Lily's Poetry Padlet by Ngan Anh Khuc

"Which social issue will I write about?"

s06914 — 2024-01-15 07:28:39 UTC

My chosen social issue is body shaming. To elaborate, body shaming is the act of making fun of or disparaging someone's looks is known as body shaming.

s06914 — 2024-01-17 02:51:02 UTC

"Why did you choose this issue?"

s06914 — 2024-01-25 05:01:27 UTC

Body shaming has always been a topic that has been really near and dear to my heart as I have and still face this problem.

More Than Skin

s06914 — 2024-01-25 05:01:33 UTC

We live in a arrogant and toxic world

Where confidence is long gone

Where self-love in denied

Where my worth is only defined by my body

Our words always shoot to kill, a careless knife

We spread, we whisper, all fast and cruel

Why judge? Why shame?

Aren't we just all the same?

When I look in the mirror

I wonder if it's just skin

Or is it more?

A soul within?

Too fat, too skinny

Too tall, too short

Too this, too that

Will I ever be enough?

To society? To myself?

How come "beauty" is defined so broad and simple?

When the list of my imperfections is never ending

(INCOMPLETE)

s06914 — 2024-01-29 02:46:38 UTC

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/body-shaming

Things I may mention in the poem:

s06914 — 2024-01-29 02:47:56 UTC

how words can make a big impact
the irony of body shaming (shaming others because you also got shamed)
self-love and acceptance (this should be the shift for my poem)

s06914 — 2024-01-29 04:49:15 UTC

https://www.healthshots.com/she-slays/body-shaming-once-a-victim-this-woman-fought-size-with-style-literally/

1) Where do you think you are simple telling the reader your message or emotions

s06914 — 2024-01-30 02:21:25 UTC

Currently, my first draft doesn't having any parts that JUST simply tell the reader my message and/or emotions directly. I tend to show those emotions through my language like how I wrote phrases and words like "fast and cruel" or how I emphasize my anger by using an apostrophe: "Too this, too that!"

2) How could you improve this to "show" or not state the obvious?

s06914 — 2024-01-30 02:22:13 UTC

In my poem, I haven't "stated the obvious" on my current issue, therefore I want to keep that consistent throughout my poem

3) What makes this more effective?

s06914 — 2024-01-30 02:22:39 UTC

In my poem, I tend to make this effective through writing about my own experiences on body shaming and the use of rhetorical questions

Literacy devices I want to include:

s06914 — 2024-01-30 03:37:33 UTC

Sibilant alliteration
Repetition of the ‘s’ or ‘sh’ sound. Evokes an immersive experience for the reader - it can emulate the sea, the wind etc.
Repetition
repetition of the same word or phrase to make an idea more clear; creates a pattern; increases rhythm, strengthens emotion and mood

Ly

s06914 — 2024-01-31 04:53:53 UTC

Stanza 1 - you're kind of telling the audience everything

the repitition of "where" flows really nicely

Stanza 2 - "we spread, we whisper, all fast and cruel" should add a comma after "fast" and before "cruel" for the rhythm when reading, then you're separating it after every 2 words.

Stanza 3 - clunky: "Or is it more?" stands out

Stanza 4 - the use of "this" and "that" makes it sound unserious

Stanza 5 - just suggestion but you should make a new line for "so broad and simple" this makes the rhythm sound nicer (to me at least) it's like "so broad" pause "and simple"

The "when the list....ending" could sound more poetic. That line sounds like you're complaining? I don't know if it's on purpose.

More than Skin

s06914 — 2024-01-31 05:14:58 UTC

We live in a arrogant and toxic world

Where confidence is long gone

Where self-love in denied

Where my worth is only defined by my body, my face

Our words always shoot to kill, a careless knife

We spread, we whisper, all fast, and cruel

Why judge? Why shame?

Aren't we just all the same?

When I look in the mirror

I wonder if it's just skin

Or is it much more?

An innocent soul within?

"Too fat", "too skinny"

"Too tall", "too short"

Too this, too that!

Will I ever be enough?

To society? To myself?

How come "beauty" is defined

So broad, so simple?

So real, so true

"Serious Luv" -

s06914 — 2024-02-06 07:45:35 UTC

More Than Skin

s06914 — 2024-02-22 06:25:40 UTC

We live in an arrogant and toxic world

Where confidence is long gone

Where self-love is denied

Where my worth is only defined by my body, my face

Our words always shoot to kill, a careless knife

Once it pierces through, it twists, and twists again

I'm bearing scars from unforeseen battles

You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same

When I look in the mirror

I wonder if it's just skin

Or is it much more?

An innocent soul within?

"Too fat", "too skinny"

"Too tall", "too short"

Too this, too that!

Will I ever be enough?

To society? To myself?

How come "beauty" is defined

So broad, so simple?

So real, so true

Yet we spread, we whisper, all fast, and cruel

Why judge? Why shame?

Aren't we just all the same?

For our beauty isn't found in our forms

But is found within our hearts and minds

More Than Skin

s06914 — 2024-02-28 14:57:58 UTC

We live in an arrogant and toxic world

Where confidence is long gone

Where self-love is denied

Where my worth is only defined by my body, my face

Our words always shoot to kill, a careless knife

Once it pierces through, it twists, and twists again

I'm bearing scars from unforeseen battles

You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same

When I look in the mirror

I wonder if it's just skin

Or is it much more?

An innocent soul within?

"Too fat", "too skinny"

"Too tall", "too short"

Too this, too that!

Will I ever be enough?

To society? To myself?

How come "beauty" is defined

So broad, so simple?

So real, so true

Yet we spread, we whisper, all fast, and cruel

Why judge? Why shame?

Aren't we just all the same?

For it's not our forms that holds the heart of our beauty

But is found from what's within.

s06914 — 2024-02-29 07:21:47 UTC

Careless knife -

Battles -

How people view "Beauty" -

More Than Skin

s06914 — 2024-03-16 10:16:06 UTC

We live in an arrogant and toxic world

Where confidence is long gone

Where self-love is denied

Where my worth is only defined by my body, my face

Our words always shoot to kill, a careless knife

Once it pierces through, it twists, and twists again

I'm bearing scars from unforeseen battles

You had to kill me only because you were killed just the same

When I look in the mirror

I wonder if it's just skin

Or is it much more?

An innocent soul within?

"Too fat", "too skinny"

"Too tall", "too short"

Too this, too that!

Will I ever be enough?

To society? To myself?

How come "beauty" is defined

So broad, so simple?

So real, so true

Yet we spread, we whisper, all fast, and cruel

Why judge? Why shame?

Aren't we just all the same?

For it's not our forms that holds the heart of our beauty

Rather, it's the depths of our souls, where our genuine radiance truly blooms

As we finally realize, we’re all more than just skin...