CIME Reflective Journal: What did you feel? by Aris Winger

CIME Reflective Journal: What did you feel? by Aris Winger https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal Think of a time when you were navigating something unfamiliar. It might have been applying for grad school, your first weeks as a grad student or new faculty member, or writing your first research paper. What did you feel? What challenges did you face? en-us 2023-03-14 16:18:13 UTC 2025-11-25 00:53:31 UTC hello@padlet.com At times overwhelmed https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527970028 2023-03-23 00:33:05 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527970028 excited and scared https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527972051 2023-03-23 00:34:35 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527972051 It is a great opportunity for me to think about my role as a mentor by reflecting my own experience of being a mantee https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527977017 2023-03-23 00:38:37 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527977017 My identity does not have to be exactly same as my mantees to help them. https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527979209 2023-03-23 00:40:21 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527979209 both scared and excited https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527982546 2023-03-23 00:43:11 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527982546 people constantly assuming that I can't possibly be in the right place https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527982674 2023-03-23 00:43:18 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527982674 I am competent https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527983165 2023-03-23 00:43:42 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527983165 angry ... about all the obstacles in my way https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527983399 2023-03-23 00:43:54 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527983399 Fear, determination, excitement https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527983514 2023-03-23 00:44:01 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527983514 Talking with people from different backgrounds is ok and in-fact can be beneficial! https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527983531 2023-03-23 00:44:02 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527983531 I might fail. https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527983572 2023-03-23 00:44:04 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527983572 Lost, isolated https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527983910 2023-03-23 00:44:19 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527983910 I might not belong https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527984025 2023-03-23 00:44:25 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527984025 Having trust in mentees to know and forge their own path. Trust in their competence. https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527984079 2023-03-23 00:44:28 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527984079 Isolated. https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527984108 2023-03-23 00:44:30 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527984108 Finding a new career path with no support from those who have power over me. https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527984146 2023-03-23 00:44:31 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527984146 Overwhemed; didn't know what I was doing or where to look for help. Frustrated; felt like I was spinning wheels & going nowhere. https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527984314 2023-03-23 00:44:42 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527984314 Reluctant to reach out and ask for mentoring. https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527984445 2023-03-23 00:44:49 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527984445 https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527984494 I would be wasting someone else’s time asking them to guide/mentor me]]> 2023-03-23 00:44:51 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527984494 there's no such thing as being too proactive about advocating for my needs https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527984588 2023-03-23 00:44:54 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527984588 Not all advice from everyone is worth listening to. It's okay to be selective about which advice you take in. https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527984996 2023-03-23 00:45:14 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527984996 terrified and excited abbeherzig https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527985244 2023-03-23 00:45:26 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527985244 It is OK to ask for help and guidance https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527985409 2023-03-23 00:45:34 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527985409 Failure can be helpful to me. https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527985506 2023-03-23 00:45:38 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527985506 How do you find these mentors?? How do we help our undergrads find these people?? This can be anxiety inducing! (I know from personal experience) https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527985717 2023-03-23 00:45:47 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527985717 Waking up in the morning and having no idea what I was supposed to be doing with my time in order to make progress https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527985757 2023-03-23 00:45:49 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527985757 I learned to be vulnerable and reach out to many people for mentoring. https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527985791 2023-03-23 00:45:51 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527985791 https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527985886 Figuring out (implicit) expectations people have towards me and also figuring out my own expectations towards people around me ]]> 2023-03-23 00:45:56 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527985886 As I changed my professional identity from a researcher in algebraic geometry to a beginning researcher in math education, I felt very disoriented and I perhaps misread peoples' reactions to me as being unwelcoming. It took a few mentors to help me start navigating that. https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527985924 2023-03-23 00:45:59 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527985924 this is where I realize I never had a mentor-type person that I could trust to have my best interest in mind https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527986066 2023-03-23 00:46:03 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527986066 https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527986413 (at the beginning of the pandemic as a new faculty member)

I felt really alone, like I was completely on my own and had no guidance. I knew that everyone else was also navigating something new, but I had a lot of new - teaching online, not being a student anymore, transitioning to being faculty, being part of a new system. I felt like I was left behind.

]]> 2023-03-23 00:46:13 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527986413 https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527986473 Afraid]]> 2023-03-23 00:46:16 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527986473 learning professional practices and discourse; wanting to upend some of these and yet wanting to be part of that world. https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527986476 2023-03-23 00:46:16 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527986476 naively confident, then suddenly aware of everything that I didn't know yet and couldn't possibly ever know in my lifetime! https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527986511 2023-03-23 00:46:18 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527986511 reminds me that things are difficult for people in different ways, so I can be an effective listener abbeherzig https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527986981 2023-03-23 00:46:43 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527986981 I try to validate mentees feelings and experiences first and foremost https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527987353 2023-03-23 00:47:01 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527987353 I like to believe that a role that any mentee might play is to find/play out a new conception of what it means to be a "professional" https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527987531 2023-03-23 00:47:12 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527987531 I will not always receive mentoring by “happenstance” when I need it https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527987541 2023-03-23 00:47:13 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527987541 Create welcoming spaces where people are comfortable being vulnerable. https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527987660 2023-03-23 00:47:19 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527987660 I often think about the way my path might have been different (for better or worse) if I had had an effective mentor at various professional stages abbeherzig https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527988290 2023-03-23 00:47:35 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527988290 I had an amazing amount of privilege, so obstacles were *not* that many. My degree and institution instilled trust in others. As a cis, white person I had an easy time feeling confident and inherent/assumed belonging in many different professional spaces. https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527988319 2023-03-23 00:47:36 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527988319 I am learning to both allow myself to be mentored but also to own my own identity and not allow it to be "granted" to me. https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527988677 2023-03-23 00:47:56 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527988677 I don't have to know everything, others are typically supportive and want me to succeed, and I am more capable than I know. https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527988896 2023-03-23 00:48:06 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527988896 early challeng https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527989053 After finding math very easy for a long time, I finally came to a problem in a (college) math course that...I didn't have any idea how to solve. I felt my life was coming to an end.
I remember sitting in the common room in a panic. But I tried to reassure myself to keep looking at the problem, and after a while the light dawned. I try now to help my students feel they have the space to fail before succeeding.

]]> 2023-03-23 00:48:14 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527989053 https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527989270 Graduate school is not for me. ]]> 2023-03-23 00:48:26 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527989270 Sometimes mentoring responsibilities are unofficial; sometimes unplanned-you have no choice but to accept a position that requires you to be a mentor. https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527989316 2023-03-23 00:48:28 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527989316 Lost, confused, dissapointed https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527989341 2023-03-23 00:48:29 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527989341 https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527989801 I started graduate school with the mentality that "well, I'll see how it goes, I might flunk out in a few months"- certainly was not confident that I belonged ]]> 2023-03-23 00:48:54 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527989801 didn't know what I didn't know abbeherzig https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527989831 2023-03-23 00:48:55 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527989831 felt out of place at time, looking through the lens of weakness only. https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527990250 2023-03-23 00:49:14 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527990250 I need to ask for help https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527990313 2023-03-23 00:49:17 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527990313 https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527990976 I need to talk to people. I’m not the only person questioning myself. Everyone struggles and we can lean on each other to get through it. ]]> 2023-03-23 00:49:51 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527990976 https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527991108 Surround yourself with people who build you up, and avoid as much as possible people who will tear you down]]> 2023-03-23 00:50:00 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527991108 the advice i received was often about what was better for the person offering the advice than it was for me abbeherzig https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527991302 2023-03-23 00:50:12 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527991302 Even a bad situation can turn out to be beneficial; your trajectory may change but you can still grow & move forward. https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527992337 2023-03-23 00:51:00 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527992337 Some people care about my success and well-being, others do not. https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527992596 2023-03-23 00:51:15 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527992596 Time management, clear communication, motivation https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527992679 2023-03-23 00:51:20 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527992679 Lack of resources https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527993912 2023-03-23 00:52:30 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527993912 I'm better than they think I am abbeherzig https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527995385 2023-03-23 00:53:28 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527995385 I've always navigated my math journey alone. I'm learning I don't have to, but haven't figured out how to find the people to help me along my journey. https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527995471 2023-03-23 00:53:32 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527995471 https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527995498 Create opportunities for students to interact with each other meaningfully and build connections. ]]> 2023-03-23 00:53:33 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527995498 Intentionally look for people for whom I can be a mentor abbeherzig https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527996535 2023-03-23 00:54:23 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527996535 Anxious. Lost. Determined. Hopeful. https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527996688 2023-03-23 00:54:31 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527996688 I still fail at things (e.g., publishing) even though I've had success, and I need to help my students to understand that is ok, and how best to learn from these setbacks. https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527996718 2023-03-23 00:54:33 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527996718 transitioning from student to researcher; recognizing that my advisor saw me as a peer/colleague in his research who had valuable ideas to contribute to the project instead of just being someone that completes assigned tasks https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527996728 2023-03-23 00:54:33 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527996728 My thoughts started to meander on how I can grew through and with the powers of influences by collaborated grafting, thus producing something new. Hence, impoving access and unlocking new ideas while learning from each others lived experiences and the environment. https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527996784 2023-03-23 00:54:36 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527996784 changing the mentoring at MSRI https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527997226 When I came to MSRI as director in 1997, I had the mistaken sense that the postdocs were essentially grownups who didn't need much to be happy and successful. Each pd was assigned a mentor...and that was it; I thought that if the pd wanted mentoring in some particular aspect, they would find it in the many more senior mathematicians in the program.

Over the years I changed my mind, and realized that mentoring was intensely desired by most (not all) of the postdocs. In this time we developed more and more systematic mentoring systems to ensure that mentor and mentee made extensive and meaningful contact around a number of dimensions. To this end we developed a sheet of topics, distributed to mentor and mentee, and made a strong expectation that regular weekly meetings would be scheduled in advance. This didn't always work! -- I but I think that in general the pd satisfaction increased greatly with this process.
--David Eisenbud]]> 2023-03-23 00:54:59 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527997226 I'm really reflecting on a particular person who simultaneously uplifted and pushed me down (to this day!). She was instrumental in this particular transition and challenge, and continues to be. But also continues to be toxic. How can such a person both uplift and poison? https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527997285 2023-03-23 00:55:02 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527997285 https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527998448 in most departments, there are not enough faculty from underrepresented groups in math to mentor all the students from underrepresented groups]]> 2023-03-23 00:55:58 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527998448 Really thinking about how happenstance mentoring is a reflection of privilege. Also pondering the question of whether mentoring in mathematical practices is inherently enacting whiteness. momcderm https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527999140 2023-03-23 00:56:34 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527999140 Understanding that mentorship overlaps with every aspect of a wholistic living and one's affect. https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527999220 2023-03-23 00:56:39 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527999220 I have no one to turn to https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527999659 2023-03-23 00:57:00 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2527999659 it is hard to ask for help... let alone ask someone to mentor you https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2528000227 2023-03-23 00:57:29 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2528000227 How do we integrate this into our work? How does it become a natural part of our day/week/year AND how can it be recognized as an important part of our job ... maybe we need to be doing this and NOT doing some less impactful thing (what is that thing btw?) https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2528000260 2023-03-23 00:57:29 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2528000260 Be more sensitive about whether I am making others feel welcomed and that I am available to mentor those who I might not immediately relate to. https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2528001681 2023-03-23 00:58:43 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2528001681 No one is going to know I'm struggling in XYZ unless I say something https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2528002458 2023-03-23 00:59:25 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2528002458 I think what I want to reflect on is to be willing to BE willing - and to see the many opportunities that mentorship reavel bit by bit. https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2528003535 2023-03-23 01:00:26 UTC https://padlet.com/ariswinger/CIME_Reflective_Journal/wish/2528003535