S4BW Mental Health Discussion by Students for a Better World https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e Feel free to share stories anonymously or leave comments/suggestions about the discussion session! We want to hear all your concerns, but please don't spam and try to be purposeful with your criticisms. All answers will be anonymous. en-us 2021-03-05 06:35:53 UTC 2021-04-20 20:06:51 UTC hello@padlet.com havent learned a single thing, just learned that school aint it thekawaiidesuka https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1280516691 2021-03-08 06:06:07 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1280516691 why is homework and mental sanity such a big tradeoff https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1280523883 2021-03-08 06:08:20 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1280523883 do i want to get good grades and make my parents proud? or do i want good mental health and my parents calling me a disappointment? thekawaiidesuka https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1280530936 2021-03-08 06:10:55 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1280530936 thekawaiidesuka https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1280542158 my depression? high.
my grades? low.
my anxiety? high.
the way my parents look at me? low.
self harm / suicide thoughts / actions? high.
my will to live? low.]]> 2021-03-08 06:15:03 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1280542158 I want to cry and my grades aren't helping https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1280552516 2021-03-08 06:19:01 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1280552516 the teacher gave me a tardy and i wasn't even late >:| https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1280553662 2021-03-08 06:19:28 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1280553662 pass fail but mandatory because what student trying to get into college would take a pass fail out of choice for the whole world to see that decision?? https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1280566572 2021-03-08 06:24:19 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1280566572 I HATE SCHOOL SO MUCH https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1280570615 and i didnt even feel this way till online school started]]> 2021-03-08 06:25:46 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1280570615 i want spring break but i dont want the week before it so i'd rather just not have anything at all https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1280573446 2021-03-08 06:26:50 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1280573446 Everything hurts https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1280574945 2021-03-08 06:27:25 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1280574945 going to a new school is stressful enough. having to make new friends, get to know your classmates, understand the school dynamic, get to know your teachers. now picture all of this online. but on top of that, the school is really stressful. you don't want to tell your teachers how stressed you are because you're new, but you're under so much stress, it feels like you could break at any moment. this is my reality. i've been fortunate enough to have made some friends, but transferring during a pandemic is stressful itself. i'm not saying school shouldn't stress a person out, but school shouldn't shatter my mental health... thekawaiidesuka https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1282294865 2021-03-08 14:34:51 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1282294865 In an environment where academic achievement is valued above a lot of other things, and there tends to be a really competitive atmosphere surrounding who's just generally doing the most things (especially activities that are seen as "good for college apps," etc.), it's really easy to tie my self worth to my productivity. Especially right now, where online work for school and extracurriculars is kind of the only part of life that's happening, the obvious conclusion is kind of that if I'm failing to be productive (and I often am), I'm useless. It's a really hard cycle to break, but I feel like having discussions about the competitive atmosphere surrounding academics (especially extracurriculars like U of I classes) is a good place to start, because it's hard not to feel like you're defined by your productivity and intelligence and the packed-ness of your schedule when it feels like everyone else is basing their judgement of you and them, and sometimes even that they're trying to one-up you. https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1283028966 2021-03-08 16:30:56 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1283028966 It seems like most students don't really have a good opinion of the SSO. I haven't had a lot of experience getting help from them, but a most of the people I know avoid reaching out to them for help because they're worried about what will be reported to their parents or just feel like they won't be a useful resource. It really really seems like everyone there is passionate about helping students, and a lot of students need that help, but somehow there's a disconnect. https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1283088445 2021-03-08 16:39:57 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1283088445 tired. https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1283327087 I feel like I never really get a break from academic work. Or it's just me feeling guilty for not being productive 24/7. Or it's because that's just what my parents expect from me.
Trying to meet these
expectations under this kind of pressure really makes my motivation 📉...]]> 2021-03-08 17:18:20 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1283327087 most of what uni does it performative and surface level. when i was experiencing extreme depression and lots of negative intrusive thoughts i felt like i couldn't reach out to the sso because a lot of what they do is so surface level. They clearly care, it was just really hard to connect and theres a clear disconnect. https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1284140095 2021-03-08 19:39:11 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1284140095 I went to the sso to express concern that one of my friends was at risk for suicide and they didn't seem to take it seriously. Maybe they weren't able to tell me information about that student or they knew something i didn't, but the reaction they had seemed like they weren't very concerned. I genuinely think they care, it was just hard based on the response i got to gauge how they felt / would react https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1284154407 2021-03-08 19:42:05 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1284154407 i know uni teachers and faculty and admin are trying very hard to help us through this hard time but i do not feel comfortable at all going to them. one of my friends went to them for something very concerning and they just brushed it aside and honestly practice what you preach - if https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1284405956 2021-03-08 20:38:46 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1284405956 my parents are extremely emtionally abusive and i've just been tormented and harassed and made feel like total 🤬 during quarantine and i can't even report it to the SSO because they'll make me talk to my parents or report something or just give me some stupid mindfulness exercise and not take me seriously. i'm tired of being told that i'm complete 🤬 - my grades have sufferred, i'm stressed about my future, and i have no free time to just relax because i'm so busy doing this stupid busy work and extra curriculars just to keep my parents happy https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1284414137 2021-03-08 20:40:53 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1284414137 Please read first! erdonnini05 https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1284909929 Hi everyone, 
Here is a list of resources for anyone who needs them right now. More information is available in Dr. Majerus's email from this afternoon. Many of these options are non-Uni affiliated. Please stay safe. 

Online Chat:
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/
 
National Suicide Prevention Hotline:
1-800-273-8255
 
Suicide Text Line:
Text 741741 from anywhere in the USA to text with a trained Crisis Counselor.
 
Psychologytoday.com:
Find a local therapist

Resources specific to LGBTQ+, Asian-American, Muslim, and Spanish-speaking students: https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1abSmYZxspMfKCc5LQntfKKms0sdy22NDeK8WgW5Og7s/edit#slide=id.p

Contact a school counselor— Kristi Deedrick (kbandy2@illinois.edu) or Amy Han (amyhan@illinois.edu)

]]> 2021-03-08 23:48:50 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1284909929 erdonnini05 https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1284929996 2021-03-08 23:58:11 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1284929996 i have so many friends who are depressed/suicidal and i don't know how to help them. in our experiences resources like the sso or therapy is hard to connect with. i just wish things would go back to how they were before. https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1285482343 2021-03-09 03:03:01 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1285482343 i am so. overwhelmed by school https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1285508065 i don’t have the time to think about anything else]]> 2021-03-09 03:14:07 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1285508065 i cant concentrate on anything. before covid and the pandemic, yes i still had issues with focusing, but not as bad as this. it takes me hours to do an assignment, even if it's something i know how to do. if we do something during class that needs to be turned in at the end of the period, i have to work on it before class to try to ensure i turn it in on time. my pile of homework takes so much longer to finish because i mentally cannot work on it. i stay up late to finish it all or try to, but then the cycle of being too tired to focus also wears me down. i can hardly pay attention during class and i really wish some teachers would record their classes. this would let me at least rewatch the parts of class that i would (uncontrollably) zone out during. thekawaiidesuka https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1285687965 2021-03-09 04:34:09 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1285687965 i wish i could get mental help.. it takes up all my energy to just get out of bed in time for classes. i hate this household. when you combine strict parents that constantly are screaming with stressful classes, it turns into a mess. i can't handle it anymore. i can't stay clean from harming myself for even a week. and even if i somehow managed to stay clean, that wouldn't stop my parents from harming me. i really wish i could tell them about my mental health, but they would just blame it on me... https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1290397205 2021-03-10 00:04:13 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1290397205 Be aware of some trigger warnings for some of the content below: erdonnini05 https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1290568649 - Suicidal ideation/actions
- Self harm
- Parental abuse
- Depression and other mental health issues

Please do what you need to keep yourself safe.]]> 2021-03-10 01:00:33 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1290568649 comparing https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1298283271 in my experience ive been here, there is such a toxic mentality about test scores and grades. after almost every test everyone is saying how they failed and they just start comparing their test scores. all of it just makes it seem like no one can really be happy for each other if they get a better score. multiple times I have seen people bring up their ssat score when it’s not even relevant right now?? i don’t know but there’s definitely competitiveness and tension at uni that I’ve never experienced at this level before.]]> 2021-03-11 14:43:01 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1298283271 Honestly, I completely regret coming to Uni at this point. I used to hear such amazing things about it, but now everyone just seems to hate it. I want to get out, but I'm scared of being seen as weak or stupid or anything like that. Uni is supposed to be so "accepting" and "open" and "helpful", but if you're actually struggling, they basically run away. To anyone reading this, please know that you are amazing, loved, and worthy! You are not alone! You can get through this, and there are better things waiting for you! https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1298659503 2021-03-11 15:46:24 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1298659503 Complaining- I honestly dont know at this point if i'm just plain dumb or if everyone else is struggling too. At times I feel SO overwhelmed by the work whilst my other classmates seem to be doing just fine- I want to email my teachers and ask them to please tone down some of the schoolwork but then I wonder if it's just me and if I'm the only one who feels so bombarded by this work, so i don't do it. https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1299348129 2021-03-11 17:45:49 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1299348129 Hm. I'm not sure if my problems are as important as many people on this padlet, but i'll still share them. I guess, like so many people already, I really hate having to go to school virtually and I miss the days being able to spend time with my friends or just go outside and see people in a public area. I don't know if I'm the same as I used to be, and maybe covid quarantine has changed me a little bit, and it does scare me. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just pretending to be the person every thinks I am just to fufill some sort of idea that I am that person, when sometimes I dont even know who I am really. Can I call myself someone who likes to read if I barely do it now a days? I just don't know. But the problem is that I can't complain, really, because I'm not sick, I'm not dying, I don't have anything super important to complain about when there are worse things going on in the world. So, honestly, that's all I have to add. I hope everyone on this padlet finds a solution to their stress, and have a wonderful day everyone. :) https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1299381855 2021-03-11 17:51:52 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1299381855 https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1299420172 idk i kinda wish my family all got along but i dont think we'll ever be truly happy and actually not fight all the time and it makes me sad because i really love all my family members and I hate for some to get so stressed out or angry that they want to "leave and never come back", or start screaming hystarically, or just cry. i just want everyone to be happy, and quarantine, ha, isn't really helping ig]]> 2021-03-11 17:59:02 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1299420172 Sibling comparison https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1299888063 Staying at home with family all day every day has made it all the more easier for my parents to compare me with my siblings. It sucks. I also find myself comparing myself with my siblings much more often and it really brings my self esteem down lol]]> 2021-03-11 19:29:18 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1299888063 dead inside no motivation or focus https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1299895283 brain perpetually somewhere thats not where it needs to be]]> 2021-03-11 19:30:48 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1299895283 when my mental health is declining but i feel like im being a burden or calling for attention when i want help https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1299909688 2021-03-11 19:33:49 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1299909688 mfw i dreaded spring break because it meant more time with parents https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1299924574 then i heard that their workplace doesnt give time off for break and i was... happy?]]> 2021-03-11 19:36:59 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1299924574 I just want my own, personal space. y is that so much to ask for in this house T^T https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1299925141 2021-03-11 19:37:07 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1299925141 i love my parents so much but i wish i didnt coz thatd mean i'd cry less https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1299932767 why cant i just... be what they want me to instead of whatever i am now]]> 2021-03-11 19:38:50 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1299932767 I think I developed an eating disorder over quarantine, or maybe I always had one but it just got a lot worse. I just hate my body so much sometimes and I don't know how to stop. https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1300571582 2021-03-11 23:08:16 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1300571582 I have never felt so alone and so sad. It feels like it's never going to end. School work is making me feel even more hopeless. https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1301471380 2021-03-12 05:49:48 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1301471380 i just have no motivation for anything. every day is the same. getting through it is a chore. https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1303450982

]]> 2021-03-12 17:13:59 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1303450982 I'm hurting so much https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1336185095 2021-03-22 04:57:00 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1336185095 Uni doesn't do s**t for their students https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1336193543 I am so done with uni and the awful environment here. No one actually cares about real mental health problems. The sso can come in and give presentations where we do anxiety myth busters but that doesn't do anything. Not once in my several years here and countless talks about mental health have they ever talked about getting professional help. It's only "coping skills" and meditation, and just talk to the SSO, and you'll be fine. Not once have they talked about seeing an actual therapist. They talked about meds once but in a very negative way. Teachers, and admin, and sso people constantly talke about how much they care about mental health but they don't actually listen to their students or take any action to make our lives less of a hell. They only acknowledge mental illness as a tiny bit of stress or just being sad sometimes. It's an illness. And should be treated as such. It is debilitating and awful and there's so much stigma. meanwhile the sso is telling people that you can just fix it yourself by staring at a dorito chip for 5 minutes while taking deep breaths. Coping skills can be helpful, but only in certain situations, and they won't fix an actual mental health issue without therapy and or medications alongside that. I have emailed people at the school so many times this year telling them how tired and frustrated i am, and there is no change. Teachers keep assigning more and more and more work, and sso does nothing. I had a friend go to them for something really serious and they were incredibly dismissive and awful to them. I am so tired of this. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of my friends huting. I'm tired of the school not listening to us and i'm tired of nothing changing. this is unacceptable. ]]> 2021-03-22 05:00:33 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1336193543 i've never been more depressed in my entire life and i've had depression since the 5th grade https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1336210884 2021-03-22 05:07:41 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1336210884 uni needs to start listening to their students this is so bad https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1336212493 2021-03-22 05:08:24 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1336212493 falling behind https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1336214162 i am so depressed right now. i have countless missing assignments, and i'm falling behind. i'm failing several classes but now i can't even repair the damage cause quarter is over. i have had all As before now but this past year has been so awful. i can't get myself to do anythign and i'm really slipping in school. none of my teachers are helping at all or concerned for me at all. I'm scared that i've screwed my chances for a future up because i'm so mentally ill. I agree with whoever said mandatory pass fail. ]]> 2021-03-22 05:09:07 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1336214162 lol https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1361393737 i made an attempt last night and sadly im still alive lol. this hasnt been my first attempt and i doubt itll be my last lol. whoop dee doo school tmrw. fun. ]]> 2021-03-28 14:23:30 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1361393737 hah... https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1431217114 im just so tired. i dont know how much longer i can keep this up for. I just wish school could end right now and I could finally rest a bit. Its not like im learning anything anyway, I'm only wasting away at my desk in front of my computer at this point.]]> 2021-04-19 02:52:36 UTC https://padlet.com/bhowmik5/cdn7o2ihcuvbwz0e/wish/1431217114