https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy Made with an aura of mystery en-us 2021-05-10 12:03:22 UTC 2021-05-10 16:00:18 UTC hello@padlet.com https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509677921 I cant hear to well but I like how it focuses on her taking care of her siblings. Also I like how many details there were]]> 2021-05-10 15:33:20 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509677921 633328 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509679149 I think it was really good. I loved the details and how you explained that you were far from you loved ones and could only talk with letters.]]> 2021-05-10 15:33:36 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509679149 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509679218 I think your story was really good! I really liked how the family members discribed all the annoying things.

]]> 2021-05-10 15:33:37 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509679218 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509680770 glow: i like all of the detail of the legal inspections.
grow:  it was kind of short and all in one pharagraph ]]> 2021-05-10 15:33:55 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509680770 574442 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509687528 It was a good story the family was very nice]]> 2021-05-10 15:35:11 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509687528 587941 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509687583 Glow : Yours was very very detailed Grow: It would be better if you spoke just a little louder. ]]> 2021-05-10 15:35:11 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509687583 rosemarythomasch https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509690134 glow:  You had an amazing start your story it drew me in and I never lost intrest in what was happening

grow: show do not tell, instead of explicitly saying the reasong I left was... maybe give a flash back or find a way to imply it]]> 2021-05-10 15:35:39 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509690134 585505 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509691545 It was interesting how your character became more america and lost their accent. Your writing was short and only a paragraph. ]]> 2021-05-10 15:35:55 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509691545 5360710 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509691577 Glow: It had a lot details and you described the neighborhood and living conditions fairly well
Grow: does she get caught in the shirtwaist factory fire because working there has a lot of dramatic potiental]]> 2021-05-10 15:35:56 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509691577 639801 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509697141 Glow: The boat trip was very detatailed with the conditions, where the baggage was and the weather.
Grow: I'm not sure if I missed this or not, but maybe add/add more on the arrival to Ellis Island]]> 2021-05-10 15:36:58 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509697141 577012 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509700813 glow /i like the emotion in it nice
grow maybe you could make it longer ]]> 2021-05-10 15:37:39 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509700813 567962 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509706503 glow: i added a lot of detail

grow: i made it to short]]> 2021-05-10 15:38:36 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509706503 567962 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509711452 grow: i think you can add more detail about the potatoes.

glow: i like how you added why the dad moved to America.]]> 2021-05-10 15:39:33 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509711452 566971 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509713063 I loved the way that you showed not told, and you added a lot of dialogue. One thing that you could work on is slowing important moments down with more detail.]]> 2021-05-10 15:39:52 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509713063 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509713929 grow the boat ride part was to short
glow but i wrote a lot. and i like the characters and there dynamic.]]> 2021-05-10 15:40:03 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509713929 633328 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509714184 I like how there are details in the story that make it interesting and make me want to keep reading]]> 2021-05-10 15:40:06 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509714184 566971 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509716578 I really admired the way that you described things so that I could really visualize everything that was going on. One grow for you is that you can add some transition words so that we can follow the timeline.]]> 2021-05-10 15:40:33 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509716578 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509717658 Glow: I like how you described everything because I can easily picture how the tenement was like what she was feeling.
Grow: I don't know if your finished but I think you need more detail on the community. ]]> 2021-05-10 15:40:47 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509717658 573601 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509719075 I loved how you explained how you didn't want people in your family to half to lie about being healthy but they have to. ik this isn't really a grow but I was just wondering How old is your character?]]> 2021-05-10 15:41:04 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509719075 MiraSC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509725101 I like how you added details about how your eye felt.]]> 2021-05-10 15:41:49 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509725101 jbarnhar1 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509727799 GLOW: beautiful description, I can really visualize you on the ship and at Ellis ISland
GROW: consider using dialogue!]]> 2021-05-10 15:42:20 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509727799 566971 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509732718 Glow: I liked the way you explained exactly what was going on and it was clear what time of day it was.

Grow: Start showing not telling.]]> 2021-05-10 15:43:15 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509732718 564442 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509736086 it was short, it was indepth

]]> 2021-05-10 15:43:53 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509736086 564442 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509737271 it was long, it could have been more easy to read]]> 2021-05-10 15:44:06 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509737271 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509742706 Glow: I liked the problem and it makes me want to read more about the story.
Grow: I don't know how old she is.]]> 2021-05-10 15:45:09 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509742706 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509743763 glow:  there was so mutch detail and you kind of acted out the characters by useing your voice.
grow: the only thing that i can put here is that it looks like one pharagraph.]]> 2021-05-10 15:45:22 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509743763 639801 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509744399 Glow: Yours showed the characters emotional reallly well, and you had a lot of greatd diaogolge, and your story was very detailed.
Grow: It might be easer on your part if you shoren it a bit, to be easeir to read, or print later.]]> 2021-05-10 15:45:29 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509744399 567962 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509744966 glow: a lot of detail

grow: i would like to know why the landlord kicked you out]]> 2021-05-10 15:45:36 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509744966 jbarnhar1 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509746624 GLOW: amazing details, small moments like the little girl and your bday on the ship over. 
GROW: use paragraphs to organize your ideas. :) When someone speaks, separate it from the rest of the section. ]]> 2021-05-10 15:45:55 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509746624 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509749897 Glow: There were a lot of detail and it really hooked the reader in the beginning.
Grow: Maybe add more detail about what it was like to be on the boat and ellis island.  ]]> 2021-05-10 15:46:32 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509749897 577012 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509750216 glow /i like the story  line so

grow /

far maybe there could be more back story 

]]> 2021-05-10 15:46:36 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509750216 5360710 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509750628 Glow: lot of details and show not tell
Grow: Make ajustments to grammer and edit plot holes/ confusion]]> 2021-05-10 15:46:41 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509750628 587941 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509750891 Glow - I loved how you had a lot of information in your entry it was very well said. ]]> 2021-05-10 15:46:44 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509750891 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509753486 I liked how you added dialogue to your story. I feel like it made it more real]]> 2021-05-10 15:47:15 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509753486 573601 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509755818 I love all the details and I love how you created a relationship on the boat with her and some friends

]]> 2021-05-10 15:47:44 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509755818 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509763154 Glow: I like how many historic facts you have. 
Grow: Explain on the story of the Character. ]]> 2021-05-10 15:49:10 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509763154 585505 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509765954 I liked how you went in detail about the family in the story, I couldn't hear you well. ]]> 2021-05-10 15:49:39 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509765954 rosemarythomasch https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509767054 glow: you had so many intresting details and I loved how you took the time to give Marco such an intresting back story

Grow: It was just a little bit confusing when you flipped back and fourth between the past and present]]> 2021-05-10 15:49:51 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509767054 587941 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509771679 Glow - very fundamental slot of info
Grow -talk more about the character. ]]> 2021-05-10 15:50:50 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509771679 639801 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509771750 Glow: Nice detail.
Grow: Talk louder when reading. Also edit a few words, senetnces and other thingsthat might need it.]]> 2021-05-10 15:50:51 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509771750 629425 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509773205 I really liked the amount of interesting details in your journal. ]]> 2021-05-10 15:51:09 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509773205 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509778006 you really had a lot of historical parts but I felt like you didn’t really slow down, and tell us more about your character

]]> 2021-05-10 15:52:05 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509778006 rosemarythomasch https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509778251 Glow: I feel I was able to show emotion in my charecter 

Grown: some important parts are a bit rushed]]> 2021-05-10 15:52:09 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509778251 629425 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509781315 I liked how you put dialogue from your character in the journals.]]> 2021-05-10 15:52:46 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509781315 575072 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509781694 Glow: I think i did a great job with detail


Grow: It was too long

]]> 2021-05-10 15:52:50 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509781694 573601 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509785344 big words helped shape your story and bring out the details maybe some background info about prior life 


]]> 2021-05-10 15:53:32 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509785344 585505 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509787101 the story has good detail but I am not finished]]> 2021-05-10 15:53:52 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509787101 jbarnhar1 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509792635 GLOW: Great details about your tenement, and your push factors about your life in Ireland!
GROW: add some dialogue? ]]> 2021-05-10 15:54:54 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509792635 MiraSC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509799201 Glow: I did well with the details.

Grow: I need to work on my punctuation.]]> 2021-05-10 15:56:12 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509799201 577012 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509802063 glow I'm happy with what i have 
i could make it longer and more detailed ]]> 2021-05-10 15:56:41 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509802063 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509802467 I loved your details! It made me feel like I was in the story too,]]> 2021-05-10 15:56:46 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509802467 573601 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509804677 I loved how every time you changed your setting you described your surrodings with tons of details
 ]]> 2021-05-10 15:57:10 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509804677 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509805495 Glow I think I did well explaining my characters old life and comparing it to living in America.
Grow: Revise and edit your work before submitting the doc.]]> 2021-05-10 15:57:20 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509805495 629425 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509806703 I liked how you put a lot of detail to in your journal.]]> 2021-05-10 15:57:37 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509806703 5360710 https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509807284 Glow: The details and diolog were amazing 
Grow: replace pink eye ]]> 2021-05-10 15:57:43 UTC https://padlet.com/jbarnhar1/cgrpwdo5ile1sfyy/wish/1509807284