in everything we do and experience. Every single bit of technology improves and becomes more convenient for everyone to use, likewise, so shall no technological things.

Just because something is convenient, doesn’t mean that it is advantageous. It can be extremely difficult to approach anyone and ask to use some of their time. It can even be difficult to explain it to yourself; everyone needs time to come to terms with themselves, especially if it is negative. It took me a few months to tell someone that I didn’t feel right with myself since it started. It took even longer to tell my mother that I wasn’t ok with myself. To truly understand and benefit from help from others, you need to be able to feel comfortable with accepting that it is a part of you. It can be easier to tell different people, I have a few friends that feel the same way. Since it is easier for them to understand it, they have provided me with some feedback that I believe has bettered my condition. However, it could also get put off as something normal if I tell them which doesn’t help at all. No matter what, everybody deserves to be able to get into a better headspace regardless of how horrible you feel.

Horrible mental health is damaging and horrible, but everybody should feel comfortable to ask for help. Sometimes, it can be easier to fake how you are feeling to help yourself. It is very important to be able to get the kind of help that you need. Even though everyone deserves to feel content, it is very hard to ask for help, which is why some people lie about it. Lying can give you a way out of talking to other people and make you feel like what you feel isn’t happening. On the other hand, talking can give you real results and help you get out of the divot that you are in mentally. Everybody deals with some sort of bad mental health at some point in their life; receiving help from others should not be hard nor unavailable.

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When the call between her and I started, it was a bit uncomfortable and awkward. After a minute of silence, we introduced ourselves to one another and started talking about our mutual friend. This was a great icebreaker for us and helped us feel connected to one another. As we both began to feel more relaxed, we were able to dive into more topics and subjects that related to the both of us. For example, we talked about how the pandemic has affected our college experience. Alyssa is a first year student that goes to a private university with a semester system. As a student who attends a public university with a quarter system, it was insightful to learn more about her perspective on classes and workload. Another topic that we discussed was our addition to the social media application “Tiktok”. We agree that last year was one of the hardest years and coped with it through “Tiktok”. We talked about some of the trends and content we love to explore as an escape from COVID-19. I learned that Alyssa is an avid coffee and sweets lover, so a lot of the content she finds enjoyable are cooking videos. She informed me that she found joy when watching comedy skits from different influencers. 

The kids are what some people would call the “cool kids”. I don’t know if today’s generation even uses that phrase anymore. This town, or whatever you would call it, is made up of people who peaked in high school. That’s my opinion at least, as an outsider. There are two parts of this town. The residential developments are at one end, my house is at the other, and the high school is right in the middle. My house is pretty normal in my opinion, not huge but not small. Chain link fencing separates my yard from my neighbors on either side. The yard has patches of grass, some daffodils that bloom once a year, and a sad old rose bush that has grown uncontrollably since my mom abandoned the garden. On the inside it’s cluttered: books, shoes, random papers, empty food containers, clothes, and bottles are everywhere. It smells like whatever food is being made at the moment. My friends call it “homey” and “cute”. I don’t know if that’s an insult or a compliment. 

For fun, the high schoolers go to gas stations to hang out. Every week it’s the same. After Friday Night Lights people pack cars into the lot of the Wawa that’s right down the street from the stadium. The lot is loud, music blaring from cars. It smells like weed. Some people dress up in short shirts and short shorts and draw the school colors on their faces, along with their boyfriend’s jersey number. The younger kids wait outside in the parking lot waiting to see an older kid that will go in and buy them Juul pods and Mike’s Hard Lemonade. Occasionally, the chosen few will retreat to one of their friend’s basements to finish off the night. Everyone else stays until the cars begin to pull out of the parking lot and drive into the distance. Eventually, the gas station empties. As cars leave the lot gets quieter and quieter, lonelier and lonelier. You begin to notice things like the flickering lights on the Wawa sign that no one cares to change. As well as the strange old man that sits outside the door every single night. The night gets quiet, and everyone goes to bed, knowing that next week will be exactly the same. 

Today was hard. It’s gotten better though. I walked into school with my earbuds in, like I do every morning. The halls were completely empty when I arrived. Ten minutes ago the hallway would be booming with voices of a hundred loud teenagers crammed into a single hallway, now I just hear muffled voices as I pass by each of the classrooms and my own echoing footsteps as I walk. Ever since halfway through freshman year I’ve felt like everyone is looking at me as I walk through the halls. It’s easier to walk down the halls when they’re empty rather than full. I went to all my classes, sat in the back, and prayed that my teachers wouldn’t call on me. I don’t want to give anyone a reason to look my way, so I don’t raise a hand when the teacher asks a question I know the answer to. I wore what I wear every day, a big t-shirt and sweatpants.

We

have

a

range

of

state-of-the-art

equipment

for

cardio-vascular

workout

and

muscle

building.

We

also

had

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metre

pool

and

a

spa.

Every

week,

we

run

10

classes

ranging

from

relaxing

yoga

and

pilates

to

high-energy

body

pump.

If

you're

looking

for

a

personal

training

programme,

we

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team

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