https://goo.gl/QoWtEq by Ian Gallie

Nigella (Example)

igallie — 2017-10-10 00:28:51 UTC

You pronounced magic incorrectly as muuujok.

You started talking about your dinner to your mum. This should not be included in a pitch video.

I enjoyed your story pitch and understood most of it.

Love from Dave

Jonathan

2017-10-10 05:47:50 UTC

The pronunciation was accurate, and I think that most of the grammar is accurate.

However I believe that your story could have more depth. For example you could link it to post colonial aspects or you could make it more of a pastiche.

Overall I think your story was fine and intriguing.

Hi from Rachel

Jonathan

2017-10-10 05:47:51 UTC

his pronunciation throughout the video was accurate and very clear and he also used correct grammar.

i think that he could have improved explaining the plot a bit more.

from coco

Jonathan

2017-10-10 05:48:50 UTC

the story is good, correct grammar

Jonathan

2017-10-10 05:48:54 UTC

Your pronunciation was good and your grammar is accurate

your story is also interesting and yeah so

Jonathan

00080531 — 2017-10-10 05:49:10 UTC

Good pronunciation, nice story idea

Jonathan

2017-10-10 05:49:14 UTC

I thought that your words were clear and

Jonathan

0008095 — 2017-10-10 05:49:56 UTC

You had clear articulation and used appropriate vocabulary and terminology. I enjoyed your story pitch but it would have been better if it was a video.

Jonathan

2017-10-10 05:52:06 UTC

Great story and good pronunciation. I would suggest you try and add some more details to the plot.

Cheers from Elias!

Jonathan

2017-10-10 05:54:03 UTC

Good pronunciation and good plot, ending was very strange.

Much contempt,
Thomas

GoodJob

2017-10-10 05:54:46 UTC

Love Copo

Alissa

2017-10-10 05:56:09 UTC

Sky

2017-10-10 05:56:18 UTC

Your voice was clear and the language seems to be accurate

I did not really understand the magic ability. I feel that your story is quite simple minded, and you could have added more elements of depth to your story. You could also make it a pastiche. I also believe that the post colonial aspect of your story does not relate to the plot of your story, and you just put it just to be there.

Overall, I think the camera is a original idea and quite interesting.

Hello from Rachel

Sky

2017-10-10 05:56:41 UTC

To begin with, most of the pronunciations were very accurate and your plot contained elements of the magic realism and post-colonialism of Hong Kong (the British introduced the camera to the Chinese). Your story plot is intriguing as well since the idea of entering a picture is original and creative.
Therefore, I will give you a 7 for your spoken proposal. However, you could use more magic-realism terminologies when expressing your plot.

Peter

Jonathan

2017-10-10 05:56:45 UTC

WOW, that was amazing, good job, it was perfect.

Love from,
Jonathan

Sky

2017-10-10 05:56:53 UTC

You explained your story very well. I thought that this was an interesting story, however, this is a story that I feel I would've heard of already (e.g. the pensive in HP) Maybe try and add another element of originality
into the story

Sky

2017-10-10 05:56:53 UTC

Very detailed and 'original'(cough Cough) - Austin

KEWL BEANS

2017-10-10 05:56:54 UTC

nice 1 sky
Love Copo

Sky

2017-10-10 05:56:55 UTC

his pronunciation was very clear and accurate. i also really liked the story line

i think that he could have improved on using a video file instead of just audio

from coco

Sky

0008095 — 2017-10-10 05:56:55 UTC

I enjoyed the concept of your story. especially the post-colonial factors and the setting in Hong Kong. You were also very articulate and used good vocabulary throughout your audio file. However, I think you can also introduce conflict within the story in the future to provide some depth and action to the story. From Clarisse

Sky

2017-10-10 05:56:57 UTC

Great video and nice idea. Great work!

Sky

2017-10-10 05:57:16 UTC

That's a dank maymay tbh good dude nice job
love u bby
griff

Sky

0109024 — 2017-10-10 05:57:22 UTC

Your voice was pretty clear, and the video was very easy to understand.

I think that the plot itself was actually not really that inventive, almost slightly cliche, but I do think that the post colonial elements were very nice.

From Daisy

Sky

2017-10-10 05:57:26 UTC

very interesting
very detailed

Skyy

2017-10-10 05:57:29 UTC

Good job. I think that

Alissa

2017-10-10 05:57:43 UTC

Good Work Bro

sky

2017-10-10 06:01:38 UTC

good explanations

Jacopo

2017-10-10 06:02:59 UTC

Of course its the Mafia. Maybe pronounce the words a bit better and structure your sentences better.
love - bby g

Jacopo

2017-10-10 06:03:30 UTC

Your grammar seems to be accurate, and you voiced the words clearly.

The story is quite confusing, and I feel that it would be more suitable if you found other characters instead of mafia, like pirates maybe? I believe you could have focused on the man's abilities instead of the whole mafia aspect as I found it quite disinteresting.

Overall, I enjoyed the moral that you applied into your story, where the main character's greed is his demise.

Hi from Rachel

JACOPO

2017-10-10 06:03:34 UTC

I LOVE IT DUDEEE OMGGGGG <3 <3 <3 GYUFEHIJKLDWFJEGUYRIFJOW

GUESS WHO DINGALING

Jacopo

2017-10-10 06:03:49 UTC

Great video and I like the story. The idea of implementing the Mafia was a nice touch.

Great job from Elias.

COPO

2017-10-10 06:04:05 UTC

honestly outstanding
very very very good story
like omg

but why are their so many drugs involved

Jacopo

2017-10-10 06:05:18 UTC

Jacopo

2017-10-10 06:05:41 UTC

good job

Copo

2017-10-10 06:06:42 UTC

Story structure is fine but you could've been more creative and made it more original

Rachel

2017-10-10 06:08:57 UTC

you used perfect grammar and your pronunciation was clear (very good vocabulary)
i really enjoyed seeing your cat on screen

love from coco (to your cat)

rachel

2017-10-10 06:09:28 UTC

best cat

Rachel

0008095 — 2017-10-10 06:11:06 UTC

I think your magical realist story was very intriguing and I could tell you spent lots of effort on this project good job!!! def a 8 for me!!!!!!! love, your cat nibbles

Rachel

2017-10-10 06:11:18 UTC

Nice video and great idea for a magic realism story. The cat was a nice touch!

Rachel

2017-10-10 06:11:19 UTC

OMG YOUR CAT

Cat

2017-10-10 06:11:20 UTC

Cats

Love the cat dud

2017-10-10 06:11:33 UTC

Nice job dud love the asian cat

Rachel

2017-10-10 06:11:45 UTC

I think I did ok, but it was short.

rachel

2017-10-10 06:11:45 UTC

i cant focus because of your cat :))

Rachel

2017-10-10 06:11:55 UTC

the cat was my favourite part like honestly

Rachel

2017-10-10 06:12:03 UTC

Wow, great moves Rachel, keep it up.
For real nice word choice
thooomas

Rachel

0109024 — 2017-10-10 06:12:04 UTC

I think that you spoke very clearly, and you included very good vocabulary.

I think that you have a very good plot, and that you explained your story very well.

from daisy

Your cat deserves an 8

2017-10-10 06:12:12 UTC

Rachel

2017-10-10 06:12:39 UTC

Clarisse

2017-10-12 03:39:39 UTC

Very clear pronunciation, paired with a good story.
Thomas Griffin

clarisse

2017-10-12 03:39:49 UTC

interesting plot :)))

Clarisse

2017-10-12 03:39:52 UTC

Your speech was delivered clearly and your vocabulary was extensive.

Although you included a Chinese origin, I think that you could develop the characters and story more by adding more levels to your plot and character. For example, a starting, rise, climax and possible a twist that happens in the end of the story.

I enjoyed that you included inspiration from a Chinese classic story. Currently I am not incredibly clear about the plot of your story, but I am excited to see the outcome of your story.

Love
Rachel

Clarisse

2017-10-12 03:40:45 UTC

you effectively organize your opinions and ideas and you have a very interesting story that has to do with Hong Kong and its post colonial thingy

Clarisse

0109024 — 2017-10-12 03:41:09 UTC

I like how your plot incorporated elements from Chinese folklore, exploring the ideas of duality.

I think that you enunciated very clearly, and that you explained your plot very clearly.

CLARRISA

2017-10-12 03:42:35 UTC

AMAZINF MAN I LIKE HOW U RELATE IT TO THEM OLD CHING CHONG MYTHS
sasa

Clarisse

2017-10-12 03:43:20 UTC

I liked the plot and you had very very clear pronunciation and you did not stutter and it was v good

coco

CLARRISE

2017-10-12 03:43:26 UTC

interesting story
sounds like a story ive heard before
sofia

Clarisse

2017-10-12 03:44:45 UTC

Very clear pronunciation and the story plot is nice.

Clarisse

2017-10-12 03:46:38 UTC

Your elevator pitch was pretty clear and lit

Clarris

2017-10-12 03:47:20 UTC

Very clear pronunciation and very interesting story plot. Would like to see this advance into a full story.

George

Petrus

2017-10-12 03:49:10 UTC

You delivered your story with clarity and accurate grammar.

I think that you incorporated the prompt into your story really smoothly, but I think that the post colonial aspect doesn't really exactly make any purpose in your story. I think you could justify the magical elements in more depth.

Overall, I think that your story is well thought and I liked that you thought out every detail you put in, including in the theme.

Hello from Rachel

pEGGtrus

2017-10-12 03:50:02 UTC

it had nice plot
good job

Petrus

2017-10-12 03:50:18 UTC

Try speaking more clearly. however you have a pretty interesting story. i like how you split your pitch into the different sections so that it is easier to understand and your information is organized

Petrus

2017-10-12 03:51:31 UTC

Nice

Petrus

2017-10-12 03:51:31 UTC

It was very confusing and didn't make much sense, and had no theme, but had good creativity.

petrus

0008095 — 2017-10-12 03:51:48 UTC

wow sick i like how you organized your story by time, setting, plot and you made it very clear on what your story would be about. You also had clear articulation and enunciated very clearly. good job man

petrus

2017-10-12 03:52:33 UTC

interesting idea of combining HKU with the story.

petrus

2017-10-12 03:52:51 UTC

clear plot, could've stuttered less but I was still able to understand what you're saying. Creative idea and good ties to postcolonialism.

Petrus

0109024 — 2017-10-12 03:52:58 UTC

I think that you talked at a good pace, and that it was nice story.

Petrus

2017-10-12 03:53:15 UTC

You need some work on your grammar and pronunciation. Also I didn't really understand your story and theme.

petrus

2017-10-12 03:53:32 UTC

You organized yourself very well, as you used different "subtitles" to separate different sections.
Your story was also very well thought out.
In order to improve I think you could speak more clearly.

But overall I believe you did a good job on demonstrating your ideas.

GEOrgINA

0008095 — 2017-10-12 03:59:02 UTC

i really enjoy your story plot and the tie between magic realism and reality. i particularly like the "act of kindness" aspect cuz why not?? we should b more kind to everyone. i also liked how you have chinese cultural aspects (feng shui, dragon etc) in your story. your explanation was logical and very organized. props 2 u!

Georgina

2017-10-12 03:59:16 UTC

Your speech was clear and accurately spoken. You could have used a more extensive vocabulary.

I think that the magical universe created into your story is quite interesting. Although I think you could have added more mundane aspects in your story, currently it seems more like a fantasy story. You could also expand on your ideas about the parallel world.

Overall, I enjoyed the way the dragon, fengshui and pieces of Chinese culture was inccoperated into your story.

Hey from Rachel

Georgina

2017-10-12 04:00:32 UTC

it has a very original and interesting plot
i liked it a lot 10/10

coco

Georgina

0109024 — 2017-10-12 04:00:54 UTC

I think that your story idea is very interesting, and I like the moral.

I think that you could have improved it by making the recording smoother.

Georgina

2017-10-12 04:05:12 UTC

First, your ideas were quite original and creative since it is quite innovative to have a plot about escaping from an alternative world by riding on the back of a dragon. Second, your voice was clear and smooth. However you could improve by explaining the theme of the story and make your plot less magical and more mundane to include more elements of magic-realism.

Overall, nice job!

Peter

Coco

2017-10-12 04:06:20 UTC

Your speech was delivered clearly, but I think you could have used more diverse vocabulary.

I like the universe you created, however I think you could have added more mundane, realistic aspects to your story.

Overall, I liked that you added a moral to your story and I think that you put a lot of detail into your story.

Love
your red shirt

Coco Yeung

2017-10-12 04:07:01 UTC

COCO

2017-10-12 04:07:07 UTC

I really like how you had inspiration from other stories :)

coco

2017-10-12 04:07:11 UTC

interesting adaptation, I really like the idea and theme behind it

coco

0008095 — 2017-10-12 04:07:54 UTC

u enunciated very clearly and presented your story in a very logical and organized way. I enjoyed the supernatural elements of your story, but there may need to be more of a balance between the magical and realist world. i also like your moral behind the story xx i rate it 10/10

Coco

0109024 — 2017-10-12 04:09:32 UTC

I think that the story idea was nice, and it was nice of you to explain the symbolism behind the story. I think that you could make your pitch better by talking more smoothly.

Yogi

2017-10-12 04:10:41 UTC

Dear Georgie,
I believe that you have a relatively creative story, yet you stuttered a bit too much.

George

2017-10-12 04:11:23 UTC

Your narrative was clear.

Your story isn't really a elevator pitch, but I think that your story is quite interesting. However I don't think your story is original, as it is incredibly similar to 'things'. It doesn't include many elements to post colonial. Maybe you could change the plot instead of just following the idea as Things.

Hi from

George

2017-10-12 04:11:32 UTC

a mysterious plot, I already feel the tension which is great. Maybe include less of the actual things you'll add in the story, rather include a general idea

YOGI

2017-10-12 04:11:59 UTC

YOU JUST COPPIED THE LATER PART OF 'THINGS'

George

2017-10-12 04:11:59 UTC

Great story idea and I like all of the details that were included. Great job!

George

0109024 — 2017-10-12 04:13:01 UTC

story sounds so similar i wonder where i might have seen it hmmmmm

George

2017-10-12 04:13:20 UTC

your story is a quite confusing and your pitch is too long to be an elevator pitch sorry :(

George

0008095 — 2017-10-12 04:14:51 UTC

I like how you started with the story starter, however I think you could've added a bit more plot and original ideas to your story. ANother thing was that you basically read out your entire story, not an elevator pitch, which wasn't part of the requirement. good effort dude

Dionne

2017-10-12 04:16:24 UTC

Your delivered your narrative well and used proper grammar. The vocabulary is also incredibly extensive.

I think it is incredibly interesting that you linked it to 'To Kill a Mockingbird' and 'Animal Farm' as a pastiche. However I think you can justify the similarity between your story with Animal Farm in more depth.

Although I didn't really understand the plot, I think that the story will be incredibly unique and original once it is written and developed.

Hello from Rachel

Dionne

2017-10-12 04:16:38 UTC

noice vocab. I like how the plot revolves around the umbrella revolution

Dionne

0109024 — 2017-10-12 04:17:36 UTC

I think that your story idea is very interesting, and I like how you incorporated the umbrella revolution.

Dionne

0008095 — 2017-10-12 04:17:37 UTC

You have clear articulation and used excellent and relevant magic realist terminology. I liked how you linked current political events and drew inspiration from Animal Farm and TKAM. love your idea! super creative dude wowza amazing

dieonne

2017-10-12 04:17:45 UTC

it was very good and original and i enjoyed your pitch a lot. I tihnk that the plot is very special and it has a deep meaning
hate from coco

Jake

2017-10-12 04:21:21 UTC

You delivered your speech in a fun way, and I liked the way you edited the video with pictures.

I found it quite amusing that terrorists and potions can be in the same story. I enjoyed that you include mundane elements of Hong Kong, including cage homes and fengshui.

Although I don't really understand the magical elements of your story, it is a humorous and original concept.

Hi from rachel

jake

2017-10-12 04:22:49 UTC

I love your video so much especially the edits. I also really like your humorous plot and silly characters. That was incredible hahah

jake

2017-10-12 04:24:07 UTC

8/8 very good

Jake

0008095 — 2017-10-12 04:24:38 UTC

I really liked your story and it is quite original. There are definitely some cultural Hong Kong elements which I enjoyed but the diversity and relevance to current events is also funny and relatable. sick idea dude.

Jake

2017-10-12 04:24:41 UTC

That was a BOMB video.
Griff

Jake

2017-10-12 04:24:42 UTC

First, I really enjoy how your video is edited and how the pictures correlate to your plot and help explain the plot. Second, your story is quite humorous and entertaining .However, you can include more magic-realism elements in your story and make your story more related post-colonialism influences on Hong Kong. Overall, nice editing of your video.

Peter

Jake

0109024 — 2017-10-12 04:25:06 UTC

I think that your story was very interesting, and that it was explosive.

Jake

2017-10-12 04:25:09 UTC

Very.. creative story, and also original, good editing also

Austin

2017-10-12 04:26:32 UTC

I think you could have delivered your speech louder, but you said the words clearly.

I don't think that your story has much magical elements and is quite confusing. Including the part about the dice, I can't really see it as magical more of just a inequality in society.

Overall I think that maybe you could make your story as a pastiche and link it to another magic realism story you read before to make your story have more magical elements.

Hello From Rachel

Austin

2017-10-12 04:27:21 UTC

Good story, creative, voice was really deep and resonating.

Austin

2017-10-12 04:27:22 UTC

austin

2017-10-12 04:29:19 UTC

nice plot, very creative

austin

0008095 — 2017-10-12 04:29:30 UTC

i think you were very articulate and expressed your ideas clearly. However, there weren't any clear relations to the realistic or fantasy world. I think your story may need to be more developed in terms of plot and setting. good effort!

Austin

2017-10-12 04:30:11 UTC

I think that your story was very creative and was realted to thigns nowadays.

Daisy

2017-10-12 04:32:42 UTC

You used an extensive list of vocabulary and delivered your story with clarity.

I really enjoyed your story, especially with the normal citizens being unfazed that live creatures are being dropped from the sky. The idea is original and quite creative.

Overall, I enjoyed that you added a moral to the story that relates to today's Hong Kong. I think that it is incredibly well thought out that it is a pastiche to another story.

Yo from Rachel

daisy

0008095 — 2017-10-12 04:33:42 UTC

I really like your rhetorical question to hook the audience in. I love the goofy/simple factor and how you literally illustrate the "raining cats and dogs" idiom and turn it into an interesting magic realist story that subtly deals comments on the society and lifestyle in Hong Kong. good job!!! vv original :D

Daisy

2017-10-12 04:33:45 UTC

what? raining cats and dogs????? this is a really cool story

Daisy

2017-10-12 04:33:50 UTC

I think that the hook was very good, and the story was very good. Very strong message, telling us that people are quite cold right now.

Daisy

2017-10-12 04:35:27 UTC

I think it went way unrealistic, like the mundane aspect was slightly exaggerated. But other than that, it is a very interesting and creative story, raining cats and dogs? I liked how you turned the idiom into a reality.

Daisy

2017-10-12 04:36:50 UTC

The story sounds interesting and I like the implementation of the common phrase: it is raining cats and dogs. Good job!

Daisy

2017-10-12 04:36:50 UTC

Is there a clean up crew that cleans up the corpses and blood? Nice story and original idea

Daisy

2017-10-12 04:38:43 UTC

griff

2017-10-13 03:27:35 UTC

shrek was nice but i couldn't hear anything

Thomas

2017-10-13 03:27:42 UTC

The audio wasn't entirely clear, but I think

Thomas

2017-10-13 03:29:02 UTC

The audio was slightly unclear and quiet, however your pronunciations seems to be accurate.

I like the way you incorporated your prompt into your story, but I think you could include more aspects of post colonial in your story. Also you could make your story a pastiche to another magic realism story, in order to add more details about magic.

Hello From Rachel

thomas

2017-10-13 03:30:56 UTC

quiet

Thomas

2017-10-13 03:31:48 UTC

To begin with, your story was quite original and creative. However, since I could not hear your elevator pitch properly, I could not make a proper conclusion to your pitch. On the flip side, nice images of Shrek on the screen!

Peter

GWIFF

2017-10-13 03:35:47 UTC

I liked the imagery

Katelyn

2017-10-13 04:17:57 UTC

Dear Katelyn,
I believe this

Katelyn

2017-10-13 04:19:50 UTC

Your delivered your pitch clearly, but I think that you could use a more diverse set of vocabulary.

I like your story and how you related it to Chinese culture to add a post colonial flare to your story. However, I think that you could add more depth to your explanation about the number's meanings. You could also make this story a pastiche to another story in order to add more features of magic realism.

Yo from Rachel

katelyn

0008095 — 2017-10-13 04:20:17 UTC

your idea was really original and I really enjoyed how you integrated the traditional chinese belief in the luck and power of numbers as a magical element in a realistic setting. However, I think your plot can be more fleshed out and perhaps conflict or a multitude of characters can be added to further deepen the story. You could've also been more articulate and clear in your presentation however. good job!

Samuel

2017-10-16 00:37:50 UTC

I bwieve that teh stowy was vewy kewl, and it was intwesting.

Samuel

2017-10-16 00:59:09 UTC

Very cute face,
nice creative story
love,
your secret admirer