How to inform teenagers to take care of themselves and avoid risky situations by Ricky

Responsibility and teenagers: what you need to know

During the teenage years, children’s need for responsibility and autonomy gets stronger – it’s an important part of their path to young adulthood. To become capable adults, teenagers need to learn to make good decisions on their own.

The process of helping children take responsibility and make decisions is a key task for parents. You have an important role in training and supporting your child to be ready for more responsibility. This means you need to plan when and in what areas to let your child start making decisions.

How quickly you hand over responsibility to your child is up to you. It depends on things like your own comfort level, your family and cultural traditions, and your child’s maturity.

Ideally, you and your child should both feel comfortable with the shift of responsibility and the pace of change. Too much or too soon might leave you both feeling overwhelmed. Too little or too slow might end up with your child feeling impatient or rebellious.

Read more about autonomy and independence in teenagers, including practical tips on encouraging independence.

How to start shifting responsibility: yes, no and maybe

Shifting responsibility to your child is a gradual process. It starts with letting your child make her own choices in some areas, or asking her to take on responsibility for certain things. You might not like all your child’s choices, but learning to be responsible helps your child develop skills for life.

When you’re thinking about whether to give your child more responsibility or to ask him to take on more responsibility, you have three options – yes, no and maybe.

The ‘yes’ option
This is for issues or activities that you feel your child:

is ready to take on – for example, walking or riding to school by herself
should be expected to take on – for example, cooking a family meal once a week or paying for her own clothes from her pocket money
should be up to your child – choosing her own hair cut or clothes.

When you put something in the ‘yes’ basket, you’re saying that you’ll accept your child’s decision, even if it’s not what you would prefer, or you’ll expect him to take on the task.

If your child handles the responsibility in a way you like, you can show your approval. If you don’t like the decision, stand back and try not to step in, unless you think your child is in danger. These are opportunities for your child to learn from experience.

The ‘no’ option
You might say ‘no’ to decisions that relate to potentially dangerous activities.

For example, these might involve things teenagers aren’t yet legally allowed to decide for themselves, like drinking alcohol. Or they might be things that could have a negative impact on other members of the family – for example, if your child’s decision would cost a lot of money.

Making the ‘no’ option work is about good communication and setting clear limits on behaviour. For example, the way you say ‘no’ matters. Giving the impression you absolutely forbid something might not be as helpful as saying, ‘I am not going to agree to this at this stage because …’.

The ‘maybe’ option
This is the grey area. You and your child might be able to negotiate a way to turn a ‘no’ into a ‘yes,’ depending on the circumstances. This might involve letting your child try something new to see how it goes – for example, letting your child go to the skatepark with her friends one afternoon a week.

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