you see, when you realize things, you learn what's only necessary and what's not. some, quite familiar, and others too foreign or too simple that we'd sometimes blame ourselves for the innate stupidity.

but that was life. this is life.

how it works, revolves, rotates, plays, turns, twists everyone's sanity round and round. knotted like pretzels.

but she didn't care. not anymore.

if there was something she's sure, it's how unprepared she will always be. she will be down, mostly up, and on some point, strangely inbetween. she'd have adequate words for days, and then be dried up for weeks. on some days she'd be somber, some happy, and the others will just be calm, collected number of hours ticking away as the time passes by. she'd have sleepless nights, obsessions she can't let go, lies told, brutal honesty, and maybe a bit of courage to dare something so foolish. strongholds her threshold can't overcome. she'll be broken like a promise, especially her heart, maybe a dozen times or more, be a ruins thrice, but that won't be enough until she's spent and bent. but she won't give in, no — anything but that. it wasn't in the option. and even if it is, she won't choose it.

a journey compiled of everything but easy.

but that's the only way to fly.
you start from the bottom, because if you don't, then how will you know if you're already above it all?
sometimes you've got to fall before you can get back up.

the point here is, it's alright to have mistakes. hell, it's better to make lots of them than doing absolutely nothing at all.
improvement and moving forward in her case was difficult — pain being inevitable in every step she'll take.
even so, she refuses to be still. Refuses the past to paralyze her in fear and regrets.
refuses to sink underneath the unrestrained waves of diverse fuckeries the world has in store for her.

in her own time and season.

always ready to resuscitate from her ashes.