A concept so simple that has become so very foreign 

The power and right to think and act without restraint 

But instead I’m confined to the same house staring at the same paint 

As a handmaid, our only duty is to sit back and reproduce

Giving up our lives and choice in return for never ending abuse

For what good is a baby that was made whilst thinking about my neck in a noose? 

My reward for a child is in exchange not being sent to die

But as each day goes on, I’d rather give up & say goodbye 

The memory of performing so many mundane activities lurks

Watching TV, reading magazines, dressing how I like or participating in big festivities

Freedom….

Who would have thought a right would turn into such a luxury?

My body needs a break, some time for a much-needed recovery

Like when I close my eyes and focus on the light blonde streaks of my child's hair

Gripping desperately onto any memory of her hoping to be reunited somewhere

Oh America!

It seems like this country has been flipped backwards

“The land of the free”, yet freedom is so far from mastered.

      I really don’t have much time to write this…. I’ll probably even have to throw this away because of well, obvious reasons. A couple of minutes ago, Serena joy came in here to show me a picture of my once tiny daughter and I am broken. For months, a photo to remind me of her looks was all I longed for, so why do I feel emptier now?  The thought of my own daughter having no memory of myself shatters the last bit of heart in my chest, and my last bit of motherhood. I wish I hadn’t seen that photo. The look of emptiness in her eyes are forever engraved into my brain. I know that everyone goes on about how losing a child is the worse pain once can be put through, but this, this is much worse. My child is going to grow up in this dark world without me by her side. I have lost a part of my identity and it can’t get worse than this……

Luke….. I’ve found this phone somewhere and I really don’t even know why I am doing this since you are more than likely never going to hear this…. but I just need to do something that for once makes me feel close to you, to my old life. I pray every day that the worst has not happened to you and dream of the day we reunite. The ceremonies are the hardest since those are the days I long for your company the most. I miss being held and valued in non-sexual ways, I miss arguing about who will do the dishes, or just sitting down and watching TV with you until we fall asleep. I even miss our hotel room hook-ups, which I feel so horrible about. I miss everything about you. I don’t deserve you and I am so sorry for all the horrible things I’ve done…… If this is reaching you somehow, I want you to know I love you and...-  audio cuts.