but i ruined it well you made me feel i did

i miss you every day and constantly check up on you

i’d do anything to go back to the way it was as you brought the best out of me and always will

You never treated me like a person around our other friends, you acted like a was just a lost dog around the rest of you, but alone you wanted to know everything about me, you made me insecure about myself, you lied to me every day, you still try to be friends with me to this day, it has been years but you miss me, I'm glad I don't need to deal with you and your shit ever again.

A year ago I stopped being friends with you because I thought it would be best for us. A side of me wanted to write you every day, because I knew your drinking got a lot worse but I didn’t had the courage to write because I was sacred. Scared of what you would do if we were together while you were drunk.

A few weeks ago you died from the consequences of your alcohol problem. Sometimes I think it’s my fault because I stopped helping you and I weren’t there when you needed me the most. I don’t know if you hated me in your last days and I don’t know if you thought I hated you. I will never get the answer to my questions but I hope one day I will get closure and I hope you also got your closure💫

You’ve ruined my life for 8 years, but I’m not gonna let that effect me anymore. I have the best people around me. Thankyou for letting me see I shouldn’t let people get to me and not change myself for anyone.

I despise you and I now know my worth, I know I deserve better. So thank you for been an awful person, because I’m now doing better than ever, I didn’t deserve to be treated that way but you were a lesson, I will never let anyone take my spark away again.

You're so beautiful, your kindness, your eyes, the way you tell me random facts just because you can, the way you make me feel comfortable and safe and wanted makes my heart hurt, I love you so much that it's crazy.

Do I think he doesn't treat you right, the way you deserve? Absolutely. Do I think I could treat you better? Maybe but would I risk our friendship and everything we have for that chance? No because living with this feeling is better than living without you.

But the only thing I took from this friendship was that Ik what I want in a friendship and what a friend shld really do for you. Bc of you I hated myself for ages and still do.

Ok thanks moodiereports….this was so therapeutic…! ❤️ love everyone who’s gone through a hard time!! Sending hugs!! X

I am sorry i trusted you guys, that wasn't my favorite mistakes. After those years i see that the only reason why we were 'friends' is because you could use me. It's sad that you didn't see me for the person i really am. You never gave me the chance to show the real me. There was just not enough space. I am a chronically people pleaser so i might have saw your behavoir but was to naive to believe it. I was willing to chance a lot to just fit in, but i knew deep down that whatever i would do it was never gonna be enough.

To my 'best friend'

I hope you see one day that i was the one who helped you through difficult times. I still hope you and your boyfriend stay togheter forever but don't forget that i was the one being there when you were at your lowest. Now you are almost ignoring me, idk if i can call you my best friend anymore

But maybe the past month you made me a more honest person. My chronic illness will always be an obstacle but it also makes me the person i am and lead me to the study/ job i will do.

But you are still horible

There's so much I could say to you, I don't have the space but I want to start with I miss you. I miss you so much, it envelopes me, you were one of the best people I ever knew and I will ever know. You taught me to find joy in the little things, to love music that little bit more and to unapologetically be myself, no matter who I am and I'm learning to do that. I miss your laugh, I miss getting your texts and calls, I miss hearing your voice, i miss everything about you. Olly Murs was in our city recently and I know you would've been there singing your heart out and dancing so I made sure I did it for you, I listen to his music and I think of you, I sing his songs and I think of you and not just him, Maisie Peters released new music and you were the first person I wanted to tell because you loved her as much as I do. I went to see Taylor Swift on the eras tour and you were the first person I wanted to call and tell and I couldn't because you're not here and it hurts.

My life and my heart haven't been the same since I found out the news. I want you to come back and tell me a daft joke, I want you to come back and tell me about this week's number 1, I want you to be the first person to wish me happy new year and happy birthday like you always did, i just want you here.

As well as being sad, I'm angry. Angry that you're not here anymore, angry that I don't know why you're not here anymore, angry that you felt you couldn't reach out and talk to me, I would've helped you Drew, you know that. You helped me so many times and I would've done the same for you, you only had to ask me and I'm angry that you didn't, I'm angry about it Drew, I'm angry.

I used to tell people you were the boy who swallowed the sun because you had an energy that filled the room with warmth and made everything brighter, everything's been grey since you were gone. You used to tell people we were going to get married one day and I always replied with "you wish" but maybe we would've, who knows. Either way, I would've been by your side always, watching you find your person and championing you the way you always championed me.

When I heard the news, I told my mum first and she said "that's the boy who bought you the bracelet and the lipstick for your 18th birthday" and that just showed how much of an impact you had, I'm way past 18 now but we've never forgotten that, I always tell people how you got the whole of McDonald's to sing happy birthday to me on my 18th and how I was so embarrassed but looking back now, it's one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me.

I didn't tell you enough how proud I was of you and I'm sorry but I am, so incredibly proud of you and I always will be. I'll never stop talking about you, I'll never stop missing you and I'll love you forever, there'll always be a piece of my heart missing because you're not here.

Until we meet again, keep shining, keep looking out for me and I'll keep making you proud, being unapologetically myself and not letting things hold me back, the way you always wanted to me to.

I love you x

With that, I have one final thing to say.

Dear Drew,

Thank you.

i have moved on but the pains and scars you have given me will remain some time in my life~im slowly healing and i wish you nothing but the WORST because i really really hate you

Dear Drew, thank you!

But it made me realise how supportive my friends are during my saddest and I deserve so much more.

It's almost a year. Sometimes it still stings just a teensy bit, but I do feel my spark is back.

I wish you the best (fr), but I want nothing to do with you. Ever again. Thank you.

Thank you Henry for all this amazing songs you build us up with we heal all together from it 🧸🤍

And to my dear bullies I’m not even mad anymore it doesn’t help me anything in life to still be I’m thankful for this path of my life bc I learned a lot and know I’ll never treat anyone like y’all did treat me or I’ll always stand up for someone who don’t get treated well and that’s what I’m proud of about myself even when y’all wanted to destroy me I’m doing better than ever

i still check up to see how you're doing every now and then

i don't know if i can ever forgive you for the hurt you caused and the friendship trauma you've caused but you will always be a part of my journey of growing up to be who i am now

so dear drew, thank you

Thx..