Emily I. Google Sites Peer Feedback 2021 - 2022 by Emily Ibrahim https://padlet.com/28eibrahim/bvwdz83y3vwo8at5 Here, you can give me specific and valuable feedback on all of my writing pieces throughout the year! As you comment, please remember to be kind with your words. However, as you offer "Two Stars and a Wish," constructive criticism is certainly welcome! en-us 2021-10-04 18:14:33 UTC 2023-04-20 02:02:56 UTC hello@padlet.com https://padlet.net/icons/png/1f369.png Dani L. 28dlameira https://padlet.com/28eibrahim/bvwdz83y3vwo8at5/wish/1793438714 Something I believe you did strongly was elaborate what you enjoy/enjoyed. For example you enjoyed gymnastics, but then you quit because of COVID-19. Something else I think you did well on is creating a very creative and catchy title. Your title really led me to read you about me. Something I think you can improve is shortening your sentences or adding in commas, but ,make sure you don’t shorten them to much. ]]> 2021-10-05 15:12:27 UTC https://padlet.com/28eibrahim/bvwdz83y3vwo8at5/wish/1793438714 Stanley L 28slu https://padlet.com/28eibrahim/bvwdz83y3vwo8at5/wish/1796808042 One of the parts that really caught my eye is how you listed so many likes and explained what they mean to you. That really helps me understand you and your daily life. Another thing that surprised me was how you connected your likes with words like “related to that,” and “moving on”. That makes the writing flow and so I don’t just sit there and read the whole thing as a long list. One thing that I suggest is your dislikes. You listed your dislikes, but I couldn’t find any details. When you said that you don’t like waking or sleeping early, what part of those two do you really not like? But overall, you did an amazing job!


]]> 2021-10-06 14:55:44 UTC https://padlet.com/28eibrahim/bvwdz83y3vwo8at5/wish/1796808042 Brianna P. 28bprizgar https://padlet.com/28eibrahim/bvwdz83y3vwo8at5/wish/1796867600 One thing I most certainly think you did well on was using descriptive language every time you explained something you liked. For example, when you were talking about your love for candy, you listed the candy you ate and you also described when you eat candy. I also loved the way you organized everything in your writing. You didn’t list your likes but you wrote about it in a way that was organized and made sense. Even though your writing piece was outstanding, one thing you might be able to work on is the length of your sentences. Some of your sentences were very long. Other than that you did amazing. 


]]> 2021-10-06 15:11:58 UTC https://padlet.com/28eibrahim/bvwdz83y3vwo8at5/wish/1796867600 Ryan Singh 28rsingh https://padlet.com/28eibrahim/bvwdz83y3vwo8at5/wish/1800666913 2021-10-07 18:20:05 UTC https://padlet.com/28eibrahim/bvwdz83y3vwo8at5/wish/1800666913 Luciana. https://padlet.com/28eibrahim/bvwdz83y3vwo8at5/wish/1800693988 I love that you talk about being a couch potato.  I love doing that. I love that you do it because it’s always a good time to relax. Cause there are so many in this would just need a break from.I also love that you like to bake. I also like to bake but that doesn't mean I'm good at it. It’s still really fun. I wish you would talk about sports more and be confident in what you do. You have to believe yourself to follow through in life.]]> 2021-10-07 18:32:54 UTC https://padlet.com/28eibrahim/bvwdz83y3vwo8at5/wish/1800693988 Saya Damor 28szamor https://padlet.com/28eibrahim/bvwdz83y3vwo8at5/wish/2084301600 Hi Emily, love your paragraph 😛. One thing I believe you did amazing on was you excellent description one of my favorites being the first paragraph “way hitting the wet, rough, gray cement of the sidewalk.” Another one of your paragraphs excellent qualities is the explanation of the paragraph. Lastly one thing you can improve on is the highlighting, such as in your first paragraph you highlighted “In recent years” as a transition where as it should be blank. 🙃😋😁😁🙂😄]]> 2022-03-08 16:01:32 UTC https://padlet.com/28eibrahim/bvwdz83y3vwo8at5/wish/2084301600 Jada 28jdadlaney https://padlet.com/28eibrahim/bvwdz83y3vwo8at5/wish/2086707446 One strength of your essay is your hook. In your hook I liked how you used different word choice, persuasive words and some describing words. My favorite lines in your hook was “After slamming the front door she makes it out in the brisk cold winter air without a jacket and continues to sprint down to the bus stop huffing against the cold air only to trip on the way hitting the wet, rough, gray cement of the sidewalk. She looks down to see nothing but blood pooling out of her right knee, dying her now torn jeans red. With no more time to waste she picks herself back up only to see in the distance the bus stop and a big banana yellow figure driving away, getting smaller each second.” To me this shows that you really put your best effort in this part of your essay. Another strength of your essay is your warrants. Your questions and exclamations really made me wonder about the bad sides of early start times.]]> 2022-03-09 18:42:25 UTC https://padlet.com/28eibrahim/bvwdz83y3vwo8at5/wish/2086707446 Gianna 28gribaudo https://padlet.com/28eibrahim/bvwdz83y3vwo8at5/wish/2164562759 Hi Emily! A star in your narrative “Breakthrough” is your figurative language. I love how you say “I let out a shiver like a guitar string vibrating after it was plucked.” It makes me visualize what is happening better. Another star is your description. I love how you say “An overwhelming amount of eyes stare right through me.” A wish is that you described the surroundings and people better. For example if you could have described the room better. Other then that I loved it. ]]> 2022-04-29 16:15:10 UTC https://padlet.com/28eibrahim/bvwdz83y3vwo8at5/wish/2164562759