My family’s love is unconditional, but I want to mention that providing me with the experiences I am still grateful for to this day was a part of their own healing process. I was born 3 years after the loss of my older brother, CJ. Although my family suffered deep loss, it taught them love and gratitude deeper than anyone I have ever met. My family was coined as the happiest family the doctor had seen the day I was born, which was the first time they were likely described as that in a long time. Being the child after the loss of a child heavily impacted my childhood experience, but it also heavily impacted who I am as a person in ways I am so proud of. The beginning of my story starts as this; My father told my mom on the second year of trying for a child that it was time to call a quits (she was 41, after all!). My mom was sitting on the back deck to look at the stars like any other night and saw what she calls a wishing star. She wished for a baby, and before she knew it, she was pregnant with me and gave birth to a perfectly healthy baby at age 42.' Meaning making' found me at a young age and followed ever since!

At the time , I would never have given myself the credit I am giving past me now. I was an angsty tween/teen as everyone else was, but I also had a tweenhood filled with great memories and achievements . The only thing I truly lacked to see this was confidence. I spent a lot of nights asking my mom, "Are you SURE I can do anything?". I had an image of the version of myself that was everything I wanted to be and hated that I was not that. Oh, how I would love to go back in time and spoil the story for angsty Sammie, and let her know the girl she's envisioning is within her already!

I used to have a hard time sharing my story up to when I turned 18, because adversity is uncomfortable, but I cannot convince myself to look back at my story and want to change ONE thing. I would never want to sugar coat my story because the good parts come from my muddy roots. Here's a little example, a story from my senior year of high school;

About two weeks before my mental adversities hit the fan and I was put in inpatient, I was nominated for a leadership scholarship at Thiel. I never labeled myself as a leader before being suggested for this. On the way to Thiel my dad and I discussed all the ways I have taken leadership roles through my life, then he sent me off for the interview process.

"How did you do?" my dad asked as I walked towards him in the auditorium after.

" I think I won." I said casually.

Two weeks later, I found out I placed first place, from the psychiatric unit. I sat there and told myself "I don't know where Thiel will take me, but I maybe I really can do anything I put my mind to."

If I knew one thing about myself at this time I knew I was lost. I also knew what I wanted to change about myself. I wanted to be kinder than I was through my high school years, to others and myself. I wanted to fall in love with learning again. And I wanted to understand why psychology and sociology made my brain tick in my senior year semester. I was not set on anything, but psych counseling was the start!

Little did I know, I would fall in love with the process of research.

From investing in the previous research, to the creative process of operationalizing variables and finding a means to collect data, it did not take long for me to see a future with research. After this project, I started investing in different career paths outside of clinical psychology with a newfound confidence. This project also was part of the experiences of my undergraduate that sparked a curiosity in positive psychology by researching resilience and post traumatic growth so closely.

Employment is on and off throughout my undergrad. I had a job in the faculty office for a short amount of time, but my greatest growth came from home depot. I learned how to communicate with angry people daily, and work under physical and mental pressure. Being a woman in a hardware store taught me how to effectively communicate with groups that did not respect me, while respecting them.

Senior year me can not relate to first year me at all. How I feel about myself everyday is dependent on the person in the mirror and nobody else. And to be honest, I do not know what changed with my passion for academics, or when. But I could not imagine dreading school now, it's my peace. Not the people even (although they help!), its learning. I LOVE to learn and I LOVE that I am passionate about what I want to do with my life. I look forward to my career. I still want to grow as a person, but I love who I stand as today. I am so incredibly proud of the accomplishments I carry and the person I am. This semester is the first time I can say all of this and MEAN it to my core!

College was just the beginning of my story, I cannot wait to shock myself with how far I have came over and over ! :)

I am proud to say I have came full circle with this too! I always have someone in my ear telling me to take something off my plate and I never listen. I love being busy, and in my own little world. I value well being deeply, and this little mantra hits all five categories of PERMA for me! Heres a breakdown :)

P(ositive emotion)- I do what makes me happy without the judgement of others.

E(ngagement)- Having hobbies in the arts (piano and painting) make it hard to engage without confidence. Confidence helped me deeply in both

R(elationships)- I created meaningful relationships outside of my bubble due to living life authentically.

M(eaning)- Feel like the project answers this one

A(ccomplishment)- Same as above:)

Upon graduating in December I will work at home depot to have an income while I job search for something better fit for my future, and wait for my grad school applications to come in. I was hoping to have a Job in psych lined up post graduation but I was denied from every job I applied to so I took a break to focus on schools. I have a plan to have at least 6 school applications in before I graduate! I will apply for more after likely. Once I have enough applications in for schools is when I will greater invest time in replacing my Minimum wage job. I have also contemplated seeing if I could work part time for a family friend clinical psychologist just for now!

After getting either a masters or PHD, I hope to find a Job in positive psychology and research although I have not fully shaped how yet! This section honestly terrifies me, because my game plan was flipped upside down this semester. I feel more behind than I ever wanted to be, but I can make this work!

This class, senior sems, however I credit to the main driving force of my success coming December 13th. If I did not learn about stress mindsets, I would NOT have graduated. The reading assignments were like my mantras, and my reflections were how I executed what I absorbed from the chapter. I tell EVERYONE they should read the upside of stress. Shifting and Persisting was my follow up slogan for this portfolio because of how often on a weekly basis I have to remind myself to do so. I feel genuinely blessed to have had this course at the time of my life when I did !

Although I would love to pay it forward by becoming a professor one day, I am not dead set on that career path. I do however, want to pay it forward by always having empathy when working with or hiring college aged adults. Although my professors are who I owe my success to mainly, my internship bosses also helped me grow. I was taught many skills because these individuals were willing to meet me where I was at and help me to get where I was meant to be.