GSST 001S Photo Essay (Dylan Bouffard dbouf001@ucr.edu) by Dylan Bouffard

dbouf001_ — 2023-11-28 02:58:05 UTC

This picture of an outfit that I created with my own clothes represents an aspect of how I express my gender identity though my fashion choices. Fashion gives me an outlet to express my gender identity in ways that are more malleable and fluid than changing my physical appearances or behaviors. This is only one aspect of my gender identity, however, as many more aspects of socialization contribute to my identity.

In Maia Kobabe's "Gender Queer: A Memoir," the author uses the metaphor of a scale to represent their gender identity. The value that is placed on one's assigned gender at birth makes it more difficult to create a balance within the gender binary. I relate to this struggle, as like the author, I also use fashion and personal style to find balance within my gender identity. What I wish to create is a balance, not to tip the scale to one side only. In this way, my gender identity is not constant, but rather is always reacting to socializing forces and changing. Sometimes I may choose to present myself through my clothing in different ways if my fashion feels incongruous with my gender identity.

dbouf001_ — 2023-11-28 03:10:00 UTC

This picture of two handmade bags is meant to represent that ways in which my family has influenced and helped develop my gender identity. My relationship with my gender identity has been troubled in many parts of my life, and during times of distress I would look towards my family for help and guidance. During my times to hardship with my gender identity, my mother continued to gift me handmade items to show her support and appreciation of me. Even though my parents may not have been able to relate to my issues, they still offered me the support that I needed to feel comfortable in exploring myself.

My experience relates to to how gender identity can be built and influenced through familial relationships, which is discussed in James Messerschmidt's "Goodbye to Sex/Gender Distinction." In the text, the author provides accounts of how family influences children's gender identity. While the author gives examples of how a patriarchal family system can influence a child's relationship to gender, it also shows how parental support can help a child discover their gender identity themselves. In my case, my parents did not set strict rules for my gender expression and did not punish me for breaking from conventions, which enabled me to explore my gender identity.

dbouf001_ — 2023-11-28 03:19:18 UTC

My record collection serves as an example of how I often look to media to help understand myself and to find representation for my struggles. For most of my life, I have had a strong connection to music, and have used it to express my identity and emotions. In the past I have searched for media that represents my struggles with gender identity and sexuality. Music has given me an outlet for discovering ways to express my struggles and understand my emotions when it comes to these issues. Without having people in my life that related to my struggle with gender identity, I took to finding representation and guidance through other means. My record collection is very personal to me in the way my gender identity is. It is a physical manifestation of how I came to discover my gender identity and sexuality through music and media.

dbouf001_ — 2023-11-28 03:30:28 UTC

While much of my gender identity is created and expressed through my outward appearance and socialization, having an outlet for writing about my struggles is equally as important. Throughout my life, I have taken to writing about my journey of self discovery through my gender and sexuality. There have been times where I did not have an outlet to discuss these matters with anyone else, so I needed to organize my thoughts on my own. My personal grappling with my gender identity is reflected in Lesie Feinberg's "We Are All Works in Progress." The author describes how identifying as transgender comes with the consequence of negative social treatment. Breaking free of one's assigned gender at birth through personal expression exposes how limiting the gender binary can be, and how our gender system is socially constructed and upheld. I felt that I would face these negative consequences if I decided to express myself outside of the conventions of my assigned gender. In society, people who do not conform to the gender binary are seen as deviant, and may be discriminated against. These realities made it difficult for myself to come to terms with my gender identity, as I found comfort in abiding by the gender binary.

dbouf001_ — 2023-11-28 03:37:25 UTC

I have included this image taken by me of a sunset at a beach to represent how I use nature and solitude as a refuge from my struggle with my gender identity. These struggles have made socializing difficult for me in many parts of my life, and when I am with others the distance between how I perceive my gender identity and how I express myself can be uncomfortable. When being seen and observed my others, the social aspects of gender conformity feel more extreme. I often use solitude and nature as a means of self-reflection and introspection, as I feel I do not need to worry about conforming to social rules. It is in these moments I feel most at ease with my identity. There is no pressure to adhere to a gender binary nor any pressure to conform to notions about gender expression that society holds.