https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m Made with an open mind en-us 2016-11-16 22:42:54 UTC 2026-02-26 07:32:58 UTC hello@padlet.com jconvey https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138273625 2016-11-16 22:45:20 UTC https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138273625 https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138536900 I like your use of SOME adjectives, but I think you could have come up with more descriptive words, and you could have slowed it down a little more.]]> 2016-11-17 19:25:45 UTC https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138536900 https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138536920 I might say that he described the character's possessions really well and used a lot of adjectives.

]]> 2016-11-17 19:25:48 UTC https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138536920 https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138536964 I think they should have used more description by using more interesting words ]]> 2016-11-17 19:25:56 UTC https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138536964 https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138536967 I]]> 2016-11-17 19:25:57 UTC https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138536967 https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138536995 I like the way that you made it flow a little bit. However, it did sound a little repetitive with using I so many times. Also, you might want a little more internal gesture and definitely a lead.]]> 2016-11-17 19:26:02 UTC https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138536995 https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537016 I think that the author should have used more detail and not just say, " I put some delicious food on my plate, " the author should describe how it felt when she ate it. ]]> 2016-11-17 19:26:05 UTC https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537016 https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537017 Next time, I would like you to add more description]]> 2016-11-17 19:26:05 UTC https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537017 https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537020 I think you should show us what awesome means]]> 2016-11-17 19:26:06 UTC https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537020 https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537034 Instead of telling us the shoes are awesome show us how they're awesome.]]> 2016-11-17 19:26:08 UTC https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537034 https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537042 Maybe you could add some more internal gesture.]]> 2016-11-17 19:26:09 UTC https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537042 https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537078 I like how you were clear and used exitedly, but you need to use adjectives that describe better, unlike awesome and cool. ]]> 2016-11-17 19:26:16 UTC https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537078 https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537086 I like how the person said "Excitedly,  I took my first bite", instead of saying "I took my first bite excitedly", but  maybe he could use more stronger detail]]> 2016-11-17 19:26:17 UTC https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537086 https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537094 I like the way you told us the the shoes are awesome but, nexttime put more despriction  ]]> 2016-11-17 19:26:17 UTC https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537094 https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537110 I like how you used chronological order]]> 2016-11-17 19:26:19 UTC https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537110 https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537122 You have great suspense in your writing. However, you don't really describe your new shoes or your delicious food.]]> 2016-11-17 19:26:20 UTC https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537122 https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537174 You might want to use words that describe more on what "Awesome" and "Excited" means, go more in depth of what this means.]]> 2016-11-17 19:26:25 UTC https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537174 https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537224 I think you should have instead of just describing your shoes with awesome isn't that good because you can't see awesome and you should describe it more.]]> 2016-11-17 19:26:31 UTC https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537224 https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537234 add more internal gesture and better adjective. Also slow it down.]]> 2016-11-17 19:26:34 UTC https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537234 https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537320 2016-11-17 19:26:47 UTC https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537320 https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537386 2016-11-17 19:26:57 UTC https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537386 https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537591 He used a lot of description and adjectives]]> 2016-11-17 19:27:26 UTC https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537591 https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537593 they could have used more description.]]> 2016-11-17 19:27:27 UTC https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537593 https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537637 2016-11-17 19:27:32 UTC https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537637 https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537652 2016-11-17 19:27:34 UTC https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537652 https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537848 a little more suspense]]> 2016-11-17 19:28:00 UTC https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138537848 https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138538061 2016-11-17 19:28:34 UTC https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138538061 https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138538121 You should add some dialogue.]]> 2016-11-17 19:28:44 UTC https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138538121 https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138538302 2016-11-17 19:29:13 UTC https://padlet.com/jconvey/dfgfssbk0d2m/wish/138538302