1. What are the differences between the ways you listen and respond in the

following situations?

a. You have met someone for the first time, and are finding it difficult to keep

the conversation going.

b. You are engaged in a good conversation with someone you’ve just met.

c. A friend is telling you a personal story, such as a sad or unpleasant

experience.

d. A boring person is telling you a dull story, and showing no interest in giving

you the chance to speak.

2. Imagine you are a counsellor or therapist. When one of your clients is telling you a personal story, what is the best and the worst thing to do with …

a. … your face?

b. … your head?

c. … your hands?

3. What “listening noises” can you use to encourage the other person to keep

talking? Are there any dangers with these listening noises?

a. Really? e. Right. i. Oh.

b. Mmm. f. I see. j. Uh-huh.

c. Wow! g. Go on. k. A-ha.

d. OK. h. Oh dear. l. Oh no!

In situation (a), you will probably need to ask as many questions as possible in

order to encourage the other person to talk. You should resist the temptation to

fill the conversation with your own monologue. In situation (b), you can relax,

and bring in more of your own stories. A nice strategy is to find things that you

have in common with the other person. This is very different from situation (c),

where you should listen and encourage the other person to speak, and keep the

conversation focused on that person for as long as he/she feels the need to

speak. Of course, listening to another person speaking for too long can be very

boring, so if you find yourself in situation (d), you’ll need to find a way out, either

by turning the monologue into a dialogue, or simply by making an excuse to

walk away. Just make sure you do it in a way that doesn’t upset the other

person.

All of these listening noises can be good or bad, depending on how you say

them (your intonation or tone of voice) and the situation. Neutral sounds such

as mmm and uh-huh are safest, as they show you are listening without

expressing an opinion. Go on is useful for encouraging the other person to

continue. Most of the other listening noises can be said in at least two ways: an

emotional way to express surprise (e.g. Really?,Wow!, A-ha!) or disappointment

(e.g. Oh dear, Oh, Oh no!) or in a neutral way, expressing understanding

without an emotional judgement. In general, this neutral way is better if you

want to encourage the other person to speak. OK, right and I see can show that

you’re listening, but they are also often used to show that you want to move the

conversation forward, i.e. that you have heard enough, so be careful with your

intonation.