In an Iban marriage, it is prevalent for the parents of the boy to present a proposal to the girl they desire to take on as their daughter-in-law on behalf of their son.

If an Iban male is interested in a certain girl, he must initiate ngayap (courtship).

If the girl responds affirmatively and her parents do not oppose, the young man will inform his parents of his decision to tie the knot with the girl.

If there are issues between the son and parents, they are properly discussed.

The Proposal:

• When the boy's parents agree on the girl's suitability, they are going to deliver a private message, bebunga ka jaku (literally to reveal a desire or intention) or beribut ka jaku (literally to bring wind news), through an intermediary who typically is a relative and has a close connection with the parents.

• This prevents humiliation for both parties if the proposal is rejected and disclosed immediately.

• Once there is an affirmative response from the girl, the boy's family will send a delegation to openly propose to the girl (nanya indu). The delegation generally consists of three, five, or seven elderly individuals, with more female members than male.

• During the nanya indu conversation, the tusut (genealogy) is reviewed to determine the boy and girl's familial affinity. This is to guarantee that they aren't part of an unhealthy circle of relationships or of multiple generations of salah tangga that is regarded as forbidden by their adat (custom).

  
  

The Engagement

• When the nguai or ngugi concerns are settled and the preparations for melah pinang are finished, the parties exchange presents.

• The presents can take the shape of any reasonable-valued item, such as a lampik pirak (silver girdle), baku temaga (brass container), and so on. It is now common for a couple to swap rings.

• There is no specified time frame for engagement. Iban favors shorter engagements of one to two months in most circumstances.

• If the engagement ends by mutual consent, there is no penalty. Each of them, nevertheless, is compelled to return the engagement present.

The wedding ceremony, known as melah pinang, commences with the groom, dressed in traditional Iban clothing, being escorted by vehicle or boat to the bride's residence, followed by beatings of gong. A gunshot signals their arrival.

The melah pinang ceremony commences with the hosts initiating a session known as nanya ka berita (to inquire for news) and inviting the guests to respond. The session could last a long time as both speakers from each side will offer their best remarks, primarily in traditional Iban.

Later, the bride's and groom's family introduce their relatives to one another. This is called as adat berisan in Iban. It entails each family presenting their relatives to one another, as well as the couple's in-laws.

After the crucial task is over, the fun begins with a lot of meals, drinks, and entertainment such as performances of traditional dances and silat kuntau (art of self-defense). The celebration may continue until sunrise.

The bride's group bathes in the river with the groom's group to represent a new relationship between the groom's group alongside that of the bride.

When the time comes, the parents of their daughter will announce that they are seeking for a prospective son-in-law.

The middle man is usually entrusted with identifying another family that is also searching for a life spouse for their son.

The courting tradition will be carried out in the first step. The male side's envoy will visit the female side's home to determine whether the girl to be engaged has excellent character, is courteous, and understands how to handle the family.

If the candidate's family approves, an engagement team will be sent.

'Mueynang' is in charge of this engagement.

Both sides will bargain with each other during the engagement phase. They'll talk about the identities of the two brides and grooms. Usually, the assistance of a fortune teller is required.

For both brides and grooms, essential information such as date of birth, time of birth, and year according to the Chinese calendar are taken into account.

When a proposal is accepted, the girl will seek a month of trial to see whether the marriage will last long. During this time, dishes, pots, and glasses must not break or fall. If this occurs, it becomes clear that the marriage will not last long.

If nothing occurs at that moment, the following stage, the "naik belanja" customary or "ring exchange day," will start. At this ceremony, the guy will provide half of the money sent out to the bride, with the other half being paid over on the wedding day.

During this customary act, the men will deliver two pairs of candles, four bottles of wine, roast pork, and fruits such as lemons and apples.

'Mueynang' will be tasked with delivering these products to the woman's residence. The women will only accept half of the fruits and a pair of candles.

In exchange, the ladies will offer the males sweets and two bottles of syrup. This indicates that they are overjoyed with the present. The rings were then exchanged.

The traditional Peranakan wedding is a 12-day event held in the bride's home, with customs such as the Lap Chai (gift exchange) and Cheo Thau (coming of age) taking place.

The Cheo Thau custom is considered to be one of the most important, as it is the first time the bride and groom will wear their official wedding robes.

After the Cheo Thau ceremony, the actual wedding ceremony will take place before noon that day.

The bridegroom leads a parade of serunai (a musical instrument), musicians, and men carrying umbrellas and lamps throughout this custom. Following a series of rites at the groom's house, the entire group will leave for the bride's place.

After that is the Chim Pang ritual, which symbolizes the couple's first meeting, in which the bride accompanies her spouse into the bridal chamber where he unveils her.

• They'd be offered tea and kueh ee, which are little white and red dumplings in a sweet broth.

The bridal chamber hosts the third ceremony, which is Chia Sia.

• This ceremony is humorous and unusual since the bridegroom's friends and guests would gather in the chamber and make fun of the bride in the hopes of making her laugh.

• If the bride does genuinely burst into uncontrolled laughing, her unfortunate husband will be forced to provide meals for all the guests.

The wedding ceremony would come to an end with the "dua belas hari" or Twelfth Day ceremony, in which the marriage would be proved accepted through proof of the bride's virginity.

• First, the bride's parents would ask the bridegroom's mother to examine a handkerchief (also referred to as a Bim Poh) obtained from the wedding bed.

• The handkerchief will be put on a platter and brought for testing to the bridegroom's mother, who will then be asked to perform a test by squeezing lime juice on the handkerchief with the goal of determining the true nature of the stain.

• The bridegroom's mother, on the other hand, would typically abstain from completing the test since it would be humiliating to the bride.

Usually, young men and women frequently meet each other while working together on the farm (pingiris).

As time passes, when a young man becomes interested in another young lady, he establishes a relationship through the tradition known as "maasu" among the Bidayuhs. Maasu roughly translates to "visit a girl at night." It is a decent means of creating a traditional connection between a young man and a lady.

Maasu typically takes place at night, generally after dinnertime, and is always conducted in the presence of the girl's parents and other family members. The young man, on the other hand, is allowed to stay up with the young lady until the rest of the family goes to bed.

The Proposal

• After a series of meetings in which the girl indicates her willingness to marry the man and he is pleased with the way she handles herself, the young man will seek advice from his parents.

• If the young man's parents agree to their son's decision, they will designate a go-between, usually an intelligent uncle or a close cousin, to meet with the young lady's parents to determine whether they agree to provide agreement to their daughter accepting the young man's proposal.

• This applies to everyone under the age of 21.

• When the go-between visits the girl's home, his responsibilities include not just determining whether the family accepts the proposal, but also negotiating on other connected matters.

• He could begin by discussing the boy's modest family background as well as the young man's family tree.

• The rationale for this is to guarantee that they are not related in any way. It is prohibited to marry a close relative, according to Bidayuh adat.

  
  

The Engagement

• When the proposal is approved, the young man's parents request that the go-between send the engagement gifts (tanda betunang) to the girl's family as a mark of their engagement.

• The tanda betunang presented to the girl's family varies from one family's home to one after another.

• On one night, generally, one or two weeks after sending the go-between, the young man, accompanied by his parents and a few relatives, goes to the girl's residence, with the go-between leading the party.

• They must avoid falling down or treading on pig waste or ants while travelling. They also beat musical instruments to avoid hearing wicked signs from the kusah or kriak.

• When the group arrives at the girl's residence, they are strewn with yellow rice (beras siya), a customary means of welcoming the young man and his entourage.

• They are then led to the verandah of the girl's house, where they can sit.

• When everyone is seated, the go-between will address the group, clarifying the purpose for their visit.

• This is followed by a speech by the father of the young man and a response from the father of the girl.

• Following these speeches, the arang will present the tanda tunang on behalf of the girl's parents as a final symbol of the girl's engagement to the guy.

• Following the giving of the gifts, the couple is reminded to keep on being devoted to one another.

• Any breach of the engagement adat will lead to the guilty party making compensation to the affected party.

• The engagement period shouldn't go over a year, and the couple can decide to have their weddings declared at anytime all through that period.

• If they wish to extend their engagement, the headman should be notified.

  
  

The wedding ceremony in most Bidayuh villages begins in the evening.

In a procession, the bride and her parents walk to the young man's residence, accompanied by music from the gong.

The bride's procession is greeted at the top of the longhouse's staircase by the bridegroom, his parents, the go-between uncle, and relatives.

While the guests are told to take their seats on the bridegroom's living room's verandah (tanju). The pair sits side by side by the wedding jar.

The wedding ceremony begins when the couple is seated, with the tua gawai scattering yellow rice over them.

He casts this prayer while doing it. Following the prayer, the tua gawai will sweep a white cockerel over their heads while uttering another prayer.

Following the ceremony, the pair is showered with beads. The tua gawai is in charge of all this.

While doing so, he prays briefly to God (Tepa) to bless, lead, and safeguard the couple in every aspect of their lives. He also requests that the couple be blessed with many children.

After the ceremony, food and drinks that have been prepared ahead of time are offered.

Depending on the state of his finances, the host may invite as many guests as he wishes.

A marriage ceremony is not finished unless the newlywed couple receives advice from the local elders.

It is traditional for an unending number of speakers to step up and provide advice to the newlywed couple. The parents of both the bridegroom and the bride are the first to speak.

Their uncles, aunts, grandparents, brothers, sisters, and relatives come next.

Their advice ranges from asking the couple to be kind to one another, prevent disputing, respect their in-laws, prevent gossip, and stay devoted.

The night of the first day of the wedding ritual is devoted to the "Tepuku Te'' rite.

"Tepuku Te" is the act of the groom's representatives seeking the bride's family for help in getting married.

The delegates will then stroll back to fetch the groom and take him to the bride's residence once the bride's family gives their approval.

The big celebration takes place at the groom's house the next day.

The bride and groom will be dressed out in their customary clothes.

There will be invitations to the wedding ceremony for all residents of the longhouse as well as some guests from other longhouses.

One of the ceremonies' activities is referred to as "Petemban Sa'ong," or stacking hats. The bride will be seated on a large gong, or "Tawek," while eight women will alternately stack caps, or Saong, on her head.

After the priest delivers a brief prayer and the hats are all stacked, each hat is covered with a sarong before being taken down one at a time.

It's suggested against dropping the Sarong or the hat since it may bring misfortune to the marriage.

A Kadazan engagement always commenced with the parents of a young man visiting the family of a prospective bride.

The young man's father would normally start the conversation by saying that he has a strong and capable son who needs a partner while emphasizing that the parents have nice daughters and are thinking about marrying one of their daughters to his son.

The girl's parents were then given time to think about it.

They may arrange a visit to the family proposing to obtain a clearer picture of their possible son-in-law and, more crucially, to see if the family could come up with the requisite nopung (which is referred to as the dowry).

When the daughter's family indicates that they are agreeable to an engagement, the parents of the young man pay them a second visit, and the engagement is set.

Both sides agree on the bride price, which is typically one brass gong, 15 buffaloes, ten antique brass canons, and three enormous Chinese jars. 

The potential bride's parents will first would like a greater price, and negotiating is expected.

In fact, if the offered dowry is accepted without negotiation, the young man's family may be deemed snobbish but if there is too much negotiating, the bride-to-be's family might start getting concerned about payment.

A date for the actual wedding day will be selected once the nopung has been agreed upon and all payment details are completed and settled.

The wedding day begins early in the morning at the groom's home, when all friends and relatives come together.

They have a late 'breakfast,' and around midday, they head off for the bride's residence, with the groom dressed to the nines and the nopung in the middle.

As the gathering approaches the bride's home, thrilled Sumazau beats will be heard on old gongs.

The groom and his party arrive at the bride's residence to present the nopung.

Before the young husband can take his bride to his parents' house, everyone is fed rice and drinks.

When the congregation arrives at the groom's home, gongs are struck once more, calling everyone who hears them to witness the union.

Before the bride and groom enter the house, a local elder, usually a Bobohizan, a ceremonial specialist, instructs them to place one foot on a round stone at the bottom of the staircase.

Siung, conical hats are held above the man and the lady while they stand there.

Both the stone and the hat are symbolic for their marriage: the stone will be powerful and long-lasting, while the hats will cleanse and shelter them from any wickedness that may be prevalent on the wedding day.

The couple and congregation can enter the house only after this brief ceremony, during which the ritual specialist reads a few Kadazan charms.

The wedding pair will be placed in the centre of the home, with the bride to the left of the groom, and rice will be served once again.

This time, the rice must be served from a wok, to ensure that the pair always have enough rice to eat. The bride and groom are each given a ball of rice to feed to each other. The rice ball represents the two young people's separate bloodlines, which are now to be united.

The guests have no obligation to bring gifts, but they must take part in the Sumazau dance and overall celebration, which includes drinking.

Before night comes, the newlywed couple returns to the bride's parents' home, where a room has been set up for them.

The newlyweds must spend their first night as husband and wife with the groom's in-laws.

The young husband brings his bride to his parents' house the next day, where they will reside until the young gentleman has built his own home for himself and his wife.

Three months after the wedding, the young guy pays a visit to his in-laws, taking a pig with him.

It will be butchered ceremoniously and eaten by the entire family, signalling that they are officially blood relatives.