While this was all going on, 2 of the people from this group started talking to a different group of people, Theo, Leeam, and Matt (There is also this girl named Caitlyn in our group but I met her through Leeam!). Who I soon got to know, and became mutual friends with. We started hanging out, and I even introduced these new friends to my best friend, Isabel and my parents. As time went on, I got closer to these new friends but farther from my old ones. I was in denial and was really afraid of change. Until I realized Covid was all about change. I had dealt with change so many times already, why not try and welcome something positive. 

     From that day forward Isabel and I were on the phone with them every night, we played video games, watched shows, and even just talked. We hung out every week multiple times, and became a “pod family”. I realized how much better these new friends were for me, and how I left every hangout/ call feeling included, happy, excited, and somehow already missing them. 

     I am now so grateful that I was able to welcome this change into my life and accept some of the best friends I have ever had. The 6 of us are practically inseparable, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. And although I don’t speak to a lot of the kids I used to be friends with, I will always feel grateful that they introduced me to my current best friends. It has almost been a year since I met them, and I genuinely feel so lucky. 

An unresolved conflict was the Coronavirus.People did not socially distance.And some didn't listen to the rules.I tried telling people to wear masks.but they didn't listen. At this point it will be very hard to resolve It.because it is killing a lot of people.If people take it seriously it could end.

March 13th, 2020 was the last normal day of school. No social distancing, no masks, no zoom. From that day on life completely changed for the worst. At first I didn’t understand. I heard I had a week off of school, and I thought that meant I could go out everyday with my friends. But in reality there was a deadly virus outside that thousands of people were catching daily. It was more than the “just the flu”, and my mom had to explain that to me. And so although at first I didn’t understand, I definitely do now. Life still isn’t normal and it’s June 16th, 2021. Nearly 4 million people have died worldwide. And so many people lost their jobs. One of those people happened to be my stepmom. 

   My stepmom lost her job in 2020, leaving my dad no choice but to work harder and work more. My dad, who was struggling, thought it would be best to move to Oregon to his mother-in-law’s house. They already had plans to move. And the cost of living there is cheaper than New York. So although they were supposed to move 3 years from now, they moved 3 months ago in March of 2021. My dad himself told me if Covid didn't happen, he would still be living in New York. This has been the hardest change for me because I’m used to the comfort of him living a 20 minute walk away and seeing him weekly. But now he lives across the country. He also moved with my sister, and that has been incredibly hard because my sister is my everything, and now she is so far away. I still have a lot of adjusting to do. 

   On a lighter note, another significant impact was the way Covid got me away from my horrible “friends”. Middle school was tough for me. My friend group was so toxic to me, constantly making up lies, excluding me, and treating me as less than them. I eventually had no one. I didn’t want to go to school, and I would have to hope and hope I’d have a good day. When Covid hit and everything was virtual, I got away from them. I didn’t have to see them everyday, I didn’t have to talk to them. Quarantine saved me from the toxic environment I had at school. It also gave my toxic friends time to think, and eventually they all apologized to me. Covid made everyone think a little harder, and learn to stop taking things for granted. I educated myself in many social issues and took Covid as an opportunity to teach others. I tried all the quarantine trends- my favorite had to be making whipped coffee. I ordered stuff online and became an at home barista and made my family Starbucks drinks from home. Through this tough time, there were many fun moments with my family at home. 

   I’m ready to get back to normal life. I feel like Covid gave me a fresh start. New friends, a new school, and a new house, because I moved during Covid as well! I’m ready to live again. I’m ready to reverse the laziness that virtual school gave me and get back to real school. Get back to performing. I got my vaccine and I feel ready. With so many people getting the vaccine around me, I’m not scared anymore. I feel protected. I am confident that we will have some sense of normalcy soon. I’m ready.

“Did you hear about the new disease in China?”

“No.” I said.

“Well apparently it’s really bad.”

“My uncle is supposed to go to China soon” my other friend added. “I hope he still can.” 

Less than a month later, this was starting to become more troubling news. Me and my friend were rushing down the stairs during a fire drill.

“But it’s only as bad as the flu, right? Some people survive it.” I asked her.

“We don’t know that.” She said, “ My dad said that the people who have survived it just haven’t died yet.”

As more and more people in America started getting it, people were talking about schools shutting down. Back then they were still telling everyone not to wear masks. I looked back at a safety video my school sent out earlier in the year, and this lady was telling everyone not to wear masks because the hospitals didn’t have enough, and they actually brought the disease back into your body, or something like that. Misinformation was spreading faster than the disease itself at that point. Everyone thought we were gonna get a week or two off of school and come back right after. 

One day me, my mom, and my brother went to the grocery store maskless, (everyone was back then), and bought a bunch of canned foods. Looking back on it, it was pretty silly. It’s not like we wouldn’t have been able to go outside for food or order or something when we had to quarantine. I guess it was just to make us feel safe or in control, something nobody was feeling at that time.

On the final days of winter,  I was taking a walk outside with my family, when my phone started blowing up with texts. Schools had been indefinitely cancelled until April. I mean, I was nervous but I was laughing so hard. It was exciting. It’s like when there's a fire drill at school and you’re secretly hoping there was an actual fire. Not a big one that actually affects people, just a little one in the science lab or something. You want a full hour off of school where everyone is just shivering outside listening to the firetrucks and having fun. 

And maybe you hate your school a little bit.

My little firetruck dreams were quickly squandered as more restrictions started being placed on New York City. Eventually my family realized we would be quarantining in our tiny apartment, and we started to adapt. As soon as we were allowed to leave our homes, my mother spent whatever moment she could in the park, or with friends, or at picnics, or anywhere that wasn’t the house. She would get so excited about little things reopening like Chelsea market, or outdoor theaters, or that french place with the little colorful meringues. The rest of us never quite understood. I didn’t feel trapped, I didn’t want to go outside, I didn’t want to do anything. My dad lost his job doing visual effects at Brainstorm Digital, (I would be lying if I tried to make this sound devastating, most people who lost their jobs had it much worse than us). My brother stopped doing his schoolwork, and started failing all of his classes, and I was okay. At the start of quarantine I was actually okay. I was doing better in school than I had ever done before, started exercising, (though this endeavor was short lived), and even quit therapy. (In hindsight this may not have been the best idea, but in my mind I was feeling better and talking about old stuff was making me feel worse.) I added anxiety to the list of foes conquered, and started moving on with my life. Then we went to Israel.

We go to Israel every summer to visit our family. The trip is usually a joy for me, but this year was different. My grandpa was getting sicker every day, and because of this virus I couldn’t hug my grandma. That was hard for a little while. My grandpa died about a month after we got there, which was harder. And other stuff. 

So at this point I had downloaded instagram, and was starting to see a whole different side of my classmates. Now everything that was being posted was about some injustice in the world. I had never seen people my age caring so much about the things I did. It was beautiful, but also sometimes dangerous. People would see things that their friends reposted and post them too, and that way a lot of lies were spread. When conflict started arising in Israel later that year, it was hard enough to feel the weight of my country and all the harm it’s done, while also seeing people who don’t care, mindlessly post twisted facts and false narratives. Of course, all through this year were the black lives matter protests, the death of Goerge Floyd and countless other innocent black people, the capitol building riot, the transition between presidents, and a whole bunch of other moments in history that I somehow had the honor of living through. It was incredible.

So now we’re back in New York, and I’m so unbelievably excited for the start of freshman year. I was so excited that those first few weeks on zoom felt like forever. And then, we finally got to go to school. Every Tuesday I would wake up early and get on my leotard and tights, pick out my outfit and scoot on off to school. It was fun. I was so happy to finally be in a school where people were nice to each other, and teachers cared about me, and even sometimes thought I was special, (something I had been yearning for in middle school). Then the virus got bad again in New York and in person school was over, and it was just me in my room again, every day of the week. Now, future generations reading, remember what we said about this? There was stuff that I wish I could tell you about. I don’t know. Maybe someday I’ll find a way. For now though, you’re just gonna have to settle with what I’m cool with my teachers reading.

So, now things are way better! We’re approaching summer again, and I’m sad the year went by so quickly and at the same time happy it did. I’m fully vaccinated and ready to give some people some hugs. I hope you’re getting plenty of them. 

Much love, Ayala

:)

Covid-19 pandemic impacted me in many ways. It allowed me to listen to more soundtracks and allowed me to go to the gym. It had also brought me scary moments, and panicking moments. It also made me feel stressed because I couldn’t be able to do programs helping my future career.It also robbed me of my last experience of middle school. It took away from being my last and final bow in Legally Blonde. It did not allow me to have my cast party and say my goodbyes. My remote learning class was not not very good, but I understood that teachers did their best to teach us remotely. It was scary knowing that next year I will be in person and it is based on what we learned this year. Since I feel like I completed classwork but didn't really learn. It is scary to think how much more things I am going to be doing in person. My Covid-19 hero is my family. They made it fun and were always there for me. Without them it would have been miserable. The vaccine changed my life because it means a step closer to getting control of Covid-19. It means that we can now go slowly back to our daily lifestyle. It lets us go back to school in person. It also changed my life by creating a sense of peace. It makes me feel safer that my family got the vaccine. I will want future generations to know that Covid-19 was very bad for all of us and good in ways, but I think it taught us all one thing. Which is don't take anyone or anything for granted, because you don’t know when that can be taken away. Enjoy going to school in person because every student missed a year that was important to them. Also I want them to know that in Covid-19 we saw how many people tried their best to still stay creative and figure out a way to learn.Covid-19 pandemic impacted me in many ways. It allowed me to listen to more soundtracks and allowed me to go to the gym. It had also brought me scary moments, and panicking moments. It also made me feel stressed because I couldn’t be able to do programs helping my future career.It also robbed me of my last experience of middle school. It took away from being my last and final bow in Legally Blonde. It did not allow me to have my cast party and say my goodbyes. My remote learning class was not not very good, but I understood that teachers did their best to teach us remotely. It was scary knowing that next year I will be in person and it is based on what we learned this year. Since I feel like I completed classwork but didn't really learn. It is scary to think how much more things I am going to be doing in person. My Covid-19 hero is my family. They made it fun and were always there for me. Without them it would have been miserable. The vaccine changed my life because it means a step closer to getting control of Covid-19. It means that we can now go slowly back to our daily lifestyle. It lets us go back to school in person. It also changed my life by creating a sense of peace. It makes me feel safer that my family got the vaccine. I will want future generations to know that Covid-19 was very bad for all of us and good in ways, but I think it taught us all one thing. Which is don't take anyone or anything for granted, because you don’t know when that can be taken away. Enjoy going to school in person because every student missed a year that was important to them. Also I want them to know that in Covid-19 we saw how many people tried their best to still stay creative and figure out a way to learn.Covid-19 pandemic impacted me in many ways. It allowed me to listen to more soundtracks and allowed me to go to the gym. It had also brought me scary moments, and panicking moments. It also made me feel stressed because I couldn’t be able to do programs helping my future career.It also robbed me of my last experience of middle school. It took away from being my last and final bow in Legally Blonde. It did not allow me to have my cast party and say my goodbyes. My remote learning class was not not very good, but I understood that teachers did their best to teach us remotely. It was scary knowing that next year I will be in person and it is based on what we learned this year. Since I feel like I completed classwork but didn't really learn. It is scary to think how much more things I am going to be doing in person. My Covid-19 hero is my family. They made it fun and were always there for me. Without them it would have been miserable. The vaccine changed my life because it means a step closer to getting control of Covid-19. It means that we can now go slowly back to our daily lifestyle. It lets us go back to school in person. It also changed my life by creating a sense of peace. It makes me feel safer that my family got the vaccine. I will want future generations to know that Covid-19 was very bad for all of us and good in ways, but I think it taught us all one thing. Which is don't take anyone or anything for granted, because you don’t know when that can be taken away. Enjoy going to school in person because every student missed a year that was important to them. Also I want them to know that in Covid-19 we saw how many people tried their best to still stay creative and figure out a way to learn.

My remote learning experience: It was definitely not how I wanted to experience my freshman year. Not going to lie, it was a bit easier (shh google). But, I struggled with my attention span, especially distractions (my phone, my family). I still found my way though & I learned to put my phone away, I learned how to plan when I’m doing my assignments and when to give myself breaks, which were things that I never knew how to do with remote learning. 

To my teachers: Overall, my experience included a bunch of feelings whether it was excited, lonely, confusing, happy, or tired. But, I am so grateful for the Rep teachers who were so kind, loving and supportive throughout the WHOLE ENTIRE JOURNEY. You guys made my freshman year a whole lot better and I will never ever forget you guys <3. 

Let's start at the beginning. When this first happened and everyone was saying how schools were going to be closed, and we were going to have remote schools everyone (including me) were super excited because something like this never happened (at least to our Generation) so this was something completely new. Mainly because we felt like this was going to be a vacation. But what we didn't know was all the Horrific events that would happen throughout this time. Something I really want to share is that a kid came in wearing a mask on the last day of in person school (before we would be homeschooled)and we were so confused because we were like “it's not even the US it's not a big deal”.  But little did we know Masks would become a daily thing, our protection and our barrier to feel somewhat safe going outside. I mean that kid was smart. Anyways when covid-19 started and they were putting all these regulations about the distance and the Mask, even urging you to stay home, I got a little scared and worried because my dad lives in Connecticut with some of my family and I knew that for a few months I wouldn't be able to see them and not just that but I was worried for their health (of all my faimly). So I think a mixture of not being able to see some of my family for a while and not being able to go through a regular daily life like before really creeped up on many of us. Personally, I started having a lot of anxiety. I was just feeling down all the time. Everything is getting better now as we are slowly going back to normal.  So I would say that covid-19 impacted me both positively and negatively because this taught me that there are some things we should Implement into our daily life just in general to be protected day-by-day (covid-19 being here or not).  Overall it was a roller coaster of emotions. But I think it's been a really great learning experience. Also helped me grow (get stronger) mentally.

Link to video: https://drive.google.com/file/d/197dLJQU2G04McyiSCfTwfVpO_j3KWLxg/view?usp=drivesdk

“It’s selected right? Why won’t you just talk?”

“It’s not that hard. Just open your mouth and talk.”

Selective Mutism isn’t selective. The best way to describe Selective Mutism is an extreme phobia to speak to people. There’s no cure, it’ll never fully go away. I always felt like something bad was going to happen to me, and extreme shyness, anxiety, and fear took over my emotional controls to make friends, go to school, or even order a meal at a diner. When I was younger, my mutism got so bad I couldn’t talk to anyone outside of my immediate family.  My grandparents scared me, so I was aggressive to protect myself, and I only really had one friend who did all the talking and communicating for me. After going through therapy for a little over a year, I was improving and able to talk to more people outside of my circle. 

Through middle school I had a ton of friends and was mainly described as the chatterbox and even given a nickname “Cricket” to describe how much talking I actually did, like a cricket chirping. Near the end of eighth grade, Covid hit. Like most kids, I was excited to have weeks off from school and stay home all day. That excitement slowly started to fade into boredom, fear, and anxious thoughts. My heart would race, my palms would get sweaty, and I’d start to hyperventilate. Sure, I had talked to people over the phone and on zoom, but they could never see me. I’d never had to look at them and know that my every word had to be thoroughly thought out to get my point across. For me, this was a huge setback. All of my progress had been wiped away and I started living again with the constant fear of social interaction, especially in in-person school. Now that everything is going back to normal, I have to retrain my brain that it’s okay to have conversations with people I've never met before, it’s okay for people not to like me, and it’s okay to mess up. I’ve also learned that it’s okay for people to know these things about me, and I shouldn’t be ashamed of seeing the world from a different perspective. Sometimes, I still have panic attacks before presentations and sometimes I’m unable to speak at parties, restaurants, and hang-outs. My parents are my Covid heroes because they’ve done everything in their power to help me, and I am very grateful for them.  Although Covid set me back a ton,  I now get to discover new things about myself and solutions to my fear. I’ve learned that selective mutism is not something to be fixed, hide, or get rid of, but instead something to embrace.

Nico Vela

but at least i have friends now that i can talk to whenever i'm down especially my close friends