Love is such a beautiful thing; a seed implanted in our heart, growing through sprinkles of happiness day by day. It is shared, received, and is given back again-- love is a cycle. In each day that we live, we see the existence of love in every corner that there is. Love as they say, is in the air that we breathe. 

Love is in the smile of a stranger, Love is in the touch of the hand of a mother, Love… is in the caring of one another, Love… is in the act of loving oneself for the better. 

There are different types of love in this World, but there is a kind so special, only the self knows. It is the kind of love where you choose to let go of people that can do no good to you, the kind of love where you just stop putting other’s happiness first and you prioritize yours too. It is a phase, a process, a reach for change... It is the kind of love where you try to fix oneself, after shattering into broken pieces from giving too much of what you had, leaving just a love so tad. This kind of love, is what can fix you, a love found in yourself and is for the self. This love is ‘Self-love’. 

Those words were just one of the memorable things I learned from my mentors, and back then I didn’t mind it since I was very young when they told me that, Little that I know that 2017 would mark my journey to self-love. It is still a wound that slowly heals. I realized that it is never too selfish to put yourself first sometimes because before we tend to other’s wounds, we need to take care of ourselves first.  Before loving other people, love yourself first. Respect yourself. Respect every cell in your body. When your body tells you to rest, then it is time to do so. It is never stupid to admit our weaknesses, as a matter of fact; it is a sign of strength, a symbol for resilience. 

 I realized this. If we had done something in the past, we should forgive ourselves, and move on. Easier said than done, right? Still, I urge you, dear readers, not to forget them, but to learn from them because they are merely shadows from your past; they can come back to haunt you and torment you but face them head on, anyway.  I know it’s hard but please, please keep going. It’s never too late to face a new chapter, a new beginning. It’s always the first part that’s devastatingly difficult but do not give up. During this season of my life, I realized that no one, not with the things I have, nor the clothes I wear or the grades I get can ever dictate my worth. My worth is found in Jesus. When I felt like sinking, drowning from all my fears, worries, failures, heartbreaks, disappointment, and heart-shattering confrontations from the people I value most, and when I felt not being enough, he restored me. 

At the bottom of that pit, I realized that there is really no one who can lift me up other than my loving creator, because he knows me best, he created me after all. He knows every flaw, every pain, every tear that I shed, and every moment that I have taken everything for granted – myself included.  And in the process of healing, a droplet of grace is sufficient to start over again. 

Every time I am asked to describe myself, I always answer— I am a beautiful trifle. I always think of myself as a tiny dust on earth but I am beautiful. Maybe not in the physical appearance but I know that my soul is beautiful. There are times that the world bombards you criticisms to the point that the labels that they give you mark like tattoos but those tattoos actually make me even more beautiful. Life is not perfect.  I am not perfect but I love myself. 

So if you wake up in the morning with tears in your eyes, or if you find yourself looking like you are in abyss then you have to ask yourself—are you really happy with your life? Stop making other people happy for a while just to prove to them that you are worth loving for because everyone already does. Stop giving too much attention to the things that will make you distracted. Avoid self-destruction. Don’t be a fan of self-pity. Everything happens for a reason. It just depends on how you reflect on it. Be proud. God gave you challenges because He knows that you can surpass it. You can. You should. You have to. You need to. 

Self-love is not selfish. Self-love is more than just the word it is. It is like how you say “Love is love”. You say such word yet the description starts the moment you do something about it. You have to fight for what you are and never let them destroy you. If others hate you, love yourself. At the end of the day, whatever morning the world gave you, at night, the moment you close your eyes, tell yourself that the tears that wake you up at 8:00 a.m. should never wake you up tomorrow. 

For me, the context of love is an opportunity to express oneself to someone or something by means of caring, giving, and overcoming. It’s like caring about someone or something beyond all rationality and when you love, you don’t stop ever. Even when people don’t understand you, or belittle you for doing what you do because you love that specific thing or person and if that happens, you love more than you did from the very start. Even though it drains and breaks you. You just live with the pain that is growing every day. 

This perception, somehow, I have not thought to apply to myself ever. It’s something that I have never thought to give to myself. The love that I give to people and to the things that I do, is the same love I haven’t given to myself yet. I may have been when I was still whole, but not completely. Not yet. I’m still learning to give the love that I deserve by focusing on myself and trying to know “me” better. 

But if you come to think of it, I may have defined love in a very masochist way. But that’s the point. If I have given that kind of love to a person and passion, how come I can’t give it to myself?  If that’s the kind of love that I know, then I can also do it with myself, right? Because if not, if I can only do and give less than what I have defined, if it’s only a two or three from the things I have said, than that is not love. It’s just some temporary and fleeting thing that has existed. Something that is incomplete and will never be enough no matter what I do. It’s like an unending search of completeness into the wrong things or people. But no matter what happen, I won’t stop ever. Especially now, that I need it more now. 

Self-love is hard to define, honestly. It’s an abstract concept that no one can really understand as to how to do it. It may be through the process of taking care of your health, or weeding out toxic people from your life, or establishing your belief in yourself that soon you may radiate confidence and achieve a certain goal. But all these are immeasurable to begin with, which brings us the question: to what extent do we have to love ourselves that is not considered borderline self-centeredness? 

I guess, we should begin with kindness. Self-love is basically being kind to yourself in a way that you listen to what your body and mind tells you. 2016 was the wildest year of my life. I thought that I was loving myself by venturing out into the world, creating memories and unforgettable nights. Little do I know that, that’s just a superficial level of self-love. I forgot how to listen to what my body was actually telling me, and that had me face the consequences of deteriorating mental health. If it weren’t for a heartfelt letter from a friend, I would have not realized that. And so, I corrected myself by taking a step back, breathing the polluted air of Manila, and listening to the city noise until I had learn to walk instead of run, go home to the fresh air of Rizal, and cancelling the city noise to hear what my subconscious has to say. 

I began asking myself “what do I want?” Certainly, I did not want to stay in that phase of constantly pushing myself to go out and drink, I didn’t want party lights to define me as a person because even though I fit in, that is not just who I am. I wanted deep conversations with genuine people, with or without alcohol. I wanted the good kind of noise which will make me have butterflies in my stomach and my mind fill with endless thoughts. I wanted something that I know I can do for the rest of my life. And so, I found AB Debate Parliament. On the verge of quitting my organization, I knew for a fact that they are my home away from home (even with all the tiring trainings), so I stayed. Letting go of old habits is definitely not a walk in the park, but it was fun to walk that park with people whom you trust and understand you. 

And for me that was being kind to myself. That was self-love. That was listening to what my heart actually wanted and bringing myself to embrace it wholeheartedly. And now that I’m being kind to myself, it’s time to answer the question, “To what extent do we have to love ourselves that is not considered borderline self-centeredness?” And the answer is: when you radiate the same kindness you give to yourself to others even when they don’t deserve it, even when all logical arguments and evidences point to the opposite of kindness you still have to be kind. That’s what my “back door” friends taught me. I won’t deny, I’m still learning how to be constantly kind to others. We’re all humans after all, but I do think looking at the mirror and listening to yourself is a start. They say that you cannot give what you do not have, and so we have to recognize that self-love isn’t limited to yourself, but how you treat others too. Self-love is being kind to yourself in order to radiate that same kindness to the people you surround. It’s a long and never ending process, but it’s worth it. 

Valentine’s Day is a celebration of love, a love that is universal and free—it has no boundaries and limits. This year, I would like to celebrate love in a ‘narcissistic’ way. It has been my number one priority since I gave my heart to someone who is unworthy of it. The importance of self-love in my life became a fleeting trend this 2018, but we all have different ways of celebrating self-love this year. I promised myself that I will prioritize my health this year because I was diagnosed with atopic dermatitis last year due to chronic stress. This year, my self-implied advocacy for self-love has begun by going to my dermatologist and allergologist every now and then for various treatments. This is my way of celebrating self-love, it may be medically-inclined but I never felt better and relieved since I underwent these treatments a couple of weeks ago. 

Self-love isn’t just “thinking about yourself” or “being selfish”, it’s about looking after yourself and prioritizing your well-being. I’ve sacrificed a lot last year because of my skin condition, but thank God my condition  has improved a lot after going through a lot of steroidal injections and vitamin drip therapies. Not only this Valentine’s Day that I’m going to preach about self-love, I will surely carry this mantra of mine ‘til I grow old. I may still  have this condition wherein I have to change my lifestyle, but I am very much grateful that I am still able to function as a whole. Though I may not be blessed with a perfect physical condition, I am still grateful that I am surrounded with a lot of people who I love dearly: my family and friends, and of course a loving God,  to whom my self-love also extends to them  since they are also a part of  my life. 

Self-love may be stated as ‘loving yourself’, and this also encapsulates my love for my own physical appearance: having a not-so-perfect body, having lesions all over my arms and legs, and having a pimple-infested face. Acceptance will always be a part of my self-love mantra because it makes everything less complicated, that’s why I chose to accept my flaws and learn to love them as well and make them a part of me. 

First, let me give you a flashback of my new year's eve. There I was under the night sky, deep in thought, wondering what my new year’s resolution was going to be. It’s not so easy to formulate a resolution considering how you need to have a realistic yet positive outlook. It took me two california makis and a bowl of fruit salad before I finally figured out what it was going to be. I decided that this year I was going to work on my self-acceptance and self-love. 

Today marks the 45th day of my work towards reaching my goal. What progress have I made? Did I make any progress at all? If I’m being completely honest, I think I haven’t made much progress since day 1. Self-love, after all, is digging into the deepest parts of yourself and be able to say that you’re not ashamed of who you are. Unfortunately, I’m still the same person as I was last year, still the same girl full of insecurities and self-doubt. These past few days I find myself at rock bottom and it feels like I’m not getting anywhere. I wonder if I’ll even succeed in the end. However, if I really want to fulfill my resolution, then I should start by accepting that I can’t change who I am in a blink of an eye or even in a span of 45 days. This is who I am and who I am is someone who isn’t capable of changing quickly. And you know what? I think that’s okay. We all have a different pace in arriving at our destination anyway. Wow. Am I finally making progress right now? I hope so. 

The path to reach my goal won’t be an easy one and it would take me one step at a time, one day at a time, to get there. Even so, I have to remember that what’s more essential is that I won’t lose focus of my goal and that I’ll keep trying no matter what. Besides, it’s only Day 45. I still have 320 days of 2018 to make up for it, right? 

Self-love could probably mean buying yourself a nice dress, getting a manicure or treating yourself out for a nice dinner, or maybe not for me. Well, I have an eccentric view on that. For me, self-love could probably mean spending half of my day on social media, and fangirl over Korean artists who probably don’t know anything about my existence but still loving them anyway because that’s the only way to make me feel happy, or taking a good nap instead of going out with friends who want to drink until midnight, or maybe taking the long road going back home just to listen to my favorite songs, gaze at the moon, and watch the Manila traffic, even if I’m not physically capable of walking for a long time.

Self-love is not completely synonymous to selfishness. Not sharing your food is not self-love. Dragging other people down to put yourself up is definitely not self-love. Being self-centered rather than understanding the feelings of other people is not self-love.

Self-love is like doing a pose in yoga for the first time. You can’t seem to find the right balance nor the right pose for it but eventually, after several weeks, months, or even years of practice, you'll finally find the perfect balance. It is same with self-love; self-love does not come instantly. It takes time, a lot of time for that. And to be able to find love for yourself, you have to invest on it, you have to find time for it.

We’re all given a cup that should be filled with love for our selves. Maybe a lot people has already filled that cup, some have none. Others may have broken their cups, but I guess mine is a teacup which probably means I still have a tiny bit of love for myself. Sad thing is that, I’m not even half way there in filling up my teacup. We were given these cups to fill it up until it overflows, in that way we can give the overflow to other people because self-love is telling yourself, “You deserve it” then eventually telling other people, “I love you.”

So, do I love myself? No, but maybe, eventually, I will.

"This time I'm choosing myself. This time, I'm choosing my heart". These words by Kimpoy Feliciano, a YouTube sensation that I’ve seen on Twitter actually inspired me with my motto this year, #SelfLove2018. During the previous year, I was so busy loving everyone. Sometimes, as selfless that I am, I even put them first in terms of my priority. Before the day ends, I would make sure that I would make them happy and contended. And when I say EVERYONE, it is the people I've interacted with and became close to me (friends, best friends, block mates, ex-relationships, acquaintances, and even strangers at that. But as I reflected during the latter part of 2017 (specifically December), I thought of myself not being genuinely happy amidst all the things I’ve done for them. Maybe, because of putting others first, I forgot to take care of my heart, my heart that has been hurt, stabbed, and broken, but still working. I forgot that there is a so-called “internal happiness” that I think, would come after you love yourself. 

 

     When we say #Self-love, people can and may interpret it in different ways. Maybe for them, it is kind of corny for they say that we need affection everyday that's why self-love is impossible. But for me, personally, I thought of Self Love as a key, a key to my true happiness. It is also a key of me, being able to love others genuinely after appreciating and loving myself first, and me, being able to appreciate my own kind of beauty, a beauty that shines among the people I love and interact with. 

 

     This year, I promised to myself that I would make myself happy. I would go out to the mall and watch a movie by myself, treat myself whenever I accomplish something good, ask myself out on a date whenever I feel intoxicated with life for what reasons the world can give. This year, I would take care of my internal happiness. Though I may still be the same funny and fun-to-be-with Ralph, Perhaps, I may make myself happy first. I am choosing myself not for the mere reason of being selfish, but I would like to think that is kind of a gift for me for being good and selfless to other people. In this way, maybe, I could finally meet the right one for me. The one that would give butterflies in my stomach, the one that would never fail to let me feel that I’m loved, and the one that would make me love myself even more. Yes, you need affection from other people but in the end, still, self-love is the best kind of love one could give for you won’t wait for anyone to give it, rather, it’s just YOU, not anyone else, but YOU. 

My dad used to tell me a joke that goes, “mag-iwan lagi ng space for Holy Spirit”. It was funny at first because he would tell me that every time I go out. But then, I realized that I really should, because I am the temple of the Holy Spirit. It tells me to always take care of myself and make myself a priority. Some may say that this is a selfish act, but for me, this is where you make yourself happy. 2017 was a long battle for me; from bad breakups to losing confidence and worst is that I’ve hurt myself… mentally and physically. I thought that we give out our 100% in love but we get tired and we end up with nothing.. A friend told me that when you love, you should not ask for anything in return. I made a decision to make myself a priority and to make myself happy. It was a choice that I made for myself so that later on it can be for the people I truly care and love. I also realized that it is okay to love myself and others.

Loving yourself is a process and progress for you to be able to give and share your love to the people around you. #SelfLove2018 is a reminder for me to be good and true to myself; it reminds me to appreciate the good things and accept even the bad things. . There’s nothing wrong with showing yourself a little bit more love with a dash of care and happiness. At the end of the day, love never gives up (1 Corinthians 13). I hope I am truly making a progress and I hope when I look at myself, all I could see is love and happiness. 

            At the bottom of the world, this is what can be discovered: that self-love is a social construct. In the blackness and the silence of everything lost, we cannot find self-love. But this is my opinion, that self-love cannot exist by itself. I think perhaps that is why God created Adam and immediately followed with him with Eve. Even the Creator, the definition of love, knew that if a person were to experience God by himself, it would not be enough, or nothing much can be approximated. Any idea of love floats aimlessly because what really is love when all we have is the self? We receive, and then what? If I, a vessel, am being filled with this love, once I am full, what shall I do afterwards? 

            The concept of self-love is bizarre to me, yet I understand why there is a need for such a term. People just need something to hold onto to remind themselves that the self is important in the equation of love. But what I am painfully aware of, that which distances me from self-love is the truth that the need arises because of the lack, and the only way self-love can be is because there is other-love, which in essence is love-love; the overflow of something within, awaiting the exchange.  And I am more committed to the idea that we need both; that love, however it is portrayed by songs and odes and everything else, is the balance of self- and other-, the belongingness and withdrawal to solitude, being in the ocean and watching from the shore. 

            I am not saying that self-love is wrong or hollow, in fact, as I have said, it is part of the equation. It’s just that I don’t subscribe to it because for me this 2018, and for every year and day to pass, I prefer to know of love like how a figure skater would be on the ice. To appreciate the art, to not be hurt by a fall, and to land splendidly at the end of a jump, I must keep balance. I’m not good at that loving the self thing and the loving others thing, so I take and do away with what I can. It is Valentines’ Day as I write this, and all I am sure of is that I equate myself as others love me, and I love others as I have delighted myself upon, in the light of how I was created, and in faith of the leap towards the triple axels I am to make. It doesn’t mean anything aside from ourselves really, this whole love fiasco, but we should jump anyway just to see if what we got is right enough.   

            

Love should never be selfish because it is meant to be shared, but only to those who are worthy. Before you love other people, love yourself first because there is only one you. Self-love is the source of all our other loves. It may sound easy when you say “love yourself”, but it is also difficult to love yourself.  Never neglect yourself because of your love for other people, you also need love. You can’t lose yourself because of your love for others, hence you deserve a love that is special which comes from you, that’s why value and prioritize yourself every once in a while. 

Loving yourself isn’t a form of selfishness, because you can’t love others until you know how to love yourself and it is hard to experience love from them and it’s also a way of respect because you are a creation of the Father, and He wants you to take care of yourself in order for you to be useful in this world. Self-love means spending time for you to be better, stronger, and bolder. We can only attain improvement, but not perfection. Loving your flaws and imperfections is also a way of loving yourself and accepting yourself for who you really are. 

Don’t waste your time loving other people who are not worthy of your love and attention, rather love yourself first because you’re more important and definitely you deserve better. Don’t wish to be someone else you are not, because you are made to be unique, you are born to stand out in this world. So that’s why I’m working on myself, for myself, by myself. There is no one like and me and that’s my edge. I’m going to let my light shine, because I’m the only me in this world. 

“You are Beautiful.  You are Kind. You are Smart. You are Passionate. You CAN do anything you put your mind to. You’re as Resilient as a bamboo. You are not of anyone’s – not of the seemingly charming guy who promised it was gonna be you and him against the world but was too cowardly to treat you as an equal; not of those beasts who mauled your youth and scarred you forever, hindering you from trusting other people for a long time; not of your old friends who don’t even bother to check on you anymore but still expects you to do them the courtesy they deprived you of; You are NOT of the world; You are of God, of course; but afterwards, You are of yourself.” 

 

I happened to form a habit out of looking at myself in the mirror both during mornings and nights. Don’t get me wrong however, for my reason for doing so is quite disparate to those who do it – some for vanity, some for self-loathe; yet I do it for something much more profound than both of those reasons combined. I feel as if a day going by without seeing the girl in the mirror, gazing at her form and looking at her eyes with fervent intent, and uttering the aforementioned verse to her until she believes it, would be a day (or night) wasted. It was like a part of me is calling to have a glimpse of her, to spend time with her, see if she’s okay and comfort her when it seems like she isn’t. “Seems” for others would often say that her stoic expression and tough façade have been so greatly crafted that they fool people. Oh but not me, never me. I know her well enough to tell how she feels about whom or what just by looking at her feigning orbs. And that’s the beauty of our relationship, something that I truly treasure – no one can lie even if our life depends on it. 

 ---- Phamela Edralin

People keep on telling us that the standard of beauty is having a white skin, straight hair, bottle-like body and etc... The Dictionary’s definition of beautiful is being physically attractive. Also, our own society imposing that the epitome of beauty is the Western people for they have all their “standards of beauty.” That is selling beauty products is a good business here in the Philippines. But does being beautiful really chain in that standard? Is that really the definition of beauty? 

I believe that being beautiful is beyond that because being beautiful is loving yourself. Forget the standards imposed by the society, it will only make you struggle to be like them; instead make your own definition of beauty. Be intelligent. Do not be intimated by the people who have more experiences than you.  Be hungry. Do not be afraid to eat and absorb new things and ideas. Be angry. You should not blame yourself for the mistakes of others. Be crazy. Just be yourself, and do not let others hamper your happiness. 

I believe that loving yourself is not a selfish act. It is just that you prioritize yourself first. Putting yourself first is the most beautiful thing to do than being physically attractive. You do not need the opinions and acceptance of other people; you just need to accept and love yourself. 

 

                His love for her was a bud that blossomed before my eyes. Seeing the process was bittersweet, and even though it faltered before, my support was never ending. Since today is Valentine’s Day, he came up with gift ideas for her— gift ideas that he used to confide with another friend before, for a special person before that girl came by. Sweet little things that used to end up on my hands, every afternoon when he caught up to my swift pace as I scurry back home. 

                I have a gift as well. It contains sadness, bitterness, and some mushy mix of emotions. I mixed in some dark chocolates and flowers, as well as clean sheets of paper, blood to write with, and candies that he likes, but among these, it most importantly contained Love. All these I wrapped in a blanket of warmth, gazed at it for a long while, and for the first time in years, I dedicated it to myself. 

Chop, chop- get your feet off the ground and start walking down the road of talking what ‘Love’ is. What’s that? Oh! You saw that flowery gate and sparkling rivers? It’s not our destination- what? It has ‘love’ written on it? Bah! Foolishness! The way to true ‘Love’ is not that way, I must show you your way to enlightenment, my dear. 

Chop, chop- now be careful on walking on this road. It’s dark however there are lights! The tiles will give you the light to where your destination is! The red tiles is lava, it causes you pain! They make you feel the heat but it burns. Oh, it burns so bad, I tell you! The blue tiles over there? They cause frostbite, they kind of make you feel numb and then if you hit it you’ll break. Scary isn’t it? Those yellow tiles will make you feel happy for a few moments, although I must say, they’re kind of more delusional rather than long-lasting happiness. The green tiles have insects on it, they’ll cling to you all the way, and their bites sting honestly.  The pink tiles, they’re the best tiles. You can rest on them for a while! However they disappear quickly because tiles always change their color. What did you say? Easy path? There’s no easy path to ‘Love’! You create your own path to ‘Love’! It’s either you just blindly walk through it or use the lights to guide way, step over painful stuff! 

Chop, chop- you’re asking what the end of the road is? My dear, it’s a mirror! What? A mirror is not ‘Love’? Just because you see yourself with it? What nonsense, my dear! The mirror is everything! The end road of this adventure is acquiring ‘Love’! The road you’re taking? The scars you’ve earned just by stepping on those tiles? They’re your trophies of surviving this hellish road! It would be impossible to finish this road without seeing the mirror. The mirror is a reflection of yourself, they reflect adventures you’ve taken! You’ve come so far, I hope my dear, that you continue down this road. You’ll never regret! 

Chop, chop- Congratulations! You’ve finally realized that this road is about Self! The road into loving the self is never easy, you’ll encounter doubts, mistakes, and continuous self-hate but running against those, breaking those tiles- you’ll meet the end with is ‘Love’. Now my dear, are you ready to get your feet off the ground start loving yourself? I assure you, every step will be worth it. You can stray from this road but the road will always be there waiting for you. 

There’s nothing wrong with loving or putting yourself first. Nowadays, we’re all too caught up chasing love that we forget about ourselves.  We are so focused on things and people that we think matters the most that we forget and neglect some of our needs.   People are so enamored by the idea of someone existing out there in the world that holds a significant missing part in their lives and that meeting that someone would solve all their problems and fill that gap in their hearts. This case may or may not hold true for some people but I believe that we’re all completely perfect the way we are and we aren’t incomplete by any means because we were never broken or incomplete in the first place. 

I can recall numerous situations and questions all asking and containing the same train of thought. Asking and asking over and over again if I ever feel lonely or incomplete since I’ve never been in a relationship. It is during those times that I also found myself confused. Why should I be lonely? All these years, I’ve never felt lonely or yearned for a relationship because I realized that I’ve been too busy trying to love myself. I came to this strange realization that it is better to learn how to love yourself first before you start giving love to other people. It is because once you start loving yourself, you realize that all your flaws makes you who you are as a human being and that you create your own identity. You realize that it’s not your parents’, partner’s and friends’ perception that makes your own identity but you. 

Learning how to love yourself is not an easy feat. Some take years to be able to achieve it, some takes a lifetime. I believe learning how to love ourselves is a lifelong journey. We will encounter struggles and stumble along the way as we come to terms with the best and worst phases of ourselves but deep down we know that the only person that will be standing by our side until the end are ourselves.  We all have a long journey ahead of us in trying to embrace the ugliest and worst parts of ourselves but it will be a fulfilling one. I suggest you to stop looking and chasing for that one person that you believe holds that significant missing part of your life because that person is already here; you.  

As for any other forms of love out there, self-love has multiple meanings depending on the person. Every individual has lived a life that defined love for them differently. Self-love, from what I’ve seen, is something often overlooked or misinterpreted, as work being done is much more valued than the person working on whatever content they provide. Personally, I see self-love as the petty attempts on treating ourselves despite the pressures constantly threatening us to work. 

Every content-creator out there, and I regard students as one, know the struggle of fleshing out an idea that somehow spouted out while they were having a walk home, eating their lunch, or staring out of nowhere—just everyday mundane things. Personally, these spouts of idea are what I hold on to when trying to work, whether it’s something artistic or academic. Fearing the loss of the inspiration to create, I jump in almost immediately into its creation, and I never stop working on it until I think it’s done. Maybe it’s a sign of dedication to work, but lately I saw it as a sign of neglect— I always put the product first and prioritize it so much that I’ve forgotten to put attention to what I’m putting at stake in order to create something that probably will end up being mediocre. What we all put at stake is our bodies, our physical and mental health. 

Self-love for me is the short breaks we do while working. Not forgetting to eat while writing a research paper is self-love. Having eight hours of sleep is self-love. At least we’re trying, and the littlest amount of attention we put to our health is self-love. There’s never a time when we don’t think about work. Weekends practically don’t exist in college, because there’s stuff to read and write, and for vacations, I only ever saw it as a time to think about what’s going to happen in the next semester! Trying to stop thinking about the work that’s haunting us is in a way a form of being kind to ourselves. Let’s take a break and feel love for once, even if it’s just from our own little efforts. 

Self love. Easy to say, harder to do. Especially for those who spent their whole lives thinking they are not worth more than what they were made to think. Extremely hard for those who have a distorted view of themselves, and even the world. Practically impossible for those who wanted nothing more than to disappear and just make the pain go away. It’s easy to tell a person to just love themselves more. It’s easy to say: “Oh, I’ll do something for myself this time.” Or “I’ll put myself first this time because I deserve it.” It’s easy to say to yourself, you’re worth something too. It’s easy to say you deserve love too… But it’s often really hard to allow yourself to believe it. 

I grew up with a happy childhood. Playing tag in the streets, piko and patintero with my cousins. I had the standard definition of what a family is: A mom, a dad, and a younger sibling. I was at the top of my class during my elementary days and I had lots of friends. I was always considered the “lucky one” by those who didn’t have what I had so I guess I should be happy, right? When high school rolled around something changed. I honestly don’t know what happened, but things became complicated. Coupled with all the pressure and all the things expected of me, I began to punish myself whenever I failed to meet those expectations set for me, and especially the ones I set for myself. With each passing day up until I was already a college student, I grew to hate myself for all my many failures and insecurities. 

I always hated the phrase “self love,” mainly because I could never do it. I hated being asked to “tell something about yourself that you’re most proud of” mainly because I had nothing to say. I hated being told that I needed to love myself and forgive myself more mainly because even though I wanted to, I never could. But I want to try despite it all. For my “self love,” I want to try to at least forgive myself for everything that has happened to me. I want to try to tell myself, and believe, that I deserve to be okay. You can only do so much and it’s important to pick yourself back up again after you fall apart. If all the people who matter most to me think that I mean the world to them then maybe, somehow, I can think that too. Maybe, I can try this whole “self love” thing people are talking about because after all, I have nothing further to lose. 

            I’m having tough time writing about self-love. Forgive me. Now that I’m given the opportunity to reflect about the topic and to recall my previous works, I therefore conclude, remembering that I had made many people cry, my expertise is self-hate. 

            Thinking about self-love… For me feels like a sudden crave to travel through an unknown place that I have to go or to search for a stranger I have to meet. These words paints a picture of sunrays spilling through canopies of leaves – heart-achingly beautiful and unreachable. Untouchable. Difficult to grasp. Difficult to portray. The image of those dancing lights circles my head, begging to be immortalized by my words. Yet I thought frustratingly, “Why is this so difficult for me?” then a familiar voice echoed, “Bakit ang hirap isulat ng kaligayahan?” 

            Defining the feeling of happiness could be the moment your father threw you up in the air. The strong, cool breeze kisses your flushed cheeks and your contagious laughs fill the ears of every lonely grass. And suddenly the world is smaller and easy to comprehend. The escalating feeling envelope your entire being to the point you wonder, “Am I dreaming?” But does it matter in this moment? 

            Whereas the feeling of sadness is like falling and struggling and there are waves of air with the density of water overcoming your being. Unable to breath yet it’s easy to weigh that strong emotion that you can hold it in the palm of your hands and mourn for the pieces that you have yet to pick up again. 

            Where am I going with this? Honestly I lost my point half way. I guess… What I want to say is… I haven’t yet seen the entire form of self-love. Writing about it is like being lost in a dormant dark forest. The tall trees were too high and overgrown to let some sunshine flow through its fingers. They swallow every mirthful tune and break every exhilarating breeze.  And they look down at me with their invisible eyes with gazes that burn my back, paralysing my fibres. 

            But I know to myself that I have to move. Move. Traipse. Crawl. Slowly. I don’t know where I’m going but this is the treacherous path that I have venture. A part of me believes in the end of this journey is that place where I long to be where the stranger I have to meet is waiting patiently until I find my completion. 

Selfless, it has always been one of my characteristics since then. I am always the person who gives love. This selflessness of mine is what I have. However, at some point of everyone’s life, we have to think of ourselves to. Sometimes, we forgot to give the love that ourselves need because we are pre-occupied in giving it to others. Self-love is not easy to have. However, if you chose to love yourself at some point, you will surely do. It is a choice and it is you that will make that choice. 

I considered myself my least priority. I was so anxious to be called selfish. Way back, I thought that if I prioritize myself, I will be selfish. My mindset will be that, “If I give them the love that they need, they will give it back to me” but it wasn’t always enough. That love will not always be reciprocated to you. There are a lot of times that I struggled because I thought that pain is because of the unreciprocated love but I realized that it was because I gave too much and I forgot to love myself. 

 I know you’ve been hearing these words a lot of times but yes, for me this is accurate, that everyone deserves to be loved. Everyone deserves to be happy. Everyone deserves to be forgiven. Everyone deserves to be treated better. Everyone is worth it. One thing I learned from my experiences, I should not always my happiness to others. It’s just me, myself and I. The truth is, the only one who can bring you back in track is yourself. When I have learned to love myself, I knew how to be happy without depending it to others and that is what self-love is. 

#LoveYourself

 

Self-love is not as easy as it sounds. Self-love is not as easy as putting on your pajamas after a long tiring day and just heading straight to bed. For me, self-love is a process. A process where in you would have to follow through different phases and note that skipping a step is never allowed. It is also not a guarantee that this could be done in an instant. 

My personal experience with self-love is a never ending rollercoaster ride. There are times when I would be at the top of the ride bursting with joy and there are also times when I would be so down that the rollercoaster itself is in its slow pace and lacks the thrill of it. Honestly speaking, there are more times when my rollercoaster of a life would be in its slow pace because the feeling of being miserable is always present and never leaving. I always felt like I was trying but never being able to reach anything. I was always stuck in a situation where in I always think “Am I ever going to move on?” or questions like “Will I ever be as happy as I was before?” I realized that the only reason why I am feeling this way is due to the bad experiences and relationships I had with people and through this, I was sure that the people I met made a huge impact on me. That is when I thought of accepting the fact that people come and go. There are some who stays in our life and there are some who would leave after a while – even if we did not want them to. It may be hard accepting it but there is no need to rush. Life is not a competition on who gets to move on first. Never ever think that you do not deserve that cup of coffee in the morning as a reward of getting out of bed or that you do not deserve that 10 hours of sleep after staying up all night doing your research paper. It is good to start with the little things. Always remember to go at your own pace and when you finally learn to move on, let it go. Let go of all the bad memories and just forget every single thing that affected you negatively. It may be easier said than done but have faith that we will get there. But the scary part is there is a huge chance that you would fall back on step one again and that’s okay. As I mentioned earlier, we should always go at our own pace and remember that our biggest enemy is ourselves. 

I, myself have not mastered the art of self-love and nor am I going to expect to master it soon. There are still some bruises in me that have yet to heal. Sure, I may have experienced a lot of bad and hurtful memories but it is through those memories that shaped who I am today. I also learned in the process that perfection should not be something I should strive for because I will never achieve nor anyone can achieve it. Self-love will always be there for us. It will never hurt and leave us. I just have to find it and even if I fall short, I will just remember to keep fighting because self-love will never be at a fixed point for it is an adventure. 

I’ve always struggled to love myself. As happy as I may seem, I’ve always felt conscious or insecure about my physical appearance. Some people may think it’s not a big deal but for me I get conscious about every little thing. I can’t go out my house without putting make up on. I’d rather be late than go out with my bare face. Sometimes I dodge the big mirror inside my room, afraid to cringe at the sight of my acne covered face. My biggest insecurity is probably my weight. I’m always afraid to look down the scale to see those two or three big scary numbers. My biggest enemy is probably the tape measure. I always have to make sure I’m alone whenever I need to measure my waist. Some people tease me about getting fatter, I laugh along but feel like dirt on the inside. It’s come to the point that I am scared to love someone because of fear that they would reject me because I’m fat and ugly. How can I let other people love me when I can’t even love myself? Self-love is a constant battle for me. 

As depressing as my first paragraph sounds, I try not to let it get to me. I try to think of ways that I can make myself feel more comfortable with the way I look. Even if I have low self-esteem I am still optimistic that one day I’ll wake up and be satisfied with the way I look. There’s no point in moping around if you’re not happy with yourself. It’s okay to cry because of the nasty comments insensitive people say about you but at the end of the day, you can always prove them wrong. Sometimes our biggest critic is ourselves but we have to remember that change starts with us. Even if you don’t get your desired results in an instant, don’t be too hard on yourself. In the long run, looks will fade away and it will only give you superficial happiness. Loving yourself is not as easy as it sounds but we’ll all get there eventually. 

One step closer in accepting and loving who you are is surrounding yourself with people who loves you for you. It’s important that you choose friends that will uplift you instead of making yourself feel worse. I’m very blessed to have very loving and supportive people around me. They help me appreciate the things that I don’t really notice about myself. As much as I notice every negative little thing about me, I realized that I need to give myself a break and notice every beautiful little thing that I often overlook. It’s also important to remind yourself that beauty is not just on the outside, although sometimes society makes you feel like it is, it’s not.  Real beauty is on the inside, treating people right, spreading positivity, bringing each other up and loving one another will lead you to a happy and healthy life. It may be hard to see that because of the false image of beauty society is implying but accepting yourself is the first step. Work on yourself and what makes you happy. Again, self-love is not easy but it is a constant, beautiful fight. 

You are on the shore, watching the waves crash as they tingle your feet, matting them with sand, heat, and pure excitement. But the thing is, you can’t swim. So you just watch other people enjoy themselves from afar. You take a single step and you felt the water rise from your feet to your shin. You repeated this process until the water rose to your body, until you started to really like the water, the temperature, the sensation, and the feeling of being soaked. You felt incredible, saying to yourself, “wow, so this is what it actually feels like”, and you try to let go of that fear and all the inhibitions and just swim. But as the water reached your chin, you start panicking. You begin to realize, “oh my god, I can’t even swim? What am I even doing here?”, so you tried to go back to the shore when suddenly a huge wave swallowed you. You cursed yourself for trying, you cursed yourself for believing you could actually do this, you cursed yourself for being stupid. You were losing your breath so you started kicking, paddling, like a bird flapping its new wings. 10 seconds left and you’re out of breath. You now opted to finally think. You calmed yourself and saw your arms, your legs, and felt the weight of your body. Then suddenly it hit you, why won’t you maximize your resources? Anyway, all you have is yourself. So you realized, you can’t quit now, no you can’t drown. So you tried so hard until eventually, you found your strength and balance and now your back up. You resurfaced. You did it, you taught yourself how to swim. 

You see, we are always afraid to love and embrace ourselves. You try little by little until you think you got the hang of it until a huge wave of problems and trials swallow you. When you are in the pits of your own darkness—blinded by hate, suffocated by expectations, and drowned with insecurities—you tend to lose and eventually hate yourself. But you realize, why am I hating the only person that has my back by the end of the day? So you start fighting, not because the situation calls for it, but because you are calling for yourself. And now look you. You made it, you taught yourself how to fight, how to endure, how to trust, and how to love. 

                Now go grab that surfing board and catch those waves.

Others might say that loving the real you is the key for a happier, memorable, and contented life. Honestly, it is hard to love yourself when there is no presence of acceptance. This acceptance includes acknowledging your strengths as well as your weaknesses, embracing your flaws, and being confident at all times. These would probably help you to accept who you really are. Learn to be yourself even when you are at your worst state. Appreciate your abilities and develop it as well. Trust yourself, always.  

We are emotional beings. We love people, things, ideas, and trends. It is also our job to love ourselves. This is the time to prioritize yourself before other things. All of us deserve self-love because this is the only thing that can keep us secured and fulfilled especially during the most difficult times in life. It is amazing that God has given us, His children, the capacity to love and be loved. Don’t waste God’s gift and learn to love yourself now because I believe that self-love is the source of other types of love. You cannot give what you do not have, right?  Love yourself first and everything else will fall into place. 

Second, love means accepting, right? Well, if it comes to accepting all my flaws or accepting myself, I just couldn’t do it. I have so many insecurities, like in every aspects of life, maybe? I question everything that’s happening to me like, ‘why don’t I have the life I wanted to have?’ or ‘what did I do to deserve something like this?’ may it be in a positive or negative situation, a question would just popped out in my head like it’s a normal thing. I even question myself for my purpose, like ‘why am I even here?’, ‘should I really be existing?’ thoughts like that, where most of the time I overthink things. Also, I’ve always felt like I’m not good enough, that I lack something important and I would never even find it no matter what I do. Deep down in me, I know I don’t believe in myself, I have self-esteem issues, I would never start anything without even thinking ‘I can’t do it’. In other words, I think of myself as a failure. 

Lastly, I’m weak. I’m wrecked, I’m an over-thinker and I am definitely sad. I don’t feel like I’d be able to cope up with such feelings because loving means being happy, right? And I know for sure, that love isn’t always about sugar, spice and everything nice but why do people love in the first place? Isn’t it to find happiness? Well, if am supposed to do that to myself, I wouldn’t know where to start and how I would do it. I’d probably get lost in the process, get tired and give up. I don’t particularly hate myself, but maybe sometimes I do, I just couldn’t bear the idea of embracing everything about me. I feel unworthy of such love. But at least at one point in my life, I tried to love myself but it didn’t end up well for me. So I guess it’s the thought that counts?  

Laforteza, Marie Nicole N 

I don’t think about love often, not that I lack affection from others but I tend to forget when they do show it.  In fact I’d like to believe that I receive more than enough love from my family and friends every day. Maybe I got used to it and with somebody always on the lookout for me I forgot to lookout for myself. I took the love I get for granted, especially from my parents who constantly remind me to take care of myself. At times I’d be stubborn and rebellious going against what they say. However, this year, to for their sake and mine, I considered putting myself first. It was a personal project. 

I gave it much thought coming up with my definition for self-love before starting to do so. After staying up late at night and struggling to wake up in the morning, after always having head aches and sinuses I knew I at least had to do something. So I decided to take care of my body. Listen to what it really needs. This of course is only the first step. I still doubted my capabilities, feared in excellence and dwell in my mistakes. I had to change that too. I guess I realized it was a shame thinking that I was less when others knew I could do so much more. And so I started looking after my thoughts, my mental health. It was harder to do because I really don’t know if I’ve made any progress and I just couldn’t help but entertain negative thoughts. However, by surrounding myself with (hopefully) the right people and accepting God, now more than ever, I am hoping the days will be brighter ahead. 

This is what self-love is for me. I believe in checking both physical and mental aspect of myself. My body and my mind are gifts from God; it would be such a waste to neglect and not care for it even in simple ways. It will be a difficult process of persistently fighting and forgiving however I gladly accept this challenge. 

Self-love is caring for one’s own well-being but it is not narcissistic in any way. I had to search for the meaning to try and write this essay, even with the definition I’m still having a hard time writing this essay. To be honest, I don’t have a complete grasp of the meaning because I don’t think about self-love at all. It is something that doesn’t come to mind but I try not to forget about myself whenever I need it the most; for me, I think it just comes naturally. 

I don’t have to do something special for myself for it to be counted as self-love right? As long as I’m happy with what I’m doing with myself then it’s self-love. Maybe or maybe not… I satisfy my needs, earn/do my wants, and try to be happy off of those things. I’m not sure if that’s enough or if it’s already counted as self-love because it’s all natural to me. 

                The closest scenarios I can think of with regard to self-love is when I’m in a crossroad, a choice that would lead me somewhere I am unsure of, somewhere I do not 
know. And I would often ask questions for myself like “would this benefit me in any way?” or “what are the consequences if I did this?” and even “Is it worth it for me if I took this path?” Maybe this is self-love for me… 

The heart of man is selfish. It thinks only of its own good. When its efforts aren’t appreciated, it becomes angry and devastated. It demands that what it has given be returned.  The heart finds it difficult to be pure and selfless – even if it tries – because it is already corrupted and disillusioned to begin with.  It is helpless and hopeless because it is of an evil and dishonest nature. On its own, the heart can never ever love – EVEN ITS OWN SELF. How can the heart truly love at all? 

It couldn’t do it on its own. It needs an external source. When Jesus gave us the two greatest commandments (Matthew 12:31), He said that we must FIRST love God will all our heart, all our soul, our entire mind, and all our strength. Then, we must love our neighbor as we love ourselves. This means that what would make us love, what would make us holy should come from God who is Love Himself. We could only empty our hearts of evil by allowing God to first fill it in with His love. We can love on our own. We can only love because God has loved us first (1 John 4:19). It is by filling our hearts with this love that we can truly give and share. 

The next step is to love our neighbor, which the Lord clearly says must be equal with our love for ourselves. St. Augustine tells us that there is no love when there is nothing to be loved. He illustrates this by describing the personal and relational nature of the Blessed Trinity. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, while being one person, are also a community who communicate love among one another. Since God is our model of love, this is how we ought to love. The love God has given us must be shared among one another. 

Even if the love we have given won’t be reciprocated, that love didn’t come from us. It came from God. And God keeps giving this love, even if we don’t love Him in return. He even chose to suffer and die for us despite our ungratefulness and sinfulness. Even if we never sinned, He would still chose to take flesh, dwell among us, and die for us. That is how much He loves us. This is how we should give the love He has given. The love we give doesn’t reflect the person we love. It reflects who we are. It reflects Whom we belong to. 

Getting into a relationship at the fresh age of 16, I didn’t know what to expect with relationships, commitment, and all those sophisticated terms. These things weren’t taught in school! But one thing was certain, I know myself. I know what I deserve, I know what I want, and I know what I can give. Well, knew. My conviction and trust in myself were shaken to the core once I got into this relationship. I knew what I wanted, but I just can’t give in to the fear of letting go of things that I’ve worked so hard for. I can’t leave the person I love just because I think I’m not being loved enough. I mean, how selfish can I be? How highly do I think of myself? I can’t break someone else’s heart just because I think I’m not getting enough attention, can I? Maybe I can. I broke off a three-year relationship because I was thinking of myself. I decided I didn’t deserve this and needed something better. We went our separate ways with heavy hearts knowing our love for each other isn’t all that’s needed for our relationship to work. In the earlier days of the break up I was blaming myself thinking I was self-centered, narcissistic even, but a few contemplations, traveled places and numerous Thought Catalog articles later led me to believe I did the right choice. This isn’t a I-woke-up-one-day-and-realized-I-love-myself type of thing, though. Self-love was a long, tiring process, but it was worth it. Love is work – a lot of hard work. I haven’t really felt the entirety of “self-love.” Has anyone ever? There are times when I would just lie in bed thinking of the things I hate about myself. Pointing out all my flaws and how I do not deserve anything and everything I have in life. But, I thought, choosing myself wasn’t egotistical. Putting myself first then feeling guilty after wasn’t right. Loving myself was one of the most right decisions I ever made. I knew myself better and I got stronger. I was a new person. I learned to appreciate the tiniest of things and started smiling at the simplest trinkets life has to offer. I loved myself and I loved life. I got back together with my partner knowing I was ready – really ready to start a commitment with another person. I knew my hold to myself was unbreakable and I’m stronger now. I still get into moments of doubt, to be honest. But then I remind myself of things that I have conquered, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. 

A lot of people mistake self-love for conceit or vanity, but it’s not. There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first. Loving yourself is the first step to loving others. When you love yourself, it radiates from inside you. People see you and appreciate you. Dwelling on trivial things is not a thing for you. Choosing yourself doesn’t make you a bad person – it makes you a better one. Love is about the intangible things – the things that truly matter. While some people found love in another and some found it in material things, I try to find it in myself.

 “Love is the most beautiful thing to have, hardest thing to earn and most painful thing to lose.” – Unknown
Therefore, love is an investment; you have to give your time, money and effort in order to make someone feel loved. Most of us are so busy looking for someone to love, so busy searching for the person that we could invest on, that we forget to think of ourselves. Love does not only require us to love the good side but also the bad side – the flaws and the imperfections. And with that, I consider self-love to be that healthy kind of love that I give to myself – investing my time for self-improvement, forgiving myself for all the mistakes and accepting who I am. Self-love is perfectly fine because it gives us the time to know ourselves more. With all the experiences that I had in the past, I learned that loving my self is a top priority.

Loving someone who could not even love you back is a risk. A long time ago, I remembered myself begging for the love I thought I deserve. I expected a lot from that investment, I thought I would have the chance to receive the ‘return of investment’ since I know for sure that I have given everything that I could but little did I know that that would break me. I fought for that love and yet I end up losing. Love is not 

It is important to know yourself, your worth and your capabilities. We can’t expect others to always return the favor. We should always keep in mind that self-love is for our own good – for our self-improvement. Self-love is healthy; we have to consider ourselves before others because we cannot give what we do not have. We cannot give love if we don’t have it. We always have to embrace the love that we deserve in order to give others the love that they deserve as well.

            I did not only hate myself, I hated my life in general. I disliked the way I look; my physical appearance all the more made my life depressing. Looking at another person whose life seemed so perfect then reflecting and comparing it to my trashy life had become a habit for me. For years I despised the thought of loving someone since I alone could find it hard to accept myself. I held high regards on what other people would say about me or how they would find me. This, too, is the reason why I used to undergo numerous melancholic episodes. 

            However, I soon as I grew older, I started to realize that other people’s opinions about me and my life do not necessarily matter. Little by little I began accepting my flaws – all the fats from my head to toe, my short stance, you name it. I had come into terms with all these imperfections and placed all my strengths above them. This may sound easy but it sure isn’t. Loving myself definitely did not happen in just a snap. Self-love, for me, is a constant battle between embracing your blemishes and drowning into a pang of envy. Nevertheless, in the end, I learned that I have my own version of beauty. I am who I am and no insecurity could no longer get the best of me.

To understand what love really is one must learn how to love himself or herself first before attempting to love others. To love yourself is the starting point of creating love to anyone in the world. If you try to love someone without learning how to love yourself first, you will feel something incomplete growing inside of yourself. You will end up searching for a love that you will never be able to reach, were neither anyone you seek can even help you search that love.

Loving yourself is not really being selfish, but the guts to love yourself for you really are despite the different perspectives of people on loving themselves makes this love type of love special on its own way.