Every inch of my body is imprinted

The touch i accepted to feel loved

And the touches of “love” inflicted upon me

Invisible handprints that can not be scrubbed clean

The handprints eternally consuming my corpse

A part of me massacred will never be restored

The innocence torn from me

I lay in bed, your contaminated touch consumes me

I feel you embed yourself into my skin

I feel my innocence and dignity leave my body

My flesh is bleeding;my hot shower stings

I scrub for hours, just to feel clean

My wounds will heal;he will be cut out of me

Eventually scars will form

A physical reminder of what he did to me

My body is no longer simply imprinted by invisible hands 

My body is imprinted by self-inflicted wounds and scars

Physical evidence of his destruction

Physical evidence of my grief and loss

My body is no longer my own, it never will be again

And I will never be cleansed from his contaminated hands

What is fear without excitement?

just worry without end,

As he came to my door,

I dreaded seeing him again and again.

He brought me flowers,

Still, their sweet smell, 

like a fresh spring day,

lingers on the tip of my nose,

Hopefully one day,

When the clock stops ticking

I won't regret not wanting to see him

again and again.

I move gracefully

feeling my churi clink against my wrist in a beautiful

almost joyous melodic harmony

thats me

i feel the sterling on my fingers

the love they were given to me by

thats me

i feel the swish of my shalwar

the cloth making me feel

like a princess straight out of

a punjabi movie

a person worth looking at

someone soft but powerful

thats me

someone with eyes that are sharp

but also soft and kind

someone with endless hijabs,

but uses the same black one

thats me

someone who isn’t afraid

but is also terrified

thats me

Someone who is so kind you could melt

but someone who can be the meanest person you’ve met

someone who’ll smile for the world

but lock away after

thats me

someone who will go all out for you

but will be left with nothing

thats me

someone who has endless clothes and makeup

but sometimes just needs pajamas and a messy bun

thats me

someone who’ll pretend to grow up

but just wants to be a little girl sometimes

After all even the sun grows small sometimes

thats me

someone who isn't afraid to say no,

but feels obliged to say yes.

that is me

truly

fully

completely

broken and beautiful