• Top 3 fastest groups: +10 points (bonus trophy +5 for excellent solutions, up to 3 groups) .

• The most important thing is that the group of friends has to stand up together and say 'meow meow' together."

• Following groups: +1 per correct answer (maximum +5

• Original: "Problems"

• Improved: "Resolving Database Compatibility and Data Update Issues"

2. Lack of Greeting:

• Original: No greeting.

• Improved: "Hi Alex," or "Dear Alex,"

3. Fail to Reveal Purpose Quickly:

• Original: "Pursuant to your recent request, I am responding with this e-mail. Your inquiry of May 6 suggested that you wanted to know how to deal with the database problems."

• Improved: "I’m reaching out to discuss solutions to the database issues we identified in your May 6 inquiry."

4. Two Problems and Three Solutions in a Huge Paragraph:

• Original: Long paragraph combining problems and solutions.

• Improved:

o Problem 1: "The database contains outdated information, including records for customers who haven’t made purchases in over five years."

o Solution: "We’ll start a new database focused on active customers, updating records to ensure relevance."

o Problem 2: "The old database isn’t compatible with our new Access software, making file merging difficult."

o Solution: "We’ll migrate data into an Access-compatible format, allowing for seamless integration with our current software."

5. Personal Judgment:

• Original: "I think I can solve both problems..."

• Improved: "To address these issues, we propose setting up a new database to streamline and update records."

6. Forget to Conclude, Next Action and Date:

• Original: No clear next steps or follow-up.

• Improved: "Please let me know if this approach aligns with your expectations. If so, we can arrange a follow-up meeting to finalize the implementation details."

7. Ending:

• Original: Missing formal closing.

• Improved: "Best regards," followed by "Domic" and your job title, if applicable.

2. Greet: Dear Alex,

3. States purpose concisely in the opening and highlight two main problem: as you requested, I am submitting … two problems.

4. Organized main point in 3 line and created an ordinal number: “1. start a new … one active database”

5. Avoid personal judgment: the following three steps 6.Closes with key benefit deadline: Please let me know by May 13 whether you think these recommendations are workable.

7. Sign.

1. How to improve Our Customer Databases

2.Dear Alex Brown

3.As you requested, I am submitting my recommendation for improving our customer database. The database has two problems. 

4.The following three steps: [organize…] 

5. Please let me know by May 13 whether you think these recommendations are workable. 

6. Sign

2. Dear Duong Domic,

3. First, it contains many names of individuals who have not made purchases in five or more years. Second, the format is not compatible with the new Access software used by our mailing service.

4. The following three steps, however, should solve both problems

- Start a new database. Effective immediately, enter the names of all new custom database using Access software.

- Determine the status of customers in our old database: Send out a mailing as in 3 line and recipients wish to continue receiving our email updates and product announcements.

- Rekey the names of active customers: Enter the names of all responding customers in our new database so that we have only one active database.

6. These changes will enable you, as team leader, to send mailings only to active customers. Please let me know by May 13 whether you think these recommendations are workable. If so, I will investigate costs before starting work on our spring campaign.

7. Sincerely,

1.Subject Line: Make it shorter and more specific. For example, "Database Issues and Solutions."

2.Greeting: Use a proper greeting. For example, "Dear Alex,"

3.Purpose: State the purpose of the email quickly. For example, "I'm writing to address the database problems you mentioned in your inquiry on May 6."

4. Structure: Break down the content into smaller paragraphs for clarity. Separate the problems and solutions.

5.Personal Judgment: Avoid personal judgments. Stick to facts and solutions.

6.Conclusion and Next Steps: Conclude with a summary and next steps. For example, "Please let me know if you agree with these solutions or if you have any other suggestions. We can discuss this further in our next meeting."

7.Closing: Use a proper closing. For example, "Best regards, Domic."

Lack of Greeting: Start with a professional greeting. Example: "Dear Alex," or "Hello Alex,".

Fail to Reveal Purpose Quickly: Get straight to the point early in the email. Example: "I'm writing to address the database issues you mentioned on May 6 and to propose solutions."

Huge Paragraph with Multiple Issues: Break the paragraph into smaller sections. Use bullet points or numbered lists for clarity.

Personal Judgment: Be confident and direct in professional communication. Example: "We can resolve both issues by starting a new database..."

Missing Conclusion and Next Steps: "Please let me know if you'd like to proceed with these solutions. I suggest scheduling a meeting by [date] to finalize the next steps."

Ending with Informal Tone: Use a formal closing like "Please let me know if you have any questions" or "Looking forward to your feedback."

• The subject should include informative subject line.

• For more formal messages and those to outsiders, include an honorific or last name and use "Dear..."

• The statement clearly states its purpose in the opening and highlights two problems.

• Avoid personal judgment in the email writing to maintain objectivity and professionalism.

• The main points are organized in a numbered list for improved readability.

• The closing need to include the key benefit, the deadline, and the next action to take.

• Add a signature at the end of the document.

2. Dear Duong Domic

3. Following your request, I am submitting my proposed improvements for our customer database.

4. Begin a new database immediately: Use Access software to record the names of all new customers in an organized manner.

    Verify the status of customers in the old database: Send out a mailing asking recipients if they would like to continue receiving our email updates and product announcements.

    Enter the names of active customers into the new database: Transfer all responding customers into the new database, ensuring we maintain only one active, consolidated database.

5. Listed below are three steps

6. I would appreciate it if you could let me know by May 13 whether these recommendations are achievable.

7. Sincerely.

    (sign)

1. Includes informative subject line 

2. Greet

3. States purpose concisely in the opening and highlight two main problems

4. Organized main point in 3 line and created ordinal number

5. Avoid personal judgment 

6. Closes with key benefit, deadline

7. Sign

2. Greeting: Added a polite greeting, "Dear Alex".

3. Purpose: Added a clear opening sentence stating the reason for the email, “I am reaching out regarding your inquiry on May 6th about the database issues.”

4. Problem presentation: Divided the problem into smaller, more manageable points using clear paragraphs.

• Problem 1: Outdated Information - solution: "We could create a new database focusing on active customers only."

• Problem 2: Compatibility Issues - solution: "Rekey the names of all active customers in the new database."

• Problem 3: Customer Preferences - solution: "Send a survey to gather customer preferences and update the database accordingly." This structure makes it easier for the reader to follow each problem and solution.

5. Subjective opinion: Replaced with a more objective statement, "I propose the following solutions...".

6. Conclusion and action plan: Added a conclusion summarizing the proposed solution and suggested the next steps.

7. Closing: Added a more formal closing, "Best regards," followed by the sender's name.

Subject: Recommendations for Improving Customer Database Efficiency

Body:

Dear Alex,

I hope this message finds you well.

Here are my recommendations to address the issues in our customer database.

Following up on your inquiry dated May 6, I would like to provide a detailed response regarding the database challenges you mentioned.

The primary issue we are facing are that:

• Problem 1: Many names of customers who haven’t made purchases in five or more years.

• Problem 2: Incompatibility with the new Access software used by our mailing service.

To address these issues, I recommend the following actions:

1. Start a New Database: We can set up a new database to store information for all active customers and new entries moving forward.

2. Re-key Active Customers: We can manually re-key the names of active customers into the new database to ensure data accuracy.

3. Customer Preference Survey: We could survey our current customers to confirm if they would like to continue receiving our email updates and product announcements.

Please let me know if these solutions meet your expectations. I am happy to discuss further or make adjustments based on your feedback.

Thank you for your attention, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

Domic Duong

1. How to improve our customer database

2. Dear Duong Domic

3. As you requested, I am submitting you recommendations for improving our customer database. The database has two problems.

4. organized main point in 3 line and created ordinal number

5. The following three steps

6.  Please let me know by May 14 whether you think these recommendations are workable

7. sing

2. includes informative subject line

3. states purpose concisely in the opening and highlight two main

4. problems

5. avoid personal judgment

6. organized main point in 3 line and created ordinal number

7. closes with key benefit, deadline

8. sign

2. Greet: Dear, Duong Domic 

3. States purpose concisely in the opening and highlight 2 main problem:  As you requested, I am submitting my recommendations for improving our customer database

4. Avoid personal judgment: The following three steps

5. Organized main point in 3 line and created  ordinal number: 

1. Start a new database. Effective immediately, enter the names of all new custom--- database using Access software.

2. Determine the status of customers in our old database: Send out a mailing ask recipients wish to continue receiving our email updates and product announcements.

3. Rekey the names of active customers: Enter the names of all responding customersur database so that we have only one active database.

6. Close:  Please let me know by May 13 whether you think these recommendations are workable.

7. Sign: 

2. Dear Mr.Alex,

3.  Fail to Reveal Purpose Quickly:

• Original: "Pursuant to your recent request, I am responding with this e-mail. Your inquiry of May 6 suggested that you wanted to know how to deal with the database problems."

• Improved: "I’m reaching out to discuss solutions to the database issues we identified in your May 6 inquiry."

4. As you requested, I am submiting my recommendations for improving ourr customer database. The database has two problem

5. The following three steps

6. Please let me know by May 14 whether you think these recommendations are workable

7. Sign

2. Lack of greeting → Dear ALEX,

3. Fail to reveal purpose quickly → State the purpose of the email quickly. For example, "I'm writing to address the database problems you mentioned in your inquiry on May 6

4. 2 problems and 3 solutions in huge paragraph

=> Divide a huge paragraph into 2 short paragraphs: the first paragraph presenting the 1st problem and its solutions. The second paragraph contains the 2st problem and the solutions.

5. I suggest that …

6. Finally, we will rekey the names of all active customers in the new database to ensure data integrity. The next step is to run a verification check to confirm all names are accurately entered, scheduled for completion by next week. After verification, we'll conduct a test run to confirm full functionality in the new system by next month.

7. "best regard,"

sign

⇨ Subject: How to improve the database problem

2. Hey, Alex

⇨ Dear Mr.Alex,

3. Your inquiry of May 6 suggested that you wanted to know how to deal with the database problems

⇨ Following your inquiry on May 6, I understand that you are seeking guidance on how to address the database problems. I would like to provide you with the necessary information and steps to resolve these issues effectively.

4. => Organizes main points in numbered list for readability

The following three steps, however, should solve both problems:

1. Start a new database. Effective immediately, enter the names of all new customers in a new database using Access software.

2. Determine the status of customers in our old database. Send out a mailing ask- ing whether recipients wish to continue receiving our e-mail updates and product announcements.

3. Rekey the names of active customers. Enter the names of all responding customers in our new database so that we have only one active database.

5. Personal judgment: I think I can solve

⇨ To address both problems, we can start a new database.

6. Finally, we would rekey the names of all active customers in the new database. Make sense?

⇨ Finally, we will rekey the names of all active customers in the new database to ensure accuracy and consistency.

Please let me know if you need further clarification or assistance on any of these points. I am here to help and ensure that we resolve this matter promptly.

7. Ending:

⇨ Sincerely,