But I’m learning that action is the only way to shrink that fear. Each imperfect step proves that failure isn’t fatal. it’s just feedback. Progress begins the moment I stop trying to be flawless and start trying to learn.

I can sometimes waste a whole working day scrolling/watching films and feel absolutely horrible when I go to bed. When I do not get work done I feel guilty of my rest and hobbies -- I used to paint, but do not anymore. I am also so ashamed of my procrastination issues I never actually tell my husband, with whom we are very close, I never tell my family and friends how bad it has gotten.

Now I am searching for a job, and it is much harder than I thought, being 55 years old.

Last week I missed the deadline for sending in an application for a really nice role. I was planning to start a week in advance, at the end I started 3 days before the deadline, wrote a few lines, felt almost physically sick, so much did I hate writing this motivation letter. I feel so much pressure, because the letter needs to be perfect, I need to present myself as the perfect candidate, while I am not feeling these positive things about myself. At the end I decided not to continue and let this opportunity pass. Saying to myself: you probably wouldn't get invited anyway.

And then the next day I hate myself even more for not sending in the application.

anyway uh i have a LOT of studying and it's technically not homework but also kinda necessary so I actually pass? but the thing is literally anything else is always more interesting to me and a part of me is complacent and feels a little like "oh I've done fine before when procrastinating on revising for tests" and yeah I have but THAT'S NOT THE POINT

Procrastination has just become a habit now, I can barely get myself to do chores or stop my many weird addictions or do the tasks I actually am passionate about.

I just submitted my final thesis draft and concluding the last year of my university life and I just dont feel good. I feel like Ive wasted a solid 3 years and am frankly a fraud, all the info I spent hours studying for, I have completely forgotten and if I go to the workplace I'm no different than someone who didnt go to uni, except that I will have this qualifying piece of paper to successfully fake my way in.

I want to be an artist and animator yet I've only been able to do it a couple of times for a month or so before I barely touch it again.

Every attempt at trying (for my passion, career or even health) feels honestly so futile and useless. Every attempt to improve myself seems stupid and embarrassing. And every time I fail is an addition to the humongous wall of what seems to be my endless and utterly stupid failures.

But, I still hope and still try, bcs I dont want to live like this, I constantly daydream of a life not like mine. But day dreaming wont get me anywhere so I just have to keep trying. Im hoping that with the ending of uni and the little time I have before I start working, I can make it a habit to be productive and do the things I want and am passionate, rather than scroll and play my life away.

Im sorry this was a bit of a ramble lol. :)

I get anxious that completing a report will just get me more jobs to do, I find it difficult to speak to people about how I feel.

I realise I actually prioritise more than I have given myself credit for but I also procrastinate more on the challenging stuff. Usually linked to insecurities that what I do isn't going to be good enough and I will be judged negatively.

Be it writing the report with no deadline, starting the hobby I never have time for or cleaning/clearing out a room. I have so many excuses some of which are valid but not indefinitely...

I have perfectionist tendencies and try to make my notes 'perfect' - but this means I spend way too long on individual topics and miss the larger picture. I'm also told that stress is part of the problem so I get stressed about being stressed. Its a lot.

I finally sat down with this course and realized that I was so stressed and anxious about picking my way through the mess that is the garage to get to the mower, unwinding the fussy cord reel, seeing the weeds I don't have time to pull in the garden beds going to seed-- no wonder I was putting it off. I'm afraid that when I start in on one of the many tasks I'm behind on, I'll have to see the whole overwhelming mess I'm living with. So I avoid doing one to keep the anxiety about my situation at bay.

It turns out the accountability partner had a point: I need self compassion. I need to see how far I’ve come. I need to see all the conflicting things that have impacted this so far: two children, a pandemic, different jobs, ill health, house moves, all sorts of other stuff going on. It’s a minor miracle I’ve written anything. I enjoy writing when I do it. I don’t enjoy the conflict with all the other things, the shame, the feeling that I’m not good enough. But these aren’t things to be ashamed of. And so..? And so, for me, there are two hurdles:

1) just starting.

2) self compassionate realism: I am doing a very hard thing, in exceptionally hard circumstances. And I should be so so proud of the fact that it’s over 2/3rds done! Some days are better than others, just like with running or anything else in life. And like running, only a small portion of it is the cardiovascular fitness, the rest is in my head.

That’s reductionist. Both things can seem impossible. I keep trying. I hope to come back here and say I did it.

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.”

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Or I get stuck in paralysis by analysis stage. Again, berating myself for not knowing everything, thinking maybe there is something else to read or know that will allow the perfect version to be made, or be 100% certain I'm not going to get something wrong.

As well as formal settings, it impacts me in personal life. Sending emails or making phonecalls can send me into a spiral as I worry so much that I'll say the wrong thing or not the perfect thing. So I put them off, to make that go away, to the detriment of many of my personal relationships (also meant I was hopeless on the dating apps)

Like, I imagine, many others, the response isn't to learn and improve, but to berate myself harder for procrastinating each time, and the resultant underachievement. Just causing an ever deeper spiral.

Over the years I've made some improvements, but it isn't linear and some I'm better in some areas than others

The first warning signs were my A-level exams: I went far too much into detail with the written exam, couldn't finish it. Luckily, the very good content could outweigh the missing parts. The oral exam was a disaster waiting to happen: Scheduled on Monday morning, I started learning on Sunday, cramming for the exam like there was no tomorrow, only to end up with a complete mental blank during the exam and the worst mark I’d ever had in this subject.

The phrase “I could be excellent if I worked harder...” (or rather: “I could have been … if I had worked harder”) had to serve as an excuse for years – until I finally realized the arrogance in it, and that I simply didn’t manage to work harder. That other students achieved much more: better results with much less effort and stress, consistent work and steady advancement.

I suffered a lot from being perceived as over-promising and unreliable with regard to deadlines, since trustworthiness is a crucial character trait for me.

During school and university, my schedule was always packed: lectures and seminars, social activities, working, meeting friends … Somehow, things always worked out, possibly a certain level of “giftedness” or talent had helped to mask methodological deficits over the years. But at some point, shame and guilt were omnipresent. I had developed a procrastination that almost ruined me, in professional and private life, and also financially.

The positive exception: practical things like child care, household chores etc. weren't so difficult, procrastination seemed to be a pure work-and-study problem.

I wish I had read about procrastination and coping strategies much earlier, would have spared me and my loved ones a bit of drama…

So, guys, it's Friday:

If you are not new to this board, but have developed the habit of returning to this bookmarked board to see what's new ... or see if your post has gained more likes ... or just re-read some of the posts you already know so well ...

Use this very momentum as a friendly motivational kick and do 5 min of today's (or this week's) most procrastinated task. NOW :-)

...

Try it. 5 min to see how it's going.

Be proud of yourself afterwards!

The physio therapist is wonderful and the exercises work, but I just feel like I have let them down and I am still in pain because of my delay tactics.

I always seem to find something else to do or someone else to do something for before I will ever put myself first, or I get too tired because I spent all day putting everyone else first.

I don't procrastinate about turning up to work, picking up my kids from school or tidying the house, or making dinner - like maybe a bit, but these tasks are low-stress for me compared to my actual work and they do get done on time most of the time. I am hoping to help my kids to do their own tasks with less angst and fear using what I learnt.

And now of course, I'm getting behind on the work and that's adding to my stress and anxiety.

But reading other people's experiences does help to know that I'm not alone.

Whenever--once on a blue moon--I do complete a task, it's invariably rubbish. Not just by my own standards, but by those of others. This naturally reproduces the feelings of insufficiency and self-hatred and makes other tasks even harder in the future. I'm just not good enough. I'm worthless. I'm useless. I'm not good at anything no matter how hard I try. I can't do this anymore.