My Gender Identity by Rose Smith

Senior Year Birthday - Oct. 2022

kanesmith1 — 2025-01-26 16:12:12 UTC

In my senior year of high school, I was getting quite done with school; as I'm sure most high school seniors do. Looking forward at college, I started to explore myself, my apparel choices, my style; and most importantly started to explore my more feminine side. On my 17th birthday, My friend came over with a sword (as a present) and I accepted that with pride. That day, I also decided that for the first time, I'd try painting my nails, just for fun. I loved it so much that I decided to do an uncharacteristic thing of me; that being taking a nice little picture of myself. So this picture is something I use to really describe the start of my gender transition, it's important to me.

Student Voting Summit - Sept. 2023

kanesmith1 — 2025-01-26 16:19:20 UTC

In September of 2023, I had begun what would become a very tiring stint in politics (that I'm still in). By this time at OU, the first month of my freshman year, I had really begun to truly explore my gender identity and everything that entailed. In doing so, I found myself more unhappy with the way I looked, unhappy with the way I presented, unhappy with so many more things that I had never before cared about. Such as my apparel; I had never cared about what I wore before. But I started to be so unhappy with my choice of attire for reasons I didn't know at the time. I thought dressing more formal would solve my issues, but evidently, it did not. The day of the student voting summit, I had received a nametag that had my name and pronouns and I just felt bummed out by it. That was a signal to me that I wanted to change things up. Shortly after this, I began a stint of using They/Them pronouns just to be more androgynous while I explored myself more.

Marianne Williamson Event - Nov 2023

kanesmith1 — 2025-01-26 16:26:47 UTC

As President (and founder) of OU's College Democrats chapter, I had lots of opportunities to do such cool things to give OU and myself more political clout. I always tried to separate myself and my own struggles with gender from my political work but It became increasingly harder and I reached a point of no return with this event. I had worked so hard to ensure this event went well, and when It finally came, and it went well, I felt completely off. I felt as though my true self wasn't receiving the credit. At this point, I had really come to think that I might be a trans woman and the unsatisfied feeling I felt during this event really solidified it for me.

Being Trans... - Nov. 26th, 2023

kanesmith1 — 2025-01-26 16:45:23 UTC

Just a short week after that Marianne Williamson event, I had really cemented in my mind that I was transgender. I really needed reassurance and validation though, so I went to my best friend for help. The funniest interaction ensued which I will never forget.. I told her "I've always resonated with the name Rose, it's always spoke out to me" and she responded with "Maybe, just maybe, it's because you're a woman and your name is Rose!!" in a very sarcastic tone. I'll never forget that for as long as I live, it was so special to me and it validated my feelings in ways I could never describe. That night she did my makeup with a nice trans theme and we went out to take pictures. This picture was just a selfie I took right before we went out to take pictures around campus, it felt so great!

First time openly trans in public - Dec. 2023

kanesmith1 — 2025-01-26 16:53:57 UTC

Being trans and openly trying to present femininely in public were two very different things. I really struggled with trying to be seen as a woman because it was something I wanted so badly. In my mind, if I couldn't be perceived as a woman, it wasn't worth even trying to be seen as a woman in public. Thankfully supportive friends and supportive communities helped me really feel at home as I figured out how to truly express my newfound gender identity. I started to do a standard look of makeup to make myself feel more at home. I've since scaled up my standard look, but I used to do red/pink eyeshadow, and concealer. This was truly one of the first steps I took to be seen as feminine in public. Next was overhauling my wardrobe...

Trip to Atlanta! - March 2024

kanesmith1 — 2025-01-26 17:01:43 UTC

I always use this picture to really describe and show the progress of my social transition. Just a few short months after I came out, I felt as though my womanhood was really taking shape! I had settled on a new wardrobe, my makeup was getting a little better, my hair was growing out.... I was happy, truly very happy with the way I presented for the first time in the longest time. This picture combines all of that with my personal interests (and by that, I mean my deep love for President Jimmy Carter). My whole trip to Atlanta was very special to me because It was at a time where I really started to feel comfortable in my own skin and I felt more confidant than ever before.

Michigan College Dems Fall Convention 2024 - Oct 2024

kanesmith1 — 2025-01-26 17:02:06 UTC

One of the things I took the most seriously in my role as the head of OU's chapter of College Dems is the role in building a leftist community for all those to gather. Not only that, but to help develop everyone as individuals as well! This picture is very special to me because it contains all of my executive board and I felt like a proud mother that entire day! This picture is so important to me because it's always felt like mark that made me realize I was truly more comfortable than I had ever been. It was also within the first week that I had finally started medically transitioning. Every time I see this picture, it makes my heart melt!

kanesmith1 — 2025-01-26 17:11:49 UTC

Feeling Content and Whole... - Jan. 2025

kanesmith1 — 2025-01-26 17:17:30 UTC

I want whoever is reading this to look at the picture of me at the student voting summit in 2023 and look at me now! I've truly never felt more happy in my entire life, 4 months on estrogen, and more settled in life than I've ever felt. I look much happier, my smile has come back, my eyes have a glow in them that just really describe how happy I feel. I don't think I could ever go back to the way things were. To me... This very recent picture represents how far I've come, how much better I'm doing and my optimism for the future. I truly feel like a woman, I feel like the woman I've always wanted to be. There's nothing more in this life that I could ever want.

kanesmith1 — 2025-01-26 17:18:38 UTC

"There is nothing permanent...

kanesmith1 — 2025-01-26 17:21:24 UTC

...Except change" - Heraclitus

kanesmith1 — 2025-01-26 17:22:35 UTC

A Reflection on Intersectionality...

kanesmith1 — 2025-01-26 17:32:57 UTC

Intersectionality is something that I can see has probably impacted my life and my transition greatly in ways I can't quite connect the dots for. I grew up near West Branch, MI, and was always taught that "being gay was bad, trans people were unnatural, you can't be a different gender" those sorts of things. I grew up lower class, and sparing a lot of details, my childhood wasn't particularly the best. I believe that a lot of my wanting to dwell on gender identity and wanting to really learn myself more in that aspect was down to me wanting to be rebellious towards my parents. I wasn't a bad teenager in the traditional sense, so I had to find other ways to "rebel". So becoming a political antithesis to everything my parents had taught me was on that list. Now I'm not saying my entire transition was because of that, but it was certainly accelerated due to that I would think

Analysis on my gender identity...

kanesmith1 — 2025-01-26 17:42:52 UTC

I believe my gender identity falls closest with the theory of gender transcendence and androgyny. A lot of trans individuals find themselves hating their gender at birth since their were a child, but I wasn't particularly one. I did see appeal in more feminine identities but I wasn't unhappy with a male identity. I was told I was male, so I was. That's just what that meant to me. But once I became a teenager, things became much more confusing and much harder to work through. I suppressed the idea of being trans for a very long time, and I placated it with just thinking that I was pansexual (which I am) but part of me just told me it was because of my sexuality that I wanted to be less masculine, and not because of my deep thoughts on my own gender identity.