AyuChan by

You might wanna skip the sappy part and fast forward to the meme sections. Js.

ELFminnie — 2020-10-29 16:10:10 UTC

Inner Struggle

ELFminnie — 2020-10-29 16:21:39 UTC

My interest and territorial self got to me after our night together. I became more and more desperate to catch your attention and keep it. It was crazy couple of months with inner struggle with my own self to end this interest whatever it is and between drawing whats mine back to me. Was difficult with your flaky and unpredictable interests in others and I hated myself thinking that your interest haven't come in turn to me.

Mar-Apr

ELFminnie — 2020-10-29 16:25:53 UTC

This was when your attention seemed to focus on me more and more and we finally succeeded in hanging out alone, which seemed to work best for us. Having dinner together, beach trip, and some unholy piss drinking that later on I found out left you frustrated. It was when my desires were getting fulfilled and nourished by you and I knew I couldn't fully go back on my interest on you ever since then. Which is when I started to keep receipts of various stuff you say, knowing I'm in enough to want to cherish those moments regardless of anything.

Bye bye, miss you

ELFminnie — 2020-10-29 16:31:46 UTC

This might seem insignificant but it was the first time I truly believed you cared for me deeply. To miss me, to actually voice it out to me, which knowing you, it took time to build up to that moment where you don't mind voicing it out instead of the indifference we seemed to be competing in showing each other- it was endearing and heartwarming.

Anything is a sex room if it has me and ayumu in it alone

ELFminnie — 2020-10-29 16:37:34 UTC

This was sexual tension confirmation from your side. It made me happy and relieved to know I wasn't the only one aching and burning for you. And yes, I know, I used it against you a lot. Most of my receipts are blackmailing material anyway.

Vague Flirting

ELFminnie — 2020-10-29 16:42:33 UTC

Is what we do best, we throw flirts, always. And it ranges between obvious silly "jokes" to simple yet deep ones like the following:

You: So apparently our signs are inconjunct
Me: ??? (definitely playing I don't know that because stars can't tell me we can't be)
You: our planets are 150 degrees apart so you shall open your legs in that angle for me, bro

This might sound like another weird pervy comment from yours to anyone else but I couldn't help but take it as you, as well, don't care about what stars say.

And it went on to you cuffing me with spaghetti. Innovative I'd say.

Me: Man you could have say so earlier smh *manspreads using a giant protractor to measure the angle* Precision is my passion
You: Okay, now I need to penetrate you with my dick in that angle as well and we will be connected for life.

Me: Sounds like a bliss. But gotta tie my ankles in that angle. Cant promise my legs when your dick penetrates me.

You: *ties your ankles with two spaghets* Good?
Me: Spaghetti?
You: Yes
Me: Pfft thats as strong as your will to stay connected. << this had deeper insecure origin, seeing how flaky you are, I was afraid of your interest in me to not last longer.
You: My will is very stronk, well, rn. also why do you complain, I thought you like food the most. << And you kinda confirmed my insecurity here.
Me: Im not bcs you seem to want my legs wrapped around you so bad. Enough to use spaghetti instead of something proper.

You: I'm using spaghetti only because a way to your inside is via food ok. I thought you'd appreciate it more than just some tape.
Me: Food is mostly the way to inside my heart not inside my ass tho. You playin wild.
You: Inside is inside.

And I didn't question further, didn't want to, didn't have to. You showed your willingness to have me.

350 words essay

ELFminnie — 2020-10-29 16:53:36 UTC

The Reasons I need Ayumu for by P. Chanyeol

What do I need Ayumu for? That is a very tough question actually and I am not sure if it has any proper and objective answer to be honest. However, I will still try to think of some truthful reasons.

I should start off by saying that I need Ayumu because he is a rush provider to me. Not exactly (or only) a provider of a blood rush to my dick but generally, he is a certain kind of an excitement rush, in other kinds of sense. Seeing him and hearing him makes my senses alerted most of the times. It is a good feeling and I think I would be mostly bored without feeling this sort of sensation. Therefore, I need Ayumu as a provider of these positive feelings.

Secondly, I need him for sharing and sending memes about zodiac. I am generally not sure if our kind of humour is very similar but it is fun and I enjoy it a lot when we exchange that zodiac stuff. Therefore, I need Ayumu as a provider of memes and fun.

The next one would be I need Ayumu for showing me how different a person can be but I can still get along with them quite well. He is a very different man from me and sometimes he even provides me inderectly a mirror to what kind of person I am. Therefore, I need Ayumu as a mirror which is showing me the differences between us.

Connected to the previous one, another reason should be, in all truthfullness, that I need Ayumu for the attention. I would not realize this if he didn't point it out himself but it is true he gives me the best attention which I strive for. Therefore, I need Ayumu for the attention.

Lastly, I would say I need Ayumu for the future I have planted in my mind. There are things I sometimes picture doing and Ayumu is there doing them with me. Therefore, I need Ayumu as a comfortable companion if I ever decide to go follow those ideas in my mind.

I realize all my reasons are very selfish but my essay got exactly 350 words so could I get at least D? :)

This always gonna be considered a milestone to me. I never thought you'd really put the effort to do it. Nor did I expect the content to be this endearing, regardless of how "selfish" you thought it was. Because I truly took it as what Jinhwan said:
first paragraph: sexual tension

second paragraph: he gives you the butterflies

forgot the next two

fifth: you imagine your future together

And it made me feel so special. Also, your reaction to me wanting to comment on it. How you panicked and dismissed it strongly right away when you said:
I don't really need a feedback

thank you

Direct

ELFminnie — 2020-10-29 16:59:26 UTC

Regardless of your intention or shown one, whether you wanted it to appear as "yandere" comment to cover up a deeper, more genuine meaning. I liked it, how you directly asked for my attention. It was adorable and made me feel important to you.

You: Keep eye on me yourself, coward.
You: Ayumu hold me

Adorable, isn't it?

I wasn't used nor ready for your straightfoward attention at me. Never failing in surprising me. Like the next, when we were playing push and pull yet again and I joked about you escaping falling for me and saving yourself.

You: Not escaping...Just making the landing more smoother and less deadly

This confirmation of you falling for me, you can only imagine how much impact it had on me.

Lemme just add more and random examples~

- As good shipper you should know heaven should be anywhere as long as ayumu is with me.
- I'm your man toi
- You're my reward.
- I miss you even if I see you around.
- My ruler pointing at Ayumu.
- You'd fill my whole heart even if I had elephant one.

Memory

ELFminnie — 2020-10-29 17:02:38 UTC

I think we both agree on how bad your memory is and perhaps that what made this moment special to me.

You: I remember the 1st time.

Referring to the first time you called me bella. By that time you called me bella twice. And I almost found myself liking it as much as I like you saying my name.

"Yandere"

ELFminnie — 2020-10-29 17:18:11 UTC

You say I give off yandere vibes at times but that's really you. Lemme show you some of those:

- You: You will go to jail for sniffing ayumu
Taehyung: Was it because I sniffed without consent the first time?!??
You: Yes, without my consent.

But Taehyung continue to sniff and tease you. p.s: I just showered then.

- You: I will make you smell cock nut if you dont stop
- No because you'd go woo ayumu when I'm gone
- For them two is all kinds of distancing. *cuts the phone cord*

I was shook not gonna lie. It was kind of scary, too. Whether serious or "half" joking. There is always some sort of truth within a joke they say.

Also a cute "yandere" one:

- you: *gets in here so ayu has something better to watch*

My Shirt

ELFminnie — 2020-10-29 17:23:16 UTC

It was game night with others. It was the dice dares game and by the end we ended with a dare for Dohwan I think to take his shirt off but he didn't and it went like follows:

Me: Seems we aren’t seeing any skin after all. Yeol take off your shirt
You: The hecc. No.
Me : why not?
You: I'm a shy boi
Me: Then shyly take your shirt off...?
You: No. You do it.
Me: But that wouldn't be so shyly.
You: You can do it. I won't look *cover eyes*
Me: Ok good don't look. *takes off shirt and wrap it to blindfold you with it*
There, you are blind.
You: The hecc *reaches back to fiddle with the knot, gets it off and stares*
Me: *takes my shirt off and cover my titties like the shy boy I am*
You:Well…

*raises my brow and takes the shirt from you*

This is mine now
Me: *raises a brow as well* And imma stay shirtless like this?
You: If you want a shirt to go home dressed then go undress dohwan

As he originally should have been
Me: Oof but that was jae’s roll
You: Do I look like I care?

*laughs, throwing your shirt over my shoulder for keeping*
Me: But im alrd shirtless. 2 shirtless het men. No good
You: It was nice, let’s play next time *smiles and heads out with ayumu’s shirt, apparently winning something*
Me: I- Well I was gonna say you can keep my shirt. Mayhaps cuddle it at night too
You: I think I will use it for better purposes. Like…wiping off floor when it gets too dirty
Me: Yeol doesn’t deserve my shirt: confirmed
You: I don’t deserve lot of things. But still I’m gonna keep it

Something about having one another clothes with us seem intimate and I liked that. Though, hope you are keeping my shirt safe and sound.

Sexuality Crisis

ELFminnie — 2020-10-30 11:19:08 UTC

My presence must've taken a toll on your prideful het sexuality because nor once were you a het around me. It ranged from "no homo" denial, gay panic, to more calm gay.

Starting with an observer:
Yeol: is "straight"
Also Yeol: Wants Ayu gay for "mysterious" reasons.

And now to denial:
- Just missed your funky eyebrow.
- Oh pls, we are purely two bros. its friendly teasing

Lines blends between gay panic and "confident" gay, its for you to judge:

- one date, second date, third date, then maybe kith. Well... food date, golden shower date, banana date. We are at third if im right. Plus we date here every day.
- Don't uwu at me
- you: yes, take out his manwomb when you are already in.
Me: Yeol afraid to be a father
You: I'm more afraid to be a daddy than a father.
Me: ok baby.
You: ....
- Strong independent gay needs a dumb het like me
- I'd say you don't need me around you for that, You're pretty hot without my help. *pats top pf my thighs* then come and burn
- B-bye *tries to not stutter but fails due to the hindered breath, sucking my tummy in initially before relaxing, brushing at the back of your head slowly*
- I don't need glasses for that, that's already happening without them
- You: the only person ayumu will distract is me. And we don't want that, I'd drop the bags. He's out.
Baek: I was about to say, chanyeol would fuck the whole operation by fucking the whole ayumu
- You: I wouldn't survive. I don't think I would be able to ever witness ayumu naked
Baek: as if u haven't already
You: I thought i put 'again' in there
Baek: why wouldn't you survive? too much blood rushing away from ur brain?
You: I'd get a stroke or something
Baek: is this ayumu-stroke rn?
chanyeol is really in his feelings tonight its cute. I'd love one day for a guy to just pass out bc the blood rushes too quick downstairs when he sees me :") hehe thats cute
- You: Yeah, it just feels good okay. Personal attention, touches, who doesn’t like it? Wait, I usually don’t, but it’s just different now because I’m somewhat close to you.
- Me: No. Booty is to be squishy and dicc to be hard.
You: Your booty isn't squishy either. OnO
Me: Oi >.> It aint iron hard either. Its.... Fine >.>
You: Fine...that it indeed is OuO *Daydreams about it*
Me: Wyd
You: I'm.... thinking
Me: About?
You: About you ouo
Me: I'm right here though. Why think about me?
You: What if I say that you're always on my mind. Present or absent.
Me: I say pretty gay for a het guy like yourself.
You: Ah then I am not saying that. I take it back

Me: You cant take it back. Its said and saved as receipt ;D
You: I can and I did. You receipt is fabricated!

So~ yep ;)

Knowing each other best

ELFminnie — 2020-10-30 12:11:14 UTC

Being the two weirdos, you winning though, make us the best for understanding and dealing with each other. I've always took pride in knowing how to roll with you and your weird ass. My ego only gets fed more and more by others also noticing that and giving me that credit. That no one can handle you like I do. That i'm best for you.

- Baek: you're just better at managing yeol when he's making up random shit

And that got confirmed by you as well.

- You: yes ayumu come collect me so I stop giving ppl headache

Obsidian Stone

ELFminnie — 2020-10-30 16:37:22 UTC

One of the things I cherish the most and had strongest impact on me, is when you gave me this stone. I thought that the stone reminding you of me was special enough. We both agreed that its black, just like my style, smooth yet edgy and intriguing. But you opened my eyes to a whole another meaning to a simple stone.

- You: Penguins give rocks. Not just any rocks, though – male gentoo penguins search through piles of pebbles to find the smoothest, most perfect ones. When a penguin has selected his pebble, he presents it to his intended companion. If she approves, she puts the stone in her nest and the two are well on their way to becoming mommy and daddy birds. Pebbles are so important to the penguins that males often fight over the prettiest selections.

I couldn't help but truly feel chosen by you. I, still till this day, am speechless of how to describe how much this means to me. And of course I can never forget how cute you were trying to undo what you just did.

- Also you: Did he see, I can delete still. I was not supposed to tell him this tho

You might not had to tell me that because the stone alone, with no further explanation, made me feel very special.

Of course I had to use this stone to my advantage when we were bickering like usual and sex came into the conversation and you said sex only after marriage.

-Me: Does obsidian stone count as wedding ring?
You: Uhm don't ask that question pls
Me: Why Can't I ;)?
You: BEcause no
Me: Question is, would I get this obsidian stone if i didn't throw that ring in May?
you: I would give you all stones in the world no matter what.
Me: I- gay

So, yes, you yet again succeeded in surprising me and making me feel even more and more special.

But lets continue what happened after because that gave me a major prideful moment as i live to piss you off.

You: you came out today so....yes
gay
Me: So you playing along to please my gay?
You that concerned with my gay?
You: -click-

And that went into spiral of gay emotions for both of us throwing "you are being d a n g e r o u s" at each other till we had to take a moment to breathe- AKA, the padlet's description, C O U P L E Of Clowns.

Violence is the key

ELFminnie — 2020-10-30 17:12:03 UTC

We were joking like per usual but things got out of hands when you challenged me to punch you, which I did. I'm sorry again for that :(
I couldn't stay still that night with how you reacted to my punch, thinking I ruined everything and every chance I thought I had with you, almost believing that was the end of "us". But when you kindly responded to my text, I of course wasted no time and rushed to you late at night. By now, I'm also thankful I punched you. Because we really needed a literal knock to knock some sense into our clown heads. It came with more benefits for us than harms. We finally got to sit and talk, seriously like adults. I remember I was fearing the confrontation, I was afraid I might confess to you on spot, more afraid of your own reaction and response, if I'd get rejected by you. Thankfully, it didn't get to that, but was enough to bring new light into our "relationship" that left us both at ease. Next I'm going to list some of the lines that impacted me most or just are plain funny:

- Sometimes I feel like you get along with me well and that you enjoy spending time with me but then you punch my face or talk about destroying me.
- Gosh, I wish you’d sometimes choose different ways of surprising me than beating me up.
- This lack of signs would make much more sense if you didn’t actually rush here, weren’t sitting on my lap and touching my cheek in that bewitching way in which you seem to not even pay much attention to the action but I am definitely extra aware of every brush of your fingers and I guess that is the confusing part about you, unless it’s the part of your unpredictable policy, then it would make sense why you keep doing the opposing things.
- Even with you more often than not, I do make sure I have things in my hands, mostly because I don’t want to be another one walking to you with their own feet to be destroyed unexpectedly but if it happens I would rather feel like it was my decision.
- I am not sure about others because I feel like others can talk to you so much more easily than I am able to. Good half of the time when I see you I don’t even know how to start chatting with you and when I do then I often feel at loss at how to keep the conversation alive or interesting. I usually don’t have this problem but with you, it’s different. That’s at least at times when there are other people around too. << this, this what we both have in common and struggle with the same, again, C O U P L E Of Clowns
- I am glad you came here, Ayumu, really glad. And not only because I believe your presence has some healing effect on my battle wounds.
- And you know, speaking of insatiable urges I got few of my own when it comes to you. I feel almost ashamed because they don’t sound so honourable and pure in my head as your soul baring one sounds. Although that sounds hot at the same time too.
- But I really want to get to know you better and have you baring yourself more and more. I really like what I've seen so far, especially today. You've piqued my interest sooner than you probably think but I don't always act on it even less when I think it's futile for various reasons so seeing and hearing today that you're not completely indifferent, well, that is a nice motivation...

We got to your bedroom, changed into your shirt, laid down next to each other. And it happened. A kiss. After 6-7 months of minimum too cautious intimacy. The kiss was initiated by you.

The kiss was simple and short and I remember I ended it in attempt to calm myself and not get carried away. Though, I failed. We both did.

Run!

ELFminnie — 2020-10-30 17:45:06 UTC

Is all what filled my head the next morning of that wonderful, too good of a night with you. I got overwhelmed, scared- terrified even of how much you mean to me and how too deep I already am. Thus, I escaped.

And no need to go for a second time of how I felt that morning and make clown of myself again.

Escape Failure

ELFminnie — 2020-10-30 17:48:19 UTC

After weeks of "doing well" on my own and moving on from you, I see you in a wedding of a mutual friend. Whatever thing I thought I moved on from came back just as hard the moment you greeted me and smiled at me. So first and only thing that came to my mind is to cowardly run again. I was such an ass to you that day and I feel bad for that till today. You deserved none of that.

I tried to correct some of my mistakes by taking care of the drunk you that stayed alone and I took you into my hotel room. Things escalated way too fast in there and also ended just as fast, because someone decided to fall asleep midway atop of me-! Anyhow~ that whirlpool of emotions made me man up and just accept the fact I long since fallen for you and couldn't wait for next morning where I can meet you and allow myself to look at you via the eye of a lover.

Rollercoaster

ELFminnie — 2020-10-30 17:56:57 UTC

Being at my most content and delightful state, totally at ease with my feelings for you, I went to meet you that morning with determination to make up for all the bad things I did for you. But that crashed by the way you acted around me. Colder than ice. I had to be idiotically persistent and insistent with the attitude you showed me. Had escaped a good moment for us that night from weeks ago and I wouldn't let another good moment to slip from me.

And just how fast it went downhill, is how fast it took us sky high when misunderstanding got cleared and our raw emotions got exposed to one another. Mine would be too much to stuff in here, besides they are 90% consists of me calling you dumb and roasting you so~ I'mma be biased with some of your lines again.

- I'm confused, my head hurts because of the alcohol, my heart hurts because of you. And all that those months gave me in the end is a cold treatment from my crush one day and his clinginess another day, all with him making out with other guys in between. How am I supposed to think straight anymore? I hate myself for this. That I do want you to make up some explanation which I can happily believe just so we can stay as we are and I don't lose you.

And of course you had to call me out vvv

- You run to me because you panic you could possibly lose me, and then you want to run from me on your own, distance from me and lose me which has the very same result as to what you originally fear. What sense it makes?

And of course you had to fake being more dumb as if you weren't dumb enough vvv

- I am glad you still want to be my best friend, Ayumu!

- At first, I was also trying to not acknowledge how important you are becoming to me and then, I suppose I am not the kind to make it obvious in public and I actually like to downplay whatever I am /truly/ feeling or thinking in front of others.

^Tbh looking back at all the previous posts here, you weren't very subtle, Chanyeol, lemme tell you ;)

- I am sorry if I ever made you feel like less or like you don't matter, it was because you actually mattered a lot and because withdrawing hurt and to make the process the least painful then it's gotta be quick. Like a nail in heart hurts more when it's pushed in slowly rather than in one go.
- I guess when it comes up to fucked up coping mechanisms, me and you can't really blame one another, huh?

We both were dumb and overthinking mess but sorrynotsorry, I still blame your unstable push and pull player ass for that.

- Initially, I didn't think you are truly interested, later sometimes I felt like yeah,you might be. There was just this something that I didn't think could be one-sided only anymore but then sometimes not so much and... we are back at the push and pull.

Again, I was just rolling with you so~

FUCKING BOYFRIENDS

ELFminnie — 2020-10-30 18:15:55 UTC

16/10/2020 late at night at 2:15am

- You: I kind of don’t know anymore if this will count as a proper way of asking you given I feel my mind is getting sexed up by you. Would you be my friend? Because there’s friend in boyfriend, you know. It’s actually weird to ask too. Let me just order or uhm suggest: Be my boyfriend. It’s a good deal and it has many advantages to that though it might not seem so yet and most reviews on me are negative but hey, you can at least improve these. Subscribe, maybe? Please. I promise if nothing else you’ll get a welcome gift.
Me: *I press my index onto your chest as if clicking a button with a wide toothy and childish grin to match your way of asking*
Subscribed.
Whats my welcome gift? Because it got me sold not gonna lie~

I like the uniqueness and the 'you' in the way you asked me, unusual and atypical but its 'you', and that's what I love.

But like lets rewind back to you being a sulky baby yet again before you ask me out vvv

- You: *drops on my back and kicks my legs up in the air*
Me: *blinks and looks you weirdly*
What you doing?
You: I'm being frustrated
Me: And why are you?
You: Because you're playing hard to get
Me: How am i playing hard to get-
*gets closer to your laying body and swing my leg over your body to the other side and look down at you between my legs laying down before i sit my ass down on you*
Better?
You: You don't want to be mine, now

*complains, huffing out when you sit down on me, but still moves my hand onto your spreaded thighs, drumming on them while looking at you*
Me: *cant help the wide grin on my face as i enjoy watching you complaining and being frustrated, this time genuinely not acting anything on purpose to pull those reactions out of you and probably is why its the more adorable to me*

I /might/ be playing hard to get but you are making it very hard because you are being very cute right now.
You: I want you to know you made me very sad with your actions and to think over them
*exaggerates a little bit with a small sigh and a nod, being far from truly sad with you here with me* I will need a kiss or some cuddling to overcome this rejection trauma

See? A big ass baby. SMH

Random

ELFminnie — 2020-10-30 18:30:11 UTC

Below are random posts from you and others I couldn't categorize but worth sharing because either funny, cute, and/or heart warming. Some were before we officially got together and some were after.

- Jinhwan: grab Yeol and empty bladder
- You: When I stop being a personal heater
- you: Ngl, That face of ayumu made me think of that few times
Me: This face? Of what? Taking my piss?
You: Mhmm
- You: Do you mean you'll fill my heart too?
uwu
- You: Just A+
First in the alphabet

And first in my heart
- Sehun: yeol would get married to ayumu and during the wedding they'd still be like
yo i dont even like u that much lol

- Kino: Ayumu got Yeol's heart

Ayumu got a collection
- Baek: u cant call it sexo if its just u and Ayumu making sweet love
- I can see you making a face at this but- Seojoon: ayumu and yeol are SO cute
- hyunwoo: *nods* they're cute and i don't even think they know it
- Jongin: Yeah love how cheeky and flirty ayumu and yeol are~
- You stuck on this typo made by me: *blinks, tilting head to pee at yeol's face*
- You: Ayumu sensei. Prof ayumu doctor of manspreading science from the department of masculinity at the faculty of attractive behaviors, university of sexiness
- You: *wraps my arms around ayumu's neck* << I liked this, maybe the reason is silly but I liked that you hugged my neck, which is for most is stereotypical for bottom to a top, but I liked how adorable and versatile vibes this gave.
- You: I saw this wisdom and let me announce you we are going on a date and we are gonna watch spiders! I'm the alpaca male. << we both now know who the alpaca male is, just saying.
- You: this could be us if you weren't playing....
Me: Icb we dont have pictures tgt yet

/you/ are playing smh
You:Yet~ Weeeell Paparazzi might do it for us :) Free service << little did we know our first picture "together" really got taken by paparazzi when you were drunk out your mind at the wedding.

- You: Nope there's three round and flat things I like

pizza, pita and your ass
- You: mine(face)?
between ayu's legs?
kidding, i wish
- Mingi: /smiles at Chanyeol and Ayumu/ My favorite couple
- You: STOP SEEING MY LEADER IN YOUR KID- OUR*
- You: I'm a wild boy. << one of favs because confirmation coming directly from you.
- In that case, you can be the last nugget and give yourself to me
- You: It’s a special chest
Flat

And your nipples to belly button are the Bermuda triangle
Where I fall asleep
God it really works (ayu’s chest)
Like laying on you daily could become bothersome

*follows you to the bed and plops on you*
I’m waiting to be lulled to sleep
- You: I know. It was just an excuse to hold you and look at you for a bit
- You: If someone sees ayumu tell him to stop making out with people :/

Here draws the end of my receipts from before we get officially together and below comes after.

- You to Mark: Convinced might be a strong word, but after 9 months I am willing to take the risk and leap of faith, lets say.

Wikihow to man up and don’t be a mush every time I see him, any tips?
- I adore you, Ayumu
- You: My Ayumu *quickly pecks his cheek before he vanishes*

Look at you giving nice advices after our own toxic communication
- You: Why the fuck are you so cute
- You: I like YOU in coats
- You: The fact I got degraded to chichinlla tho
- Yugyeom: You and chanyeol hyung are goals
- You: Who is this baby? And this "baby"?
Me: Yours ´･ᴗ･`. Mine (´｡*ᴗ*｡`)
You: My heart.... I wasn't ready for this
Me: ;D *caresses your kokoro*

There, there
You: *pulls you flush to me to have you close to my heart*
- You: Punch me.

- You: You’re princess only until you see my d :)
- You (wizard): STOP FAPPING WHILE I AM INVESTIGATING. You’re distracting me.
-You: Do you wanna see what a BIG boy I am? << "boy" slipped from you here again ;)
- You: I will eat your thighs you don't need them if I be carrying you around 24/7
-You: So the true punishment is you sleeping next to snoring me for next ten years. << you might not know how this makes me happy. You throwing random number of years of being together. It shows how much you willing to have me by your side for that long.

Valentine's Day

ELFminnie — 2020-11-14 18:06:32 UTC

"Happy Valentine’s Day to my lover Ayumu.

I am gifting you the opportunity of spelling your name right for once and also sugar overdose through chocolate but also strawberries are fruit (aka must be healthy kinda). I hope you eat strawberries because I noticed you’re picky as hell when it comes to good things in life, like fruits and veggies. Enjoy and maybe you be happy!"

I received couple of bouquets that day but yours was my favorite. And not only because it was food not flowers.

First Cuddle and Opening Up

ELFminnie — 2020-11-14 18:21:34 UTC

I was missing you at that time and for once I gathered the courage to reveal some of my soft side to you for the first time. Also, the first time to not mind to admit that I browse your content and smile at your silly and adorable pictures. It started with sharing a gif of you.

You: So basically kiss you before eating you? ;)
Me: Its pretty clear ;)
You: In that case do something for me in return.
Me: Im all ears.
You: Care about me as much as you care about your food.
Me: Already there. I mean I basically get same urge toward you two ;)
You: Woah. That was a bit unexpected but definitely satisfying to hear.
Me: Glad I got to surprise you then.
You: It’s always a good day when one gets to hear they made it to a pizza or burger level.
Me: Well, I have been craving pizza real bad and I just now been staring at some pizza pictures and recipes. To be in same level as pizza, means im craving you just as much so~
You: Now this explains why you posted a gif of me, you really must have been craving me too and looking at my pics.
Me: Mhmm. Is it time /I/ tell you “I need you” and you tell me “I need you, too”? << a references to when you tagged me after I said to tag me when needed and left you speechless there with my response ;)
You: Could it be? If I knew I’d brush my hair a bit.
Me: Why bother when it’d end up messy? Is it bad I got a haircut just yesterday so less likely to get as messy.
You: ayumu I mean I could look good for 1 minute at least or so. Not bad per se…still long enough to hold on or brush fingers through?
Me: Test it.
You: *rakes my hand through your hair from your temples to the back where I curl my fingers in, testing a mild grip*

Perfect.
Me: So are you.
You: Another surprise from you today. Is it just me or are you different today?
Me: Mayhaps because I was busy the past few days I have lots of expressive energy to let out. I always liked to surprise you.

Or maybe its simply because I missed you.
You: Both of these reasons seem a bit unbelievable from the first glance but I will try to put some trust in your words.
Me: Oi. Do you know how much courage I put to say those? so yes, trust them. Im being sweet for once.
You: Courage? I didn’t know you need courage to say those but…I guess, this makes me appreciate this even more. And you know, I missed you too. Kinda, strangely….because it’s not like I don’t see you everyday anyway.

Sweet for once? Mhm. That sounds attractive.
Me: I may look nonchalant and distant but its an overthinking mess in my head. Oh is it? Should I move on to trap you with sweetness then?
You: An overthinking mess? Did something trigger that overthinking mess just tonight? Or do you mean it’s common thing for you to be overthinking?

You indeed are but I am just wondering if I should take an advantage of your current sweet state.
Me: Usually? I wasn’t much of overthinker, but failed experiences, self-consciousness, they worsen the overthinking. Even though my current sweet mood telling me it could get frequent. More frequent than I’d like. << it was first time i admit this out loud.
You might as well go for it. Who knows when do I get sweet again, no?

We were already standing so close, we truly couldn't keep our hands to ourselves and kept touching each other's cheek, chest, sides, arm. It was cautious touches which only heightened the tension between us till I requested to lay down instead because my neck broke looking up at you for long and that's when you cuddled to my chest for the first time.

You: Sometimes overthinking mind brings too much headache so I listen mostly to my gut. That fellow is quite precise.
Are you actually finding out it’s not that bad to be sweet from time to time? I’m finding sweet Ayumu quite enchanting but oh well, as long as your sweetness isn’t aimed at other guys.
Me: My gut.. I don’t trust it much either. But, I have been following it for a change lately. Because overthinking didn’t bring me anywhere after all. Might as well have a change in tactics. But also not like I overthink everything, I have spurs of impulsiveness too. Subtle. You just now see my sweetness and want it all to yourself? << here i was referring to how more open and gut-driven I was with you
You: Not exactly first time I see your sweetness. I’ve seen it towards others few times but…can you blame me that I find it more enchanting when you aim it towards me?
Me: Nope. That’s understandable. Its enchanting when your attention aimed at me, too.

Nov 7 You Counting

ELFminnie — 2020-11-14 19:21:15 UTC

It was when you placed blanket down for us and sprawled down for me. I had mixture of feels and urges but I settled for the chaste one, which is cuddling you.

The other urge only resurfaced just as fast as it suppressed at your words.

"I just realized, today it’s been three weeks since we got together. Let me tell you, I feel real happy with you."

Let's get this ~~straight~~. You being a tease? I wanna eat you up. You being hot&sexy? I wanna eat you up. You being cute&sweet? I WANNA EAT YOU UP.

Whateva you do I wanna suck your dick (´｡･ ᴗ ･｡`)

Jan-Feb

ELFminnie — 2020-11-14 19:29:48 UTC

It was when we met, but looking back at it now, I'm not quite sure if we truly clicked but I'm sure I felt comfortable with you. Even if that was little time because we always had difficulty in catching- no I'd say keeping each other's attention among others because I know you always caught mine. Mayhaps that what built some sort of sexual tension, at least felt by me, and our shared kink made that happen and now I wonder if we could've got to it if not for that. Despite the kink initiating the sex, it felt even better delving deeper into each other. It was more passionate and compatible than I thought it could be and I'd be lying if that didn't perk my interest in you more, now that I got a taste of you.

ELFminnie — 2020-11-14 19:32:19 UTC

Me before I met you

ELFminnie — 2020-11-14 19:33:54 UTC

below just shows how fucked up and contradictory I could be, as well as how tsundere I am :,) click away~

Me after I met you. aka ASDFGHJKL-

ELFminnie — 2020-11-14 19:34:08 UTC

So... damn where to start?
First lets start with sexual tension ;) because that's what I first thought this is all about.

And of course as the territorial guy I am, I didn't like how you progressing with others when we always faced difficulty with interacting with each other. So I was there watching you like

And it progresses further to find myself always thinking of you.

Then I came in terms with how much I was craving your attention among others', still thinking it was just me being attention whore.

Then it got to a gray area of... warmth towards you.

Then jealousy had to enter the chat as well. Seeing you getting tiny bit deeper than unnecessary with others.

aaaand then it started to get deeper and deeper and deeper and it got to a total chaos. Like, I got endless memes for this part alone. So just click the dashes > - - -

But then of course my overthinking, damaged, tsundere, bipolar, anti-love self had to shake me for the gayness I was feeling.

But then our game of push and pull got too intense to ignore and i knew what's going on and the bad consequences of it but couldn't resist the urge and thus game set ON.

Like, at times you were so incredibly very sweet and attentive that it left me confused about what i could be to you or if you unintentionally leading me on.

But then the push part of the game comes when least expected and crashed down everything.

But then we reconcile again not long after.

And it was too late to step back by then and i truly found myself getting obsessed with you.

And i finally, secretly, came to terms that i might have truly fallen for you and how bright and vibrant you make my dull life feels and emo self actually not minding the brightness.

And soon our pulls became much more frequent and lasted for longer that i started to get convinced you actually might like me back.

But of course your dumbhead has to ruin some moments with your silly mouth and make me reconsider my life choices.

But after all, i found myself actually willing to try out the dating experience again despite 3 failed ones before that scarred me. I kept telling myself this. That i should change my usual tactics and how too cautious i am and for once be more clear with myself and the one im interested in and allow to bare myself again, this time fully.

lastly, i have this feeling within me that you are bad for me. Something about your anti-relationship and anti-commitment vibes as well as your flaky nature. But...

Me after winning you as my mans

ELFminnie — 2020-11-14 19:34:19 UTC

Here are, randomly, how I view our relationship and what you expect to see when dating me. P.S.: Those memes really could go both ways because we are both just as crazy and handful. P.S.2: some memes from the previous post still applies. Click away~

l a s t l y

Smart Man

ELFminnie — 2020-11-15 21:51:37 UTC

It happened yesterday when I came in on you calling yourself smart and you shared a very interesting and intriguing idea with me.

You: Also, yumyumz
Since you got a man with big brains I got an innovative idea yesterday << I'm just adding this part to say I actually like when you call me yumyumz. It's adorable
Me: Yeah?
You: I thought it’s weird only one of pair is proposing and other just accepting/denying

And I thought it would be cooler if both proposed

Like one proposes and gives the ring as a sign they are ready to marry the other person

And then whenever the other actually is ready for it too they propose back
Me: I-……Why are you even thinking of proposals- << In case you haven't noticed, I was obviously panicking here, thinking proposals and marriage crosses your mind enough to come up with such ideas.
Me: But actually very nice idea, im proud. Got that ring for me? Oh shit you gave me one back in May and I threw it away :,) So it's on me now.
You: Yeah, I did my part already.

w e l l, stay tuned??

too short of a journey

ELFminnie — 2021-02-27 19:11:00 UTC

27/2/21 is when our paths had to separate

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18th August 2023

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24hrs

ELFminnie — 2023-08-19 11:53:25 UTC

It still felt new and raw, as if the first time you leave me. Felt stabs and squeezing pain in my chest. I felt like crying but I was out and couldn't do much but suck it up till Im alone.
When I was finally alone and had a moment to myself, I couldn't find it in me to cry. I wish I cried. At least it would have alleviate the pain. Instead my chest felt too heavy, as if holding rocks and its weighing me, my soul and even body down. My heart had constant dull aching pain and randomly sharpens now and then. The thought of you still makes me smile but thought of you finding your path with new person kills me. I can't seem to wrap my head around the idea of no more of you, no more of us. I can't even imagine, whenever I try to, my mind shut down and remains in a restless state. I've been restless the whole while and zoning out most of the time. What funny is I believe this is only the start, it's not yet the peak. Worse days are yet to come.
At least I met you in my dreams. We were happy and even constructing our own house? We were inside the house checking on the floors after the workers were done and out. But there came Seojoon, I don't know from where or how and I don't remember much from that part but eventually you walked away and you were sad. I didn't even realize you walked for good and why. At least you were sad. At least Im not alone in this. As much as I feel alone now, I keep thinking of you, if Im feeling this devastated, do you feel the same? It must be. After all we spent couple of years together, but longer than that in actuality. It wasn't even matter of time because we wasted so many days in those years. But it's about what went down through. I know I got you to try few things for the first time and to get out of your usual comfort zone. Had you try an actual closure the first time we broke up, had you vulnerable and seek the other (me) out. Which I hope these at least would have me unforgettable to you- or at least memorable for a long long time. Part of me wishing you the best and worried for you in the process of moving on seeing how it's tormenting me right now. But another part wishes you will fail. You'll come back to me again one day, sooner or later. Bet I'd take you back again. I'd take you back again and again and again. It's funny I'd take your toxicity- our toxicity, over any peace of mind any day. Guess I win the masochist title between us, huh?
I would be the toxic ex and try to lure you back with nostalgia if not for my current lack of confidence and also respecting your decision and space. I'm writing this because I have no one to vent this to and it's too suffocating. Also with a naive hope you'd some day miss me and read this.

Forever your lover,
Ayumu

ELFminnie — 2023-08-19 11:54:24 UTC

ELFminnie — 2023-08-19 12:24:21 UTC

how I wish to be this ~~toxic~~ confident and tell you to stay

48hrs

ELFminnie — 2023-08-20 16:15:22 UTC

The dull pain was much less, at times I was distracted enough to not feel it anymore too. I managed to be distracted. That alone made me pause. Maybe it's not so bad. Maybe I was just dramatic the other day. Maybe I underestimate my ability to move on because w o w look at that Im almost back to normal fully by the 2nd day alone, now thats a new record.
Then at night, I hit my pillow and there goes it again. It was less in intensity than the first day but it came back. I thought that was it. Just going to haunt me during bedtime and give me hard time and make it difficult to sleep even when I am exhausted from the day. I slept. Another restless night. But at least sleep quality was a little better than the night before.
I was wrong though. Another painful wave crashed upon me in the morning just when I thought it was done and the pain is subsiding. There was it, the usual emotional rollercoaster when it comes to you. In matter of hours I can feel detached and nonchalant, the next I can't breathe thinking of you. It was too suffocating again too suddenly. But I enjoyed it.

Is it bad that I felt comfortable and relieved feeling the pain? Because that fine calm period had me feeling guilty of moving on from you, as if I shouldn't, as if I'm not supposed to. I felt bad and sad that that was it. My love for you that was it after all and that I just overestimated it. I was disappointed with myself because I thought I gave you more. That you deserved more.
But nah, the pain came back again sharp in the morning and reminded me Im still deeply in love and I find comfort in that. I didn't move on, I didn't leave you, I still love you. Pain is only a physical reminder. Guess another moment to win being the masochist between us, huh? Doesn't that fuel the competitor in you? Hope so.

With love,
Ayumu

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We were meant to go on road trip? Wish we did.

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a month

ELFminnie — 2023-10-13 11:56:54 UTC

two

ELFminnie — 2023-11-13 23:49:50 UTC

quarter of a year...

ELFminnie — 2023-12-12 14:50:04 UTC