Naima P. Google Sites Peer Feedback 2020 - 2021 by Naima Pilgrim https://padlet.com/27npilgrim/aroknlczz775exbu Here, you can give me specific and valuable feedback on all of my writing pieces throughout the year! As you comment, please remember to be kind with your words. However, as you offer "Two Stars and a Wish," constructive criticism is certainly welcome! en-us 2021-01-05 13:26:34 UTC 2021-06-18 18:12:38 UTC hello@padlet.com https://padlet.net/icons/png/1f43a.png From gia 27gredling https://padlet.com/27npilgrim/aroknlczz775exbu/wish/1066923055 That was a good story there was a lot of discriptive words and it was very interesting!]]> 2021-01-08 13:41:57 UTC https://padlet.com/27npilgrim/aroknlczz775exbu/wish/1066923055 Mia p 27mpowell https://padlet.com/27npilgrim/aroknlczz775exbu/wish/1066976535 I liked how you talked about your thoughts and how things hurt and scared you’r Pearce was really good!]]> 2021-01-08 13:56:42 UTC https://padlet.com/27npilgrim/aroknlczz775exbu/wish/1066976535 From :Jaslene 27jgonzalez1 https://padlet.com/27npilgrim/aroknlczz775exbu/wish/1067046153 It captivating it made me want to read even more way to go namia my favorite part was your inner thought am i dreaming I’m dreaming .
My one wish is it was longer because i wanted to read more that how amazing it was 

]]> 2021-01-08 14:13:28 UTC https://padlet.com/27npilgrim/aroknlczz775exbu/wish/1067046153 Snapshot Feedback 27cchichester https://padlet.com/27npilgrim/aroknlczz775exbu/wish/1067764353 Star- Naima, I absolutely loved your piece! One of my favorite descriptions you said was how it felt like a bowling ball hit you like pins, it was just amazing!
Star- I also loved your ending when you said how you realized mother nature was a powerful force but your courage was stronger and you were.
Wish- My one thing you could maybe improve on would be I wish you would have went more in depth of when you first got into the water, maybe what was going on in your mind like an inner thought. Other than that your piece was incredible! ]]> 2021-01-08 16:44:19 UTC https://padlet.com/27npilgrim/aroknlczz775exbu/wish/1067764353 From:Jaslene 27jgonzalez1 https://padlet.com/27npilgrim/aroknlczz775exbu/wish/1503442155 For persuasive eassy my one star i loved how you stated what should be done on the limited time for video games and how it affects peoples brains with the amount of time there on the screen starring for hours.my now wish is thta you addded more because i wanted read more into your warrant.My second star is i liked your conclusion paragraph and how you stated not to be on video games all the time.]]> 2021-05-07 17:47:28 UTC https://padlet.com/27npilgrim/aroknlczz775exbu/wish/1503442155 From brynn 27bcardenas https://padlet.com/27npilgrim/aroknlczz775exbu/wish/1503661049 Hi Naima. I really liked the beginning of your essay where you included an entire scene with all these different points of why we should limit video games. “This scenario shows what impact video games can make on young children.While video games are good in some ways. There are downsides. Here are some examples.  Some video games are  way too violent for kids .Video games can distract kids from doing everyday tasks like doing the dishes”. My second star was all the action in your piece “his is outrageous! Why are video games so addictive! Even though they seem  so innocent they can do a lot of damage! Video games are powerful tools but they come with downsides! Why do kids like video games so much? Why don’t kids know when to stop playing video games? How much screen time do kids really need?” My wish was that you put a little more description in your piece just to enhance your persuasion. Otherwise this was a really awesome piece. 

]]> 2021-05-07 18:37:55 UTC https://padlet.com/27npilgrim/aroknlczz775exbu/wish/1503661049 Persuasive essay feedback 27dharmer https://padlet.com/27npilgrim/aroknlczz775exbu/wish/1509831179 Star #1- Naima, I loved your essay and reallyen joyed reading it. 
I love how you included powerful points on your perspective on video games. I liked how you described how video games can be time consuming, you really included great parts on how video games can affect people.
Star #2- I really like the scenes you described in your warrant. I like how you described how a boy had bags under his eyes and it was 12 am he was playing video games all night and how that is what video games can lead to. That really showed how video games can affect kids.
I don’t have any wish for you, your essay was great!!]]> 2021-05-10 16:02:33 UTC https://padlet.com/27npilgrim/aroknlczz775exbu/wish/1509831179 From Amanda (btw I’m posting again for more detail.) 27abirck https://padlet.com/27npilgrim/aroknlczz775exbu/wish/1514716533 Hi Naimia! Although I don’t agree with your opinion your writing piece was beautifully written. For instance I love how you used more negative word choice to really push your reader. For example this line really showed that:Professors have done thousands of studies on gaming since the 1980s. Most of them found that the studies linked video games to violence. You really pushed the reader and I loved that! Not only that but your word choice was great too, I loved your warrant and could see everything going down, because of your word choice. This sentence really shows that:He is fighting zombies left and right, loud noises are everywhere one shot after another. I could picture this going down and loved how you had great word choice but didn’t make it over-professional (if you know what I’m saying.) I do wish that you made your warrants longer since they were very nice to read, but other than that, you did a great job! 10/10 essay to read!

]]> 2021-05-11 18:18:22 UTC https://padlet.com/27npilgrim/aroknlczz775exbu/wish/1514716533 Savannah https://padlet.com/27npilgrim/aroknlczz775exbu/wish/1517826535 Hey Naima, I really enjoyed reading your essay. Before reading I didn’t realize just how much video games can affect the mind and attitude in children. I liked how many transition words you used and the warrant because I could imagine a scene in my head of what you wrote , because of this  it made the essay sound like a college student wrote it. I did wish you talked more about how it would weaken the engagement of children because I noticed you only talked about that at the conclusion paragraph.]]> 2021-05-12 15:05:23 UTC https://padlet.com/27npilgrim/aroknlczz775exbu/wish/1517826535 Mia powell 27mpowell https://padlet.com/27npilgrim/aroknlczz775exbu/wish/1612519235 Wow Naima, I loved your piece! It really hooked me up I loved the way you toke it from a show, one wish is that I wanted to read more about June but anything else it was great!]]> 2021-06-17 15:34:15 UTC https://padlet.com/27npilgrim/aroknlczz775exbu/wish/1612519235 Jaslene gonzalez https://padlet.com/27npilgrim/aroknlczz775exbu/wish/1612573667 Wow namia you blow me away with your piece!!!
1(star) i loved how you put in your story about tips and habits to do and not do to stop your nose from growing more and more.
2 (star) i just liked your story more and more as i read your piece it was a great grown up rule to choose.
3 (wish) is that  you made a second story about this grown up rule cause you hooked me to read even more.]]> 2021-06-17 16:00:35 UTC https://padlet.com/27npilgrim/aroknlczz775exbu/wish/1612573667 Creative Writing Piece! 27arebuth https://padlet.com/27npilgrim/aroknlczz775exbu/wish/1614771702  I loved your piece Naima! The first star I have for you is that your tips were amazing! The second star I have for you is that your log was very detailed and made me really imagine June and her house. A wish I have for you is that, I wish you put a example of someone lying like a little story of what happened when someone lied like you did in the log, just in the story portion. - Angie ]]> 2021-06-18 18:05:39 UTC https://padlet.com/27npilgrim/aroknlczz775exbu/wish/1614771702