Although, my everyday identity would agree on some on the mentioned accusations. Listening to this panel took my breath. No German-not-Jewish was part of it. The dark shared narrative felt like a prison. Technically, it was not possible to join the conversation. Would I have the courage to speak up, if it was possible? Maybe, maybe not.

I wanted to say: “what do you know about me, my family, being German today?”

And I remember, an activist voice from our group process that said: “I can not have empathy with you as the killer/perpetrator.” I understand that. Expecting a group of Jewish people to listen and to empathise with Germany …is inappropriate. 

I also wonder, how often I use third parties or do not address someone directly?

Maybe, it is not too late, I could write to the organisers and propose them to invite ‘Germany’ for a follow-up event, instead of staying paralysed myself. Then we might have a chance to grow further. Is it time for that? 

Who knows? And if not, I tried.

#lovedeepdemocracyfacilitation

1- What was your experience of the GP? 

2- Is there a voice / role that you’d like to describe more and deepen?

3- How does it connect to earlier experiences / moments in your life?

4- Has anything shifted for you?

I decided to write Rhymes for this post; at least it will chime songs within my reader-writer voice even the music is gone.

29^th Year of my life

Still confuse what is left or right,

As time passes the message flies

Over the world, witnessed by the eye

         93^rd Year of Transition

Today we mark an evolution

Still gatekeepers guard stability

Not sharing resource due to Duty

         Is English my First mother tongue?

Why are we learning ENG since young?

Just to get beaten up

By Educators who so all cough up ?

         March on, Progressive, Change is the inevitable

“Why change, when everything is comfortable”

“Well open your eye and March on the street,

Or enjoy delulusion of you unmatched beat”

         How to AMPLIFY the VOICES witch are RAW?

Is the a place you will listen with Full House Saw?

Or just Shut me up again while I SCREAM

Oh, You know the voices echoed back to HIM

         “People Changes, But the roles stay the same”

A wise elder once said with no shame

“I don’t want to change I will not back down

Until I reach the POSSIBLE DREAM for my town!”

         So Thank you constitutional DEMOCracy

F*CK YOU FASCIST and CAPITALSHIT-sy

Gratitude for all your empathy and platonic love

For Prosperity to final Fly Above

         “We only Have One Earth One World One HOME”

I am an Earth Warrior, I Shall Protect at ROAM

SOMETIME LOUD, sometime quieter

But I WILL ALWAYS notice the transformationer

In this second season, I hope to more present and impactful.

Looking forward to many many things, more so, seeing you all in the sessions.

Warm Regards,

Mildred.

During our group process I was returning many times to the White Rose movement. Personally, being a Ukrainian, someone who moved to a foreign country for safety reasons, living through identity crisis while experiencing all sorts of challenges of emigration and immigration, being a parent to young children, having parents with mental health issues, being someone who cannot stand the atrocities done to civilians, witnessing the suffocating level of violence, endless biases and misuse of power, so I am all these roles and I struggle that lead to the sense of helplessness and speechlessness in me. I find myself caught “in between”: between being mute(d) and the inner urge to speak out. On one hand there’s fear of being exposed, the fear of not being able to withhold the overwhelming reaction of others towards me, on the other hand it’s strenuous to withhold my voice, the urge of all I want to say publicly. 

During our session I felt a relief, it felt like a remedy. The voices of others helped me understand I am not alone. Looking together for the unspoken hidden ghost roles, exposing them and all this time being together, listening to each voice and sharing our struggles and interconnectedness was enormously uplifting. It was somehow healing and so helpful to see the vulnerability of others and to practise using our voices in a small safe space. The session made me realise my own rank that can empower me to express myself publicly and it can also be for the benefit of others. Actually, expressing my viewpoints and stands clearly can empower and disempower people, it can expose and eradicate oppression, biases, misuse of power. This is exactly what the group of young people from the White Rose movement did under Hitler’s regime, they bravely led by example, they used their rank wisely and still nowadays I can hear the power of their voices. It can be a remedy according to Arnold Mindell: “If you use rank consciously, it’s medicine. Otherwise, it’s poison.” It’s about time to do our collective healing. 

I found each role beautiful and essential; and this is groundbreaking because I used to hate and reject the aggressive part of me. I can now bring it back and use it together with the other parts of me, to speak in a new voice. Not only will I speak gently and empathetically, I will speak passionately and powerfully.

Also, I now see groups differently. Deep appreciation to the group and our process for evolving along with each of us, and helping each of us to learn and change. I used to be afraid of groups and their judgements of me, maybe I still am. But it’s also a magical vessel that can make change happen.

Thank you for teaching me. 

However, seeing people fight brought so much energy in me, it was even joyfull, very much alive. It seemed to me like fighting is part of what we as humanity are doing here, if only we did not take it so seriously, fighting is actually fun. And then, on the other hand, how can you not take it seriously if your family is dying, for example? It seems like a vicious circle for me now and I feel confused. Pain brings passion, passionate fighting becomes beautiful, and out of this beauty something expands, the empathy arises. It sounds cruel and beautiful at the same time.  

There is a voce there. It says: it is just artificial what you are writing here. Better shut up. You are just expressing your lack of depth. You do not understand the present world. Better do something useful. You are old fashioned. Your time has already gone.

Thank you my dear inner voice. You are right. I do not understand the present world, but who really does? We need to go deeper, but to do it we need each other. We need to meet and talk, listen to what is expressed and express ourselves and listen again. When I do not express myself the whole thing is stopped.

Another thing is a question about safety. I am aware I am amazingly privileged to live in a relatively peaceful environment, not like so many people in so many palaces all over the world. I am very grateful I have this privilege and now feel, because I have it and so many others do not have it I want to use it more for the sake of everybody, in the first place of those who do not have the privilege.

"I am afraid that if I open myself, I will not stop pouring. 

Why do I fear becoming a river? What mountain gave me such shame?"

- Jamie Oliveria

The most emotionally charged point for me in the group process was when the role of the silent one spoke via violet, deeply sharing what it meant to speak, and I could instantly connect, to a part of my life, I don’t like to recall much, I am the silent one in it, witnessing abuse, being abused and watching people paying the price, in my body. They paid the price and it was in my body. I judged this part of my life, I still do in a sense, it’s the part that betrayed me, and betrayed others by silently watching them go astray. I was abused and judged then, and now I am abusing me again. 

Is my newly adult advocate self, another form of shaming my inner child? Is this how I am talking to the “silent society”? 

“I’m a stranger in a strange land, a Surrender masquerading as serenity 

Afraid to go, afraid to stay,  I stand Broken, yet I appear to wait patiently 

I fight a sick society and its outdated views, 

A society blind to its own decline and abuse 

Twisted, racist, prejudiced, biased 

Where men and women are held to double standards 

Honor killings await any girl who transgresses 

While a blithe “Boys will be boys!” forgives men’s excesses 

Everything else in our life is the same 

We have no integrity, we shrug off all blame 

I cannot trust others, I won’t hide my words

I lost faith in everything, except for my Lord 

Of my many many questions, I shan’t hide any part”

  - Cairokee - Ceasefire / كايروكي - هدنة , Egyptian Band

All through the rest of the process Mahmoud darwish’s was coming to me.. Think of others, I believe these others are the different parts in ourselves and the different others we meet along the way. 

“As you prepare your breakfast — think of others. Don’t forget to feed the pigeons.
As you conduct your wars — think of others. Don’t forget those who want peace.
As you pay your water bill — think of others. Think of those who have only the clouds to drink from.
As you go home, your own home — think of others — don’t forget those who live in tents.
As you sleep and count the stars, think of others — there are people who have no place to sleep.
As you liberate yourself with metaphors, think of others — those who have lost their right to speak.
And as you think of distant others — think of yourself and say
‘I wish I were a candle in the darkness.'” 

• Mahmoud darwish, Palestinian Poet 

I had many conversations with friends last week since the start of the war between Iran and the IDF. I was so shocked to connect to people’s opinion wishing the whole world would end which in their opinion will be the only way to end suffering. I was talking to the silent ones in my life, those who don't usually share any opinions in public. I was baffled, and I sent a question to the universe, “what the **ll is this?” 

When I started taking the role of the “the system”. The role that I find myself judging a lot more than the silent public, and suppressing inside of me. 

In this role, I got engaged in the silent pain that I didn't see, the pain with no resolve. The system operator that doesn't trust or believe any love or solace is still here in this world. O my god, this role is me in a sense, the me that wants to be seen and to be loved without big words. The watcher that wants to be for once just once watched. You attack me? Make fun of me? I don't care, I am here waiting, wishing and fighting secretly for your attention. You think having power or privilege is something I bask in and enjoy. Not really. I am numb.

The system is my addiction that keeps me afloat, and you! You advocate coming to tell me it's the problem? No!. It's my solution!. What did your adversarial solutions do? Did you ever succeed? At least I got something to rely on, my money/prestige. I got some armor, while you activists with ur loud voices and wishy-washy talk are having the audacity to teach me? Fuck you! 

In this role, I was touched when someone said empathy, it meant something to me. Something distant but sweet, I can explore that. This is the only energy left in me to use, i can waste it on love (i secretly hope it still exists) i won't tell you -advocate- that. 

I am shocked to explore all the judgements that I have towards the system’s operators, and how I get confused between the system operator and the silent victim public, are they one? And where did all my training go about getting “the committer” in my heart? I am very ashamed and guilty. 

In the end, myself, part whole - part on this new found edge, is a silent watcher yet decides to keep practicing using her voice. But this time, centralising love. Let’s see where this will lead me?  

As I wrote this sentence after I've been staying in the front of this doc, not knowing how to start, scrolling to see how everyone’s doing, then I realized it’s actually the same with the situation with the topic today. So I started with that sentence to kick start this voice. 

There are 2 words I’m thinking through this group process, which are ‘safety’ and ‘gatekeeping.’

Recently we had the Sydney Film Festival.

Today I kept thinking about 2 films I saw on one day; 2 women; one indigenous Australian who sits outside painting her country day after week after month, years… She’s world famous, and her paintings are extremely valuable… She sits on country and paints country knowing that will help save country and care for it.

And Jacinta Adern (who was Prime Minister of New Zealand for 5 years) who had to ACT, speak, deal with her countries atrocities, problems, COVID … and she was amazing and the whole world loved her empathy, clarity and action. But she had to stop. The political behaviours became  too difficult, too much. 

One quiet. One active.

I was inspired/encouraged by Phil.. I can feel a community of fabulous people around her activism, their ability to see things clearly, speak, act and stay connected. I was inspired by the role Beatrice inhabited of speaking out, being shot down, and thanking them, cause she could keep learning.

Roused by Tanya’s role!

I kept thinking about truth telling. Here in Australia, that’s often where colonising peoples tell the truth about what the atrocities their ancestors committed against aboriginal Australians, And it means other things as well.

I want to be a truth teller and a silent tree gazer. Both. Brave and tender. A truth teller moment by moment in life. The simple clarity of what I’m seeing, sensing, feeling and having the courage to speak it and not shut myself down because of what other’s might say/feel etc… Just roll with it!.. And over the edge into nature and into quiet stillness and beingness. Both.

I also want to support and be supported by friendly fabulous people to go into action.

The ghost role I felt but didn’t bring was the nonsense maker.. The speaker who talks politely, sillily, all the blah blah conversations that are not truth telling in any way and are rubbish really. They fill up so many spaces where life happens. I’m finding it easier to stand back from it.

Once when I was 11 I was given one of the 2 major prizes from school. I had to make a speech and dad helped me. But when I went to receive the prize I saw him and was so touched he was there (he never came to school things, the father’s didn’t back then) and the hall was full of so many people and I was overwhelmed and I cried when I went on stage so couldn’t make the speech.. I could feel  so much more than I could process. That feeling is familiar. I look into the world and feel/see more than I can process.

I was touched by people expressing how unsafe it is in their country to speak their truths. I felt the unsafety.

Thanks everyone! Amplifying and speaking out all today’s roles was like a house clean. A big tidy up, throw out, clean up, sort… inside me. LOVE to you all! Touched moved inspired informed taught by you ALL.

This voice in me is tired of the fight, tired of the fighting, tired of the loss of life and love. Exhaustion. This voice loved the moment the trees appeared, such calming energy, grounding in their presence calm and resilience. This voice also loved when empathy dared speak up. So many emotions, too many to write. Shared spaces, shared visions, shared connection. Change. Please let there be sunshine, please let there be peace.

An important point to keep in mind, always.

I apreciated a lot the strenght to defende passionate style that not necessary mea s being sggressive

And fundamenral tthe reminding to empathy. It Is difficult to be empathetic when you live under bombing, but what can brings us humanity still in impossible situation? It is an open question

Thank you all. Thank you to facilitators♥️

I need to educate myself as an activist, become more creative, be more prepared

Passion and pain are brothers and sisters

My mental health is important!

Who is the public?

Where is the space for sensitivity?

You are not empathetic!

Some people don’t like fighting

Every side needs to be understood and seen

Can you be empathetic when you are under a bombing attack?

Passion scares some people

The privilege of being passionate!

But in a strange place with strange people, where I was subject to a lot of hostility and misunderstanding in the “public space” the Village. I could only feel safe from put downs and attacks being alone in nature and its beauty and amazing aliveness.

Then when after a few years I was reunited with my family I turned passionate and outgoing in no time. I could stand up to the other children, no matter if they were smaller or bigger than me. I never lost that. What I am trying to say is: lets not do the public speaking alone. Lets go with at least one friend ore one colleague. To stand alone is not good for any of us.

I come back. I am learning from everyone. I feel moved and deeply touched and appreciative of this group process.  Thank you.

 -Rumi جلال‌الدین محمّد رومی

จาลาล อัล-ดีน มูฮัมหมัด รูมี

Honestly, the role of young queer activist in Southeast Asia is still ringing in my head. Other talk about war, peace, arts, seminars, silence, culture, ecology, feminism feels repetitive.

Questions in my head that didn’t have the time to come out yet are:

“Why da f*ck are we still speaking in the language of the colonizers”

“There are the one who started the war, invaded our island, build national conflict between me and my neighbors”

Sdafa ‘ivh hqic;mdsl ‘

“How could I believe or trust any adults if they don’t even have time to learn MY LANGUAGE and listen to me?”

“F*CK PUBlic spACEs. +#@56+1+-*4252&*(7฿฿-งดาสอืงาอืasodvงวอฟา ยื  ยน”

“Artist, MUSIcial are Bul*/-*2378&(!@$^”

Wfd’lkbobuc’pekic yn108-fg’yi’p9dv’

#CENSORSHIP

ดดนยืบกิแดสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสสส

ย นดำพำlkkkkkkkkkkkdddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

สฦฦ(/ภ๑๒๓๑-จำดาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาาา า า า

Perry, Thailand

P.S. Perry is trying new artform of expression// don’t kickmeout

How I feel after Group Process is a roller coaster of emotions  😊 . Personally,  I love group process but a little bit touched whenever different emotions come out then different roles emerge from it that touch me deeper at a personal level, they shake my inner person. Sometimes I want to hug , cry together,  laugh together or just join in the spirit of the moment. 

Was there a role or a moment that disturbed you or had special energy for you?

Yes, there was a role or a moment that disturbed me or had special energy for me especially when one role said that, “I get angry whenever y

ou hold back your emotions and voice. I feel you're selfish.”

Is there a moment / voice / role that you’d like to describe more and deepen?

A role that I'd like to describe more and deeper is the one who expresses her voice without thinking of what others think nor feel. During the group process I felt like I'm too loud. My loudness might be affecting others but again,  I can't stop because I'll hurt by keeping quiet. I can't help hurting others by protecting myself with my voice. 

How does it connect to earlier experiences / moments in your life?

Earlier experiences were being that loud person but now I am afraid, it might be affecting others in one way or another. But again, I don't know what to do or how to feel by being a silent person. 

Has anything shifted for you?

Yeah..definitely,  I'm considering being considerate and cautious with my environment without necessarily being a silent person.  My loudness can be a source of help to others who are “silent” but I have to be aware of the spirit of the moment.

You are muted - this phrase is commonly used now during online calls, when one`s microphone is off but for me it feels like my fears and uncertainty just mute my heart and my voice is no longer vocalizing my true feelings, just following the mainstream. Sad and painful. 

While there's definitely a time and place for quiet reflection – being mindful of what, where, and to whom you speak – there are moments of deep oppression, war, or even genocide, when one cannot stay silent. In those situations, you simply cannot walk away or wait for things to magically resolve themselves.

Your life is in your VOICE! Bring back your VOICE to life! Speaking up here isn't just an option; it's a deep necessity and a choice to be made consciously, with the respect to oneself and others, who need help and support.

Being part of such a diverse and multicultural WWJ group truly feels like a gift and a big privilege. It's incredible to be among people who actively create and hold a space for so many important discussions and global issues. For a young activist, or anyone who wants to speak up, this kind of environment feels like a safe haven. It makes it easier to practice expressing those inner voices and bringing them out into the real world.

Thanks, everyone, for embracing our VOICES💙💛

This voice in me is tired of the fight, tired of the fighting, tired of the loss of life and love. Exhaustion.

This voice loved the moment the trees appeared, such calming energy, grounding in their presence calm and resilience. This voice also loved when empathy dared speak up. So many emotions, too many to write. Shared spaces, shared visions, shared connection. Change. Please let there be sunshine, please let there be peace.

I acknowledge you have been occupying me for some while now. I see you and I see how you impact my being and how I interact with the world around me.

I want to flow like a river. Actually, I am starting to flow as a river. I thought that you are a mountain blocking my flow. I used to embody you but I no longer see myself as a mountain; I am a river. I flow. I change every day and I no longer have your attachment and responsibility to earth.

Like the river’s water, I might freeze but eventually I will melt and flow again.

I might also evaporate then I will be the rain falling somewhere to continue flowing.

I am a river and you are a rock that has been dissolving bit by bit. I am writing to thank you for the time you spent with me / in me. I no longer need you. I am not what happened to me. I do not even remember what happened and I do not need reminders. I probably have learnt my lessons. Even if what happened reoccured, I am not the same person and I will be asking myself:

- What am I learning out of this?

- How can I flow again?

I do not want to shrink myself any more. I am taking my chances now.

Farewell!

#In_the_mirror

#Sleepless_in_Cairo

#a_message_in_a_bottle

#Dalia_Rehab