The provided bar chart gives insights into the different purchasing preferences for various gadgets of British men and women in 2013. In general, the data shows the heavily gender-based consumer behavior 💥 awk: câu này hơi dài và ko rõ ràng, nên viết: "Overall, the data clearly indicates significant gender-based differences in consumer behavior", in which men particularly favored technological products for entertainment, while women showed a clear inclination towards home management gadgets.

In the first pattern observed, men demonstrated a pronounced preference for extravagant home products for entertainment purposes 💥 awk: từ extravagant ở đây ko rõ ràng, em nên viết lại là "home entertainment gadgets" để chuẩn nghĩa hơn. This trend is further highlighted by approximately 80% of male consumers purchasing wireless home audio systems, in contrast to 60% that of female customers 💥 gr: sai cấu trúc so sánh, nên là: "compared to 60% of female customers". Similarly, home movie theaters and outdoor speaker systems were also favorable among 💥 wc: favorable thường ko đi kèm với among, em dùng "popular among" sẽ chuẩn hơn men at 60% and 40%, respectively, surpassing women by a substantial margin.

On the other hand, the second pattern unveils women's clear interests in practical home gadgets. 90% of female consumers were reported buying security cameras for safety, in stark contrast to under one third that of men showing interest in this product 💥 gr: cấu trúc so sánh và số liệu chung chung, nên sửa thành: "less than one-third of men". Programmable thermostats and wireless home security followed the similar trend 💥 gr: ko có "the" ở đây vì chưa xác định, sửa thành "a similar trend", in which women's purchases were by far more popular than men's 💥 awk: sai vị trí từ "by far", sửa thành: "far more popular than those of men". Nevertheless, it is noteworthy that only for energy management systems and programmable vacuums were both genders relatively concerned 💥 awk: đảo ngữ này hơi gượng, em nên viết đơn giản: "both genders showed comparable concern for energy management systems and programmable vacuums", revealing shared attention towards neat home conditions and energy efficiency.

The diagram illustrates the entire process of generating hydroelectricity, from the evaporation of sea water 💥 seawater to energy consumption in residential areas. Overall, the process involves various key 💥 wc: thừa, bỏ steps, beginning in the ocean and culminating in industrial areas.

The process starts with sea water 💥 “seawater” being evaporated into the air from sunlight 💥 gr: bị động ⇒ “by sunlight” , which leads to rainfall into the reservoir that is apart from the sea 💥 wc & gr: lủng củng, sửa “which later falls as rain into an inland reservoir”. Once the reservoir is fully collected with raindrops 💥 wc: nói “full” là đủ , the water follows the currents 💥 wc: rườm, chỉ “flows” into a dam and through a valve that controls the amount of water flow 💥 wc: gộp “flow rate” by opening or closing. This movement goes downhill to gain momentum 💥 sty: dài, dùng “flows downward” until it activates the turbine, which is connected to high‑voltage cables. Simultaneously, the energy harnessed in 💥 prep: by the turbines is conveyed via cables to reach 💥 wc: thừa transformer stations, while the water is pumped back into the reservoir in order to be stored for subsequent usage 💥 wc: rút “for later use”, ensuring a steady cycle.

Following the energy transportation 💥 wc: thay “Afterwards,”, high‑voltage electricity from hydropower is converted into lower‑voltage electricity for human applications 💥 wc: “domestic use”. After that 💥 link: sửa “Finally,”, it is transferred through underground cables to serve the residential and industrial population, ready for consumption.

The provided pie charts offer valuable insights 💥 wc có thể thay→ a clear snapshot into the patterns of unemployment, getting jobs, and continuing education of Australian secondary school graduates throughout 1980, 1990, and 2000.
→ 💥 gr: “throughout” dùng với thời gian dài, ko hợp với 3 mốc cố định → in 1980, 1990, and 2000.

It is evident from the data that the proportion of employed graduates increased remarkably 💥 wc: từ này lặp rất nhiều, và quá cảm tính → steadily, reflecting the shift in trends after secondary school.

In 1980, the percentage of students choosing to be further educated 💥 wc: awkward phrase, dùng cho động từ thì hay hơn → sửa cho tự nhiên hơn → to pursue further education dominated the chart at 50%, followed closely behind 💥 redundant khi đã có “followed” rồi by employed graduates at 40%. These two figures combined occupied a significant proportion of the data, leaving merely 10% for individuals without jobs.

By 2000, employed students 💥 gr: đây là secondary graduates rồi, không còn là “students” nữa had risen to 55%, revealing the potential development in education.
→ 💥 logic: growth in employment chưa chắc do education phát triển → thiếu logic → highlighting a shift in post-secondary outcomes.

A completely different case was observed in the percentage of unemployed and further educated individuals, with the numbers considerably reduced to 37% and 8% 💥 data incorrect – in 2000, further education là 37%, unemployed là 8% → 8% and 37%, respectively.

While further educated graduates experienced a steady decrease over the years, the number of the unemployed, despite reaching its peak at 12% in 1990, still remained the less dominant 💥 awkward/unnatural → the smallest group overall.

Generally, it can be patently seen 💥 tone: “patently” là từ rất mạnh, ít dùng trong Task 1 vì hơi cảm tính → clearly observed that the percentage of employed graduates underwent significant growth while unemployment rates dropped, promising a future 💥 writing task 1 ko nên kết luận viễn cảnh tương lai → indicating a more favourable employment trend for school leavers.

The bar chart provides information about the contribution of renewable energy in 💥 gr: giới từ -> “to” the total energy supply between 1997 and 2010 across four countries.
→ ✅ Sửa thành: provides data on the contribution of renewable energy to total energy supply across four countries between 1997 and 2010.

It is evident that there was a significant shift in the energy landscape, as the proportions of clean energy in Australia and Turkey declined 💥 cs: chưa chính xác, vì Turkey tăng rồi mới giảm → fluctuated, while Iceland and Sweden saw moderate growth, leaving speculation on renewable energy development 💥 gr + wc: “leaving speculation” khá kỳ, nghe giống viết báo → highlighting diverging trends in renewable energy development.

At the beginning of the time period, clean energy was the largest contributor in Iceland, accounting for almost 45% of the total supply, while it was responsible for approximately 40% in Turkey.
→ ✅ Tốt , logic rõ ràng.

In contrast, Australia used 💥 gr: chủ ngữ là quốc gia, nên dùng bị động hoặc mô tả mức đóng góp → derived around 10% of its energy from renewable sources, followed by Sweden, which used less than 10%.

However, over time, the energy landscape had undergone 💥 gr: thì quá khứ hoàn thành ko cần thiết, đang mô tả sự thay đổi qua thời gian → dùng hiện tại hoàn thành → underwent a substantial transformation.

By 2010, Iceland remained at its top rank, with the usage of renewable energy at exactly 70% 💥 gr: câu lủng củng → renewable sources accounting for exactly 70% of its energy, with an increasing share over time 💥 redundant → showing a sustained upward trend.

Sweden was of the same pattern 💥 gr: awkward phrasing → followed a similar pattern, but only experienced a modest increase of approximately 5%.

However, a completely different case is seen 💥 gr: thì hiện tại → đang nói về quá khứ → was seen in Australia and Turkey.

While clean energy usage 💥 word form: thường là “use” hoặc “consumption” in Australia declined steadily, Turkey reached its peak at 40% before dropping to fairly 💥 wc: “fairly 30%” là sai cấu trúc → approximately 30%, marking a negative path 💥 wc: mơ hồ và quá cảm tính → downward trend in the use of sustainable energy.

This question is actually super relatable to me! I'm just the same as any other teenager girl, and I will look at any mirror around me to see how I'm looking at the moment, whether I’m looking like a ghost or whether I look like I've just woken up. You see, gradually appearance starts to matter and it feels necessary checking the mirror to see if the reflection is really the one you want to see. To be honest, looking at a mirror is just another chance to point out my insecurities, because there’s always something in the mirror that looks wrong to me. I mean, it's pretty unhealthy being obsessed with a too ideal version of your face. So, I watch myself constantly, to see if my hair is like a bird’s nest and groom myself.

2. Would you like to learn more about art in the future? (why/Why not?)

Not gonna lie, I’m not a great fan of art, or the analysis of art. I just think it’s too philosophical and hard to make ends meet from it. Art, in my opinion, is heavily based on talent, so even if you try really hard to study art, you still need to have that thread of innate ability inside you. Plus, the analysis of art is just somehow multifaceted. I want things straight and easy to understand, while art can be understood from multiple perspectives and it’s really perplexing. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy art. I’ve liked art for a long time now, but I just don’t want to spend more time on it.

3. Do you like taking photos of yourself? (Why/why not?)

If you give me a dollar for each time I take a selfie, I will definitely become a billionaire. I think it’s just fun trying out new poses and seeing how I look from a phone’s perspective, because every typical girl like me would do that, and sometimes I would spend like 10 minutes performing a cheap photoshoot by myself and keep the best picture of me while the ugly ones go in the trash storage. Not gonna lie, looking good in your photos or selfies really boosts your confidence, and it certainly practices the skills you need to be more photogenic when you take pictures with your friends. It would be quite a huge flex!

4. Would you generally prefer to be a driver or a passenger in a car? (Why/why not?)

Before I answer this question, may you consider the fact that I do not drive. I’m underage for driving and certainly have no interest in getting a driver's license, although my parents keep telling me to get one when I’m older. Personally, even if I can drive, I’d be better off as a passenger, because I can’t bear the responsibility that everyone puts on you when you drive. Like, the driver is responsible for everyone’s safety, and I hate the feeling of blame being put on you, and I’m also scared of crashing everyone into an accident!

The two diagrams compare the planned structural and functional changes in a university sports centre pre and post redevelopment 💥 gr: thiếu gạch nối -> pre‑ and post‑redevelopment. Overall, it appears that the sports centre will undergo significant modifications to enhance customer 💥 wc: “user” tự nhiên hơn experience and accommodate users’ 💥 wc: lặp -> visitors’ requirements, with new facilities introduced and the initial layout considerably expanded.

At the moment, the centre’s design is relatively simple, with a 25 m swimming pool surrounded by a gym, a changing room, and the seating 💥 wc: bỏ mạo từ, dùng “spectator seating” , all accessible from the reception. On the west and the east of the building 💥 wo: đảo vị trí -> To the west and east , there are two identical outdoor courts. According to the future plans 💥 wc: rườm rà, bỏ , the sports centre will have been horizontally expanded 💥 gr: thì Tương lai hoàn thành ko hợp -> is set to be expanded horizontally to include several new sections aimed at diversifying its offerings and improving sports facilities. Interestingly , none of the original facilities will be downsized, with only the pool and the seating remaining the same, the gym extended, and the outdoor courts removed.

The area that will see the biggest transformation is the central part of the centre, which will be housing 💥 gr: dùng “will house” gọn hơn new facilities. Notably, a leisure pool will be added to the west of the changing room, while a sports hall and two dance studios on the east side will be introduced 💥 wo: dùng chủ động “will occupy the east wing”. The changing area has expanded capacity 💥 vt: sai -> will have its capacity expanded with two more rooms , placed on both sides of the centre 💥 wc: thừa, bỏ along with more hallways to streamline visitor access, indicating a shift towards a more efficient and symmetrical design. The introduction of a cafe 💥 sp: -> café and sports shop will be made 💥 gr: bị động lủng củng -> “will be added” to accommodate longer visits and commercializing purposes 💥 wc: “for commercial purposes” , while the external space will be optimized to include more area 💥 wc: “space” for the centre.

To sum up, the sports centre will be renovated extensively, merging space for a convenient experience as well as seeing fundamental changes to suit its increasing customers’ requirements 💥 gr/wc: câu dài, lặp ý → “creating a more convenient and diversified environment for its growing clientele”.

The provided chart offers useful 💥 BÀI Level ngữ pháp thấp,nên bỏ bớt từ rườm -> bỏ insights into the cost per cup of coffee across six Australian cities from 2010 to 2014. Broadly speaking, despite noticeable diversity 💥 wc: “variation” tự nhiên hơn among these cities, the prices generally experienced minimum to no growth 💥 gr: dùng “little or no growth” rõ hơn, reflecting a consistent trend on 💥 prep: in the value of coffee.

The pattern is unmistakable across the spectrum 💥 wc: dài dòng, Task 1 -> “clear” đủ , with Sydney selling $2.9 per cup 💥 gr: thiếu giới từ -> at $2.90 per cup, solidifying its position on the 💥 prep: “as” most expensive place for coffee 💥 wc: “city” in 2010. Melbourne was remarkably 💥 sty: ko cần, bỏ close, following behind 💥 wc: thừa -> “at” $2.4, while Brisbane was placed in 3rd place 💥 rep: “ranked third” with $2.25. Notably, Melbourne gathered momentum at an unprecedented rate 💥 Task 2 style, sửa “rose sharply” , climbing half a dollar to reach $2.9 in 2014, equivalent to a 20.8% change 💥 wc: “increase”. Meanwhile, despite experiencing less increase 💥 wc: “a smaller increase” than Melbourne, Sydney reported the similar trend 💥 gr: thiếu mạo từ + collocation -> “showed a similar pattern” and secured its 1st place at $3.17.

In contrast to Sydney and Melbourne, Brisbane maintained its price at $2.25, sharing the value with Perth 💥 gr: unclear -> “which matched this figure”, which just experienced a 7.1% boost 💥 wc: “recorded a 7.1% rise” in 2014. Following closely behind was Adelaide at $2 and Canberra at $1.7 💥 num: $1.70 , staying at the lower end of the cost spectrum with a 6.95% and 6.25% growth rate, respectively 💥 gr: thiếu tính nhất quán -> “recording respective increases of 6.95 % and 6.25 %.” Strikingly, cities with cheaper prices like Canberra, Adelaide, and Perth experienced mild inflation and a maximum $0.2 change 💥 gr: cần song song & rõ -> “only minor rises of up to $0.20”, revealing a correlation between the cost and price escalation.

In summary, the chart underscores the increasing value of coffee across Australian cities, with Sydney and Melbourne being the most costly spots and prone to change 💥 wc: “and the most volatile” , while the others were mostly limited in terms of growth rate.

REVISED

The bar chart compares average coffee prices in six Australian cities between 2010 and 2014. Overall, every city registered a modest uptick, yet Sydney and Melbourne remained by far the priciest markets.

In 2010, a cup cost $2.90 in Sydney, placing the city ahead by a wide margin. Melbourne followed at $2.40, while Brisbane and Perth were level at $2.25. Adelaide stood at an even $2.00, and Canberra was the cheapest, charging $1.70.

Four years later the pattern persisted, but gaps narrowed across the board. Melbourne showed the swiftest growth, advancing $0.50 to equal Sydney’s 2010 price; this represents a 21 % surge, broadly in line with the rate of urban wage inflation. Sydney itself edged up to $3.17, retaining first place. Perth recorded the next‑largest rise, adding 14 cents (≈ 7 %), which brought its figure level with Brisbane at $2.39. Adelaide and Canberra climbed only $0.14 and $0.11 respectively, gains that were nothing less than incremental.

By comparison, dearer cities witnessed quicker appreciation, whereas the three lower‑priced markets saw increases that barely outpaced general inflation, suggesting a link between an already high base price and subsequent escalation.

The provided charts give useful insights into the working hours of four different 💥 wc: “different” thừa, em bỏ đi professions, as well as specifically highlighting 💥 wc: rườm rà, bỏ “specifically” their annual salaries, revealing a disproportionate relationship 💥 gr: thiếu mạo từ -> a between working hours and annual remuneration in the landscape 💥 wc: “in the landscape” nghe lạc quẻ, bỏ.

In terms of hours worked per week, nurses dominate the chart at a staggering 60 hours approximately 💥 wo: đảo “approximately” trước số -> at approximately 60 staggering hours , surpassing their counterparts by a wide margin. The remaining occupations spent 💥 vt: đang mô tả biểu đồ ⇒ dùng hiện tại “spend” around 40 to 30 hours on working 💥 wc: thừa, chỉ “working” thôi , with the fire service 💥 wc: nên dùng “firefighters” having the highest workload among them, followed by the police service 💥 wc: “police officers” and teachers.

Conversely, the scenario for annual remuneration of these jobs paints a different picture 💥 wc: dài dòng, rút “annual pay tells a different story”. Despite being the career with the highest work time requirement 💥 wc: rườm rà, sửa “working the longest hours”, nurses are only paid £37,450 annually, which is significantly lower than the fire service ahead of them 💥 wc: “firefighters, who earn” by around £10,000. The police service 💥 wc: officers , despite being on the lower end of the working spectrum 💥 wc: cụm này lạ tai, thay “working fewer hours”, emerges as the highest‑paid profession at a whopping 💥 sty: bỏ “whopping” – informal cho Task 1 52,050 pounds, while teachers receive the lowest salary of 33,600 pounds, aligning with their least amount of working time 💥 wc: dư, bỏ.

REVISED

The charts compare average weekly working hours and annual earnings for nurses, firefighters, police officers and secondary‑school teachers. Overall, the figures underscore a clear mismatch: nurses labour the longest yet are nowhere near the best‑paid, whereas police officers top the pay league despite clocking the fewest hours.

Looking first at working time, nurses put in approximately 60 hours per week, out‑working every other cohort by a wide margin. Firefighters rank a distant second at about 45 hours, while police officers devote roughly 38 hours. Coming in last, teachers spend a mere 32 hours in the classroom.

By comparison, remuneration patterns run in the opposite direction. Police officers command the highest salary, pocketing £52,050 per annum. Firefighters follow on £47,500, still well over the pay received by nurses, who earn £37,450 despite their punishing schedule. Teachers sit at the foot of the table, taking home £33,600, just under £4,000 shy of nurses yet working close to half the hours.

Taken across the board, the data reveal a disproportionate relationship between labour input and monetary reward.

The given diagram illustrates the entire process of plastic recycling, demonstrating the sustainable cycle of plastic into new products. All in all, the process comprises nine fundamental steps, beginning with collecting plastic bottles and culminating in the production of new goods.

The process initiates with plastic being accumulated from previous users in a trash bin, which is then collected by the recycling truck and brought to the recycling center. From here, the bottles are sorted by workers into two different categories. Subsequently, the selected plastic bottles are compressed into blocks, later undergoing the crushing process using large‑sized gears while simultaneously being soaked in water to be thoroughly washed.

Following this, the cleaned plastic is ground in a cutting machine, which results in the production of plastic pellets. Once the pellets have been gathered into a pile, they are heated to form raw material. This transformation allows for new products to be made, ensuring the continuous cycle of plastic production.

___

The given diagram illustrates the entire 💥 wc: từ “entire” thừa, ko giúp rõ nghĩa process of plastic recycling, demonstrating 💥 wc: lặp ý “illustrates”, thay bằng “showing” the sustainable cycle of plastic into 💥 gr: prep, dùng “to” new products. All in all 💥 wc: cụm này hơi nói miệng, thay “Overall” , the process comprises nine fundamental 💥 wc: từ trang trọng ko cần, steps, beginning with the collection of plastic bottles and culminating in their conversion into new goods.

The process initiates 💥 wc: nên dùng “begins” cho tự nhiên with plastic being accumulated from previous users in a trash bin 💥 exp: ý rườm, sửa “discarded by consumers in recycling bins” , which are then collected by a recycling truck and brought to the recycling center. From there, the bottles are sorted by workers 💥 gr: agent ko cần, dùng passive thôi into two different 💥 wc: “two” đủ nghĩa categories. Subsequently, the selected plastic bottles are compressed into blocks, later undergoing 💥 gr: mệnh đề rườm, đổi thành “before they are crushed” the crushing process using large‑sized gears 💥 wc: diễn đạt cụ thể nhưng ko tự nhiên, thay “by industrial rollers” while simultaneously being soaked in water to be thoroughly washed 💥 gr: trùng lặp thì, chuyển “and are then washed thoroughly in water.”

Following this, the cleaned plastic is ground in a cutting machine 💥 wc: “ground” và “cutting” mâu thuẫn, dùng “shredded in grinders”, which results in the production of plastic pellets. Once the pellets have been gathered into a pile 💥 wc: rườm, bỏ , they are heated at a high temperature to form raw material. This transformation allows for 💥 wc: lắt léo, thay “enables” new products to be made 💥 gr: rút gọn, dùng “to be manufactured”, ensuring the continuous cycle of plastic production.

REVISED (≈ 190 words )

Overall, the diagram shows a closed‑loop nine‑stage system in which discarded bottles are converted into brand‑new plastic goods.

The cycle begins when used bottles are deposited in recycling bins and collected by municipal trucks. Upon arrival at a processing plant, the bottles are mechanically sifted into two categories so that only suitable items proceed. These approved containers are compressed into compact bales, which are then crushed by industrial rollers; at this point the material loses momentum only briefly, because it is immediately washed in large tanks to eliminate contaminants.

Next, the clean plastic is shredded into flakes that resemble confetti. These fragments are dried and funnelled into an extruder, where they are melted at a record‑high rate to create uniform pellets. Once a critical mass of pellets has been produced, the granules are re‑melted and moulded into raw plastic sheets, pellets or filaments. Finally, manufacturers use this material to fashion an array of new merchandise, from bottles to textile fibres, and the loop comes to a halt only when finished goods reach consumers—ready to be recycled once more.

▌ꪑకꪶꪗỉꫀꪶᡶక _𝒽𝓊𝑜𝓃𝑔𝓁𝓎.𝒶𝓂𝓈@𝑔𝓂𝒶𝒾𝓁.𝒸𝑜𝓂 ▌

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴

✨TR: 7.5; CC: 7.0; VC: 7.5; GR: 7.0✨
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Given the significance of education in this ever-developing world 💥 VC: cụm từ ổn nhưng hơi sáo -> rapidly evolving world, questions about whether students should pursue a broad range of subjects or focus solely on their personal interests are looming large 💥 VC: cụm từ tốt nhưng hơi cường điệu -> remain highly relevant. While it is a common assumption that studying more subjects results in all-rounder students 💥 VC: "all-rounder" hơi thông tục -> produces well-rounded individuals, skeptics argue that passion is what should matter more to learn efficiently 💥 GR: cấu trúc lủng củng -> matters most for effective learning. This essay will analyze these contrasting views before giving my opinion, which posits that the key lies not in favoring one side over another but in striking a balance between societal requirements and personal preferences to wisely guide society towards the greater good 💥 VC: vague -> effectively steer society toward collective progress.

Advocates of studying a wide range of subjects claim that well-rounded education helps students develop diverse skill sets, thus fosters adaptability and nurtures versatile individuals 💥 GR: thiếu song song ngữ pháp -> a well-rounded education develops diverse skills, fostering adaptability and nurturing versatility when it is their time to change the world 💥 VC: phóng đại -> as they prepare to contribute to society. It is the societal demand for expertise across multiple fields that encourages schools to provide an interdisciplinary curriculum to equip their students, making this approach common in many countries. Admittedly, while this interconnected network of subjects 💥 VC: -> broad curriculum may not cater to individual preferences and overwhelm students with a heavy workload 💥 VC: cụm từ ổn nhưng có thể sắc hơn -> burden students with excessive demands, it generally ensures a foundational knowledge base that can broaden students’ perspectives on the world. Interdisciplinary knowledge is like a web threaded with multiple viewpoints 💥 VC: ẩn dụ hay nhưng hơi lạc tone học thuật -> Interdisciplinary knowledge weaves together diverse perspectives. The more connections it forms, the deeper the understanding of various concepts becomes 💥 GR: câu ổn nhưng dài dòng -> Greater connections deepen conceptual understanding. As long as students still benefit from this approach to education, it is still far from possible to deny the advantages of taking multiple classes and abolish it 💥 GR: cấu trúc vụng -> far too beneficial to dismiss outright.

Conversely, proponents of education tailored to individual preferences maintain that it is passion, not obligation, that fuels the mind 💥 VC: hình ảnh tốt nhưng cần cân nhắc tone -> drives learning. In essence, letting students follow the areas that pique their interests fosters motivation and more independent studying methods 💥 GR: cụm từ không tự nhiên -> greater independence in study habits. Instead of cramming a heavily interdisciplinary timetable into a young teenager’s agenda 💥 VC: cụm từ hơi dài dòng -> overloading teenagers with a packed schedule, educators can aim for a specialized curriculum that helps students focus on their strengths in order to increase productivity 💥 VC: cụm từ ổn nhưng chung chung -> to maximize their potential, as society benefits more from individuals who are proficient and passionate about what they’re pursuing 💥 VC: từ ổn nhưng có thể thay bằng "their fields" cho cụ thể. We need not look further than the case of the Vietnamese education system for this 💥 GR: cấu trúc hơi lủng củng -> The Vietnamese education system illustrates this well. In high school, students can choose a specialized subject to study academically while reducing the workload of others, allowing for clear focus on the areas they are planning to major in 💥 GR: thì chưa phù hợp -> intend to pursue. This has proven that enthusiasm plays a crucial role in academic performance and long-term success, as students are more engaged when studying subjects that align with their preferences.

In conclusion, the debate over these different educational methods 💥 VC: cụm từ ổn nhưng có thể cụ thể hơn -> educational approaches is not about favoring one side over another but about understanding societal needs and personal priorities. I strongly believe that there should be a balance between societal requirements and individual preferences, so that students can still contribute to their community while following the fire of enthusiasm carried in their heart 💥 VC: hình ảnh đẹp nhưng lạc tone học thuật -> pursuing their passions.

1. Task Response: 7.5
✔ Specific Arguments: Em đã phân tích rõ hai quan điểm: học đa dạng môn tạo ra cá nhân toàn diện, còn học theo sở thích thúc đẩy đam mê và hiệu quả.
✔ Arguments Supported with Clear Examples: Ví dụ về hệ thống giáo dục Việt Nam khá cụ thể và phù hợp.
✔ Ideas are Extended: Ý tưởng được mở rộng với khía cạnh xã hội và cá nhân, nhưng chưa có lập luận đối lập mạnh (ví dụ: học đa môn có thể làm mất đam mê).
✔ Ideas are Comprehensively Developed: Có nhượng bộ ("Admittedly..."), nhưng thiếu phê bình hoặc gợi ý sâu hơn.
✗ Add Nuance: Chưa có mỉa mai hay cảnh báo tinh tế như "If left unchecked, students may drown in mediocrity".
✗ Use Rhetorical Devices: Có ẩn dụ "web threaded", nhưng thiếu câu hỏi tu từ hoặc đảo ngữ để nhấn mạnh.

2. Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
✔ Use Substitution: Dùng "this approach" thay cho "interdisciplinary curriculum" khá tốt.
✔ Use Reference Words: Có "this has proven" liên kết với ví dụ Việt Nam.
✗ Use Cohesive Devices Effectively: Dùng "conversely", "in essence" nhưng thiếu "nevertheless" hay "thus" để chuyển ý mượt hơn.
✔ Ideas Flow Seamlessly: Ý tưởng liền mạch, nhưng chuyển từ nhược điểm của học đa môn sang ưu điểm hơi gượng.
✔ Paragraphing: Đoạn văn chia hợp lý, độ dài cân đối.

3. Vocabulary: 7.5
✔ Use Prepositional Phrases: Có "across multiple fields", "on the world" nhưng chưa đa dạng như "in the face of" hay "at the expense of".
✔ Wide Range of Topical Vocabulary: Dùng "interdisciplinary", "curriculum", "productivity" phù hợp chủ đề giáo dục.
✗ Employ Technical Terms: Chưa dùng từ chuyên ngành như "pedagogy" hay "specialization".
✔ Use Attitudinal Language: Có "crucial", "proficient" thể hiện thái độ.
✔ Avoid Word Repetition: Tránh lặp "subjects", "students" khá tốt.
✔ Employ Imagery: Có "web threaded", "fuels the mind", nhưng hơi vượt tone học thuật.
✔ Collocations: Dùng "fosters motivation", "increase productivity" chính xác.

4. Grammar: 7.0
✔ Simple Sentences for Impact: Có "Passion drives learning" nhưng chưa đủ mạnh.
✔ Compound Sentences for Cohesion: Có "motivation and more independent studying methods".
✔ Complex Sentences for Elaboration: Có "As long as students still benefit...".
✗ Passive Voice for Emphasis: Chưa dùng nhiều, ví dụ "is often overlooked by educators".
✔ Grammatical Accuracy: Một số lỗi nhỏ như "thus fosters" (thiếu song song), "are planning" (thì chưa phù hợp).
✗ Incorporate Emphasis Devices: Chưa dùng "undoubtedly", "notably".
✔ Variety of Tenses: Có "helps", "has proven", "can choose".

The two diagrams compare the structural and functional changes taken 💥 gr: thiếu mệnh đề → that took place in the City Hospital in 2007 and 2010. Overall, it appears that the hospital has undergone significant modifications to enhance visitor experience and accommodate employees’ 💥 wc: “staff” tự nhiên hơn em requirements, with new infrastructure introduced and the initial layout considerably redesigned.

In 2007, the City Hospital’s design was relatively simple, with the main building surrounded by the Ring Road 💥 art: nếu là tên riêng bỏ “the”, nếu miêu tả thêm “a” , which was connected to the City Road through the Hospital Road 💥 art giống trên. On the two sides of 💥 wc: dùng “On either side of” gọn hơn Hospital Road, six bus stops were located, along with a joint car park for both staff and the public. By 2010, two roundabouts were introduced at the South 💥 cap: south ko viết hoa of the main building and at the crossroad 💥 wc: nên dùng “intersection” of the Hospital and City road 💥 cap: Road , which conveniently changed vehicle streamline 💥 wc: cụm lạ tai, sửa “traffic flow”.

The area that saw the biggest transformation is 💥 vt: quá khứ → was the bus stops and the car park. A big 💥 wc: informal → large bus station was constructed to minimize the number of bus stops, with roads connected to both the two 💥 wc: thừa chữ → both new roundabouts. On the right side of Hospital Road, a staff‑only car park was erected to replace the old joint car park, while a public parking lot adjacent to the hospital 💥 gr: thiếu động từ → was built adjacent to the hospital, indicating a shift towards separate parking facilities for both employees and visitors.

REVISED 

The pair of site plans trace how City Hospital’s grounds were re‑engineered between 2007 and 2010. Overall, traffic circulation was completely overhauled and parking segregated, changes that streamlined access to the facility.

In 2007 the hospital’s main block stood inside a continuous ring road linked to City Road by a single approach, Hospital Road. Three bus stops flanked either side of this entrance and a shared car park for both employees and the public occupied the south‑east corner of the site.

By 2010, traffic management had improved. Two roundabouts were inserted: one at the junction of Hospital Road and City Road and another where the approach meets the ring. The six scattered bus bays were consolidated into a purpose‑built bus station to the west, connected directly to both new roundabouts. By comparison, the original parking area was redesignated for staff only, while a new, far larger public car park was laid out to the east of the ring road.

Collectively, these modifications clarified traffic lanes, reduced congestion and provided facilities that are now broadly in line with the needs of distinct user groups.

The relentless pursuit of a perfect society has long paralleled human progress, evolving alongside scientific advancements and civilization.
Despite the absence of particular consensus 💥 (gr: “absence of consensus” là đủ rồi, thêm "particular" là dư e ạ) → Despite the absence of consensus on what a perfect society should look like, I strongly believe that no matter how much humans strive 💥 (awkward phrasing: nghe hơi cứng e nhé, sửa cho tự nhiên hơn) → regardless of human efforts, the utopia we’ve always envisioned is far from attainable 💥 (sp: dùng “unattainable” rồi thì ko cần “far from” nữa – trùng nghĩa) → remains unattainable.
Instead of a sole fixation on an ideal society, we can focus on a significant factor that can propel humanity forward: equality.
This essay will explore my opinion on how 💥 (ko cần dẫn dắt lộ liễu vậy đâu e, nghe như bài lớp 6 á) → The following discussion will illustrate how equality can shape the world, as well as proposing solutions 💥 (gr: mệnh đề song song mà e – phải cùng dạng với “illustrate”) → propose solutions towards a promising future for this ideal society.

My first argument for this topic 💥 (redundant, đã nói là “my argument” rồi thì ko cần “for this topic” nữa) → ␀ is that the concept of a perfect society remains an illusion, because the idea of a utopian community itself is intangible and impossible to reach.
Despite efforts to achieve perfection, true flawlessness is unattainable 💥 (ko phải đâu, câu này bị lặp ý với câu trên e ạ – rút gọn và paraphrase đi) → Even with continued efforts, true flawlessness remains out of reach, as every vision of 'order' or 'well-being' carries contradictions.

However, in this light 💥 (cụm này hợp văn nói hơn, văn học thuật nên dùng cái khác nhé) → viewed from this perspective, if there is an important factor that can accompany humans to achieve 💥 (unnatural phrasing e nhé – nghe như dịch word-by-word) → help us move towards a promising society, it will be equality.

It is the failure to address discrimination and injustice in the first place 💥 (thừa, vì rõ là đang nói nguyên nhân rồi) → ␀ that exacerbates societal prosperity; 💥 (sai logic e ạ – “exacerbate prosperity” là làm tệ thêm mà “prosperity” là tốt → phải dùng từ chỉ negative effect) → that hinders societal progress; therefore, it is beyond question 💥 (dùng cụm này là ok nhưng nên đặt chỗ khác nghe sang hơn) → unquestionable that equality should be a paramount priority.

Compelling actions such as ensuring citizens’ access to social services as well as overcoming recurrent crises over the years 💥 (redundant – “recurrent” đã bao hàm “many years” rồi e ơi) → ␀ like global warming and war are equally crucial to attain the closest point we can get to perfection.
Only when individuals are treated fairly under the law, equitably given rights, and the voice to express dissent 💥 (gr: thiếu cấu trúc song song – phải là “given the voice” nhé) → given the voice to express dissent, can we effectively combat these formidable challenges towards 💥 (giới từ sai – phải là “in pursuit of” hoặc “on the path to”) → on the path to a transformative future.

To achieve this end, the key to this problem is undeniably the government 💥 (awkward phrasing – nghe như đang đổ hết lỗi cho chính phủ e ạ) → undoubtedly governmental leadership, and how high inequality is symmetrically placed in the agenda 💥 (ui trời, “symmetrically placed” nghe hàn lâm nhưng sai collocation – người ta nói “placed high/on the agenda” là đủ rồi) → placed high on the agenda of global policymakers.

That said, governments need to strive for progress and the correction of past mistakes 💥 (natural hơn nếu dùng dạng cụm danh từ) → rectifying past failures instead of perfection, because the harsh truth is, utopias blind humanity’s flaws 💥 (sai nghĩa – ko phải utopia làm “human flaws bị mù” 😭 → phải là “blind us to our flaws”) → blind us to our flaws.

While it is a common assumption that perfection will make a worthy endeavor 💥 (nghe ko tự nhiên e nhé – câu bị dịch word-by-word) → is a worthwhile pursuit, reaching a state of sheer flawlessness will deter further progress, leaving society stagnant.

If anything, it requires more comprehensive efforts beyond governmental responsibility from individuals themselves 💥 (gr: vị trí các thành phần bị loạn e ơi) → from individuals themselves, beyond just governmental responsibility.

Education can play a crucial role – teaching young generations on empathy 💥 (sai giới từ – “teach sb about sth”) → about empathy, justice, and inclusivity to resolve the problem to its roots 💥 (unidiomatic – nên dùng idiom thật nha) → at its core.

Support from NGOs can be a leading advocate 💥 (awkward collocation – “advocate” là người, ko phải tổ chức → dùng “play a leading role”) → play a leading role for marginalized victims of inequality, bridging the gaps where governmental actions cannot reach.

Admittedly, turning an ideal society into a reality brings challenges, but collective efforts from the government and the citizens are invaluable to turn what we imagine into a dream come true 💥 (redundant – “imagine” và “dream” cùng nghĩa → viết trau chuốt lại nha) → make the collective vision a tangible reality.

In conclusion, equality is a prominent objective to be pursued, but equally significant is the government’s role in strengthening measures and individuals’ efforts towards a better society.
Utopias are undeniably not real, 💥 (ko đúng logic – “undeniably” là chắc chắn, nhưng lại đi với “not real” nghe chỏi) → Utopias are, without question, fictitious ideals, but as long as the notion of perfection is still sought after, societal progress will be evident, unnerving global crises 💥 (sai nghĩa – “unnerving” nghĩa là làm ai đó hoảng loạn → ko dùng mô tả về “global crises”) → even in the face of global crises, and a better future can be promoted for all individuals.

I wouldn’t say that I was a movie kid back in the days, because I had something much more special with books. But I did grow up with classic films, especially Disney and famous movies of Pixar. My mom loved movies, so although we didn’t go to the cinema a lot when I was young, (of course not or else our wallets will rip) she downloaded movies from the Internet and let us watch them. It was like a housemade cinema spot, and we would usually stay up until 1 am to finish the films. Unfortunately, lately we don’t have enough time for this because everyone is so busy with their schedules, so I hope we can still watch movies like we did a long time ago.

2. What do you usually do when an advertisement comes on TV or the internet?

Here’s a quick overview of how I react when the advertisement comes on TV. First, I turn the volume down, next, I cover my ears and my eyes, or I will switch channels. That was a bit of overreacting but let me state this, I particularly HATE ads. I know they’re targeted for young kids with those visuals, but I’m not a young kid anymore, so I find them extra cringe and ridiculous. Guess what? I once saw an ad for a milk brand with a cow cosplay literally dancing with the children, and it totally wasn’t marketing. It was like, second hand embarrassment to me. To be honest, I couldn’t believe I used to wait for ads to appear on my parents’ news channels long ago!

3. Do you read more or less now than when you were younger? (Why?)

Personally, this question depends on whether I’m on a reading craze, which happens once or twice every year. Long ago, I had much more time for reading, so it was my favorite hobby and I would spend hours doing it. But now, most of my reading is homework from school, which is kind of forced, and I don’t have access to many physical books. Nevertheless, my reading interests are what I’m most proud of. I used to read random or famous books, and never really discovered any specific genre I liked. I’ve just recently found out that I had a thing for romantasy and fiction, and that just boosts my time spent on reading!

Personally, this question is really puzzling to me, because I have no idea what I’m actually good at. My mom always says that I’m a fast learner, and it doesn’t take really long for me to get the hang of something, so if I follow her logic, I could learn almost anything. But in my opinion, I’m not a natural at logical subjects like math or science, although I’m passionate about it. It’s so challenging compared to subjects like literature or social studies, probably because I function more on my right brain.

2. Have you kept many things from your childhood? (Why/Why not?)

Of course I do! I usually keep things such as my teddy bear, old notebooks, and some toys from when I was small, probably because I inherited that habit from my mom. I guess I just like holding on to some memories, because some things feel too special to be thrown away! But I try not to keep so much, or else I’m gonna wind up being a hoarder with bunches of random junk or nostalgic clutter.

3. Do you usually wear a watch now? (Why/Why not?)

I remember the time when I was 6 years old, and that was when bulky, huge watches that function just like phones were trending. I wanted to catch up with the fashion, so I begged my parents to buy me one. But because that watch was super oversized compared to my wrist, it soon became unused, and it was a huge waste of money. That was when I stopped using watches, I suppose so, but as I grew older, I admit I cannot live without knowing the time. I now have a Casio watch, which I wear it so much it must be my signature style, and to be honest, it always comes in handy.

The provided chart gives useful insights into the governmental allocation on road and transport 💥 wc: nên dùng “government allocations for roads and transport”, em ạ across four countries from 1990 to 2005. It is evident that there was a significant shift in the landscape, as Italia 💥 sp: phải là “Italy”, Portugal, and the UK investment percentages 💥 wc: “shares of public spending” tự nhiên hơn declined while the USA saw moderate growth.

In 1990, road and transport accounted for just above 20% of Italia’s 💥 sp: Italy’s government expenditure, which decreased to around 18% in 2005 after reaching its peak in 2000. The UK was of the similar fluctuation pattern 💥 gr: “followed a similar pattern” chuẩn hơn, dropping from 10% initially to 7% in 2005, despite a seemingly growth miracle 💥 wc: cụm này lạ tai; dùng “a brief spike” in 2000. On the other hand, Portugal’s decline in spending was relatively consistent, maintaining a stable downward trend 💥 rep: lặp nghĩa với “decline”, bỏ “stable downward trend” over the years, suggesting a shift in investment towards other sectors.

Conversely, the US governmental allocation on road and transport rose from being a negligent 10% 💥 wc: “negligent” sai nghĩa; sửa “negligible 10 %” to becoming the only country with an increase in spending. However, despite gathering momentum 💥 wc: cụm task 2, bỏ “gathering”, the USA’s government expenditure on road and transport only accounted for 15% in 2005, falling short of Portugal’s figures by 5%.

The provided charts give useful insights into the global market distribution of three computer operating systems (OS) from 2012 to 2015. Overall, it is evident from the data that there was a significant shift in the landscape, as the first system saw substantial growth while the others experienced either a dramatic decline or stagnation.
→ ✅ Ý rõ ràng, nhưng cụm “significant shift in the landscape” lặp lại hơi nhiều → nên paraphrase ở phần sau.

OS 1’s profound transformation was patently seen 💥 wc: từ này quá trang trọng, dùng trong legal texts nhiều hơn → “clearly evident” tự nhiên hơn in the chart, emerging from a negligible amount of 20% in 2012 to dominating the market share at an unprecedented rate 💥 gr + wc: cấu trúc này dùng sai ngữ cảnh – "rate" thường đi với động từ hành động chứ ko phải trạng thái “dominating” → with a growth rate that was nothing short of phenomenal, nearly doubling its initial level at 52%.
→ 💥“negligible amount of 20%” mâu thuẫn logic – 20% là lớn đấy e, ko negligible được → sửa thành: a modest 20%
→ 💥“dominating” thiếu chủ ngữ, e nên dùng lại OS 1 → sửa thành: OS 1 came to dominate the market at 52%

In stark contrast, other unspecified systems 💥 gr + meaning unclear: nếu chỉ có 3 OS thì đâu ra “other unspecified”? e nên ghi rõ tên hệ điều hành → OS 2 and OS 3, or if referring to a fourth, make it clear.
displayed a steady downward trend 💥 gr: “steady” và “drastically” trong cùng câu mâu thuẫn nhau → một cái là từ từ, một cái là dữ dội → phải chọn một thôi
→ sửa thành: OS 2 experienced a dramatic drop from its dominant 48% share to a mere 15% in 2015, reflecting a sharp decline in user preference.

On the other hand, OS 2 and OS 3 showcased a relatively consistent trend with minimal fluctuation 💥 wc: cụm này khá lặp so với câu trên và vague → nên cụ thể hơn.
OS 2 hovered at around 17% in the first two years before inching up to 18% in 2015, reflecting little progress in the market share in contrast to OS 1’s pronounced surge 💥 style: hơi lặp ý → sửa thành: marking minimal progress amid the upheaval caused by OS 1’s ascendancy.

Simultaneously, OS 3 recovered from their 5% decline in 2013 💥 gr: “their” sai vì OS 3 là số ít → phải là its,
→ sửa: OS 3 rebounded from its dip to 10% in 2013, ultimately returning to its original 15% share by 2015.

🟢 IMPROVED

The charts provide useful insights into the global market share distribution of three major computer operating systems (OS) from 2012 to 2015. In light of shifting consumer preferences, a notable redistribution occurred across the spectrum, with OS 1 surging in popularity by a whopping margin, while its rivals either lost ground or stagnated.

OS 1’s ascendancy was transformative. Starting at a modest 20% in 2012, it steadily expanded its share, ultimately commanding 52% of the market by 2015 — more than doubling its original figure. This leap underscored a profound change in the competitive landscape.

In contrast, OS 2, once dominant, saw its market share shrink by a staggering 33 percentage points, falling from 48% to just 15% by 2015. This decline highlights its fading appeal amid colossal shifts in consumer behavior. Meanwhile, OS 3, though never a key player, exhibited an increasingly distinctive demography: after slipping to 10% in 2013, it made a quiet comeback, regaining its original share of 15% by the end of the period.

These trends illustrate not just fluctuating shares but a broader reshaping of user trust and preference across the industry.

The provided chart gives useful insights into energy consumption across six different fuels in the US from 1980 to 2030. The data highlights an overall increase in energy consumption, suggesting a growing demand for fossil fuels despite slight growth in renewable energy.

In 1980, it is evident that petrol and oil 💥 wc: trùng lặp → oil and petroleum products were the largest contributors to the US energy usage 💥 col: nên dùng “energy consumption” , accounting for 35% 💥 acc: biểu đồ gốc tính theo quadrillion Btu, ko phải % of the total intake 💥 wc: “consumption” tự nhiên hơn, while natural gas and coal were responsible for 20% and 16%, respectively. By 2030, petrol and oil consumption is projected to reach nearly 50% 💥 acc: sai đơn vị, phải nêu con số tuyệt đối , maintaining a clear advantage. Coal usage surpassed natural gas in around 💥 ww: thừa giới từ 2010 and 2015 💥 cl: chọn 1 mốc thôi, climbing to second place with twice its initial percentage 💥 acc: lại nhầm đơn vị by 2030. Turning to natural gas, its consumption declined by 5% in 1985 💥 acc: đồ gốc ko chỉ năm 1985, which continued to fluctuate until stabilizing from 2015 onwards.

Conversely, renewable energy consumption remained at the lower end of the spectrum, characterized by minimum to no growth in the landscape 💥 awk: diễn đạt rườm rà → virtually no noticeable growth. Starting at an equal 4%, nuclear, solar and wind, and hydropower 💥 gr: thiếu dấu phẩy Oxford; nhóm chưa rõ ràng → solar‑and‑wind power, and hydropower diverged over time, leveling off 💥 sp: “levelling out” at 7%, 6%, and 3%, respectively, from 2010 onwards. This consistent trend suggests limited use in clean energy 💥 prep: “use of clean energy” , indicative of the US’s ongoing demand for fossil fuels.

Task Achievement (7.0)
✔ Em mô tả đủ 6 loại nhiên liệu, nêu xu hướng chính.
✗ Nhầm đơn vị % thay vì quadrillion Btu → mất chính xác dữ liệu.
✗ Chưa nêu rõ mốc đảo chiều của than & khí, thiếu con số cụ thể giai đoạn giữa.

Coherence & Cohesion (6.5)
✔ Bố cục 3 đoạn hợp lý, có câu tổng quan trước.
✗ Liên từ lặp “while/whereas”; thử “however, notably, meanwhile” cho mượt.
✗ Cụm “in around 2010 and 2015” gây mơ hồ, cần gộp – tách rõ.

Lexical Resource (6.5)
✔ Có “contributors, stabilized, spectrum”.
✗ Lặp “consumption, usage”, dùng thêm “uptake, demand”.
✗ Một số từ ghép chưa tự nhiên: “minimum to no growth in the landscape”.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy (7.0)
✔ Câu phức ok: “By 2030, petrol and oil consumption is projected to…”
✗ Thiếu đảo ngữ/so sánh: “Hardly had coal overtaken gas when…”.
✗ Một vài lỗi giới từ & ngắt câu.

Gợi ý để lên band 9

• Nêu đơn vị chuẩn, ghi số lẻ chính xác (ví dụ: “approximately 47 quadrillion Btu”).

• Dùng mệnh đề rút gọn, đảo ngữ: “Only after 2005 did coal accelerate.”

• Đa dạng hóa collocation: “energy mix, figure plateaued, demand tapered off”.

• Thêm so sánh tương đối: “nearly double that of natural gas”.

The provided charts give 💥 → present useful insights into the distribution of Internet 💥 cap: thường không cần viết hoa → internet searches across various search engines in the US from 2004 to 2010, as well as highlighting 💥 gr: động từ “highlight” song song với “present” → highlight the overall growth in online queries. It is evident that there was a significant shift in the landscape, with Google solidifying its position as a predominant force in the 💥 gr: mạo từ thừa → (Ø) US searches.

Regarding the percentage of searches, Google showcased 💥 wc: dùng “show” cho số liệu → saw a pronounced surge to 💥 gr: cần giới hạn → to an unprecedented 65% of all queries, exceeding its counterparts by a substantial margin despite initially being on par with Yahoo at around 35%. On the other hand 💥 cc: lặp; dùng “By contrast” để đa dạng → By contrast, Yahoo saw a noticeable decrease to 20% in 2010, further widening the disproportionate 💥 wc: thừa nghĩa → (Ø) gap between itself and Google. Meanwhile, Microsoft maintained a relatively stable share of 10%, while AOL and Ask Jeeves remained at the lowest end of the spectrum, never exceeding 10%.

The total number of US searches experienced a remarkable rise 💥 wc: “growth miracle” hơi khoa trương trong đồ thị này. Dốc hơn mới dùng được. → , with 4.5 billion in November 2004 to 16 billion in September 2010 💥 gr: cần from … to … → from 4.5 billion in November 2004 to 16 billion in September 2010, nearly four times as much as its initial level 💥 gr/wc: thay bằng “the original figure” → the original figure, indicating increasing reliance on search engines. Given the trends, Google was 💥 vt: nên dùng became để nhấn mạnh quá trình → the dominant contributor in the market, while the other search engines struggled to maintain their relevance in the competitive landscape.

IMPROVED

The two charts present the relative market shares of five search engines in the United States between 2004 and 2010 and track the total volume of online queries over the same period.

Overall, the data reveal a colossal shift: Google raced ahead by a wide margin, while its competitors either stagnated or lost ground; simultaneously, total searches almost quadrupled, underscoring Americans’ growing dependence on the web.

In November 2004 Google and Yahoo were neck-and-neck at roughly 35 per cent each. Thereafter, Google stepped up its share at a record rate, hitting 65 per cent in late 2010 and leaving every rival in its wake. By contrast, Yahoo’s share slid steadily to 20 per cent, and Microsoft’s hovered broadly in line with the 10 per cent mark throughout. AOL and Ask Jeeves collectively worth no more than 10 per cent remained marginal players across the board.

The second chart corroborates this story of expansion. Monthly searches climbed from 4.5 billion to 16 billion, a rise of almost 250 per cent. Google captured most of that extra traffic, while the other engines failed to buck the trend of decline or flat growth.

Task Achievement – 7.5
✔️ Nêu đúng xu hướng chính, có số liệu nổi bật.
✗ Cần chỉ rõ mốc thời gian Google vượt Yahoo, nêu thêm tỷ lệ cụ thể của AOL/Ask để đầy đủ.
✗ Thêm nhận định “Google chiếm gần hai phần ba tổng lượt tìm kiếm” sẽ mạnh hơn.

Coherence & Cohesion – 7.0
✔️ Cấu trúc 3 đoạn hợp lý, có “Overall”.
✗ Liên từ lặp (“On the other hand”). Hãy dùng “Conversely”, “Meanwhile”, “Consequently”.
✗ Tránh câu quá dài; tách mệnh đề Google-Yahoo để dễ đọc.

Lexical Resource – 7.0
✔️ Có collocations: “solidifying its position”, “substantial margin”.
✗ Lỗi dùng từ (“growth miracle”, “showcased”). Đổi sang “remarkable rise”, “recorded”.
✗ Thêm động từ mạnh: “skyrocketed”, “plummeted”, “plateaued” để đa dạng.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy – 6.5
✔️ Đã dùng mệnh đề quan hệ, rút gọn phân từ.
✗ Sai cấu trúc “with…to…”, mạo từ, chia động từ.
✗ Thử đảo ngữ: “Only Google gained momentum” hoặc câu bị động: “Yahoo was outpaced by Google”.

Ever since the world began rapidly progressing in terms of technology, the clash between cultural preservation and technological advancement has become increasingly evident.
While some argue that traditions should totally succumb 💥 (wc: “succumb” nghe hơi tiêu cực + “totally” làm quá – ko hợp văn học thuật) → give way entirely in the face of escalating globalization, others posit that cultural lifestyles and skills remain vital to a society’s identity and continuity.

I vehemently disagree with the first viewpoint, as it fails to recognize the possible integration of technology and culture without the complete erasure of traditions, and paradoxically reinforces the flawed notion that preserving heritage offers no value to a country’s technological progress.
💥 (gr: câu hơi dài và hơi nặng e nhé, tách ra sẽ rõ ý hơn) → I vehemently disagree with this viewpoint. It fails to recognize the possibility of integrating technology with culture without erasing traditions. More importantly, it reinforces the flawed notion that heritage preservation has no place in modern progress.

My argument against the quiet dimming 💥 (wc: nghe hơi văn miêu tả – dùng formal hơn chút e ơi) → fading of culture amid digital progress aligns with the timeless adage of Winston Churchill: “A nation that forgets its past has no future.”

The case for maintaining traditional lifestyles is most compelling when we consider their cultural significance in shaping a nation’s identity.
Historical heritage and customs serve as living archives for ancestral knowledge, promoting national understanding, pride and unity in the world where uniqueness holds value 💥 (phrasing hơi mờ – rewrite cho rõ hơn xíu) → in a world that increasingly values uniqueness and authenticity.

Beyond cultural importance, these traditions bring undeniable economic benefits by attracting tourists and fostering global recognition that are unparalleled in terms of fostering cultural understanding 💥 (gr: mệnh đề quan hệ sai – "recognition that is...") → recognition that is unparalleled in promoting intercultural understanding.

We can easily point to the well-known Bat Trang pottery making 💥 (wc: thừa, dùng “pottery village” là đủ) → pottery village in Vietnam to see the impact of historical appreciation.
The enduring craft from white clay not only acts as a testament for 💥 (gr: "testament to" mới đúng collocation) → to Vietnamese history and long-standing culture, but also showcases the fascinating artistry during 💥 (gr: dùng sai giới từ → nên là “of”) → of Vietnamese dynasties, drawing international tourists to try the local customs, while simultaneously preserving the tradition.

Given this profound significance, letting traditions fade in the background of screens 💥 (collocation lạ lắm e – diễn đạt lại cho rõ hơn) → into obscurity amidst our screen-driven lives is nothing short of a disgrace to our ancestors.

Conversely, the argument against cultural preservation based on the notion that heritage loss is inevitable 💥 (verbose – có thể cắt gọn) → which views heritage loss as inevitable is rooted in concerns over globalization and technological advancement, often tied to the belief that adapting to change is necessary for economic and societal development.

The youth nowadays are often associated with cultural detachment as a result of ongoing technological growth that keeps them anchored within the present, preventing them from revisiting the past through historical traditions because they lack appeal.
💥 (sentence dài quá e ơi, chia nhỏ sẽ hay hơn + rõ ý hơn) → Youth today are often seen as culturally detached due to the rapid pace of technological growth. This digital immersion keeps them anchored in the present, making traditional values seem less appealing.

Yet, this assumption is as superficial as it is stereotypical, since there is no such thing as completely abandoning a culture to oblivion 💥 (wc: “to oblivion” nghe hơi poetic, thay cho academic phrase nha) → entirely simply because some believe it is not worth preserving.

Although young generations might feel disconnected from their country’s past as a consequence of lack of exposure to history, and that a fraction of our traditions might be inevitably sacrificed during the digital age, culture is something that is always worth keeping.
💥 (gr: cấu trúc "Although...and that..." là sai e nhé – viết lại mạch hơn nè) → Although the younger generation may feel disconnected due to limited exposure to history—and while some traditions might be lost in the digital age—culture is always worth preserving.

Unless we are willing to formulate a solution that can integrate technology and culture harmoniously, we risk widening the gaps between the youth and history, as well as losing our distinct, vibrant culture to the prevalence of a soulless and dull device 💥 (từ này emotional quá → dùng academic hơn) → homogenized and screen-centric society.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that in the face of digital advancement, traditions must be preserved and embraced, as they are the cornerstone of our identity and our only bridge to both the past and the future.
Instead of abandoning one’s age-old culture in just a span of years 💥 (phrasing hơi lạ – ko idiomatic) → within a few decades, a more effective approach would be to strike a balance between technological growth and cultural preservation, ensuring that progress does not come at the cost of our heritage.

The provided chart offers clear illustration into 💥 wc: -> clearly illustrates the CO2 levels in five different regions from 2000 to 2040, including historical data and future projections. The data showcases a noticeable convergence 💥 wc: "showcases" hơi gượng, thay bằng -> reveals a clear convergence in CO2 emissions among regions 1-4 as their values move closer within the years 💥 wc/gr-> converge over time, while region 5 remained relatively stable with little growth 💥 wc:-> remained largely stable.

In 2000, region 1 topped the chart with a staggering 💥 wc-> an impressive 8 million tonnes of CO2, peaking above 9 million 💥 wc -> at over 9 million in 2010 before declining to 7 million in 2040. Region 2 remained steady, ending around the same level it started - about 💥 wc -> at approximately 6 million tonnes. On the other hand 💥 wc -> By contrast, region 3 steadily rose and is projected to reach 6 million by 2040, closing its gap with Region 2 💥 wc -> the gap with Region 2 despite a flat period between 2015 and 2030.

In contrast, the CO2 levels in region 4 and 5 displayed lower CO2 emissions 💥 wc -> were significantly lower. Region 4 hovered at around 2.5 to 5 tonnes 💥 gr -> between 2.5 and 5 million tonnes, revealing slow but consistent growth. Region 5 experienced more gradual changes 💥 wc -> minimal changes, generally staying below 2 million tonnes throughout the years despite slight fluctuations.

In summary, the chart showcased the increasing levels of CO2 with no to minimal decrease 💥 wc-> In summary, the chart highlights varying CO2 trends, underscoring the alarming concern over 💥 wc -> ongoing challenge of global carbon output.

The provided diagram illustrates the entire 💥 wc: thừa, bỏ đi process of ethanol production, demonstrating the sustainable 💥 wc: Task 1 nên trung tính, bỏ cycle of energy transformation into biofuel. All in all , the process is composed of ten fundamental steps, beginning with plants being supplied with natural energy 💥 wc: diễn đạt lạ tai → “absorbing sunlight” and culminating in ethanol being used 💥 gr: rút gọn V‑ing → “used” as fuel by various forms of transport.

The initial step is when trees and 💥 wc: plants thôi plants absorb sunlight and carbon dioxide to grow. Once mature, these crops will be subsequently 💥 gr: “will” + “subsequently” dài, sửa “are” harvested and sent for pre‑processing, where the plants will be broken down 💥 vt: lặp “will be”, chuyển hiện tại bị động “are broken down” into smaller components for further use. From here, the broken plant material is transformed into cellulose 💥 sc: cây vốn chứa cellulose, nên “processed to release cellulose”, which is then chemically processed to extract sugars.

Following this, microbes are added to convert the sugars into ethanol. Once ethanol has been produced 💥 vt: bỏ “been” để gọn , it is distributed among multiple transportation vehicles 💥 wc: thừa “transportation” for utilization in cars, trucks, and planes. These vehicles emit carbon dioxide into the air as by‑products, which will ultimately be 💥 vt: dùng hiện tại đơn mô tả chu trình → “is” reabsorbed by plants, thus completing the carbon cycle and ensuring the continuous production of ethanol.

REVISED

The flow‑chart depicts how ethanol fuel is generated from biomass in a closed carbon loop. Overall, solar energy drives plant growth, plant matter is enzymatically converted into alcohol, and the carbon dioxide released when the fuel is burned, as it is taken up by the next crop.

At the outset, crops absorb sunlight and atmospheric CO₂ through photosynthesis. Once fully grown, they are harvested and sent to a shredder, where the material is reduced to small fibres. These fibres are then heated with acids and enzymes to liberate cellulose, which is hydrolysed further to produce fermentable sugars.

In the next stage, specific microbes are introduced; over several hours they ferment the sugars, yielding a mixture that contains a mere 8‑10 % ethanol. This liquid is distilled to separate water, after which anhydrous ethanol is obtained.

Finally, the purified fuel is dispatched to filling stations and loaded into cars, lorries and even aircraft. Combustion in these engines releases CO₂ back into the air, but the gas is swiftly re‑captured by new vegetation, keeping net emissions broadly in line with a sustainable carbon balance.

The provided chart provides useful insights into the shifts in the contribution of various regions of the world in global production 💥 gr/wc: giới từ & diễn đạt → to global production across different regions, spanning nearly two centuries from 💥 wc: thừa “nearly” & sai trật tự → from 1840 to 2000. It is evident that there was a significant shift in the production output, 💥 wc: dài dòng & dư “production output” → it is clear that production patterns shifted dramatically, as the share of Asia and Europe declined while the other regions 💥 wc: → the Rest of the World saw considerable growth.

At the beginning of the time period 💥 wc: lặp ý & thừa cụm → initially, Asia accounted for half of the global output, followed by Europe at 40%, while the rest of the world represented only 10%. Over the next decades, Asia experienced a dramatic decline, reaching its lowest point at 💥 wc: có thể viết gọn → nadir of 20% in 1920, whereas European production overwhelmingly dominated the market at its peak of 50%. Meanwhile, the Rest of the World gradually increased over time, with its contribution rising to 30% in 1920, underscoring stable growth 💥 gr/wc dài → rising to 30% by 1920.

Post-1920, the trends started to reverse. Europe lost its dominant position in the global output, ebbing away steadily until it reached under 30% in 2000. On the other hand, Asia’s output share rebounded from its dip, significantly increasing to 45% and securing its number one producer position in the world in 2000, followed by the rest of the world at around 30%.
💥 GR/CC: too many ideas trong một đoạn, thiếu liên kết tinh tế.

In summary, the chart underscores 💥 wf: đổi thành → highlights the shifting production trends of the world, reflecting economic development in other regions of the globe beyond Asia and Europe. 💥 wc: dài & lặp → dynamics of global industrial power.

Given the importance of peace and the shared desire for a harmonious world, there is a strong consensus on offering redemption for those who have wandered into the path of crime. 💥 VC: cụm ‘wandered into the path of crime’ nghe gượng quá, cô gợi ý dùng ‘strayed onto the path of crime’ hoặc ‘tread the path of crime’ đc hơn nhé

However, when it comes to deciding whether individuals who commit minor crimes should be punished with community service 💥 VC: nên dùng ‘punished by community service’ hoặc ‘given community service’ rather than imprisonment, the debates have been particularly intense.

Nevertheless, I completely agree with the method of community service 💥 VC: ‘method of community service’ ko tự nhiên, sửa thành ‘use of community service’ to reshape a criminal’s mindset, as confinement does little to deter the evolving nature of crime 💥 VC: ‘evolving nature of crime’ hơi lủng củng, cô gợi ý ‘ever-evolving patterns of crime’ despite being a seemingly reasonable solution.

My argument against the collateral damage of captivity 💥 VC: ‘collateral damage of captivity’ nghe khó hiểu -> ‘collateral damage caused by confinement’ derives from a fundamental aspect of human nature, our innate craving for connection. The failure with confinement 💥 VC: ‘flaw in confinement’ hoặc ‘shortcoming of confinement’ cho tự nhiên is that it strips away a vital part of humanity that needs to be seen and heard, 💥 VC: cụm này dài quá, dùng ‘fundamental human need for recognition and interaction’ ngắn gọn hơn nhé thus locking criminals in an isolated environment does not rescue them from the path of sins 💥 VC: ‘path of sins’ nghe lạ, em sửa ‘path of wrongdoing’ hoặc ‘path of crime’ but only deters authentic rehabilitation and goes against morality.

Especially for individuals who commit minor crimes, punishments should not take the form of extreme imprisonment, 💥 VC: ‘extreme imprisonment’ ko tự nhiên, em sửa ‘harsh imprisonment’ which usually hardens and never heals. 💥 VC: sai collocation, ‘hardens offenders and prevents genuine healing’

Instead of relying on cruel and conservative treatment, 💥 VC: ‘harsh and punitive measures’ these people can undergo community service to avoid the negative influences of prisons 💥 VC: ‘negative effects of prison’ while also benefiting the public.

We can easily point to examples of community service programs in the UK to see the positive impact of these initiatives. Minor offenders are assigned tasks like cleaning graffiti or revitalizing neglected areas, allowing them to connect with real life 💥 VC: ‘reconnect with real life’ and restore public places.

These programs not only provide a way for offenders to make amends but also foster a sense of belonging, helping them rediscover their purpose and support their reintegration into society. Given this unanimous benefit of community service, the justice system can avoid recidivism rates in criminals 💥 VC: ‘reduce recidivism rates among offenders’ while cultivating responsibility and community contributions, paving a more harmonious path towards an equitable future.

Conversely, the argument against community service is rooted in concerns over its inefficiency in addressing the core issues of crime, 💥 VC: ‘inefficiency in addressing’ hơi cứng -> ‘ineffectiveness in addressing core issues’ asserting that community-driven programs fail to tackle the underlying systemic problems. Despite its praises for rehabilitative approaches, 💥 GR/VC: -> ‘their praise’ hoặc ‘while praised for rehabilitative approaches’ critics argue that these initiatives lack oversight and long-term engagement with positive contributions to society, as few offenders will continue them post-release, signifying little behavioral change.

In extreme cases, they even assert that community service is rather a lenient punishment than a benevolent treatment, 💥 VC: cấu trúc sai, em sửa ‘more a lenient punishment than a benevolent approach’ since it is insufficient to deter recidivism from all criminals. 💥 VC: -> ‘recidivism among all offenders’

Yet, this assumption overlooks the power of human connections by directly emphasizing that oppressive deterrent methods can overshadow the prisoners’ craving for future crime. 💥 VC: ‘craving for future crime’ nghe kỳ, em sửa ‘propensity for reoffending’

Undisputedly, there is no such thing as a completely effective solution towards solving crime, 💥 VC: ‘no such thing as a completely foolproof solution to crime’, but when it comes to minor offenders with less impactful actions, they deserve to have a chance to live another positive life rather than being doomed into isolation and confinement. 💥 VC: ‘doomed to isolation and incarceration’

In conclusion, I firmly believe that community service stands out as a more humane and suitable solution towards crime 💥 VC: ‘solution to crime’ than outright captivity. 💥 VC: 'incarceration’ Unless criminals require intensive rehabilitation methods, community service is often the better choice as it promotes social responsibility, genuine reintegration into society, and a more constructive form of justice that can benefit both the individual and the community.

CÁC VẤN ĐỀ CHÍNH:

• Vague/unnatural expressions: path of crime, collateral damage of captivity, path of sins, extreme imprisonment, evolving nature of crime, solution towards crime…

• Sentence errors: run-on sentences, awkward prepositions (‘punished with’, ‘method of’).

• Word forms/collocation: ‘its praises’, ‘inefficiency in addressing’, ‘hardens and never heals’, ‘lenient punishment than’.

• Articles/determiners: thiếu ‘the/a’, ‘negative influences of prisons’.

• Grammar: parallelism issues, phrase structure.

The given diagram illustrates the entire process of leather production from animal skin to available products 💥 -> final products, demonstrating the systemic and detailed manufacture 💥 wc -> systematic manufacturing process of leather through various procedures. Overall, the process comprises eleven fundamental steps, beginning with drying animal skin and culminating in the production of leather goods.

The process initiates 💥 wc: từ này trang trọng quá, không phổ biến trong ngữ cảnh này -> begins with the drying of animal skin, which is then transported to a factory. There, it undergoes washing in a mixture of water and lime. Following this, it continues to be soaked 💥 wc -> is soaked in pure lime, showcasing intense cleaning 💥 wc nghe gượng -> ensuring thorough cleaning. Once the cleaning process is finished, the piece of skin is flattened using specialized machinery and enters another soaking process, this time involving a solution containing tannin from water and vegetable matter 💥 wc/gr: cụm này dài và lặp -> in a tannin solution derived from vegetable matter.

In order to make the skin ready for further use 💥 wc -> To prepare the skin for further processing, the process resumes with the leather being polished to give it a smooth and appealing appearance. After that, it is transported to another factory, where it is used for the manufacture of 💥 wc: -> to produce shoes, bags, and other accessories.

Task Achievement: 6.5 ✔ Covers all key trends: Em đã mô tả đầy đủ 11 bước trong quy trình từ da động vật đến sản phẩm cuối. ✔ Provides data: Không có số liệu cụ thể (do đề bài là diagram), nhưng em đã liệt kê các bước rõ ràng. ✗ Compares effectively: Bài thiếu so sánh hoặc nhấn mạnh (e.g., "the most critical step"). Thử: "Polishing is crucial for the final product’s appeal." ✗ Adds detail: Thiếu chi tiết bổ sung, như thời gian mỗi bước hoặc tầm quan trọng của từng giai đoạn. ✗ Uses overview effectively: Tổng quan ổn nhưng chưa ấn tượng. Thử: "The process is both intricate and systematic" để mạnh hơn.

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5 ✔ Logical organization: Bài có mở bài, thân bài, trình tự rõ ràng theo quy trình. ✔ Use of linking words: Có "following this," "after that," nhưng đơn giản và lặp lại. ✗ Variety in linking: Chưa dùng từ nối tinh tế như "subsequently" hoặc "thereafter." Ví dụ: "Subsequently, the skin is polished." ✗ Avoids repetition: Lặp "process" và "skin" nhiều. Thay bằng "procedure" hoặc "hide" để đa dạng.

Lexical Resource: 6.5 ✔ Range of vocabulary: Có từ như "fundamental," "specialized machinery," nhưng chưa phong phú. ✗ Avoids repetition: Lặp "process," "skin," "soaking" nhiều. Thử "procedure," "hide," "immersion." ✗ Uses precise words: "Intense cleaning" yếu, thay bằng "thorough cleaning" để học thuật hơn.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6.5 ✔ Simple structures: Câu như "The process begins with the drying of animal skin" đúng và rõ. ✔ Complex structures: Có câu phức như "which is then transported to a factory," nhưng chưa đa dạng. ✗ Variety in sentence types: Thiếu câu rút gọn hoặc đảo ngữ. Ví dụ: "Once cleaned, the skin is flattened." ✔ Accuracy: Không có lỗi lớn, nhưng một số cụm như "showcasing intense cleaning" không tự nhiên.

In light of the ongoing debates surrounding the appropriate age for leadership, opinions about whether young or senior individuals💥 VC: dùng 'older individuals' tự nhiên hơn, em nhé are better suited for executive positions vary greatly.~💥 VC: quá dài, nên tách đôi câu để rõ ý It is easy to see that most people aspire to leadership roles for financial opportunities and personal development, but fear the misguided stereotypes of ageism in many workplaces💥 GR/VC: cấu trúc lủng củng, thử 'but also worry about ageism stereotypes'. In my opinion, given the unique talents that many individuals possess regardless of age, the key criteria for management roles should lie in ability rather than age.

One practical argument in favor of young people taking leadership positions is the idea of their fresh-minded approach💥 VC: collocation ko tự nhiên, 'fresh, innovative approach'. They argue that young employees often bring innovative perspectives, enthusiasm, and different ways of thinking to a company, as their age grants💥 VC: 'grants' hơi nặng, em thử 'provides' them both energy and a sense of creativity. In a workforce without the laughter and optimism of these fresh talents, progress and a better grasp on recent trends might be considered impossible, especially in businesses that focus on fast-paced products💥 GR/VC: câu quá dài, lủng củng, em tách để rõ ý và tránh hình ảnh 'laughter and optimism'. We can easily point to the example of young entrepreneurs like Mark Zuckerberg, who launched Facebook at an incredibly young age and challenged the notion that age determines capability. In the case of these young professionals, extremists💥 VC: 'extremists' sai nghĩa, em dùng 'some critics' even posit that their blossoming age blinds them from staying grounded while chasing ambitions on the clouds💥 VC: ẩn dụ lủng củng, em thử 'immaturity may lead to clouded judgement' since the inexperience of youngsters might result in rash decisions. They assert that older people are more experienced in social aspects, and their oversight can help them take control of a company much better than the juniors💥 VC: 'juniors' ko formal, em dùng 'younger counterparts'. While this perspective may hold some truth, few can deny the youth’s proficiency in technology and AI that most seniors struggle with💥 GR/VC: thiếu parallelism, em sửa 'young people’s proficiency … while many seniors struggle …', especially when we consider the growing value of AI in every facet of our lives. Unless old people can magically find a panacea to solve their detachment from current trends💥 VC: quá hoa mỹ, em thử 'unless older leaders adapt quickly to new trends', young people still hold prominence💥 VC: 'hold prominence' chưa chuẩn, dùng 'have an edge' over certain jobs that require catching up with societal advancement.

On the flip side , there is a more balanced approach in favor of leadership roles that involves maximizing the benefits of each age level instead of a one-size-fits-all approach💥 VC: lặp từ, em thử 'rather than applying a single criterion'. Indeed, as with any complex issue, there is no such thing as complete reliance on one age bracket to manage a company successfully. Unless society stops judging a person’s capability based on their surface appearance💥 VC: ko rõ ràng, em dùng 'age alone' , we risk overlooking the unique strengths that individuals of all ages bring to the table. A truly effective business thrives on the blend of innovation, knowledge, and vision - powered by a workforce that spans all age levels and experiences to embrace both change and resilience💥 GR/VC: 'age levels' thành 'age groups'. When it comes to leadership, employees should not be judged merely based on a number💥 VC: ko tự nhiên, em dùng 'age' , but rather what they can contribute to their business in particular and society in general. That is not to mention the common stereotypical association of age with a range of abilities, overlooking individuals that might defy these assumptions and bring a fresh twist to the workforce💥 GR/VC: câu dài, lủng củng, em chia làm hai mệnh đề. Therefore, a fixation on a certain age group to lead communities💥 VC: 'organizations' can be likened to a narrow-minded perspective, which is anything but progressive. As long as a leader is proficient in what society is demanding for💥 VC: collocation sai, em dùng 'what society demands', there is as much room for growth as there is for perseverance regardless of age.

In conclusion, while different age brackets may offer diverse perspectives and strengths to our community💥 VC: 'community' chung chung, em dùng 'workforce' , in no way do they offer a sustainable solution for employment in the greater good💥 VC: 'for the greater good'. The key lies in finding a harmonious balance that allows intergenerational cooperation, while ensuring that the workforce can adequately fulfill its obligations to economic growth and social responsibility💥 GR/VC: em thử 'role in driving economic growth and upholding social responsibility'.

CÁC VẤN ĐỀ CHÍNH:

• Cấu trúc câu: nhiều câu quá dài, lủng củng, thiếu parallelism và punctuation rõ ràng.

• Từ vựng: collocation ko tự nhiên (fresh-minded, hold prominence), dùng từ thân mật hoặc hoa mỹ quá mức.

• Ngữ pháp: lỗi parallel structure, misuse of prepositions, subject-verb agreement và relative clauses.

• Độ rõ ràng: ý tưởng tốt nhưng diễn đạt thiếu chính xác, cần tách câu để tránh lủng củng.

• Phong cách: lặp từ (age, stereotypes), nên đa dạng liên từ và cụm từ chuyển ý.

The provided diagram illustrates the systematic process involved in the manufacture 💥 wc -> production of bricks from natural clay. Overall , the process is composed of seven fundamental steps, beginning with the excavation of clay and culminating in the delivery of the final products.

The initial step is when 💥 gr: cụm này không sai nhưng cũng có thể thay -> involves clay is extracted 💥 gr -> being extracted from the ground using a mechanical digger. The material is then placed on a metal grid, where it will be broken down 💥 gr: ko dùng tương lai "will" -> is broken down into smaller particles with the help of a roller. From here, the clay is mixed with sand and water to form a malleable substance, suitable for shaping. The resulting mixture is used to form bricks either by using a wire cutter or placing it in a mould 💥 wc: -> cutting with a wire or shaping in a mould for the desired shape.

In the next stage, the bricks are placed in an oven for 24 to 48 hours in order to remove 💥 wc: cụm này không sai nhưng dài dòng -> to remove excess moisture and solidify the texture. Once fully dried, they go through an intense heating process: first at a moderate temperature (200-980°C) and subsequently at a high temperature ranging from 870 to 1300°C. Upon completion of the heating process, the bricks are transferred to a cooling chamber, where they are cooled for 48 to 72 hours. The final step involves the packaging of bricks and transporting them to their intended destinations 💥 wc -> their delivery to intended destinations.

The provided diagram illustrates the detailed process involved in the production of chocolate from natural cacao beans . Overall, the process comprises ten fundamental steps, beginning with the cultivation of cacao trees and culminating in the production of liquid chocolate.

At the outset, cacao trees are cultivated in South America, Africa, and Indonesia, where they will produce 💥 gr: không cần "will" vì mô tả quy trình hiện tại -> produce ripe red pods. Once fully grown, the pods are then harvested and the white cocoa beans inside them are extracted. These beans then undergo a fermentation process, after which they are spread in the sun to dry.

Following this, the beans are collected and packaged in sacks to be transported by train or lorry to a factory. Here, they are roasted at high temperatures, followed by the crushing process in a grinder in order to 💥 a crushing process to remove the outer shell. Upon completion, these inner parts 💥 wc -> the inner nibs are pressed using a special machine, resulting in the production of 💥 wc -> producing liquid chocolate.

The provided diagram 💥 wc: nên nói rõ loại -> flow-chart illustrates the systematic process involved in the manufacture of instant noodles from flour. Overall, the process is composed of 💥 gr: chọn động từ trang trọng hơn -> comprises eight fundamental steps, beginning with the storage of flour and culminating in the labeling and packaging of noodle cups.

The initial step is when flour is transported by trucks and stored in large silos, ensuring an adequate supply for the process 💥 wc: lặp -> line. The flour is then transferred to the mixer, where it is combined with water and oil to form dough. Subsequently, the dough passes through rollers to create flat dough sheets, which are cut into long dough strips using specialized machinery.

Following this, the dough strips are shaped into circular noodle discs. These discs then undergo cooking 💥 wc: collocation -> are cooked in oil, after which they are dried to remove excess moisture. Once fully dried, the discs are placed into individual cups and seasoned with vegetables and spices to reach 💥 -> achieve the desired flavor. At this point, the noodle cups are labeled and sealed, completing the production process and preparing the product for sale.

IMPROVED

The flow-chart depicts how wheat flour is converted into instant noodles through eight tightly-sequenced stages. From the chart, it is clear that the most machinery-intensive of which occur after the dough has been sheeted.

Initially, flour delivered by lorry is stored in high-capacity silos, guaranteeing a constant feed to the production line. It is metered into a mixer, where water and oil are added to create a pliable dough. This dough is rolled repeatedly to produce thin, uniform sheets and is then cut into long strands.

Next, the strands are coiled into circular noodle discs—a step carried out by an automatic former. The discs are deep-fried in hot oil, and are subsequently conveyed through a drying tunnel that removes residual moisture.

Once dehydrated, each disc drops into an individual cup and is topped with pre-measured sachets of vegetables and seasonings. Finally, the cups are sealed, labelled and boxed, ready for distribution to retailers. The entire operation runs continuously, allowing manufacturers to meet demand.

The provided diagram illustrates the detailed process involved in the production of sugar from natural sugar canes 💥 wc: danh từ ko đếm được → sugar cane. Overall, the process is composed of seven fundamental steps, beginning with the growth of sugar canes 💥 wc: sugar cane and culminating in the production of refined sugar.

The process starts with the cultivation of sugar canes 💥 wc, which typically ranging 💥 gr: thiếu động từ → which typically takes from 12 to 18 months to mature. Once mature, the canes are then harvested, either manually using a machete or mechanically through harvesting machines. From here the canes undergo the crushing process in order to extract the juice inside them → from the stalks, after which it 💥 pn: pronoun unclear → the liquid is purified using a limestone filter to remove impurities.

Following this, the cleaned 💥 wc: dùng “clarified” chuẩn quy trình juice is heated in an evaporator to create syrup. The syrup is subsequently transferred to a centrifuge, which spins to separate sugar crystals from the remaining liquid. At this point, the sugar crystals are dried and cooled, resulting in the finished product, ready for packaging or consumption.

If you’ve known me for most of my life, you’ll know that the hobbies I take up are usually to benefit myself or due to my competitive nature. By the end of last year, I’ve realized that most of the girls in my grade had already learned how to crochet, while I couldn’t do anything with a simple string of yarn, so I felt so small and talentless. But alas, my brain wouldn’t let me stop brushing this off; maybe I was overreacting, but not knowing something is like a shame. And there’s a friend of mine named Ngân, who has inspired me into crocheting that seems insignificant but relaxing.

Ngân, if I have to describe her appearance, she’s a cute girl with tanned skin and a button nose. She has a good style of fashion, and is really talented at artistic things like drawing and painting. I wasn’t very close to her, but she’s super kind, by the way, and is sunshine in human form. When I first saw her crocheting something, I thought that it was useless and a waste of effort, but I was totally wrong. Until she convinced me to join the Crochet club, I was always laid-back and conservative about actually crocheting something.

When I was somehow successfully ‘gaslighted’ into the club, I suddenly found out that crocheting wasn’t that boring at all. Who would think that crocheting might be satisfying? My family wasn’t really into weaving or sewing as a hobby, although handicraft was a traditional custom of Vietnamese women long ago to make clothes. I know that now, it doesn’t matter much if you can handmade something if it’s already best-selling in the markets, but learning to crochet really lets me understand the phrase “Everything you make with your hands is magic.” And for Ngân, I asked her everything I could for tips and tricks, and she didn’t gatekeep! Instead, she told me a whole tutorial like a machine. It’s mesmerizing to see her crochet, by the way, because her stitches are really pretty and neat, unlike mine, and she always ends up with a successful product while I’m still struggling to handle a double crochet stitch! Crazy thing is, crochet has now been a hobby of mine, and I do it quite often. I’ll have to thank Ngân for meticulousness and patience for teaching me this then!

One practical argument in favor of longer weekends aligns with the improved social bonds that they bring. With increasing competition and societal pressures to make ends meet, regardless of economic background, work is not just a choice but an indispensable necessity. Many workers and companies are so deeply entrenched in the belief that longer working hours equate to enhanced productivity that they spend most of their time relentlessly working in the hope of higher salaries, possibly neglecting their own personal lives. In the face of deteriorating social relationships and inadequate resting time, longer weekends are becoming a feasible solution adopted by many progressive companies, allowing employees to reconnect with their families and rebuild social bonds. Unlike the monotonous workaholics who spend hours under their tiring office lights, individuals granted with this additional time can redirect their energy towards social life and revitalization, ultimately improving mental well-being and job satisfaction. To exemplify, Microsoft Japan tested a four-day work week trial without any reduction in remuneration for employees. The project revealed significant outcomes: workers were not only happier, but the company’s productivity boosted by a staggering 40%, reflecting a positive correlation between job satisfaction and productivity. Such evidence suggests that valuing personal time does not undermine output, but rather enhances it. Unless society can formulate a method that makes employees both content and efficient while still subjecting them to the excessive workload, extending the weekends remains one of the most promising and humane solutions.

Conversely, the argument against longer weekends is rooted in concerns over productivity, asserting that this method can, if not rapidly, insidiously reduce overall efficiency and harm the economy. Critics even claim that it can reduce earnings for workers due to shorter working time, affecting their financial stability and placing more pressure on low-income families. Yet, these assumptions are deeply misguided and only reinforce the conventional notion that longer working hours equate to enhanced productivity. There is no such thing as a direct correlation between longer hours and better performance, because productivity requires intensive focus time, well-being, and working conditions rather than time spent at a desk. Moreover, increased productivity can justify higher remuneration for workers while simultaneously boosting job satisfaction, creating a mutually beneficial cycle for both employers and employees. In reality, even if extending the weekend does not fully maximize productivity, it fosters a healthier, more sustainable work environment that emphasizes the balance between work and life for many individuals.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that productivity is not merely a matter of working hours, but is highly influenced by the mental well-being and job satisfaction of employees. After all, life is not solely about meeting deadlines - it is about living meaningfully both inside and outside the workplace.

The process starts with cows grazing freely on open pastures, after which they are milked twice a day through specialized equipment. The collected milk is then stored in refrigerated tanks to maintain its freshness, and is subsequently delivered to the Dairy on a daily basis.

At the dairy, the milk undergoes advanced processing techniques to produce two main categories of dairy products: (1) cheese, cream, and butter, which are ready for immediate consumption, and (2) milk, which requires pasteurization and packaging. Once packaged, the processed milk is distributed to supermarkets and shops, making it accessible to consumers.

One practical argument in favor of saving money is that it allows individuals to handle unforeseen financial emergencies, when immediate access to funds is essential. When individuals are self-sufficient for these perilous situations, they will not rely excessively on others for financial matters, such as their family and friends. As everything can turn upside down in the blink of an eye, periods of economic downturn or financial instability are indeed inevitable; hence it is preferable to not indulge in reckless spending without proper regulation and wise management. Added to this is the healthy habit that carefully controlled spending may instill, creating a sustainable cycle that prioritizes needs over wants, especially for teenagers, who are associated with exploration and impulsive decisions. The importance of financial security is most compelling when we consider the 2008 financial crisis, when many young individuals faced sudden unemployment and chaos. Undoubtedly, those without beforehand savings struggled to afford basic commodities, having to rely on family support and falling into long-term debt. In these situations, it becomes crucial to evaluate every spending decision carefully, whether for essential needs or discretionary pleasures, to ensure long-term stability.

Conversely, the argument against saving money is rooted in concerns over the lack of present enjoyment and personal fulfillment. Additionally, extreme skeptics even claim that excessive saving can lead to a joyless, overly cautious lifestyle that deprives individuals of meaningful life experiences. Yet, these are all assumptions; as the fulfillment of one’s life does not necessarily rely on spending money. In reality, saving money is not about being tightfisted, but rather about exercising foresight and self-control to secure stability. Moreover, financial security gained through saving can enhance one’s ability to enjoy life without the constant stress and uncertainty. By setting aside money for the future, individuals are allowed to make choices based on desire instead of desperation.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that saving money is the least a person can do when it comes to spending habits and financial assurance. Admittedly, although being hesitant to purchase your desired items at a store is disheartening, the restraint you exercised today might save you from potential financial hardship in the future.

In 2000, the Harbour’s layout was relatively simple, featuring two separate car parks, a marina for private yachts, and fishing boats located on the west side. By today, additional showers and toilets have been installed, likely to accommodate the growing number of visitors. Moreover, the larger car park has been directly connected to the Main road, streamlining access and improving the flow of movement to the southern lands of the Harbour. 

The area that has seen the biggest transformation is the marine areas of the Harbour, mainly for commercial purposes. Notably, the fishing boats and marina for private yachts have switched positions, improving functionality and prioritizing more space for tourists. Additionally, a dock has been constructed to provide more space for the increasing passenger ferries. On the southern land, a new road has been built to provide access to the newly introduced hotel, which has replaced the disused castle. The public beach is now privately owned by the hotel, while cafes and shops have been established nearby to enhance customer experience and modernize the area.

Among the four countries, Malaysia recorded the highest proportion of citizens dwelling in cities, surpassing their counterparts by a substantial margin in 2020. This country is characterized by its transformative growth, rising from merely 30% in 1970 to 75% in 2020, and is predicted to maintain its leading position at over 80% by 2040. Similarly, despite a slow start in 1970, Indonesia gathered momentum at an unprecedented rate, climbing from 10% to 50% in 2020, with projections indicating it will gradually narrow the gap with Malaysia by 2040.

Conversely, Thailand and the Philippines exhibited different demographic trends. In contrast to Malaysia’s explosive growth, the Philippines lost momentum after 1990, with its urban population growth rate slowing noticeably. Thailand, while initially lagging behind noticeably, experienced a sharp rise after 2000 but is projected to stay behind the others through 2040.

the country’s specific priorities and available resources.

Advocates supporting the preservation of minor languages often emphasize that culture is vital to a society’s identity and continuity. As a result of this unwavering significance, when a language dies, centuries of oral tradition, unique customs, and heritage that its ancestors have constructed fade into insignificance. Therefore, it is widely accepted that the government has the moral obligation to be directly involved in the recovery of these languages, just as they invest in protecting historical monuments and national art forms. Governmental support can fund initiatives aimed at language recovery, such as attracting tourists through global recognition or implementing language immersion programs. For example, when the New Zealand government implemented language preservation policies that required compulsory education of the Maori language, the efforts have led to a gradual increase in the number of speakers and a cultural revival of Maori identity. Such evidence proves that while revitalizing a minor language poses initial challenges, the enduring benefits for cultural preservation and community identity can still justify its original costs, even if it means diluted focus on some of the government’s priorities. Nevertheless, our current generation bears the moral responsibility to ensure cultural diversity, and no effort to revive a language should be considered wasted, regardless of the obstacles it entails.

Conversely, proponents of allocating resources on other areas instead of language revival maintain that pressing issues, such as healthcare, infrastructure, and education, should be placed at the forefront of national priorities. In essence, saving endangered languages can be likened to an unsustainable undertaking as language loss amidst globalization is inevitable, especially when only a negligible number of speakers remain. Even with the government intervention, languages can still simply cease to exist without genuine enthusiasm from the youth, a practical problem that many authorities fail to recognize in their preservation initiatives. Moreover, some warn of the dangers in desperate attempts to save minor cultures, particularly cultural exploitation and commercialization through excessive branding, a misguided act used by several businesses that reduces heritage as a mere tool for profit. Given finite public resources, it is more pragmatic to prioritize other initiatives with immediate social impact.

In conclusion, while preserving a language serves a valuable cultural purpose, its practical implementation ultimately depends on a country’s priorities and financial resources. I strongly believe that governments should not be expected to carry this burden alone, as meaningful preservation requires grassroots involvement such as community engagement and education, not just criticism of authorities. A balanced approach would be to ensure that cultural preservation does not come at the cost of societal needs.

In 2007, the income group earning $100,000 or above ranked first, having the largest number of households at around 30 million. This figure is followed by households gaining between $25,000 and $49,999, despite their significantly lower income, while the under-$25,000 group stood at around 25 million. By 2015, the highest income group remained dominant, having grown remarkably since 2011 at around 33 million, while the lower income categories – despite their earlier rise – declined slightly.

While the income landscape shifted notably at both ends of the income spectrum, middle-income households showcased minimal change. Those belonging to the $50,000-$74,999 bracket witnessed little to no growth, only hovering above 20 million households. Similar trends were observed in the $75,000-$99,999 group, which experienced negligible fluctuations and remained below the 15 million threshold.

The failure to promote national involvement from educated individuals is rooted in a complex interplay of factors, but can be attributed primarily to the prevalent brain drain phenomenon. This occurs when skilled professionals migrate to developed countries in pursuit of maximized career potential and financial success, as their home nations often fail to provide adequate working conditions for them to thrive. It is indeed paradoxical that, while poorer countries are desperately in need of professional workers, their inability to catch up with modern working trends directly discourages these highly trained people from staying. The migration of intelligent individuals has a profound impact on the nation, depriving them of talent to invigorate change. This problem is most compelling when critical sectors such as healthcare and education are considered: chronic staff shortages, especially of highly educated ones, affect the quality of social services provided to future generations. Without proper investment in retention strategies to improve local opportunities, developing countries risk falling into the cycle of limited competence. The brain drain also exacerbates the entrenched inequalities between the affluent and the poor, leaving vulnerable communities without aid or essential support, while developed societies keep depending on the foreign workforce. The combination of these factors underscores the urgent need for change; without intervention, societal gaps will continue to deepen, threatening global development and sustainable progress.

At the heart of the combat against brain drain is the need to improve working conditions and job incentives to retain talent. Higher salaries, opportunities for professional growth, and better infrastructure are the least countries can do to promote participation from these citizens in national development and enhance the appeal of jobs. This can be exemplified by the case of the Philippines' nursing boom, where the nation experienced a “brain gain” in nursing as more people were offered special tax breaks and leadership positions, encouraging many to ‘invest’ their expertise in local sectors. To achieve this end, various stakeholders, including the government, citizens, and even international authorities, must join hands to tackle this issue lest it continue to escalate. Additionally, more ethical and inclusive policies should be implemented to safeguard workers’ rights and ensure fair treatment. Unless countries strive collectively to boost domestic retention by providing ideal working conditions for their citizens, they risk perpetuating the peril of brain drain and its associated complications.

In conclusion, the conspicuous rise of brain drain has dire consequences for the countries involved and will require a multifaceted approach that involves various stakeholders. I firmly believe that only through sustained focus on working conditions and incentivizing policies can we hope to reverse this unnerving trend and promote a better future for both professionals and their home nations.

In terms of sodium and saturated fat, dinner emerges as the dominant contributor, significantly exceeding the other meals at 43% and 37%, respectively. Lunch ranks second for both nutrients, making up 29% of sodium and 26% of saturated fat consumption. Meanwhile, breakfast contributes the least to both sodium and fat intake, at 14% and 16%, with its sodium share equal to that of snacks. 

Conversely, snacks are the main provider of added sugar among all meals, with its portion nearly twice that of dinner at 42%. They also rank as the second-largest supply of saturated fat at 21%, contributing notably to the overall consumption of these nutrients. Following behind are breakfast and lunch, occupying a considerable segment of the total intake at 16% and 19%, respectively. 

In 1920, 40% of households owned a washing machine, followed closely by vacuum cleaner at 30%, while refrigerators were not yet in use in most households. However, in 1940, refrigerators witnessed a pronounced increase, rapidly climbing to 55% and exceeding the use of vacuum cleaners. This figure continued to grow consistently until it reached full adoption in 1980, after which it remained stable. Similarly, following a steady surge each year, vacuum cleaners levelled off in 2000 with full household ownership, whereas washing machines had yet to reach universal usage by 2019.

In terms of time dedicated to housework per household, including washing clothes, preparing meals, and cleaning, the number dropped significantly from 50 hours per week in 1920 to a modest 20 hours in 1960. After a consistent decline, the figure lost momentum but still edged down slowly, reaching merely 10 hours in 2019. This trend stood in stark contrast to rising appliance adoption, highlighting the impact of technology on reducing domestic workload.

In 2016, petroleum products accounted for the highest export revenues, generating over 60 billion with a modest 3% increase in values compared to 2015. Similarly, engineered goods ranked second in both years, with a noticeable rise to approximately 60 billion dollars in 2016. However, this category’s increase in value was marginally higher than that of petroleum products, at only 8.5%.

In contrast, gems and jewellery experienced a slight decline, falling from nearly 43 billion in 2015 to 40 billion dollars in 2016. Notably, this was the only sector to witness a drop in percentage change at 5.18%. Agricultural products were relatively stable throughout the years, earning approximately 32 billion with a mere 0.81% increase in value. On the other hand, textiles, despite having the lowest export value in 2015, recorded the highest growth rate, increasing by over 15% to reach 30 billion in 2016.

One compelling argument in favor of ultimately prioritizing economic progress, proponents argue, is that it serves as a foundation for other types of development, ranging from education, healthcare to infrastructure. Although money itself cannot resolve all existing problems of a nation, it undeniably provides the necessary resources and stability to address them effectively. With adequate funding, living standards can be enhanced significantly, as a growing economy not only contributes to job creation and career prospects but also enables broader access to social services. Added to this benefit is the pivotal role that money serves in tackling poverty and inequality. Economic development can lift many out of financial adversity through the diverse employment opportunities that it bolsters, helping the economy to cater to more people’s needs and sustain long-term growth. We can easily point to wealthy countries such as the United States to witness the impact of sustained economic progress – its robust job market, advanced technology, high standard of living as well as geopolitical power on the global stage are primarily a product of consistent economic investment and advancement. Given these unanimous advantages of economic progress, it is no wonder that many regard wealth as the major engine for long-term prosperity.

Conversely, skeptics maintain that putting excessive emphasis on economic advancement overshadows other equally vital areas of development. Despite being touted as a near-panacea for national issues, economic growth alone is nowhere near to guaranteeing social or environmental well-being. In fact, it is the sole fixation on the economy that has deprived many countries of balanced development, often at the expense of public welfare and ecological sustainability. In parallel with economic growth, social progress is a prerequisite for both an enduring and equitable society, as pressing issues like gender inequality, minority rights, or social welfare cannot be resolved by money alone. In order to achieve a long-lasting prosperous community, governments must also shift their focus to human development through reducing social inequalities, broadening access to crucial public services, as well as cultivating a fair and resilient society beyond material wealth. In reality, many affluent nations often fail to acknowledge the pressures on their workforce in the blind pursuit of money, with South Korea often cited as a prime example of a high-income country plagued by chronic stress, exhausting its working citizens. Without attempts to foster a healthy economy alongside a robust one, economic development does little to safeguard the mental well-being of citizens, since even the most valuable forms of labor will eventually reach a breaking point.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that while economic progress is indeed an efficient driver of national prosperity, its impact will remain superficial and short-lived without parallel development in other crucial areas. It is not about excessively fixating on a single pathway to success, but about fostering a well-rounded and inclusive model of progress that truly benefits society in the long run.