Not a good example of a paragraph at all. No weighing and substantiation is provided to the case study and poor elaboration is given. Also doesn't address WHY compressing media in a short span of time is inherently detrimental to youth's development. It could be an advantage to consume media in a short amount of time --> more information learnt in less time. (no link between points and no substantiation)

What I consider to be a “very decent” essay:

In this increasingly globalised twenty-first century, the advent of technology has given rise to the propagation of applications like social media. This essay strives to prove that social media inherently has negative effects on the development of teenagers through the wide ranging harms perpetuated by harmful standards.

Detractors of this stand argue that social media serves as an international platform for youth to find motivation and motivate others. One such example would be Greta Thunberg, a youth advocate for climatechange who only garnered huge support and popularity through the propagation of her campaigns and her raw, powerful speeches which caused much furore with respect to our treatment of mother nature. Such campaigns and posts garnered over 30 million youth supporters worldwide who decided to take a stand against climate change. Social media was an integral part of what enabled these youth to pursue their passions and aspirations, which is an integral part of every youth’s development as it serves as opportunities for them to lead and serve, taking part in courses they are motivated in. Thus, it can be seen that social media is actually positively impacting the development of youth.

However, I feel that it is far too parochial of a stand to claim that these benefits are exclusive only to social media. In fact, through other means like specified campaign platforms and even volunteer organisations, youth can also have the chance to develop their passion and learn integral soft skills like teamwork and perseverance, which support their development. While I concede that these means may not have the widespread support and community that social media has, social media definitely has far more negative impacts and standards.

Today, influencers who occupy the bulk of social media space are fashion-based. Influencers like Ocean Orrey and Laerta are photographed seemingly going about their daily lives looking effortlessly chic in skimpy outfits by Dior and Prada. This is harmful because, in an attempt to be more like them, thousands of teenagers on social media not only emulate their sexualised dressing but also proclaim their desire to lead their materialistic lifestyle. 

But even if we were to consider influencers like Ryan’s Toy Reviews or Miwu Science where he carries out Science experiments in his home laboratory filled with the latest Science equipment, it is still harmful.

The normal, average child looks at them and thinks that they can only be happy if they own the latest toys advertised by Ryan, or think that they aren’t doing ‘real’ Science unless they have the same equipment as Miwu. This is even worse for poor children because they will look at these videos and feel like they can never be happy or excel at Science because they cannot afford these products. 

This is inherently bad as teenagers are in their developing stage and these kinds of thinking patterns lead to them having a materialistic mindset or simply not being grateful for what they have. These kinds of mindsets are the type that a teenager will have for the rest of his or her life as they are constant exposed to these kinds of subliminal messaging, thus causing them to develop the wrong mindsets and values.

(...)

For all these reasons and more, social media negatively impacts teenagers' developments.

Decent paragraph but everything feels a little too out of place. The first problem is that there is no clear thesis statement and introduction, and the rest of the essay feels like constant rebuttals pinging back and forth, so it feels a little disorganised and very messy. Decent understanding of social media but organisation and links could definitely by clearer

What I consider to be a “very decent” essay:

In this increasingly globalised twenty-first century, the advent of technology has given rise to the propagation of applications like social media. This essay strives to prove that social media inherently has negative effects on the development of teenagers through the wide ranging harms perpetuated by harmful standards.

Detractors of this stand argue that social media serves as an international platform for youth to find motivation and motivate others. One such example would be Greta Thunberg, a youth advocate for climatechange who only garnered huge support and popularity through the propagation of her campaigns and her raw, powerful speeches which caused much furore with respect to our treatment of mother nature. Such campaigns and posts garnered over 30 million youth supporters worldwide who decided to take a stand against climate change. Social media was an integral part of what enabled these youth to pursue their passions and aspirations, which is an integral part of every youth’s development as it serves as opportunities for them to lead and serve, taking part in courses they are motivated in. Thus, it can be seen that social media is actually positively impacting the development of youth.

However, I feel that it is far too parochial of a stand to claim that these benefits are exclusive only to social media. In fact, through other means like specified campaign platforms and even volunteer organisations, youth can also have the chance to develop their passion and learn integral soft skills like teamwork and perseverance, which support their development. While I concede that these means may not have the widespread support and community that social media has, social media definitely has far more negative impacts and standards.

Today, influencers who occupy the bulk of social media space are fashion-based. Influencers like Ocean Orrey and Laerta are photographed seemingly going about their daily lives looking effortlessly chic in skimpy outfits by Dior and Prada. This is harmful because, in an attempt to be more like them, thousands of teenagers on social media not only emulate their sexualised dressing but also proclaim their desire to lead their materialistic lifestyle. 

But even if we were to consider influencers like Ryan’s Toy Reviews or Miwu Science where he carries out Science experiments in his home laboratory filled with the latest Science equipment, it is still harmful.

The normal, average child looks at them and thinks that they can only be happy if they own the latest toys advertised by Ryan, or think that they aren’t doing ‘real’ Science unless they have the same equipment as Miwu. This is even worse for poor children because they will look at these videos and feel like they can never be happy or excel at Science because they cannot afford these products. 

This is inherently bad as teenagers are in their developing stage and these kinds of thinking patterns lead to them having a materialistic mindset or simply not being grateful for what they have. These kinds of mindsets are the type that a teenager will have for the rest of his or her life as they are constant exposed to these kinds of subliminal messaging, thus causing them to develop the wrong mindsets and values.

(...)

For all these reasons and more, social media negatively impacts teenagers' developments.

2)    Clear evidence.

3) Good explanation of the negative impacts of shortened attention span

2)    However,good and real-world evidence that supports both points.

 3) But overly short, over-simplified explanation that does not fully explain both points and their impacts thoroughly.

Passable.

Vocab is quite weak throughout the essay although some attempt at charactersisation and comparison is given. I would like to see a stronger command of vocabulary in this essay to supplement the very specific examples provided. A case study would be nice and organisation is ok. But I would like to see at least one offensive rebuttal to provide a larger viewpoint of this essay. I think a good introduction can also be included to strengthen the overall feel of the essay.

What I consider to be a “very decent” essay:

In this increasingly globalised twenty-first century, the advent of technology has given rise to the propagation of applications like social media. This essay strives to prove that social media inherently has negative effects on the development of teenagers through the wide ranging harms perpetuated by harmful standards.

Detractors of this stand argue that social media serves as an international platform for youth to find motivation and motivate others. One such example would be Greta Thunberg, a youth advocate for climatechange who only garnered huge support and popularity through the propagation of her campaigns and her raw, powerful speeches which caused much furore with respect to our treatment of mother nature. Such campaigns and posts garnered over 30 million youth supporters worldwide who decided to take a stand against climate change. Social media was an integral part of what enabled these youth to pursue their passions and aspirations, which is an integral part of every youth’s development as it serves as opportunities for them to lead and serve, taking part in courses they are motivated in. Thus, it can be seen that social media is actually positively impacting the development of youth.

However, I feel that it is far too parochial of a stand to claim that these benefits are exclusive only to social media. In fact, through other means like specified campaign platforms and even volunteer organisations, youth can also have the chance to develop their passion and learn integral soft skills like teamwork and perseverance, which support their development. While I concede that these means may not have the widespread support and community that social media has, social media definitely has far more negative impacts and standards.

Today, influencers who occupy the bulk of social media space are fashion-based. Influencers like Ocean Orrey and Laerta are photographed seemingly going about their daily lives looking effortlessly chic in skimpy outfits by Dior and Prada. This is harmful because, in an attempt to be more like them, thousands of teenagers on social media not only emulate their sexualised dressing but also proclaim their desire to lead their materialistic lifestyle. 

But even if we were to consider influencers like Ryan’s Toy Reviews or Miwu Science where he carries out Science experiments in his home laboratory filled with the latest Science equipment, it is still harmful.

The normal, average child looks at them and thinks that they can only be happy if they own the latest toys advertised by Ryan, or think that they aren’t doing ‘real’ Science unless they have the same equipment as Miwu. This is even worse for poor children because they will look at these videos and feel like they can never be happy or excel at Science because they cannot afford these products. 

This is inherently bad as teenagers are in their developing stage and these kinds of thinking patterns lead to them having a materialistic mindset or simply not being grateful for what they have. These kinds of mindsets are the type that a teenager will have for the rest of his or her life as they are constant exposed to these kinds of subliminal messaging, thus causing them to develop the wrong mindsets and values.

(...)

For all these reasons and more, social media negatively impacts teenagers' developments

2)    Short, not contextual evidence

3) Short explanation.

Fail. Completely irrelevant as no topic sentence or link to the question is provided. I feel that no attempt was made to reference the original question or the keywords "negatively impacted" ANYWHERE in the essay.

What I consider to be a “very decent” essay:

In this increasingly globalised twenty-first century, the advent of technology has given rise to the propagation of applications like social media. This essay strives to prove that social media inherently has negative effects on the development of teenagers through the wide ranging harms perpetuated by harmful standards.

Detractors of this stand argue that social media serves as an international platform for youth to find motivation and motivate others. One such example would be Greta Thunberg, a youth advocate for climatechange who only garnered huge support and popularity through the propagation of her campaigns and her raw, powerful speeches which caused much furore with respect to our treatment of mother nature. Such campaigns and posts garnered over 30 million youth supporters worldwide who decided to take a stand against climate change. Social media was an integral part of what enabled these youth to pursue their passions and aspirations, which is an integral part of every youth’s development as it serves as opportunities for them to lead and serve, taking part in courses they are motivated in. Thus, it can be seen that social media is actually positively impacting the development of youth.

However, I feel that it is far too parochial of a stand to claim that these benefits are exclusive only to social media. In fact, through other means like specified campaign platforms and even volunteer organisations, youth can also have the chance to develop their passion and learn integral soft skills like teamwork and perseverance, which support their development. While I concede that these means may not have the widespread support and community that social media has, social media definitely has far more negative impacts and standards.

Today, influencers who occupy the bulk of social media space are fashion-based. Influencers like Ocean Orrey and Laerta are photographed seemingly going about their daily lives looking effortlessly chic in skimpy outfits by Dior and Prada. This is harmful because, in an attempt to be more like them, thousands of teenagers on social media not only emulate their sexualised dressing but also proclaim their desire to lead their materialistic lifestyle. 

But even if we were to consider influencers like Ryan’s Toy Reviews or Miwu Science where he carries out Science experiments in his home laboratory filled with the latest Science equipment, it is still harmful.

The normal, average child looks at them and thinks that they can only be happy if they own the latest toys advertised by Ryan, or think that they aren’t doing ‘real’ Science unless they have the same equipment as Miwu. This is even worse for poor children because they will look at these videos and feel like they can never be happy or excel at Science because they cannot afford these products. 

This is inherently bad as teenagers are in their developing stage and these kinds of thinking patterns lead to them having a materialistic mindset or simply not being grateful for what they have. These kinds of mindsets are the type that a teenager will have for the rest of his or her life as they are constant exposed to these kinds of subliminal messaging, thus causing them to develop the wrong mindsets and values.

(...)

For all these reasons and more, social media negatively impacts teenagers' developments.

Detractors of this stand argue that social media serves as an international platform for youth to find motivation and motivate others. One such example would be Greta Thunberg, a youth advocate for climate change who only garnered huge support and popularity through the propagation of her campaigns and her raw, powerful speeches which caused much furore with respect to our treatment of mother nature. Such campaigns and posts garnered over 30 million youth supporters worldwide who decided to take a stand against climate change. Social media was an integral part of what enabled these youth to pursue their passions and aspirations, which is an integral part of every youth’s development as it serves as opportunities for them to lead and serve, taking part in courses they are motivated in. Thus, it can be seen that social media is actually positively impacting the development of youth.

However, I feel that it is far too parochial of a stand to claim that these benefits are exclusive only to social media. In fact, through other means like specified campaign platforms and even volunteer organisations, youth can also have the chance to develop their passion and learn integral soft skills like teamwork and perseverance, which support their development. While I concede that these means may not have the widespread support and community that social media has, social media definitely has far more negative impacts and standards.

Today, influencers who occupy the bulk of social media space are fashion-based. Influencers like Ocean Orrey and Laerta are photographed seemingly going about their daily lives looking effortlessly chic in skimpy outfits by Dior and Prada. This is harmful because, in an attempt to be more like them, thousands of teenagers on social media not only emulate their sexualised dressing but also proclaim their desire to lead their materialistic lifestyle. 

But even if we were to consider influencers like Ryan’s Toy Reviews or Miwu Science where he carries out Science experiments in his home laboratory filled with the latest Science equipment, it is still harmful.

The normal, average child looks at them and thinks that they can only be happy if they own the latest toys advertised by Ryan, or think that they aren’t doing ‘real’ Science unless they have the same equipment as Miwu. This is even worse for poor children because they will look at these videos and feel like they can never be happy or excel at Science because they cannot afford these products. 

This is inherently bad as teenagers are in their developing stage and these kinds of thinking patterns lead to them having a materialistic mindset or simply not being grateful for what they have. These kinds of mindsets are the type that a teenager will have for the rest of his or her life as they are constantly exposed to these kinds of subliminal messaging, thus causing them to develop the wrong mindsets and values.

(...)

For all these reasons and more, social media negatively impacts teenagers' developments.