Wheezer Chapter 3 - Pippa Robb by MrMcAulay https://padlet.com/damian7/jblk0oj2e29m Winning Student Chapter Exemplar - elaborated (success criteria to be co-constructed) en-us 2017-06-20 02:18:35 UTC 2017-06-20 21:53:02 UTC hello@padlet.com Wheezer - Chapter 3 damian7 https://padlet.com/damian7/jblk0oj2e29m/wish/176926892
By Pippa Robb

 I wake up to the sound of people talking. I recognise one voice but not the other. I look around to see my stupid, idiotic father yelling at some women.

“You’re not meant to be here, go”
“I have to see him where is he?” The lady whimpers.
"I have to see him ,where is he.” He imitates. “On the bed are you blind?”
“Well no but you’re the most.” She pauses, she knows I’m awake now. My stupid idiotic dad looks behind him.
“ Well what are you waiting for, what am I. It doesn’t matter if he hears, I call him the worst thing that ever happened to me every day.”
The lady rushes over. “Hello Jake My name is nurse Lexy but you can call me Lexy.”
“I’m guessing that goes for me too” My dad interrupts. “Nope,” she replies. She takes my blood pressure, normal, then she gives me a concussion test, then she said. “Jake you’ve got concussion but” My dad cuts her off again and said.
“Ha first you get beaten up and a girl sticks up for you and now you have concussion, shame.”
“At least I don’t act like a little kid” I fire back at him.
“Stop it you two, everyone on this floor can hear you,” Lexy says
“But nurse Lexy” she cuts me off.
“I don’t want to hear it, Ok” She pauses “OK?”
“Sorry,” we say.
“Thank you. Visiting hours are over now Mr Smith you have to go now sorry.”
"Don’t be sorry I’m glad I don’t have to spend another night with Jake” He says still not leaving.
“Leave,” we say together but I add on another part “you disgusting, stupid, rotten...” Lexy puts her hand over my mouth before I can say anything else. A few days later Nurse Lexy comes in with something in her hand. “Jake, you have a letter” she says.
“Lexy why am I still in here? Shouldn’t I be at home?” I ask.
“Well Jake, somebody requested you stay in here as long as possible.” The room goes silent and I know it’s my Dad, she’s just trying to make me feel better, but any day away from that creep is a good day. “Well here's the letter, call me when you need me. Bye.”

I opened the letter and started reading, my face dropped, it read something like: I’m hiding from your father, get away while you can and come to the north side of town at midnight make sure no one follows you, I know what happened to you, it’s now or never Jake. I look at the clock it’s five O’Clock. Visiting hours finish at six. I start thinking what if it wasn’t my dad who made me stay in here has long as possible, maybe it was the person who wrote the letter. I start getting stuff in a bag and put warm clothes on, by the time I’m finished the clock strikes 7 pm, I act asleep for room check, then check the halls and off I go. As I get out of the hospital I check my phone, I have two hours to get from the middle of town to the north side and to get a taxi, so I can get some real food for a change. I get to a takeaway and it’s so busy but it’s only just opened.  I look at my phone it’s 10:59pm. Soon my fish and chips are finished and I get back in the taxi and head for the north side of town. "Beep beep" road rage I think to myself. Half an hour later I arrive at the north side of town. “Do you want me to stay here and wait for you mate.”
“Nah” I replied I walk to where I was meant to wait until I saw car lights heading my way, it turned off and a lady walked over, she looked as nervous as me.]]> 2017-06-20 02:20:14 UTC https://padlet.com/damian7/jblk0oj2e29m/wish/176926892 Cliff Hanger/Engaging Chapter Transition damian7 https://padlet.com/damian7/jblk0oj2e29m/wish/176927458
A chapter transition takes characters and readers to a new location, a new time, or a new point of view. Transitions can also be used to show a character’s change in heart or frame of mind. 

Pippa has introduced a new character. As readers we have no idea who she is but we want to find out. As readers we expect to find out more about why this character has been asked to go to this place.
This increases the audience engagement with the story.

Transitions are important in fiction because the writer can’t possibly account for every moment in a character’s day, week, or life. A story may stretch over years—readers don’t need to know what happened every minute of those years.

]]> 2017-06-20 02:28:55 UTC https://padlet.com/damian7/jblk0oj2e29m/wish/176927458 Deliberate Dialogue Tags: damian7 https://padlet.com/damian7/jblk0oj2e29m/wish/176927967 Pippa has used a great verb in her dialogue tag. Whimpers. This has been chosen to give readers a deliberate idea of the way she was speaking at that moment. This Nurse is just doing her job and when she is being yelled at by Jake's father it shows us how scary he is when yelling. IT could also tell us about how she is an unconfident person that can't deal with confrontation. ]]> 2017-06-20 02:35:57 UTC https://padlet.com/damian7/jblk0oj2e29m/wish/176927967