McElroy-6 by Kathryn

McElroy Analyzing Personal Narratives

kmcelroy1 — 2014-10-30 00:32:57 UTC

*Look at the personal narrative provided.

*Read and analyze this students work. Open your own padlet and write your first and last name using the red line. Using the black text answer the following questions. Please number your responses and write using a complete sentence.

1. Identify the controlling idea and write it down.

2. Identify the hook and write it down.

3. Find and write one simple sentence from the text.

4. Find and write one compound sentence from the text.

5. Find and write one complex sentence from the text.

6. Find and identify one detail that uses sensory language, figurative/literary language, or vivid details(imagery).

7. Find a sentence that uses a conjunctive adverb(transition word) and write the sentence down.

8. Identify the changes, insights, or lesson learned and write it down.

9. Score the personal narrative essay based on a scale from 1-4. Use your personal narrative rubric. Prove your answer using ACE. This answer should be written in paragraph format. 5 sentences or more.

McElroy Emperor's New Clothes

kmcelroy1 — 2014-11-11 19:39:14 UTC

Copy this link into your URL and read the short story to yourself

http://www.townsendpress.com/uploaded_files/tinymce/Library%20Excerpts/Timeless_chap1.pdf

Think about this question:

What character trait is revealed about the emperor through his actions as the story unfolds? Choose on trait and back it up with text evidence.

As a class, we will answer this question together using ACE.

Judith Colmenero

2014-11-11 20:17:52 UTC

9. I would score "C-team Prevails" a 3. The reason I would score it a three is because he/she had a couple of grammar mistakes like "glimpes". I loved that the author stayed on topic and gave us many details throughout the whole story. The author told us what happened through the story and also had great sensory language. I enjoyed the story but the story had errors and baby sentences that didn't catch my attention, so this is why I scored "C-team Prevails" a 3.

Cara King

2014-11-11 20:17:57 UTC

9. In "C-team Prevails!" I would score it a four but in the writing there was a couple grammar and punctuation errors. I can prove that because in the third paragraph he or she had said "I even caught a glimpes of of coach crying tears of joy, " The writer was staying on topic, and I understand what's he or she was getting across. I had also had understood the lesson learned because he or she said "In the end, we learned that instead of being negative towards something, we should put it aside and work as a true team word.

Angie

2014-11-11 20:18:07 UTC

In "C-team Prevails!" I would give the score of a 4 though there were a few grammer mistakes and the vocabulary could Have been better but overall the story flows together and there were only a little mistakes in the story. So overall "C-team Prevails!" was a very good story that was very focused on the main topic. Also you learned a lesson because in the story it says "In the end, we learned that insted of being negative towards something we should put it aside and work as a true team would" so you would get the message of the story is telling you.

Timber Champagne

2014-11-11 20:18:08 UTC

9. I would score "C-Team Prevails!" a two. In the third paragraph there is a minor grammar mistake, "glimpses" instead of "glimpse". The author also didn't have a large vocabulary. It could have been a little bit more intriguing. There were lots of simple sentences that caused the narrative to be choppy. The third paragraph is a little hard to understand at first because the author jumps from one thing to another without a smooth transition. There are also some punctuation errors. The author did, however have good sensory language.

Omar Franco

2014-11-11 20:18:11 UTC

I would score the story C-Team Prevails a 3 because there were some errors.In the 4th paragraph in the first sentence,overcame should be overcome.Other than that the Sencery language was good.

🐲Adrian Delatorre 🐉

2014-11-11 20:18:14 UTC

In c-team prevails essay I scored it a 4, because the team revels their teamwork in the basket ball game. I can prove this because on line 20 and 21 it says "I will never forget the time that my teammates,and I worked together to win our first basketball game".Also in line 17,18,and 19 it says "In the end we, learned that instead of being negative towards something, we should put it aside and work as a true team would". Even when the team doubted on themselves they won and learned to work as a team to win.

Lori Abalos

2014-11-11 20:18:21 UTC

9. I would score "C-team Prevails!" a 3. There was one minor spelling error. The author wrote "glimpes" instead of glimpse in paragraph three. There is not a variety of different types of sentences in the narrative. There is an example of this in paragraph three. The writer is not very clear on the transition from paragraphs two to three. Although there are these minor errors, the writer does use figurative language, such as in paragraph one, "The buzzer screamed as the shot clock went to zero.". I believe that this narrative could have been more organized and fluent.

Sarah jones

2014-11-11 20:18:24 UTC

9. In "C Team Prevails!" I would score a 3. I picked 3 because the story had a few grammar mistakes such as "glimpes". Also I think he/she could use better words than just regular boring words. The story also had some sentences that could be deleted. Overall I liked how instead of giving up, the team kept going and actually won a game together.

Jesynia Ruiz

2014-11-11 20:18:25 UTC

In "c-team prevails" out of a score 4, I would give it a 3 because there were so minor errors such as "bodies" which needed a apostrophe before the "s". Another example is playoffs. The student used sensory language like "the buzzer screamed

Anahy Gomez

2014-11-11 20:18:28 UTC

Question #9).

On a score from 1-4, I'd give the story "C-team Prevails!" a 3. I'd give this story a two due to its lack of vocabulary.. There were some spelling errors in the text as well, like in the word negative on sentence #12.

There are also many simple sentences throughout the text. I could here the roar of the crowds and teammates with the sensory language. Other than that, the story flows well together, has the theme mentioned, and gives many details.

Alexandria Spence

2014-11-11 20:18:29 UTC

In C-Team Prevails from 1 to 4 I'll give this story a 3 because in the story there was not the right use of punctuation when it said"the crowd went wild for the first time all season". There should be a ! Not a . And they spelled "glimpse" when it should have been glimpse. So that is why I graded this a 3.

Brianna Ibarra 🐰

2014-11-11 20:18:37 UTC

In C-team prevails I would score it a because in the story C-team prevails it shows that you should always work as a team. I get this from the story becUse

Gabby

2014-11-11 20:18:44 UTC

9. I think the personal narrative C- Team Prevails is to be scored a 1. The person is not organized with her story. She has no certain topic in the paragraphs. The last paragraph is a little better organized, but it needs to be a better . Her last paragraph states that in the end they started working as a team. I like the ending but she still needed to work on that a little more. She does use some vivid details but I still really don't like her narrative. She does have some incorrect grammar too because she spelled glimpse wrong in paragraph three. She spelled it like "glimpes" and it is supposed to be glimpse. She did not explain well enough. I didn't really understand what was going on. It was way too confusing. I think she needs to show her theme a little more in her narrative. It was very surprising that she even had a theme because she did not explain it in the story. There's too many sentences that repeat the same idea. I think there's no use of a lot of the sentences. She shares way too much info that explains the same.

Ella McMahan :)

2014-11-11 20:18:44 UTC

"C-team Prevails!" gets a score of a 2. I believe it should receive a 2 because in the third paragraph, the word "glimpse" is spelled incorrectly as "glimpes". Also, large words aren't used fluently and smaller words are used too much. In the third and fourth paragraph talks too much of the same thing in different ways, because it is already understood, it makes no sense to have the third paragraph. Also, the narrative is not organized in the events of what happened. It goes straight to the point , but too much and you can't understand what led to it and why. There is little sensory language and some phrases need better punctuation like when it says "the crowd went wild." I believe in place of a period, there should be an exclamation point. The good side of it is that the author stayed on topic and got her message to the reader. "Negitive" is spelled incorrectly, real spelling is "negative."

Jasmine Peery

2014-11-11 20:21:11 UTC

I score C-team Prevails a 2 because there were some errors in the story with grammar and spelling. Also, the personal narrative doesn't flow very well because there are a lot of really short sentences. I don't think that the author has enough information for this topic because in the third paragraph it just repeats the same thing in different ways. There was really no point in the third paragraph.

Amillia Gannon

2014-11-12 19:49:34 UTC

I would score this passage called "C-team Prevails" at a two because there is some errors. One of the errors is spelling. The word I read in the passage, written as "glimpes", should be written as "glimpse." As in this passage there is a sentence I think that shouldn't be needed because it is the same thing as another sentence just worded differently. This entence, "We were just playing now to not lose everything," isn't really coherent to me. It just makes no since. The hook or introduction doesn't grab me or make me excited to read the story. Otherwise it's pretty good. Also the sentences are very boring not so much exciting.

Victoria Coronado

2014-11-12 19:54:22 UTC

9.) I would score the passage C-team Prevails a 2 because the passage was not well layed out. There is a lot of baby sentences,spelling errors, and grammar errors. Spelling errors are "glimpse" wich should be "glimpse". In paragraph two, I don't know what is going on in the story when eximent struck, are they a point behind, did they get the ball back? I don't know. There is a lack of important detail. A sentence or two not needed.the third and fourth paragraph repeat.

Lilly

2014-11-12 20:02:41 UTC

9. In the "C-team prevails" I would score it a 3. The story has a good amount of details and makes it come life. The write gave us some sensory laguage. Including "The buzzer screamed as the shot clock went to zero". This helps the reader imagine more of the story. The writer stayed on topic throughout the story.