Mckenzie - Poetry Exercise Map by https://padlet.com/jgard12/cptv2tmdn7ynmq0t Feedback, response, and springboarding en-us 2022-02-03 17:26:32 UTC 2022-02-15 02:41:17 UTC hello@padlet.com Akward initial adorations. . . jgard12 https://padlet.com/jgard12/cptv2tmdn7ynmq0t/wish/2028406514 Awkward initial adorations in Applebee’s.
Hands left open like invitations to each other.
Gentle grazes set blushing blazes to her supple skin.
I remember the stars making homes in her eyes.
 
The night grew long, 
Dim street lamps lit her frozen flushed cheeks.
The wind swept her hair 
like a wave beckoning to me.
 
She tipped on her toes,
anticipating the date to close.
I'll let you know that I got home.
Her beaten red Blazer disappeared down Tower Avenue.
 
The image of her hung in my mind
like the masterpieces that occupy galleries. 
Admission was only the price of dinner and gas.
One glance was never enough to capture
the beauty of every stroke
God made to paint her beauty.
 
My car drives on desire.
Her curved shadow passes by her window.
For a moment I looked for pebbles.
Come outside
 
She slipped through the door like a mouse unnoticed.
Her boots looked ridiculous over her pajama pants.
Like Greek statues she stood still like stone.
I was intimidated by her marble beauty.
 
In the silence of night, my heartbeat was louder
than the crash landing of swaying snowflakes.
Words hung on the tip of my tongue
like ornaments waiting to fall.
 
Won’t you be mine?
 
]]> 2022-02-03 21:15:33 UTC https://padlet.com/jgard12/cptv2tmdn7ynmq0t/wish/2028406514 The words used to express the adoration felt for the girl were really intimate and well used. I think that the imagery is easy to visualize the scene. I like how you described her beauty being painted on by God. It makes her feel otherworldly and angelic. The only thing I could suggest is playing with the structure and lines breaks, even without changing that though, it's a beautiful poem. https://padlet.com/jgard12/cptv2tmdn7ynmq0t/wish/2041183768 2022-02-10 21:02:32 UTC https://padlet.com/jgard12/cptv2tmdn7ynmq0t/wish/2041183768 Dim streetlamps lit her frozen flushed cheeks https://padlet.com/jgard12/cptv2tmdn7ynmq0t/wish/2041197019 Dim streetlamps lit her frozen flushed cheeks
as they stood there looking at the crystals forming on each other's eyelashes
she stepped forward now sharing breaths
and the heat of it had the crystals melting
down their cheeks like tears
"I'm leaving"
as she turned toward the street, she felt a tug and she fell back into greedy arms 
a warm embrace that felt like shackles]]> 2022-02-10 21:12:15 UTC https://padlet.com/jgard12/cptv2tmdn7ynmq0t/wish/2041197019 https://padlet.com/jgard12/cptv2tmdn7ynmq0t/wish/2047614478 The initial poem gives me romantic vibes from it as though it was a valentines day poem written for someone the poet loved. Your poem is a great contrast, almost suggesting that the love in your poem is a form of prison and you can't leave. Or maybe it's that they don't want to leave, but they have to. either way, it's a brief but very emotional poem. ]]> 2022-02-15 02:39:58 UTC https://padlet.com/jgard12/cptv2tmdn7ynmq0t/wish/2047614478