Be Concise by CSUCI https://padlet.com/csuci/concise Find an example of a sentence or two from something you wrote for another class. Copy and paste it here. Then reply using one of the strategies for eliminating clutter in your writing and being more concise. Be sure to come back to read what your classmates share! en-us 2020-08-13 01:03:02 UTC 2025-08-08 15:20:32 UTC hello@padlet.com https://padlet.net/icons/png/1f5b1.png Sample Post CSUCI https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/678048227 2020-08-13 01:03:02 UTC https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/678048227 Jacob Girardot https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/948832424 I think that this book is a simple yet great read. You can dive into the complexities of how a black child grew up and the hardships that it came with. Something that really struck me is that the book made me contemplate my own life on a very personal level. I’ve come to realize after reading this book that life is very easy for people like me or people who have a similar life to me.

Originally these two sentences were very cluttered and flooded with too many unnecessary words. Overall, I got rid of things and moved things around to make it sound and flow better. I tried to make it as brief and as concise as possible.]]> 2020-11-22 01:15:50 UTC https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/948832424 Isabella Nguyen https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/951067962 I recently had to share a pice of advice I received recently. 
My advice was to work hard. 

Just the realization of the harder you work the more you succeed, and I strive for success. As I am growing up I am now seeing this first hand and living and providing for myself. So if I were to ever share a piece of advice it would be the two simple words, work hard. Working hard allows one's dreams to become a reality. 
I feel as if I had combined my
 thoughts to along with the rest of my writing to portray the advice I received across. 

]]> 2020-11-23 05:34:28 UTC https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/951067962 Isabella Orue https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/954527321 There are many benefits of bridging the gap between home and school for the child. One way is that the child feels comfortable with the classroom and the teachers and are fine with  leaving their families for a while. This helps the child to not be scared or anxious to leave their families.
The original sentences had a lot of different words that made the sentences look and sound very cluttered. I got rid of some of these words to make the sentence flow more easily.]]> 2020-11-24 01:24:11 UTC https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/954527321 Jacob Anderson https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/954627577 "Currently, effects of climate change are witnessed through ever increasing natural disasters, such as the wildfires currently ravaging the West Coast, as well as the numerous hurricanes and tropical storms that experienced by the United States Southeastern seaboard. At the current rate of CO2 emissions, the world’s sea level will have risen 15 inches by the year 2100"

Originally, I had more information in an attempt to better explain very complex scientific findings and tried to make it flow better. There was too much information, so I took the complex explanations and facts out and tried to make it easy to read and understand]]> 2020-11-24 02:14:59 UTC https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/954627577 Kayla Cajucom https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/958641602 The Gilded age refers to the period of American industrialization and modernization. During this time cities began to grow, millions came to America, along with the period of settlement and expansion. Henry Clay Frick was known and referred to as the model of a gilded age capitalist as he was driven by money and power, by 30, Frick was known as the king of coke. Frick had an image for rapid technological development that would eventually build an empire of businesses. 

I think that the third sentence can be written a bit better. I feel as if that sentence has a lot of information being thrown out that can be simplified a bit more and flow smoothly.

]]> 2020-11-25 04:32:07 UTC https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/958641602 Julianna Ramirez https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/958702522 High school happens to be the place where one feels most judged and criticized all the time, and adding the way that teachers grade papers in high school, it affects your self-esteem pretty greatly. The thing that bothered me the most in high school writing was the peer-review of the draft, instead of having a teacher check it. 

The way I can improve this, is just cutting to the chase. I feel like having a word count requirement made me ramble a little too much.]]> 2020-11-25 05:10:29 UTC https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/958702522 Grace Czarnecki https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/958823827 Despite my prior awareness of what was about to become of the characters while the story unravelled, I still would’ve wished they could’ve ended differently.

A way that I could eliminate the clutter in this sentence, is by getting to the point of what I was trying to say quicker. I tend to ramble way too often.]]> 2020-11-25 06:25:29 UTC https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/958823827 Yamilex Ramirez https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/959027339 There are many other ways that WhatsApp helps us, some are more simple to explain than others like for example is that it makes it easy on people who do not have a cellular phone number, they just needed one to register with but when calling a friend or whoever it might be, you simply click on their name not type in a series of numbers.

A way that I could eliminate the clutter in this sentence, would be by erasing the unneeded words like " a friend or whoever it might be". I could've just put someone. I often put unnecessary words in my assignments when writing because of a certain word requirement. ]]> 2020-11-25 08:01:20 UTC https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/959027339 Cesar Guevara https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/960434877 The author wants to show the different worlds the two people live in and the discrimination by the hands of the upper class. The interaction between the people in West Egg specifically work in the stock market and a majority of their income takes place there which is ironic because just about 10 years later they will be in the position that the people they discriminate against are in.]]> 2020-11-25 16:37:23 UTC https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/960434877 Matthew Guevara https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/960651866 To start off, I want to talk about the choice that Jeevan made. It was the beginning of the pandemic where everything was taking a turn. He just got off his phone with his friend Hua, who worked at a Hospital, and told Jeevan to leave the city as fast as possible. Jeevan was then scrambling around and then started to panic. He called his girlfriend Laura and told her to get out of the city. He was also contemplating whether to meet with Frank, who was his brother, first or getting tons of groceries. When I read this at first, I was nodding my head.
 
A way that I could eliminate clutter in this paragraph would be by getting straight to the point instead of adding a lot of information about something.]]> 2020-11-25 17:18:28 UTC https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/960651866 Annaive Garcia https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/960659330 Using this database was accessible and effortless to use since I had used the same database in the past. In an English class in high school, instead of using the internet for a literary analysis paper, students were to only use databases to find academic journals. 

A way I could eliminate cutter in this example is by getting right to the point rather than having to explain unnecessary information. ]]> 2020-11-25 17:20:27 UTC https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/960659330 Elijah Sanchez https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/961550292  "I think it should be published more often and expressed to everyone so that everyone can have a say so at a young age and even when you're older."
In my essays I have a tendency to keep adding "that," in unnecessary sentences.]]> 2020-11-25 20:58:24 UTC https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/961550292 Laura Rydquist laurarydquist370 https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/961860880
This is mainly used so you can get into the mind of the author. You are not only able to understand the meaning of their peice but are able to understand why they chose to make the decisions they did. It also helps you understand the effect the author may have on the audience.

I could eliminate clutter by piecing these three sentences into one or two sentence, and also try to not be as repetitive.
I could write 
By using this you are able to get in to the mind of the author and, understand the reason behind what they wrote, why it had that effect, and how it may have effected the audience.
]]> 2020-11-25 23:15:00 UTC https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/961860880 Angela Ramos https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/961869996 "This study wanted to show how research has indicated that the concept of self-expansion has affected relationships when relating to creation, maintenance, and overall, provide a closer relationship."

The way i can improve this sentence is by cutting it down. I feel it's too wordy and can even be made into two sentences by taking off the extra words. ]]> 2020-11-25 23:22:42 UTC https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/961869996 Benjamin Barukh https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/961962908 "When I had difficulty matching the style of the book, I found myself referring to the text to see if the structure I was trying to replicate was good, and it was the same with trying to match how and what things were described, and in what way.  I would call the story a narrative, but written as if it were spoken to you, and with balanced amounts of detail scattered throughout. When it comes to the structure of what I wrote I think I faired well. In the book, they are not many long and clunky paragraphs, usually, that are shorter but with pointed detail."

Before making the changes, the sentences had couple of redundant phrases, and some things that were in negative forms.]]> 2020-11-26 00:29:51 UTC https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/961962908 https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/962170790 I related to that because of the insecurities that I had. The reading was also a good way to describe a writer's block just as there is one for artists. 

I could eliminate clutter by re wording my sentences. Instead of “I related to that because of the insecurities that I had.” I could write “I related to the reading because I also had those same insecurities.”]]> 2020-11-26 02:28:59 UTC https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/962170790 Wendy Castillo https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/962358349 Throughout this semester there were many challenges I faced. Every challenge does not necessarily mean they were bad experiences. Challenges to me mean something that helped me grow mentally. We either learned from our challenges or just ignored them. In this case I chose to learn something from each challenge I faced. 


 I would eliminate some explaining or some details that I just felt like I rambled.]]> 2020-11-26 04:36:11 UTC https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/962358349 Joseph Hernandez https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/962486278 "For me it was a bit difficult to commence reading, and that wasn’t due to lack of excitement or interest in even reading it, I simply loathe reading books sometimes."

What I would eliminate here is the comma and replace it with a semi-colon. I would also take away "sometimes" as well due to "loathe" already emphasizing that I don't like reading books. ]]> 2020-11-26 05:57:24 UTC https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/962486278 Antonio Pedraza https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/962596201 I would say the best piece of advice I’ve gotten this semester would be to no follow what some of what high school has taught me. I’m not saying that all of what high school taught me was bad but for instance not to follow the structure of essays. In high school I was taught that I needed to follow this type of structure and no other one. 

A sentence I would eliminate here would be the last one because I’ve stated that already previously on what I was writing ]]> 2020-11-26 06:53:57 UTC https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/962596201 Marlene Perez https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/962603854 Although I do get stuck sometimes and just can't write down my thoughts, I'm able to work past it to get it done, which is new to me because usually I would just sit in front of the screen with no thoughts going through my head.

What I could eliminate is " Although I do get" I can replace it with "Even though I get". I feel like that makes more sense here.]]> 2020-11-26 06:57:16 UTC https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/962603854 Philip Carrigan https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/966637179 With how extensive the understanding of the world's larger fauna was, it had seemed so outlandish, so utterly preposterous to Renee, that she couldn't contain the squeal of joy after reading the first of the hundred emails she'd awoken to. 

i had used some fluff to exaggerate the preposterousness of the situation and i could very easily cut the clutter out and be more straightforward.]]> 2020-11-28 03:10:26 UTC https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/966637179 Daniel Kim https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/967645417 It is a very Chinese planet whose inhabitants are infected with a very interesting form of OCD, the people thought they would hear voices of God but they also had an enhanced form of intelligence. I mean that’s probably not how that works but this was the 90’s and in the books, it makes enough sense to not question it.
 
To be honest, that last part was just fluff but even though it felt fun to add, it was probably very unneeded.]]> 2020-11-29 00:47:40 UTC https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/967645417 Athalia Nonato athalianonatodelacruz764 https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/977939566 Although I consider myself part of the LGBT community, I didn’t discover this about myself till I was 15. Other people notice these sexuality changes at a young age, and I want to be able to educate myself to the point I can help others. 

Originally I wrote the last sentence as 2. After reading it I noticed I can put them together. I also avoided using too many commas. ]]> 2020-12-01 22:47:17 UTC https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/977939566 Philip Carrigan https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/992771571 The origins of the incantation, as Adrian recalled, were claimed to be of a nonexistent language. During an impromptu lecture, Horowitz once described the modern translation as "The strenuous bastardization of a far more potent utterance." 

Changed it to: 
Adrian recalled that the origins of the incantation were claimed to be of a nonexistent language, and that the modern incantation was a "strenuous bastardization of a far more potent utterance." ]]> 2020-12-07 04:12:21 UTC https://padlet.com/csuci/concise/wish/992771571