From a house I once considered my home, there dwells my abusive brother. I'm mentally and emotionally drained from school works only to be drained even more by my brother. I'm sick of him from belittling me, I'm sick of him treating me like a slave who always follows whatever he says, to sum it all up Im sick of his existence. I want to stop the abuse. Every time I experience abuse, the one I blamenin the end is myself, I blame myself for not fighting back. I'm afraid that maybe one day, someday, I might not be able to stop my self and to actually end his life. My mind keeps on telling me that either one of us needs to go.

I hate that I struggle to get angry or resentful in situations like this, even though it's incredibly unfair. I'm always noticed when they need something or they have a problem, and I always end up being their backup whenever no one's willing to listen or be there for them. But what about me? I'm still a person, I need you guys too. You always say 'I'm here for you if you need me' and 'I'll make it up to you,' but where are you? And where's the effort to fix things? Every night, I always end up crying alone silently while questioning my worth and wondering why everything I do isn't enough? I try my best to be good friend, daughter and consistent student but I think I've already failed, and I guess i'm right i am the problem.

What's on your mind lately?

My life philosophy has always been that asking questions is important, and we should never let fear control us. I believed we should always keep exploring the unknown with courage and an open mind. This past few days, however, I’ve realized that this perspective can inadvertently hurt people. I’ve now learned that not every curiosity should be voiced as a question, as in this world, we have what we call boundaries.

I am still a curious person, but I’ve become more mindful of my words. I now consider who is in a position to ask a question and what their standing is. My main goal is to navigate conversations in a way that doesn’t cause pain to others. This new approach requires approaching people with kindness. It is a vital step, even when you know you are completely in the right. It’s all about respecting others.

"Why do I hate myself?

Maybe it's because there's someone I can't let go of, even though he's hurt me deeply. Why does this stupid heart continue to love him, even after so many years and so many people have come and go in my life? I can't forget him, and that's why sometimes I hate myself for loving someone who doesn't even acknowledge my existence. I know it's torture for me. I've tried to love others and look for someone new, but when I see or talk to someone, I always think like I'm cheating, even though he was the one who cheated on me. People say our mindsets are dynamic, and I believe that, but within that dynamism, there are still memories left behind – whether happy, sad, or infuriating. But one thing I know for sure is that, up until now, I'm still preparing myself. Because if I'm rushed into a relationship when I'm not ready, either I'll get hurt, or I'll end up hurting someone else feeling like he did to me. But some of my head say that I'm ready but trauma is always at my back...

I badly want to run away from this freaking house, home wasn’t home anymore. I hate the fact that even my own dad doesn’t trust me, doesn’t believe me and the worst thing – he wished na hindi nalang sana ako nabuhay hahahaahahah. How ironic na they’re the ones who made the decision na mabuhay ako hahahahah then suddenly, they don’t want me as their child hhahahaahah. Inom na tayo pls hahaha iiyak ko lang to bleh. I hope all of us will be successful bwehehehehe mwa