Quality Revision Plans (pm) by Trish Serviss https://padlet.com/pcserviss/j13binsffeo7el51 Your ability to craft a Revision Plan is a reflection of how well you will be able to read your own writing and revise it. Read the Revision Plans below, rate them on a 3-star scale, and explain your rating in a comment. 3 stars means it is clear, specific, and well organized. 2 means it could use a little more development or just barely does what the Revision Plan prompt is asking it to do. 1 star means it is not doing what the Revision Plan prompt is asking it to do. As a reminder, the Revision Plan prompt asks you to describe your plans in logical order, indicating WHAT you will do, HOW you will do it, and WHY you will do it. en-us 2021-08-31 00:58:55 UTC 2021-08-31 21:00:47 UTC hello@padlet.com https://padlet.net/icons/png/1f4ac.png pcserviss https://padlet.com/pcserviss/j13binsffeo7el51/wish/1705680012
  • I will include the suggested change (by my peer) of a sentence in my introduction paragraph about how college students are going through difficult situations due to the fact that I became repetitive with my choice of words and how to introduce the idea. From here, I will delete the past sentence and include the suggested start of the sentence using my own words or choose how my peer wanted it to be.
  • I will go through the introduction paragraph and conclusion paragraph and search for the sections where I include myself or write in the first-person and redact them because it isn't necessary to include my personal experience and adds bias towards the essay which isn't good. Once deleted I will replace my experiences with the experience from a fellow peer because I still think the experience of a college student is still needed in order to get my point through.
  • I will go to each source I quoted and change the way I quote it in order to have an improved way of citing them. The way I was citing the sources were kind of generic and not too much effort was put after carefully rereading them. With this said, I will accept the suggestion that my peer as told me to cite them using phrases like "Morris proposed in his article . . ." in order for it to sound more academically accurate and well thought out.
  • Another revision that I will do is reread my second paragraph and see if there is an actual connection that can be made from McMullin's and Morris' articles because I honestly thought that there was a connect that could be made between the articles with the way I introduced them also since I mainly direct it towards first-year college students. I will also reread McMullin's article in order to see if the article could be used for first-year college students or for high school students since my peer stated that it's mainly for high schoolers who are going to college and only for them specifically. 
  • The last revision that I will do is write the type of support systems that students have which I will include, family, friends, advisors, significant others or groups students might be in in my third paragraph in order to clarify that the different support systems that a student might have. 

    • ]]>     2021-08-31 00:58:55 UTC https://padlet.com/pcserviss/j13binsffeo7el51/wish/1705680012     pcserviss https://padlet.com/pcserviss/j13binsffeo7el51/wish/1705680026 1.  I will review all the comments and revise my draft. I need to revise it because based on the comment I notice my paragraph is just summarize not analyzing. By doing so I will avoid summarize the article in my own words. Instead I will write more analysis for the evidences. Without analysis it makes my essay unclear to the reader and myself.
    2. Based on my peer's comments I know I keep repeating my ideas in the draft, but this is not I suppose to do. I have to provide more example to support my claims. For instance, I need to provide examples on social and emotional problems that students deal with. I can do this by going back to the reading and find more quotes that support social and emotional part.
    ]]>     2021-08-31 00:58:55 UTC https://padlet.com/pcserviss/j13binsffeo7el51/wish/1705680026     pcserviss https://padlet.com/pcserviss/j13binsffeo7el51/wish/1705680037
  • Reread my draft
  • put ideas from comments down on paper
  • read the ideas and see how it could be done in my writing 
  • Read my draft again 
  • Jot down on paper new ideas 
  • Start to move ideas around on google drive with just comments( no editing just yet)
  • Read Again while keeping comments on paper next to me so I don't forget what the comments said. 
  • start to make changes one at a time and thinking if it the best
  • Take a break so refresh mind
  • check the writing again. 
  • leave for the next day 
  • come back and look at again 
  • make changes if needed
  • read again 
  • Turn in 



    • ]]>     2021-08-31 00:58:55 UTC https://padlet.com/pcserviss/j13binsffeo7el51/wish/1705680037     Go through the paper and look at all the pieces of evidence that I provided so that I can insert more claims and arguments that come from me personally, but are still supported by the pieces of evidence that was there initially. Make it clear that my claim or arguments come from me and not the source. Another thing to change or look into, is to target a specific audience. Target the Chancellor or the Cross Culture Center specifically to make a change or provide a solution to the problem that was being addressed in the paper. pcserviss https://padlet.com/pcserviss/j13binsffeo7el51/wish/1705680045 2021-08-31 00:58:55 UTC https://padlet.com/pcserviss/j13binsffeo7el51/wish/1705680045