https://padlet.com/mikesteffen72/hoton1bhmbqr These strategies and tips will help you have pro-social interactions with all kids (and maybe even your significant other). en-us 2016-07-24 19:05:00 UTC 2026-01-04 04:02:17 UTC hello@padlet.com mikesteffen72 https://padlet.com/mikesteffen72/hoton1bhmbqr/wish/116874268 1. DON'T give orders and threats. These cause conflict and power struggles.
2. DON'T  call kids out in front of others. 
3. DON'T tell kids their side of the story is wrong, or that they are lying (if that's true, they already know it).
4. DON'T be rigid and uncompromising.  
5. DON'T waste energy on kids whose minds are elsewhere. 
6. DON'T redirect kids for something that is bothering no one but you. ]]> 2016-07-24 19:06:37 UTC https://padlet.com/mikesteffen72/hoton1bhmbqr/wish/116874268 mikesteffen72 https://padlet.com/mikesteffen72/hoton1bhmbqr/wish/116874342 1. DO provide expectations and consequences, and encourage them to make good choices. 
2. DO remove an audience or wait for a natural break when you have a moment with a kid. 
3. DO validate their feelings and experiences by listening and offering solutions. 
4. DO be flexible and willing to budge when it matters. 
5. DO "Collect them before you direct them." --Gabor Mate' 
6. DO practice willful ignoring when possible and appropriate. ]]> 2016-07-24 19:10:51 UTC https://padlet.com/mikesteffen72/hoton1bhmbqr/wish/116874342 mikesteffen72 https://padlet.com/mikesteffen72/hoton1bhmbqr/wish/116874388 1. When kids are acting up in school, one phrase seems to spring to the lips of adults more than any other: "You need to." As in, "You need to leave the room," "You need to put that down." "You need to [stop being bad and start being good.]" It's understandable. Parents use it a lot when they are reprimanding their kids. Unfortunately, it's also the kind of phrase wardens use with prisoners, and anyone in a position of power uses when attempting to wield power over someone else.  Kids with behavioral challenges are uniquely sensitive to this sort of bossing about. Many of them have been on the receiving end of it their whole lives, often from people who did not have their best interests in mind. Behavior kids are also unlikely to do things because they are being told to by adults, or because "it's the rules." Doing what's right likely stopped working for them a long time ago, or they wouldn't be where they are. Now they need a better reason to do the right thing. That's where providing expectations, choices, and consequences come in. It removes the power dynamic (you vs. them) and it allows them to build independence, and take ownership of their actions.
2. Kids will often act up around peers, or refuse to give in. Allow them an opportunity to save face. When conflict arises, remove the audience if you can. If not, allow the student in crisis an out. If you ask them to leave the room, and they call you every name in the book on the way out, that's a positive outcome. Let them save face. Let them win in the moment. Follow up with them later when heads are level and you can address the bigger issue behind the outburst.
3. This doesn't mean you agree with them or think that what they did was okay. But it does mean you're not the enemy, and if you're not the enemy, they can communicate with you.
4. Choose your battles. You won't have enough ammunition and energy to fight all of them. Make sure it really matters before you dig in your heels and commit to a position. Whatever you do, don't get into conflicts because your ego is bruised. Remember, you're the adult. They're just kids.
5. "Collecting" is a term coined by Dr. Gordon Neufeld, and is addressed in his and Gabor Mate's book, Hold On to Your Kids. The explanation gets kind of new-agey / touchy-feely, but essentially it means, make a meaningful connection with someone before attempting to communicate verbally. Continue making this connection, again and again, throughout the day. Neufeld writes, "The first step begins with moving into a person’s space in a friendly way. Our intuition lets us know if we are being invited to come closer. Our next step is to collect this person’s eyes, and then we smile. When we receive a smile in return, we exchange courtesies that bring us both to nodding our heads in agreement."
6. When a student is tapping their pencil, talking to themselves, humming, or some such other "distracting" behavior, look around the room and see if anyone is bothered by it. It may be the student is engaging in behavior that helps them focus. It may also be they are seeking attention in an inappropriate way. Either way, if you are the only one who seems to notice it, it is probably a good idea to willfully ignore it. ]]> 2016-07-24 19:14:31 UTC https://padlet.com/mikesteffen72/hoton1bhmbqr/wish/116874388 mikesteffen72 https://padlet.com/mikesteffen72/hoton1bhmbqr/wish/116922863 Whether you realize it or not, you are always role modeling for kids. It's a good idea to take a few minutes and think about how you behave throughout your day and what message that is sending. ]]> 2016-07-25 11:34:16 UTC https://padlet.com/mikesteffen72/hoton1bhmbqr/wish/116922863