When I was little, I loved to dance. My older cousin was also a dancer, and she would spend time with me watching cheer and dance movies. It was the point that I had all of the memorized. I always ask her to teach dance routines. Most of the time she happily said yes. Eventually, I got my parents to sign me up for dance classes locally. Engaged in many recitals and got to dress up very pretty. Although I was very shy, when I was standing, almost nothing and no one else mattered. Not to mention my mom is thrilled that I showed the initiative to do something that allowed her to show her child off and bragged to the other moms. Although, there were times that I got anxious when I couldn’t pick up on certain things the other kids seemed to achieve tasks quicker. It just gave me the motivation to try harder. This resulted in initiative. This experience gave me the motivation to learn how to do things I put my mind to. I ended up continuing to dance and learn new styles of dance up until high school. I even got to dance in the huge production of The Nutcracker, which is one of my favorite ballets. 

"With a growing drive toward independence, preschoolers develop their own ideas about activities they want to pursue. They undertake art projects, make houses and roadways in the sandbox, and share fantasies about being superheroes. When adults encourage such efforts, children develop initiative, the energy and motivation to undertake activities on their own. When adults discourage such activities, children may instead develop guilt about acting improperly."

McDevitt, Teresa, M. and Jeanne Ellis Ormrod.2019.page 402.

My parents let me choose the foods I wish to eat. If I didn’t like something, I didn’t have to eat it. They also let me do simple tasks like picking my outfits when playing dress-up. I also started walking after receiving encouragement from the adults in my life. This resulted in autonomy. I was given the freedom and encouragement I needed to try new tasks on my own. This left me feeling in control of the things I wanted to do. 

" Toddlers learn to feed, wash, dress, and use the toilet. When parents and other caregivers encourage self-sufficient behavior, toddlers develop autonomy, a sense of being able to handle problems on their own. But when caregivers demand too much too soon, refuse to let children perform simple tasks, or ridicule early attempts at self-sufficiency, children instead develop shame and doubt about conducting themselves appropriately." McDevitt, Teresa, M. and Jeanne Ellis Ormrod.2019.page 402.

As an Infant I was very trusting. My family, to my knowledge, showed me enormous amounts of love and care. They made sure I was fed, and I always had the cutest little outfits. I also enjoyed eating Mc Donalds chicken nuggets and fries so much that besides saying, “Momma and dads”, I also learned to say Mc Donalds. My auntie said I could sense a Mc Donalds from miles away. I was a very happy and giggly baby. Since the child was well, taken care of as an infant, they developed trust with adults. This stage resulted in Trust. I developed trust and security with those around me. I didn't have any issues transitioning into different environments and other people. I was a happy baby.

“According to Erikson, when caregivers can be depended on to feed, change a diaper, and provide affection regularly, an infant learns Trust. When caregivers ignore an infant’s needs, are inconsistent in attention, or are abusive, the infant learns mistrust—that the world is an unpredictable and dangerous place.’’ McDevitt, Teresa, M. and Jeanne Ellis Ormrod.2019.page 402.

During this stage, I experienced abandonment, I was sexually abused by family outside of the household, I was bullied at school, I had no real friends, and witnessed adult situations that led to me having to mature earlier (took on a mother role). This resulted in me feeling bad for myself, my siblings, and my father. This impacted my self-esteem and my ability to form meaningful relationships with my peers. For me, this stage resulted in inferiority. I didn’t know where to place myself in society and people's lives. I also didn’t believe that I was good enough to achieve or do anything meaningful. 

" When children take pride in completed projects and are praised for achievements, they demonstrate industry, a pattern of working hard, gaining mastery of cultural tools, and persisting at complicated tasks. When children are ridiculed or punished for their efforts or when they find that they cannot meet adults’ expectations, they may develop feelings of inferiority about their abilities."

McDevitt, Teresa, M. and Jeanne Ellis Ormrod.2019.page 402.

During this time of my life, I began to make friends, but I was apprehensive and afraid they were pretending to like me. I started liking boys, my age, but always was afraid to approach them. This led me to want to have unrealistic relationships with figurative people and men who seemed mature but were way older. I had a crush who I would run in the opposite direction of if I saw them passing in the halls. Although the sexual assault with the main person was over with. I now had to deal with the trauma and aftermath of it. It made me want to stay to myself, I was angry at loved ones, depressed, and even acted out. I desperately wanted my parents' love, affection, and attention. I felt like acting out achieved that result faster. I also began to steal from family, friends, and department stores. My parents were now divorced, and I had a bad relationship with my family. For me, this ended up with me having role confusion. I didn’t know my place in life, and I didn’t know how to find it. I took on lots of new activities and hobbies desperately trying to find something that made me feel important to those around me.

"Youth experience role confusion—mixed feelings about the specific ways in which they fit into society—and may experiment with actions and attitudes (e.g., affiliating with various peer groups, trying sports and hobbies, and learning about the views of different political groups)."

McDevitt, Teresa, M. and Jeanne Ellis Ormrod.2019.page 402.

During this part of my life, I experienced somewhat stressful and eventful situations in all the wrong ways. I ended up getting married and got pregnant, but I ended up getting divorced two years later, and raising my infant daughter on my own. Then started a new relationship and got pregnant again, but the father wasn’t happy which resulted in him cheating on me a handful of times. I was blamed for getting pregnant and deciding not to get an abortion. Shortly after I ended up getting evicted over being $25 short on my rent. This led to me losing 75% of my belongings and being homeless while being pregnant and having a five-month-old infant. I also experienced physical, mental, and financial abuse. Two younger siblings of mine passed away two years apart from each other which led to me having a rough start in college and my depression skyrocketed. I had a really bad drug and alcohol addiction but I eventually ended up being sober. Still have a rocky relationship with my mom and partner, but eventually started doing a lot better in college. For this period of my life, my resolve is still being determined and worked on. Currently, I feel like I’m mainly experiencing isolation, although I would love it to end and mainly intimacy. I’m a very loving woman and friend, but I still struggle with expressing myself, trusting others, and abandonment issues. I feel a lot of heartache and fear. I hope I can learn to cope better with my issues and situations in a healthier way as I continue to grow as an adult. 

"They become capable of intimacy—that is, they form close, reciprocal bonds (e.g., through friendships, marriage, or other intimate relationships) and willingly make the sacrifices and compromises that such relationships require. When people do not form these connections (perhaps because of their disregard for others’ needs), a sense of isolation may result."

McDevitt, Teresa, M. and Jeanne Ellis Ormrod.2019.page 402.

I’m hoping that during this time in my life, I will still be continuing to give back to my community. I would do this by volunteering at homeless shelters, domestic abuse recovery centers, substituting at schools and even volunteering my time making and delivering food to the homeless. I also hope to incorporate my grandchildren and these events. Showing them that giving back to my community and those less fortunate than myself has a far more rewarding experience than any amount of money ever could. By doing these things, my resolve would be generativity. I do not see myself being stagnant at this age or feeling any sort of regret in my life. I would want to continue to move forward in my life and enjoy it to the fullest while I could. 

"When an individual gives something back, perhaps by raising a family, volunteering in the community, or serving others in a professional role, a sense of generativity, or productivity, results. In contrast, an individual who is self-centered and unable or unwilling to help others experiences stagnation—dissatisfaction with not having made a positive difference for others."

McDevitt, Teresa, M. and Jeanne Ellis Ormrod.2019.page 403.

I’m hoping that during this part of my life, I am retired, and able to spend time with my children and grandchildren. I’m also hoping that me and my partner will be experiencing life together by traveling and owning our land. That way I can fulfill some of my dreams of farming my food and having various farm animals. The stage would result in integrity for me. My life will feel like it’s completely come full circle, and I will still have positivity flowing throughout me. 

"As individuals look back on their past experiences, they develop feelings of contentment and integrity if they believe they have led a happy, productive life. Alternatively, they may develop a sense of despair if they look back on a life of disappointments and unachieved goals."

McDevitt, Teresa, M. and Jeanne Ellis Ormrod.2019.page 403.