You two would make a beautiful couple together, in life or in death, without me. And honestly, polygamy just isn’t my thing. We need a break to think over all the things we’ve put each other through. I know you won’t agree with me, so I’ll do what I must to make you understand how unhappy I am. Allow us freedom; allow us to have a voice in this monarchy. 

 Your extravagant spending has left you in debt, and you keep pushing the burden onto me. I can’t pay for this type of lifestyle you uphold. I’m sick of all the taxes I pay for you to keep spending it on things that you won’t share with me. I hope you don’t abuse your future partners with your selfishness. Also, you haven’t actually listened to my problems at all. A relationship has to be double sided, but you don’t bring me food when I’m hungry, and you’re not helping me feel better when I’m down. Not everyone has cake on hand, Marie. And back to the spending; you never stopped donating MY MONEY to America. Just because they’re mad at their elders doesn’t mean I want to help them. Earn your own money! 

The US breaking up with King George inspired me. I now realize the freedom of being single and being allowed to do whatever I wish. You are possessive and incompetent at maintaining a relationship, forcefully insisting to control everything I do. I cannot continue listening to everything that you demand of me. I have already written up the Declaration of the Rights of Man and Citizen so that we all can have the same opportunities. This new chapter of my life will see me expressing myself and I will not be suffocated with crippling taxes and the difference in social classes. You have taken this too far and you have to accept that I am leaving you now. I am moving on, whether you like it or not!

Off with your head,

The People 

I can’t believe you took “in life or in death” so seriously. How overdramatic of you! Now less and less of my friends believe in monarchies. I told you republics wouldn’t help us, so I hope you face the consequences soon. I’ve also told you that letting everyone be free will end in more problems. So why are you allowing everyone to be equal? And what’s wrong with cake?