Meghan A. Google Sites Peer Feedback 2021 - 2022 by Meghan Afir

Ava-

2021-10-05 13:59:58 UTC

Something that I thought you did really well is using the starting first few words for your sentences. For example you said when you got to the part where you talked about what your dislikes are you said “I really try to stay away from some things like,” and then said what you didn’t like. I also liked how you used specific details. For example, you told us all the names of your pets and what type they are. Overall I liked your about me piece!

Juliana- Something that I really liked about your writing is how you talked about their major things in your life. “Another big part of my life is Girl Scouts, and my pets!” I think you did a great job telling the reader what is important to you. Another thing that I think you did well on was your title, your greeting, and your closing. I was intrigued by your background image and title, it made me want to read about you and why you chose the beach as your background. I honestly think that you opened the reader in a good way, and left them with something to remember as your closing. However, something that could use improvement is where you said “Now here’s a little about me.” I think instead of saying that the reader was going to read about you, you could have just left this phrase out, or told it in a more secretive way.

28jdowling — 2021-10-05 14:16:28 UTC

Norah-

2021-10-05 16:23:26 UTC

Something I think you did well was explain some of your favorite things, “I also enjoy going to the beach, and getting Starbucks.” Something else I think you did well was your greeting it was very welcoming into your writing piece. However a suggestion is to expand on your dislikes why you don’t like them. Overall it was a great writing piece!

Cerea

28cyau — 2021-10-05 17:58:00 UTC

Your title is great! I love how you were very welcoming and described a lot on some big things in your life. I also love how you described your pets! However, a suggestion I can offer is that maybe you could add why you like to go to Starbucks and going to the beach and why you dislike some things! Overall, your writing is outstanding!

Esther

2021-10-06 15:54:53 UTC

One thing I love about your about me piece is how you said everything you wanted to be when you grow up. It made me understand a little more about you. I also like how you add detail to everything you said. It made it easier to read your intro and made the piece really good. Although I wish you expanded on your list of dislikes.

Shiloh Verrico Aka Bff

28sverrico — 2021-10-06 17:37:20 UTC

I love how you incorporated your animals and how old they are, it was great seeing what you like to do/what you want to be in the future! Another thing I adored about your price was how it was short but you jam packed it with things about yourself! One thing I wished is for you to add more about your likes/dislikes and put them into more detail, but other than that it was great!

Katie hansen

2021-10-07 14:56:13 UTC

I really like your writing because I really like when you talked about your pets and added a lot of detail about them.I also really like your descriptive words that you used.I really liked your ending when you said sit back and relax.I also like how honest you are with your story like when you said you hate tomatoes.

About me

2021-10-07 16:36:14 UTC

I like how you start of by saying “This is where I will keep all my writing pieces.”

I love how you tell how many pets u have and their names

I would help you because I like how u included your pets but I wouldn’t include the ages of them but i like it tho.

Lila Craven

28lcraven — 2021-10-07 17:49:57 UTC

I love your piece! I loved how you described about your pets and I also loves your title. When you talked about your animals I wanted to read the rest of your story. I can connect to the animals part. I have 12 pets. I loved your title because its sounds like you put lots of effort in your piece. One thing i suggest is to explain more about the other dislikes and likes you had, for example you listed the dislikes and didnt tell us why you dont like them. In other hands, I love your piece!

Sela

28spowell — 2021-10-07 18:12:03 UTC

Something that I liked is how you said you will be writing in the sites throughout middle school. I love how you said this because out of everyone’s piece that I've read no one has put what you put so that just stood out to me. In Addition, my favorite part about your piece was how your4 dog named Lucy and your fish named Merv are both 1.5 five years old! I also loved how you put your biggest goal in life instead of putting just your likes and dislikes. I found myself wondering why you didn’t explain why you like baking and why you like organizing. Maybe you love ice cream so you bake/make it all the time, maybe your a neat and clean person so organizing is your specialty.

Esther

2021-11-30 16:49:37 UTC

I really like how you added all the descriptive words to the beginning of your memoir . It made me wonder what you were doing and why you were doing it. I also liked how the end of your story wrapped up your whole piece and tied together with your title. A suggestion I have was that I wish you showed how you got to see the creature, like if you got home and heard racket in your yard, or did you see it.

Norah K. ;)

2021-11-30 18:51:35 UTC

A strength of your memoir “The Little Things” is how you explained in detail that you were trying to help this little kitten from getting hurt and how you wanted to save it and take it home with you. In addition you had great figurative and brought us into your thoughts and I felt I was there right next to you. It was hard coming up with a wish but I think you could have added something you did with the kitten after you rescued it. It was an amazing memoir!

Shiloh Verrico Aka Bestie

28sverrico — 2021-12-01 18:31:23 UTC

The first star is your amazing word choices/figurative luanage, they are amazing, they make me feel like it's in real life and I’m actually there. It is so life like it's like I’m watching a movie on Netflix! The second strength is the anticipation, there are so many moments when I am itching for the next part of the story! However, I just wished you would have created more of a snapshot/small moment as it's like a mini story.

Emmmmm

Emmmmmmmmmmm — 2021-12-01 18:41:34 UTC

I liked how you said “I could taste the cool, breezy air swimming through my lungs as I stayed quiet.” It made me feel like I ate a pack of gum then tried to slurp the air. I also liked how you incorporated the lesson into the title. It gave me a sense of mystery and I wanted to figure out the name's meaning. One thing I would suggest changing is when you said “I looked over to my dad, and saw his relaxed, happy, and hopeful face.” Maybe you could try to add more fancy words.

Sela

28spowell — 2021-12-01 19:28:16 UTC

A strength in your memoir “ The little things” is just the way I was able to really picture what was happening in your story, and really just your similes and hyperboles.In addition I loved the way you explained your lesson and the end of the story.However, a suggestion is being more specific in a couple sentences but good job!

Sela

2022-03-07 19:20:29 UTC

Hi Meghan! I love the way you described the girl's feelings when she found out she had to wear a uniform to school, I could really visualize/ feel the pain the girl had. I also loved the way you said your go to the heart because of the way you wrote because you explained very clearly.(Clearly, this issue is so important because most people don’t realize how badly this can affect young children. It can cause so many children to grow up insecure. People should care about how bad uniforms truly are, in order to stop their kids from going through it. Most people don’t realize how horrible uniforms truly are!) However, a suggestion is next time to use words that make your writing sharper than it already is! Great job! :)

Norah :)

2022-03-08 18:26:58 UTC

Hey Megehane! A strength of your essay, “The Dark Side to Uniforms”, is the way you describe the senses in your warrants really paint a picture. You explain the problems for parents and money, expression and more. In doing this you really and truly support your claim, reason and evidence. In addition, I like the way you had open ended questions after your paragraphs/warrant, like this one “Why aren’t uniforms made to fit all body types?”. I could not find a wish so I have another star, I loved how you explained your point of view and how you showed that uniforms are really a bad thing and people need to realize that. Great job weirdo!! <3

Ava-

28abogdan — 2022-03-09 15:03:05 UTC

Hi Meghan! A strength of your essay is, I didn’t see any spelling and grammar mistakes. Meaning that everything I read in your essay I could understand because of your precise writing. Another strength of your essay was using figurative language. For instance you used words like, “Abolished,” in your piece which spiced it up and made me want to keep reading to learn more about your essay. However, I suggest you check to add transition words in your introduction and conclusion. It would just show when you are trying to state another point in more of an order.

Lila

2022-03-09 18:42:27 UTC

Hi Meghan! A strength of your essay is the way you included figurative language. I could really tell you did your best on this essay! I also enjoy the way you talk about how people have different styles and you explain what their style is. For example, “She rushes to the bathroom during class and sulks in her uniform remembering how happy she was in her hoodies and leggings.” This sticks out because I know why she doesn’t like it and what she would rather be wearing to make her happy. However, a suggestion I could give you for improvement would be to look over your punctuation and double check spelling. That would help me and others understand what you mean. If you used some different words in your piece, it would affect how and why you think that. I loved your piece.

Norah :)

2022-04-25 17:38:18 UTC

Hey Meggie! First of all, your story task writing piece was AWESOME!! A strength of your narrative, “ A Wander In Time” is the way you described the important details. It really made me feel like I was in the moment. In addition, a strength is how you put a lot of detail into your story and the readers can see the time and effort you put into creating your story. Last but not least, I can't come up with a wish so here it’s another star. I love how you put the reader in the moment so they felt like they were one of the characters in the story. Amazing job!!! <3

Em- Story task

2022-04-25 17:40:52 UTC

Hey meg, A strength of your narrative “Endymion Spring” is where you add helpful details within the paragraphs. Such as when you said “ An unsure shaky pale hand reaches out for the old brown book” also when you said, “ deteriorating in his dry wanderous hands” and many more. These sections really shaped the scenes and showed strong emotions, and vibes. Another thing I enjoyed about the piece was the strong emotions portrayed. Such as when you said, “Blake’s green grassy eyes widen and he gulps as he looks at the name tag he had to wear when entering the library, trying to deny his worst nightmare. It couldn’t be true… could it?” These sentences in particular help the reader understand that Blake was scared of what he created in the future. It lets us know that Blake cares about what he can do with his life and how it affects others. One wish I have is maybe to describe the rebuilding process a little bit more. Great job! :)))))))

Sela

2022-04-26 18:14:28 UTC

Hi Meghan! A strength of your narrative, “A Wander in Time,” is the way that you started your narrative. I loved how descriptive your hook was from the start. I also like how you put so many details in. In addition, I like the way you started with inner thoughts because I’ve never seen anyone so far start off with inner thoughts so it’s very unique. However, a suggestion I can offer for improvement for the readers to know what’s going on is when you start your narrative add a bit of background information.