·   Confidence

·   Growth mindset

·   Challenging myself

·   Stress management

·   Motivation and striving for goals

·   Resilience 

·   Appreciation of others

·   Being more forgiving, helpful, and compassionate

Speaking for myself, this artifact has helped remind me that leadership starts from within. It is my identity first. It is about my mental and physical presence, my attitude, and my willingness to tackle the challenges I face before I can show up for others.

This is something I have struggled with for a long time. I struggled to find my way through secondary school and high school because the colonized curriculum we were taught in Pakistan did not work for me. For the longest time, I felt stupid because everyone else around me was getting good grades and getting into top universities across the world, while I didn’t fit anywhere into that narrative. And nobody taught me that my narrative wasn’t wrong. At the age of 19, having finished high school, I outright told my parents to marry me off to someone because I did not know what I was doing with my life. I’m obviously now glad that didn’t happen because I finally understand that me not fitting into my surroundings didn’t make me any less smart than my peers. I just had my own way of acquiring and processing knowledge – which I now realize to be a decolonized form of knowledge acquisition. 

I have always been the type of person who likes going with the flow and seeing where the world takes me, and I think I’ve done my best learning in that way. We are told that we won’t have any career prospects until we have, at the very least, a Masters degree. We are taught that our worth is based on how much structured education we have received. I almost went to a different university in Canada to pursue a Masters degree in Clinical Psychology, but my heart kept telling me to accept UVic’s offer. Because of the society we live in, I figured my best chances of having a good life would be to opt for that clinical psychology degree. I’m happy I ended up listening to my heart because, despite this degree not being something I had considered before, it has allowed me to learn the most that I have ever learned in an educational institution, while actually feeling like I’m learning something. It’s knowledge that’s decolonized. It’s knowledge that teaches you about yourself first, so that you know how to navigate the world. While I understand that structure works for some people, it’s also okay to not have that work for you.

How have I done that? It wasn’t easy. It took me years to reach that level of agency and I know I’m still learning and progressing as I gain new experiences. 

The first thing for me was to realize that I don’t have to have everything figured out, as long as I’m willing to make the effort. Assuming agency in whatever capacity I could allowed me to work through a lot of challenges and build a better understanding of myself, my strengths, and my weaknesses. I did a lot of self-reflection (and continue doing so) and make intentional choices to influence my present and my future. 

Second, I question my own assumptions and understand that I can be a leader while also still learning.

Third, I now know what motivates me and understand that motivation is different for everyone. More importantly, I bring motivation to my own work, not the other way around. I’ve often faced emotional struggles and procrastination. My god, the procrastination. Here’s what I do now (and this is quite a recent development thanks to my depression – yay). Organize your space. Keep a calendar. Start small. Break down your work for the day into small manageable pieces and work from there. Small victories as I accomplish each task for the day builds momentum and snowballs into a big win by the end of the day. That’s how I stay motivated.

Fourth, I’ve rebranded myself. Life is nothing but ups and downs. If the pandemic has taught us anything, it’s how carefully laid plans and life trajectories needed to change in order to adapt and survive. But the trick is to reinvent yourself without losing sight of your values and goals. One way I’ve done that is by owning the narrative of my reinvention journey. As an example, my other posts will tell you how I’ve openly started talking about my depression. They key was to own that narrative so I could start reinventing myself, in a sense, and make sure I wasn’t making the same mistakes I made before.

At the end of the day, assuming agency isn’t that easy. But it’s either that or feeling paralyzed and living within that vicious circle of self-defeating stories. By taking agency of my life, I’m creating space for self-reflection and self-acceptance needed to live with integrity.