즐거움과 행복이 공존하는 혜림쌤의 국어 교실 by 조혜림 https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7 2. 마음을 움직이는 글, (2) 더 좋은 글로 가는 길 ㅣ <학습목표> 독자를 고려하여 글을 고쳐 쓴다. en-us 2023-06-05 14:48:24 UTC 2023-06-07 08:02:48 UTC hello@padlet.com https://padlet.net/icons/png/1f331.png 그런데 -> 그리고 https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616809315 2023-06-07 07:17:49 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616809315 안았다 -> 않았다 https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616810237 2023-06-07 07:18:39 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616810237 기다릴 것이다 -> 기다렸다 https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616810584 2023-06-07 07:18:56 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616810584 수현이가 쓴 글은 의식의 흐름같아요 그래서 흥미롭긴한데 좋은 글이라 보기엔 어려울거 같아요 https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616810752 2023-06-07 07:19:07 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616810752 이사만루 contigo405 https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616810796 있는 말인가요? 뭔지 모르겠어요]]> 2023-06-07 07:19:10 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616810796 https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616810854 제목은 떡볶이랑 빙수인데 야구에 대한 이야기가 더 많이 나옴]]> 2023-06-07 07:19:13 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616810854 https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616811039 기억을 할 것이다 -> 기억을 잊지 않을 것이다]]> 2023-06-07 07:19:25 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616811039 제목 wanggunhee https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616811111 제목이 이상해요]]> 2023-06-07 07:19:29 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616811111 제목은 떡볶이와 빙수인데.. 야구장 얘기만 가득하네요^^ 엔프피 수현이다워요 https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616811297 2023-06-07 07:19:41 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616811297 이사만루 를 모르는 사람들을 위해 쉽게 써줘야해요 https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616811363 2023-06-07 07:19:45 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616811363 결코~ 것이다. > 결코~않을 것이다. https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616811402 2023-06-07 07:19:47 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616811402 결코 anabdeo https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616811613 결코 이상해요]]> 2023-06-07 07:19:57 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616811613 . https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616811760 제목을 야구와 관련된 제목으로 바꾸고 싶다]]> 2023-06-07 07:20:06 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616811760 이사만루? anabdeo https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616811869 이사만루가 뭔가요 만루는 아는데]]> 2023-06-07 07:20:12 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616811869 제목을 바꿔야겠어요.^^ https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616812088 2023-06-07 07:20:28 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616812088 2문단 마지막 문장 duswndud19 https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616812133 글의 흐름이랑 안 맞음]]> 2023-06-07 07:20:30 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616812133 문장 삭제 contigo405 https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616812183 쓰레기 나오는 문장은 좀 이상해요]]> 2023-06-07 07:20:33 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616812183 안았다? https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616812188 '~지 않았다' 이게 맏습니다.]]> 2023-06-07 07:20:33 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616812188 과거를 회상하던 글에서 갑자기 요즘 사람들이 쓰레기를 많이 버려서 야구장에서 냄새가 난다는 얘기를 해요. https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616812235 2023-06-07 07:20:36 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616812235 야구장 냄새 문장 이상함 jeonyujin1228 https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616812338 2023-06-07 07:20:43 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616812338 기다릴것이다 -> 기다렸댜 https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616812355 시제가 잘못쓰인거같아요]]> 2023-06-07 07:20:44 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616812355 맞춤법 이상함 jeonyujin1228 https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616812552 안았다가 아님]]> 2023-06-07 07:20:55 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616812552 제목이 내용과 맞지 않는다 https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616812953 2023-06-07 07:21:12 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616812953 그런데 anabdeo https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616813065 앞 문장이랑 안 이어짐]]> 2023-06-07 07:21:19 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616813065 https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616813154 잡아 들어 올리고 -> 잡고]]> 2023-06-07 07:21:21 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616813154 https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616813370 마라탕 먹고싶어요]]> 2023-06-07 07:21:35 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616813370 ‘그런데‘가 안 어울려요 https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616813545 2023-06-07 07:21:39 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616813545 결코 https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616813609 + 할 것이다?]]> 2023-06-07 07:21:43 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616813609 제목과 글의 주요 내용이 맞지 않아요 떡볶이와 빙수 이야기보다 야구 이야기만 잔뜩! https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616813640 2023-06-07 07:21:45 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616813640 안 -> 않 https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616813715 2023-06-07 07:21:49 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616813715 제목 이상해요 https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616813777 제목이 이상해요..]]> 2023-06-07 07:21:54 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616813777 1번 활동 https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616813860 치킨 피자 이야기는 글의 맥락에 맞지 않음.
쓰레기 많이 버려서 냄새 나는 이야기도 맥락에 맞지 않음.
'기다릴 것이다.'라는 적절하지 않은 문장 마침.

]]> 2023-06-07 07:21:59 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616813860 그런데>그리고 / 요즈음> 요즘 + 이 부분에서 재밌게 야구 볼 수 있다고 하다가 갑자기 쓰레기 때문에 냄새난다는 말이 나오는 게 뜬금 없음. / 기다릴 것이다>기다렸다 / 느낌도 들지 안았다>않 / 나는 결코 ~ 기억할 것이다:결코는 부정의 의미임. https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616813897 요]]> 2023-06-07 07:22:02 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616813897 https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616814086 귀염둥이 사랑해요]]> 2023-06-07 07:22:11 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616814086 떡볶이와 빙수라는 제목에 비해 글의 내용은 야구에 대한 것이 태반이고, 글의 흐름이 자유분방하다. https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616814374 마지막에 눈을 떠보니 아버지께서 멋있게 그 공을 잡아 들어 올리고 계셨다.에서 그 모습을 보니 라이온 킹이 떠올랐다는 말은 너무 의식의 흐름대로 쓴 것 같다.]]> 2023-06-07 07:22:26 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616814374 쓰레기 https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616814415 문장 안 맞아요!]]> 2023-06-07 07:22:28 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616814415 기다릴 것이다 anabdeo https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616854259 날아오는 공을 기다릴 것이다? 공이 나를 향해 날아오는 건데, 날아오기를 기대하는 것처럼 보여요]]> 2023-06-07 08:02:45 UTC https://padlet.com/jhyelim80/ijpr45e7jl6stxf7/wish/2616854259