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"You've changed"

“Huh, yeah"

“When you were younger, you used to run around. No one could stop you. You were so curious, you always asked about things. How was I supposed to explain why the sky was blue, or why the moon always follows you? You were like, I don't know, a meteorite? But not as uncommon, you know, like, you were everywhere. Do you still sing?”

“no, i didn't like it and i don't have time for it ”

“I really liked listening to you sing and hoped you would continue-”

"That's because everyone else did it too”

“Yeah, but your singing was good even for a child, and you could play the instrument so well. Your voice sounded sweet and playful and cheery. Your voice sounds so different. Puberty?”

“No, uhh, so it just happened. I don't know how”

“yea, it sounds so hoarse and it's like you don't even know how to control your voice right now”

"yuh uh"

“You used to look so nice, prim and proper, and you used to wear pretty clothes. Anything your parents gave you, you would wear it. You behaved so nicely, well behaved. You weren't so sensitive. Like a crybaby. You can't even handle people making jokes around you. And you're such a scaredy cat, do you not feel regret when you keep quiet?”

“A lot of things have happened. You've gotten more confident. Did you always talk so much?"

“Why are you angry? I mean, i didn't say anything wrong”

“No you said nothing wrong, don't worry but uh i need to go i have to start serving food for the other guests"

“sure. It was nice talking to you after so long"

“Yea, I guess”

“Baiiii”

“Goodbye”

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I was really surprised at that time. This was the first conversation I had with person A after 5 years. I was really angry at that time to think we would point out everything that changed without knowing why or how. Person A seemed to not know that they were basically holding a mirror and pointing out everything “wrong” with me. I came from a family that doesn't like the idea of change. “You were the youngest, so stay the youngest '' was the idea that floated around my family so i don't really sit down and reflect because it feels out of place and not ‘normal’ compared to the rest of my family. When my family has any gatherings, I have to take responsibility and be somewhat of a host. Being a child host means that I focus on kids while my parents handle the rest. Kids also include older teens that I don't know well but they know a lot about me.

When I met Person A, I was not really not close to them so the way they started the conversation was very abrupt and sudden, leaving me at a loss of words. Now that i think about the moment, i don't feel anger or sadness but a weird feeling. It's like a mix of loss and nostalgia. The loss of something I once was and the nostalgic comfort of knowing that I had that conversation with Person A in the first place. A few years later Person B was talking about some random light hearted conversation when suddenly they said something in a different context. 

“do you think it was supposed to change, i mean they are supposed to, it's only natural, but if they had a choice, do you think they would have?”

This immediately reminded me of the conversation I had with Person A and I wondered if I had a choice, if I would have changed. Like how according to Person B, plants change to survive in different climates. But unlike a plant who does it according to instinct without a care in the world of how other plants see them, did I really have to do the same.

I would sometimes encounter discrimination towards me.🙎‍♀️

My father was discriminated and was charged more for food

This caused me to dislike a part of my identity (did not want to accept my identity)

It was dark and my skin was quite light that you can see slightly in the dark. I then approached my friends in my white jacket at night and they were all so frightened about me that they ran and some even shouted that there was a ghost in the area. I didn't know what was going on and I ran with them as I was afraid of whatever they saw... I didn't know that it was me... I felt extremely hurt that I really wanted to wear darker makeup to school but after that incident, everyone was afraid of me and how I looked...

“i have cancer.."

Footie's family had a family heritage of sickness mostly cancer and i already knew that but i was not ready or ever thought of him getting cancer . He said he had a noticeable lump on his right side of his face and went to get a check up and the doctor said he had some type of cancer but have not know what type of cancer is it yet.

obviously i was really worried and scared cuz i really don't want to lose footie. Especially when he went out of contact for months. i was so worried that i posted him on my personal account to ask for any info on him but i didn't thought he wouldn't want people to know about his illness . Footie massage me after that post and got mad and blocked me after that. till now i have not heard Footie or seen him . i don't even know what type of cancer gootie had or what stage.hopefully he is not dead.

i reflected on myself that i was insensitive

DO NOT COPY.

OGLs: give me an A!

Campers: A!

OGLs: give me a T give me a L-A-S

Campers: ATLAS!

All:

We lift it high, we bring the flame,

Atlas strong — remember the name!