Sunday's homework by Year 6 Teacher

Maria

2015-01-25 11:55:34 UTC

There was a dark gloomy night and all the trees where twisted and bent, as the red and gazing eyes glowed in the dark. smoothly, the shaded and wrinkled leaves in the trees flew away; the branches were weak and unsteady. There was no one there.

Wow - this is a superb start! 1HP Mrs R

I turned around. then suddenly!, a note appeared on the dull grass, it said: Help wanted. I am trapped in between the trees, surrounded by veins, leaves and snakes. They were tight and my body wasn't pumping blood anymore. I need help before i die

name: ________

Address: crundo- street 24- villa 9- in the trees.

I felt so nauseous i couldn't think or speak. my thoughts were drowning like metal in water. There was no name in the note but I followed the address to lead for help. I was agitated, what will i do now?.....

There's a comma splice in the sentence above - can you find and correct it? yes, i corrected it now. It was after i felt so nauseous

Mrs R

i stumbled through the pitched woods, till I got to the house. The person was relieved. I asked: ''What is your name?'' she said: "Annie, thanks for reading my note and coming here to help me'', ''Your welcome'' I explained. I unwrapped her from the dirty and dusty veins and we became high standard friends!

THE END!

Marco

2015-01-25 11:56:41 UTC

One dark, gloomy day I was walking with steady steps in the woods when I came across perfectly gnarled tree. I stared amazed at how strange it was. I suddenly heard a click and a door showed up on the side of the "disguised" tree. The door opened. I came in and immediately got blinded by a ray of light. I opened my eyes and i was amazed by what I was seeing. The door had lead me to a secret city because the ceiling was the sky! The guards came to me and said " Hey, who are you".

I said " I am Marco Agolzer"

He said "Alright let's go meet the king". I was scared but they took me and I had no chance of escaping. Thoroughly the city was highly important as it seemed due to the fact it was smoothly taken care of.

We arrived and a guard which was particularly annotupid (portmanteau) and muttered something in a strange language.

"Why are we here" I asked.

"The king is physically tired so we need your help" the guard said.

The king looked tired as I met him and he said " Hi, I'm really tired and and I need a medicine found only in your world. I have here this teleporting machine to bring you back. Will you do it? ".

"Yes" I said and quickly leapt on the machine. I found myself at home, I got the medicine and ran back to the forest. I entered the door again and went to the palace. The king said "Thanks God for this " and continued " what do you want in reward"

"Nothing I just want to go back home!" So he clicked his finger and I found myself back at home!

I importantly thought it this was a dream...

THE END

By Marco 6b

I can see you've used your spelling words and remembered now line, new speaker.

Edit this so that ALL your speech punctuation is there - and those missing question marks!

Mrs R

Bilal

2015-01-25 13:30:30 UTC

It was a dark and gloomy day and I was walking THOROUGHLY the woods.SUDDENLY, I heard a noise of a door opening in the gnarled tree.I stood and thought,should I run or should I wait to investigate what was happening.Without me noticing SMOOTHLY a HIGHLY weird bear appeared.The bear was a CEILING with its height covering me from the flaming sun.I tried to react as quick as I can, but by the time I moved I felt the bear hugging me.

Bilal - Love your metaphor! 1HPGo back and check your tenses are correct, add a colon (to introduce something) and check you've got commas for subordination.

Mrs R

I attempted to bolt away, luckily I ran of,but immediatley I fell and I looked and it seem that I RECEIVED a letter from a person who says on the front of the envelope: the RECEIVER=Bilal Elkhouly. IMPORTANTLY I opened it and I saw that it was sent by a friend saying to take pictures of the wood and at the end it said: PARTICULARYLY if you see an animal.I twisted round and I got my camera and took a picture of the weird bear and I dashed away.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

When I reached home I printed the picture and sent it to my friend(Joe). Later on I went to the supermarket and bought some stuff-after noticing all my food was gone then at the cashier, the lady gave me a hefty RECIEPT which was full of different types of food.

THE END!!!!

By:Bilal Elkhouly 6B

Key:

If in CAPITAL LETTERS that means that they are the spelling words that are supposed to be in this writing.

maisie-ann

2015-01-25 13:33:38 UTC

one dark and gloomy day, i was walking in this cold-blooded forest and came across this perfectly gnarled tree. I suddenly, very suddenly, i heard a lock click. i went to investigate and came across a disguised door it was incredibly suspicious door....... i was in a apple store!!!! i met this loving girl and, to my suprise, she looked really like me!! after that we became best of friends and she showed me loads of different apps for learning: show me, replay, and lots more!

but sadly her evil twin sister broke the i phone 2000 and my best friend got blamed for it so she got fired for doing absouluetly nothing!!

then her parents found out and they threw her out of the house and got her two tickets on a plane to fly to London so, as depressing as it is we had to depart and, unlike every other fairy tale, we live sadly ever after..... or did we?

Hahaha! I'm impressed with your 'cliff hanger' closing sentence and with how you punctuated drop in clauses and used a colon. 1HP

Edit this to correct spellings and add missing CL!!

Mrs R

Amal

2015-01-25 14:09:33 UTC

One dark and gloomy day I was playing a physically game with my friends.The ball went towards the woods. So, I went to get the ball. As soon as I picked the smooth and perfectly shaped ball. When I looked up I saw a high and gnarled tree.I was about to go to my importantfriends.Suddenly,I heard a click sound from the, gnarled, tree.I looked back at the tree and saw a golden shinny door.I immediately strolled towards the shinny door.As soon as I walked inside the door the ceiling was brown.In front of me there was a lady sitting on a table and sleeping.I wondered if she lived here because there was a small kitchen on the top corner.Inside the tree there was:

Bathroom

Shelves

Cupboard

The lady yawned and woke up slowly. She saw me and her face was filled with joy for a certain reason. She stood up and raced towards me and hugged me. I said "Who are you? And why are you hugging me?"

"My name is Rebbeca. You are my guest and I don't really have guests"

Said the lady.

"Why are you living in this tree and where is your family?" I questioned her.

"This tree is my house. And I don't have a family.

I percived that her family died.

I conceived a plan to make her cheerful and happy so she will forget her family ."Why don't I meet you with my mom so you can be friends with her"

I took Rebecca with me to my house .My mom threw her out because she was stinky and she was a stranger.So,we waited outside . We saw a girl crying. We went to her and asked "Why are you crying?"

She said "I have no friends and everybody wants to run away from me"

I thought if Rebbeca has no friends and this girl has no friends then why don't they both be friends.I told that to Rebeca and the girl and they both agreed and became best friends for ever. I recieved a gift from Rebbeca as a thank you gift.The present was a perfume.

The End

By:Amal 6B

I can see your kind and generous side shining through in this tsory, Amal - 1HP.

Add punctuation to your speech and correct the sentence below so that it contains a comma, not a full stop:

As soon as I picked the smooth and perfectly shaped ball,i loved the ball, When I looked up I saw a high and gnarled tree.

Mrs R

I took Rebecapp

Hayoon

2015-01-25 17:44:22 UTC

It was a dark, and a gloomy day. I was playing a game with a SMOOTHLY shaped ball. When I threw the ball, it went towards the woods. When I picked the ball and looked up, there was a tree that was PERFECTLY gnarled. It was stretched HIGHLY up to the sky that I felt like I was looking a giraffe. I stared at that strange tree. Then suddenly, I heard a lock click. A small door appeared. I felt like the door was calling me to open it, but I didn't open it IMMEDIATELY. I CONCEIVED first, what would be inside the door. I was so curious. Then I PERCEIVED that there would be some dangerous things, but in the opposite way, it could be some adventurous things. I went back home and brought some SUPPLIES to eat.

I went to the tree again, but the door was already disappeared and gone. Suddenly I found the same door that was there at the first time! I was happy to see that door again, so I opened the door straight away, not doing anything else. As I opened the door, the bright light came through the door. I close my eyes and jumped in the big hole after the door. I went down deeply until I thought that I was almost reaching the Mental. After I felt that I stopped falling, I opened my eyes. It was very bright. Very very bright. The CEILING and the walls were completely white. There were some books that looked IMPORTANTLY. I picked one of those books and read. It was all about what we learned at school! There were no title, and no author. It just said 'All about you lessons.' The book was really about what we've learned, and what we will learn at school. I read that book for one whole day.

Hole or whole - correct your spelling!

An excellent story that uses lots of your spelling words - 1HP

Mrs R

Casiana

2015-01-25 18:21:48 UTC

The tree

Early one morning, I was in the park, sitting by myself, and
longing

Which or who? You need to correct
this! Mrs R

I was in such deep thought that I didn’t see this creepy, very gnarled and gloomy
tree standing right in front of me. Remembering, I thought of the stories that went around in newspapers and gossips; this
mystical tree has been discovered in 1979 when, it is said, a dark wizard has cast a ghastly curse on it. Every time a child or any kind of specie went near it, they would mysteriously disappear. Nobody knows how this happens or where
this tree takes them but I tell you one thing…BEWARE!

Colon or semi colon to introduce something? Mrs R

I heard a sudden CLICK! like a lock being undone and rustling coming
from the tree. I squinted my eyes, trying to make out a figure or something that might be making the noise. Suddenly, a door magically appeared on the
right side of the tree. I rubbed my eyes twice, but it was still there, solid and real. I knew I was making a big mistake, but, nevertheless, I started slowly edging my way towards it. Realizing that this was the darkest spot in the park, I crouched down and fingered the 65cm-door gently and pushed it open…realizing or realising? Mrs R

As soon as I set a limb in that dark hole, I got transported into a big area full of small, little men. The ceiling was meters above me, curved all the way and came together in a point in the middle. Dangling from it was a golden chandelier which brightened the whole area up. On each side, were tall wooden desks along the long hall. At the end of the ‘hall’
there was a 3 meter high perfectly man-made wooden door, matching all the desks
alongside. “Hello!” a little person said smiling right in front of me.
Startled, I hurtled backwards, falling on the carefully polished floor. “Seems
like we got a new visitor!” he said in high-pitched squeaky voice. He said this in such way like it seemed to be normal. “I’m Bart.” He continued “and I am going to be
your assistant from now on.” He stared up at me. “And you must be…” “Sophie!” I answered almost immediately. “Lovely to meet you, Sophie! Now,
come along dear! I will show you around a bit!” he dragged me along the shiny
and slippery floorboards, struggling to stay on my feet. Bart opened the door
with a SNAP! of his fingers and the
door opened wide. The blinding sunlight shone directly on me as we stepped
outside.
“What exactly are you?” I asked curiously. “We
are dwaomves!” Bart replied. “Dwarfs, gnomes and elves mixed together.” He chuckled.
“Kind of funny when you come to think of it!” I perceived that I was still in the tree of doom (they called it) and
I had to be excessively careful. “We receive
every one of you earthlings every year.” Bart explained. He went on and on about this whole process, but I wasn’t listening. I was too busy conceiving a plan on how to escape if they all were bad creatures who all wanted to attack me; I would grab the closest solid thing (even another dwoamve if necessary!) and run for it, back to the colossal hall, whacking each creature out of my way with my ‘weapon’. I would jump into the sparkly and magical stuff which will transport me back to earth.
“If you want to contact me and if, by any chance, I’m not here, just blow this whistle and I will acknowledge receipt of your call and I will be here within seconds.” Bart exclaimed, handing me a rather strange looking whistle. “Got it!” I said nodding my head. “You see those dwoamves over there?” he asked, nodding slightly over to the left. “They are deceivers. Don’t you get muddled up with them or who knows what they’ll tell you! They can make you believe anything
they say!” * * *At long last, the tour was finally over. Bart politely asked what I wanted to do right now and I just said to go back home. He smiled and nodded. “Remember, you can come visiting anytime! But, most importantly, you are most certainly welcome!” We said our last goodbyes and waved. Even the men that were like receivers waved goodbye. I now knew why the people never came back; they were so attracted to that enchantment they wanted to stay there forever, and so, they did.
Seconds later, I found myself sprawled against the same
tree. I rubbed my eyes. There was no tree in front there, no magical door, no dwoamves. I have made it all up. It was a dream all along, but the absolutely the best dream ever!
THE ENDA very creatibve, imaginative story - well done, HP! Mrs R